Important author's note at the end. 

12. The Effects of Her

Jiyong drank that night. A lot. He went straight to a bar, owned by East Coast, right after dropping off his girlfriend. He feels strange inside his heart and the adrenaline is still rushing in his body. He feels light tingling down his spine and his head and chest feel like contracting. Every nerve of his is now alert, and all of his senses have become dramatically heightened. It feels so wrong, yet so right for him: He is only supposed to be like this when working *cough* killing. The norepinephrine is making him weak in the knees, and he is happy he is sitting, or else he would've been knocked onto the floor by now.

A jittery feeling is evolving in his belly and the bottle of beer in his hand is drenched with sweat, obviously because of his tight grip as he puts it to his mouth time after time and swallows the liquid in fast, almost dangerous manner. His eyes are wide open, but he doesn’t see the stunning ladies sitting around him and his friends, neither the ecdysiasts who are dancing oh - so ily around that pole. He is not bothered by the people, nor the music or the dim lights in various colours, which can irritate one’s senses.

He doesn’t care about the smell of cigarettes and alcohol surrounding them, nor about the noises of folk , grunting and groaning or the DJ who was screaming on top of his lungs, for the crowd to cheer more and aggressively.

Sandara Park is lingering in his mind. The kiss they shared earlier is constantly replaying like a broken cd. He is still reflecting on how her hands were moving on his nape and how perfectly and magnificently she fit in his arms. He remembers her warm and soft cheeks, as well as her rosy, luscious innocent lips and how well they suited between his. Her silky hair had smelt like plum, and her skin a mix of fresh peach and apple.

Jiyong is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t even notice his favourite toy walking down the stage, after finishing a performance that took hundreds of breaths away, just to end up in front of his table. He is one of the most popular customers amongst the strippers, and she is pleasured that she is chosen by him more often than others. The amount of money and pleasure he gives her, can’t be compared to any other payment.

“Hi sires!” She greets the three men, like she does usually and castes an excited look at Jiyong’s handsome face, before pulling down her strapless, short and black dress to its' place and then settling herself on the empty space beside him.

She wanted his attention, but it was strange and painful that he didn’t even spare her a glance.

“Hi Tiffany,” Sebastian broke off the kiss, more like the tongue war he was having with his lady for the night, just to speak to Tiffany. He admired how her hips swayed from one side to the other, and how her chest haved up and down while she took deep breaths. He wants her, but he can’t have her, his hyung is too possessive and doesn’t share what he first proclaims as his, at least not knowingly.

Daesung didn’t bother greeting her, he was too busy drinking from his glass.

“How are you Mr. Kwon?” She needs to be polite; after all, they are both her employers and her customers. Without them, she would have been on the streets by now, she owes her life to them for hiring her at this place.

“Very well, now, are you hired for the night?”

“I don’t know sire….” Tiffany looks at Jiyong again, because she does indeed not know whether he’ll have her for the night or not. It all depended on his mood; he wasn’t the type to make appointments in advance. He’d just come and go whenever he wished to.

“Mmm….. I see,” Sire Sebastian replied and looked intently at the y woman when she slowly slid her hands from her hips, up to and over her perfectly sculpted s, just to catch the other sire’s attention, who at the moment seemed lost in his own world.

Sebastian, being the kind man he is, decided it was best to help the desperate lady in front of him. “Hyung?” He called out.

His hyung did not reply, hell he didn’t even winch upon being called.

“Hyung?” The dongsaeng tried again, but to no use: Hyung was taking a trip to never ending land.

Daesung looked up curiously to see why his friend wasn’t nudging, it seemed unnatural to hear his silence, because he usually babbles away and throws tantrums and long lines of curses while he is drinking or trying to get drunk. Jiyong has been silent ever since he stepped in, and Kang Daesung couldn’t set his fingers on why, though he had an idea about what it could be….

Sebastian leaned forward and shook his hyung’s arm violently “Hyung!”

“Oh.” Jiyong broke out of his hazy thoughts and looked over at Sebastian, then shifted his gaze towards Tiffany who was smiling oh- so seductively, but unfortunately for her, the smile did somehow not affect him nor his hormones today. “What is it?” He spat, clearly angered for the interruption.

“Are you having Tiffany tonight?” Ironic how they discussed women, like sane people discussed food and meals. It’s almost like saying; Are you having spinach for dinner? Sad to say, but that must be the side effect of their defective upbringing in the organization. 

Tiffany looked through her lashes and blinked eagerly, waiting for his reply, but before he could open his mouth, the phone that was laying peacefully on the table in front of them sent a flashlight, indicating that he had received an sms.

He picked it up lazily, wondering who could be bothering him at this point of the night, while she scoffed irritated and irked, why couldn’t he just pay attention to her?!

Jiyong punched in the code and scanned hurriedly through his inbox and then his eyes landed on a specific name.

Was he seeing clearly? Was his sight betraying him? He rubbed his eyes in confusion and confirmation before opening up the sms.

 Sandara               

Did you get home safely?

11.08 PM

Is she really texting me?!

Does she care that much?

Appeasation and awe grew on his face until a crescent lit up his entire mask, as if the sun was resting on the other side of his sparkling teeth. He his lips in happiness. His attractive face was now beaming with delight at the thought of her not getting enough of him. She is thinking about him, just like he is about her. They are equally disturbed, fairly disordered.  

