I'M HERE TO DROP THIS NEW CHAPTER!! Sorry for the wait, but enjoyed it please ♥ it was hard to write but i did my best!! Still one chapter left and then a bonus chapter and Kimishika will be finished ♥ Btw this chapter is 7462 words long :O

Heavy thoughts

Dongwoon was inexpert when it came to relationship. Like, really clumsy, stressed, at the edge of tears, indecisive. He looked like a child or a lost puppy, searching for some answer, confidence and comfort in Kikwang's eyes. You would think it was so immature and annoying of him, and that you just wanted to shake him once and for all, to give him more strength and confidence, arguing that he was already 20 and had a boyfriend so he was a big boy now, but... The reason why he was so unsure was indeed because of his boyfriend; first boyfriend. And the boyfriend in question thought the exact opposite of being annoyed by this behaviour. Far from being angry or ashamed, Kikwang thought that Dongwoon was the epitome of cute, and that reacting like he did was adorable, way too sweet and he could eat him right now. He didn't care of this awkwardness and just enjoyed his clumsy Dongwoon – his, because now they were together. Finally, they were a couple.

Kikwang knew he was Dongwoon's “first”, and deep in his mind he was pretty proud of it for no reason. And because he was the first, and a year older, Dongwoon was stressed because he was so inexpert and how to interact, what to do, what was couple supposed to do together? Hold hands, go to the theater, share an icecream, stay at home? If they didn't agree on something, was arguing dangerous? How to tell simple stuffs like “you look good today”? How not being shy or blushing or struggling to do common things which were never problematic before? Texting a lot, letting the other wait for a message, be the first to phone call? Which surname to give? How to tell people if they were curious about them?

And the worst of all: every question related to kiss.

Well, Yoseob would just shrug it off and talk about something more serious and mature – – but to be honest Kikwang and Dongwoon weren't at that stage yet. Dongwoon was far, far from it. Because he was still struggling about kissing. The kiss. Their first kiss.

Successfully or not, more or less awkwardly, Dongwoon avoided the lips contact with Kikwang – he gave more hugs instead. He was paralyzed and terrorrized because he had no idea how to do a kiss – how to kiss someone he liked, how to make it unforgettable and awesome with fireworks and butterflies, how to give credit to Kikwang's perfect and plumpy lips? This cliché image lingered in Dongwoon's mind and he was so scared to make a fool of himself because of his kindergarten-like kiss. How to breathe, where to put his hands, did he have to move or to stay still or to follow something or? Yoseob said it would be obvious once the fact and situation were here but Dongwoon wasn't sure of it, because he was dumb sometime and so scared to do badly. Dujun even suggested to try to kiss him first but Dongwoon just facepalmed because one, he didn't want to kiss him – he only had Kikwang in mind – even for just a try, and two, Dujun was in Korea and a computer screen divided them.

Dongwoon was maybe a really good student with his japanese classes, but he was hopeless in simple actions in a couple, because he thought a lot – too much.

Kiwkang didn't mind it, really. At first. Because Dongwoon was perfect and even if he was unsure, he still acted with Kikwang like he did when they were only friends, and was just awkward when they did something like sharing a spoon for their icecream or hugging when they were watching a movie – while Yoseob and Hyunseung joked about some mature contents. But after a week of seeing Dongwoon still so unsure and becoming more and more awkward, he had to do something, because Dongwoon had no reason to do so. It was in that kind of situation that Kikwang saw well that he was the older one between them; Dongwoon could be so mature and then clueless when it came to relationship. To be honest, Kikwang wasn't a professional of relationship either, but he had had some girlfriends and boyfriends during highschool, and he wasn't overthinking, compared to Dongwoon. Dongwoon had no reason to fear their relationship – of course, it wasn't like Kikwang was a jerk who beat him for no reason or a monster or something like that. Kikwang could understand his uneasiness, but now he had to help him to stop thinking too much – he had let him accustom to them being a couple, but it seemed like Dongwoon needed reassurance from Kikwang. So Kikwang would give him it, because he was in love – they were in love – and he was ready to do anything for their couple. They were really good friends before, and them being in a relationship didn't have to change everything between them.

So that day, when they gave each other an hour for their rendez-vous, Kikwang didn't let time for Dongwoon to overthink and to call into question the entire world: he kissed Dongwoon on the cheek once he arrived, took warmly his hand in his', and began to walk.

“What about going on a walk today, Dongni? Is that okay for you?” Kikwang asked, showing his eyesmile – to be honest, he did it without thinking because it was normal for him to constantly have his eyesmile, especially when he was with Dongwoon, but he was glad because he knew his eyesmile eased Dongwoon and made him smile, too.

“Anything you want, hyung,” Dongwoon replied.

He took his breath and Kikwang saw that he relaxed – it saddened him to see Dongwoon stressed just because he was in a date with him. But he knew he wouldn't let him down. He was too in love to let those awkward feelings eat his boyfriend. Kikwang had chosen a walk because the sun was shining and it would clear Dongwoon's mind to simply walk, step after step, calmly, talking about nothing. And he guessed right, because Dongwoon was more at ease and laughed freely without thinking of something unnecessary – he didn't give him sidelong glance to see or analyze if Kikwang was enjoying his company – of course Kikwang was enjoying it since the very first day, but Dongwoon tended to forget it since they were officially a couple.

They spended three hours in the park and the mall, and when their feet were too hurting from their strolling, they decided to go back to Dongwoon's apartment to play the console. But before that, they bought a smoothie and shared it with only one straw. Which gave Kikwang the desire to fangirl over Dongwoon's cute red cheeks. They also bought cakes and decided to eat them once cosily sat on the couch in Dongwoon's living-room. So far, everything went well, and Kikwang was glad of it, because Dongwoon didn't have this look of uncertainty. But once they were back at the apartment, Kikwang noticed that it clicked in Dongwoon's head that they were alone. But he didn't let him time to think further – there was no need to be afraid, right? He simply switched the light on, put the food on the table in the living-room and looked at Dongwoon with his eyesmile:

“What about a game of Mario Kart?”

“Sure, hyung!”

Dongwoon occupied himself with the console while Kikwang sat comfortably on the couch, waiting for his boyfriend to sit next to him. He took a bite of one of the cake they had bought, and then concentrated on the screen because Dongwoon just gave him a controller and they were ready to kick some with their cars.

They spended few circuits laughing and screaming, cheering for their team and nagging about low blows. They were next to each other on the couch and because they were really hyper, they moved and leaned against each other, being pretty close together without even being aware of it. Kikwang had his head on Dongwoon's shoulder, and their elbows and thighs touched. But immersed in the game, Dongwoon didn't really realize that it was a situation he feared – without reason – because of his shyness and uncertainty.

Eventhough, he realized their position when the Rainbow Road ended. And damn, why didn't he see it sooner. Kikwang was all against him, almost sitting on his lap, his back pressed against his chest, he could smell Kikwang's sweet shampoo, and see his round eyes if he turned his head slightly, and damn – the view to his lips was beautiful. How did Kikwang manage to have such plumpy and shiny lips and –

Oh. Their eyes met.

It was the perfect cliché scene to have their first kiss – everything was screaming for them to kiss, especially Kikwang's eyes and Dongwoon's heart. But Dongwoon's brain thought, as always, too much, and he was paralyzed because hey – he had eaten cakes and he smelled like smoothie, he maybe had something between his teeth – he –

“Dongni?” Kikwang asked, still looking intensely at Dongwoon, but without doing any move.

“Y-Yes hyung?”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

“I-I, huh, y-yes, huh, er,” Dongwoon stuttered because he wasn't prepared for this kind of question and damn they were still pretty close and it was surprising he wasn't already consumed in fire.

“So why aren't you kissing me right now?”

There wasn't an once of malice in this question; Dongwoon clearly understood in his boyfriend's intonation that he wanted to understand him – to know why he freaked out like a child who didn't know anything. He knew that Kikwang asked it for him to stop being paranoid about something he wouldn't have to fear. He had no reason except his inexperience which shouldn't block him that much. After all, they were a couple.

“B-because I'm scared to... do badly and that you will... laugh at me,” Dongwoon whispered.

And just saying it, he realized how much it was ridiculous. Because Kikwang laughing at him because of a kiss? Really? If he thought he was able to do so, then he didn't know him that much.

Kikwang just smiled and came closer – just slightly, but Dongwoon's breath hitched and his uncertainty and fear melted in front of his sunshine and damn, he really wanted to kiss him.

“You don't have to become paralyzed like that for something that is supposed to be natural. It's nothing if you fear it; just let me show you you have no reason to do so. And, it's the same for everything between us. I'm sad to see you losing your spontaneity in our relationship just because we're now a couple, and that I'm a year older than you. You don't have to. I'm here. You can lean on me. You can also try, be the first to make a move, it will never be wrong, you know. Nothing has changed. You can be the same, and stop thinking too much, because I'll love you all the same no matter what, if not more.”

Once again, Kikwang had told him the words he needed to hear; once again, Kikwang had been here to help him; once again, Kikwang proved to him that he was the perfect person and boyfriend he knew he was; and Dongwoon was so lucky to have him.

“So – now – can we kiss?” Kikwang chuckled, and his eyesmile blinded Dongwoon and –

No problem at all.