“H-hyung?!” The maknae’s voice was shaking, his mouth agape and his eyes beaming with disbelief.  “Did you just smile?!” And you can’t really blame him for asking such a question, because Jiyong did indeed not smile much. He smirked, yes, but evilly and cruelly. He is grumpy, he is angered, and seeing him smile so genuily, made his friends wonder what was going on. Has it been months since they last saw that smile of his? Where is that moody and fractious friend they have known since forever?

“I am not smiling you jackass.” He gritted his teeth and regained his usual facial composure, now realizing he actually had smiled.

Did I just smile, he asked himself.

Why would I smile because of a textmessage?

What the is this woman, is she doing some sort of black magic?

Suddenly it felt so wrong: everything that had happenes earlier, the dinner, the embrace, the kiss, that had felt so right, was now disgusting him and making his stomach wrench in painful knots. Sweat is trailing down his forehead and growls are threatening to erupt from his throat, as if he is some beast. This wasn’t supposed to happen to him. He wasn’t supposed to lose his mind over a little lady like her! She is nothing more than entertainment; Jiyong tried to convince himself whilst gulping down liquor time after time, until a hand from behind his head snatched away the almost empty bottle.

“Easy there dude,” Taeyang interrupts.

Jiyong growled angrily and in the verge of passing out. It’s been a long time since he has drunk crazily like this. He is in pain, extreme pain. Saving her was enough, he should have dropped her at her dorm and left immediately, and never looked back. He regrets acting so carelessly with hus gun around her, and he fears she will use it against him someday, just like Taeyang had stated earlier. And then he’ll just have to kill her. Like any other. Who threatens to destroy him.

“Leave us alone.” Seunghyun commanded the already present Kang Daesung, Kwon Sebastian and the ladies around them, including Tiffany who looked very shocked and disappointend. 

“But hyung-“ started the baby like man, but he was cut off harsly before he could continue.

“L.E.A.V.E”

Sebastian feels like an outsider whenever these three men from time to time ask him and Daesung to leave their table. They are supposed to treat each other like brothers, but why is that two of them are always pushed away? That’s unfair, he thinks, he too wishes to know what these hyungs talk about while they are sent away. He envies them, for the position they have in the organization and for the big missions they are sent out on, altogether with the friendship they share.

Daesung scoffs irritably before picking up his glass and moving away from the place. He can’t be bothered any less, this wasn’t really the first time it was taking place. He doesn’t blame them though, because he joined in much later than them and understands therefore why their friendship is stronger than the one he is bounded with.

“What is it, why are you behaving like this?”

“ off,” Jiyong tried to reach the bottle once more, but Seunghyun’s reflexes were fast, so he dodged it away.

“That season is long gone too, what is it?” That season. The autumn season which pains him more than the rest of the year. The brown, falling leaves and the cold wind, which reminds him of his destruction. The season where he will drink every night, just to free himself from ill feelings dominating his heart and stomach. Feelings that were making him nauseous and light headed.

“Did something happen earlier?”

They are bombarding him with questions, but he is replying to none. He is not in the mood to talk, because his heart is thundering inside his chest, partly because of Sandara Park and partly because of the alcohol circulating in his blood. Stomach acid is threatening to burn a hole through his throat, and his eyes are slowly, so tiredly falling downwards.

“What exactly is going on?” Seunghyun thought aloud. His friend seemed to be normal just earlier, so what had happened in the span of six hours?

“He was fine till he went off with that Sandara girl,”

Seunghyun looked surprised at Taeyang right after hearing his explanation and an abrupt smile broke out on his delicate face when he spoke. “Park Sandara? Were they together?”

“He left with her, why?”

“There is nothing to worry about then!” Happiness was overloading his face while he made the declaration.

“What, why?” Taeyang repeated his question, oblivious to what his younger mate was trying to relay.

“That girl is good news.”

“No dude, she’s turning him into a creep, I mean he even has her passport!”

Seunghyun shrugged “Good to seek information before things get serious.” They had learned from his mistake- that mistake could not be made twice. Their organization might as well just crumble down if anyone showed such a careless behaviour once more.

“Dude, you know him. He doesn’t get serious, not now, not ever!”

“He is this time.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Count me on, he is totally falling for her.”

Taeyang clicked his tongue, thinking that he’ll win the bet easily as that. But he doesn’t know, and neither does his friend. That something might be different this time. Something strange is about to happen. Good or bad? Nobody knows.

* * * * * 

Sandara woke up with a giddy feeling inside her stomach the next day, whereas Jiyong had a painful headache and an urge of throwing up all the alcohol he had swallowed the night before. He stumbled out of his cream coloured couch with pain in his back and cursed silently on the one who brought him home and threw him on the couch instead of the bed. He made his way to the kitchen and wasn’t at all surprised when the old, yet young-looking man placed several dishes on the table and shot him a disappointed half-smile before settling himself down on one of the chairs.

“When will you stop drinking Jiyong-ah?” The man with grey hairs and round eyes over deep undereye circles asked curiously and worriedly as Jiyonglifted the bowl he assumed was filled with a hangover soup and put it to his mouth. He laughed sarcastically at the man in front of him before swallowing the whole soup in one go. He didn’t care about how it boiled inside of his throat or about the awful and sour taste of lemon and water combined.

“You of all should not ask that question Ahjusshi.”

It is understandable for him that others bug him about