Dongwoon leaned over and Kikwang leaned further, they tilted their head – their noses bumped into each other, which made them chuckle and to Dongwoon's surprise it didn't stress him but relaxed him, his heart was still beating fast and too loud but whatever, Kikwang was pressed against him and Dongwoon had put his arms around his waist and it was really comfortable, plus Kikwang decided to put his arms around his neck and he played with his hair – he was ticklish and he didn't know it would feel so good and their lips didn't even meet yet but it was a question of nanoseconds –

When their lips touched for their first kiss, all of what Dongwoon was thinking was the softness and warmth and ticklish sensation. Also, the slight taste of strawberry still lingering on his boyfriend's lips because he had eaten a fraisier. To be honest, maybe he was pressing his lips to hard on his boyfriend's, but nevermind, because Dongwoon had to catch his breath – maybe it was only few seconds they were only touching each other's lips without even doing anything else but he had lost the ability to breathe by his nose. But they stayed a millimiter away and then it was too tempting to kiss again – it wasn't enough, and the second time was even better than the first because they moved slightly and opened their mouth and the third time it was their toungue they discovered and it was so electrifying Dongwoon wondered why he wasn't already dead because Kikwang's taste was heavenly and it was warmth and smooth and he was overwhelmed and ready to purr – in fact, he even moaned, which made him blush badly – what a baby, he thought – but Kikwang put his hands on his burning cheeks and they were kissing with more eagerness than before and – oh god he might die right here right now with Kikwang's lips on his owns he wouldn't even be surprised.

They kissed until they were dizzy, their lips swollen, the two of them laying on the couch, without space between them, and it felt so good they could continue forever – which they thought they did, because they fell asleep after an undefinite time, their loving gaze and smiling mouth being the last things they saw before closing their eyes.

At the head of this endless light

Our future is shining

Having their first kiss – and so many after it – gave the confidence Dongwoon had lost back, and everything went back to normal between Kikwang and him: as they were before being a couple, not awkward anymore, enjoying the company of each other. To be honest, it was difficult to see the difference – that they were now together – because when they were 'only' bestfriends, there was already this feeling that there was something else, something more than that. And that was their particularity.

Yoseob and Hyunseung said it one day they enjoyed an afternoon the four of them. Since the beginning, there were protection, truth, mutual comfort and love between Dongwoon and Kikwang. That's why everyone just waited for them to officialize their relationship to a step further. It was like it was evident for everyone that they were made for each other, and that Dongwoon wasn't Dongwoon without Kikwang and vice versa. Their couple was common, but there was this special sparkle in addition, which changed everything, to a point we weren't sure anymore of what it was in fact, because it just blinded anyone who saw them. Like an aura of peace or, more likely, an aura of truth. They had met each other, and it was why they were in this world in the first place: to be together. It was maybe hard to understand but that was the way you would feel if you saw them in the street, just passing by.

As if they would be here, laughing and holding hands, for the rest of the eternity.

Life in Japan went well so far. It has been four months that Dongwoon arrived here, three that he was Kikwang's friend, and he would be for a long time his boyfriend. Each day, they managed to see each other after a class or a schedule in the dance studio; you couldn't separate them, and even if Yoseob thought it was almost disgusting – jokingly – how much they were glued together, they were happy like that. They didn't think too much, they didn't get on the other's nerves – how could they when they were such cinnamon rolls?

They had arguments. They had times when they wanted to stay alone. But it wasn't that which made them fall apart. They always found the way to comfort each other, to give back a smile or to reassure about some question about the meaning of life – maybe they knew almost nothing, they were at the beginning of their twenties, but they were here and together and what was more important than that?

If you close your eyes and imagin further

They thought it will be like that forever.

There is no limit

Maybe it was because they were in Japan instead of Korea that they were so carefree.

But, it seemed like they had forgotten that one day – too soon – Dongwoon would have to come back in Korea.

Your future leads you here

It was a day like any other day. Kikwang's practice in the dance studio ended in laughs because with the team, they had decided to do random dances for the last thirty minutes and they enjoyed it so much they cried rivers because it was really funny to exagerate movement on new choreos or guys dancing on girlbands' musics. Kikwang exited the building, smile on his face, still remembering Peniel's failed aegyo.

He had rendez-vous with Dongwoon and they had decided to meet at Kikwang's apartment to watch a movie and have a nice evening together. It wasn't that long of a walk away from the dance studio, so Kikwang decided to enjoy the fresh air; he still had time. The others bid him good bye, giggling – they always did that when he had to join Dongwoon, and they weren't tired of it, because they were real fans of their cute couple. It made Kikwang amused and happy.

He chose to avoid the busy and noisy streets and followed the streets of the residential neighborhood he liked to stroll through when he had time ahead of him. It was a nice way; there were buildings and houses, and also pretty colours because few gardens were full of flowers and well maintained. At this hour, there was almost no one in the streets and the atmosphere was calm. It soothed Kikwang who walked slowly to admire the sky, and enjoy the cosy feeling he had.

But as he went on on the streets, something felt wrong. It was the same surrounding, the same flowers, the same sky, but there was something else. Kikwang furrowed his eyebrows, because suddenly he wasn't so at ease anymore. He