Seulgi felt herself wake up slowly, her eyes opening and immediately getting blinded by the brightly lit room. The split second of unfamiliarity caused her to jolt up quickly before coming back down with her hand clutching her head.

Immediately, someone’s footsteps sounded towards her and a hand was placed gently on her forehead. “Don’t move too much, stay here while I get you some water and aspirin.” Joohyun pushed Seulgi to lie down and quickly ran off. Seulgi closed her eyes, listening to the sound of cabinets opening and closing and the woman running back towards her.

The sound of her footsteps were practically booming in Seulgi’s ears and she flinched when the woman stopped in front of her. Her vision was slightly blurred as she was still struggling to adjust to the brightness and oncoming migraine. She closed and then opened her eyes again to find the girl looking right back at her, smiling softly.

“Here.”

Seulgi took the pill from Joohyun and swallowed it, sighing heavily, “Thanks,”

“No problem…”

The couch dipped slightly as Joohyun sat next to Seulgi, making sure to put a good amount of space between the two of them. She eyed Seulgi who simply stared straight ahead, having put the glass of water down just a few moments ago. There was an awkward air of silence between the two that had never existed before, even when they first met. Seulgi was trying to remember what brought her all the way to Joohyun’s apartment last night. The last memory she had was stumbling through the city streets, singing loudly to herself. Anything after that had been a blur, but there were bits and pieces of conversation slowly coming back to her.

“Is there something wrong with me?”

Seulgi closed her eyes with the phrase repeating over and over in her mind as she tipped her head backwards in embarrassment. Joohyun kept her eyes on the girl, not quite sure where to take the conversation next.

“Please stay.”

Seulgi put a hand to her chest, almost feeling a tug at her heart as Joohyun’s voice echoed in her mind. She still couldn’t piece together exactly what had happened but parts of conversation from the end of the night came back to her and she sighed. Sitting up, Seulgi opened her eyes and began to speak, avoiding Joohyun’s eyes.

“I’m sorry if I did anything last night that might have made you uncomfortable,” Seulgi started, looking away for a moment before nodding slowly, “But I don’t take anything back.”

Joohyun didn’t respond. She simply nodded her head and waited for Seulgi to continue because she had a feeling the girl wasn’t done yet.

“You know, I always thought people with money were happiest because they could have whatever they wanted, everything that I had wanted.” Seulgi leans back into the cushions and stares at the ceiling, crossing her arms. She had a dreamy look in her eyes as she thinks about her past self and how her wishes were to wake up one day with all the money in the world.

Joohyun watches closely before speaking softly and quietly, so quiet that Seulgi wouldn’t have heard her if it weren’t for the completely silent apartment, “Wanted?”

Seulgi hums and finally turns to face the older woman, breaking out into a pained smile, “Everything I ever wanted, what money could give me, none of it matters anymore…it hasn’t for a while.”

“Why is that?” Joohyun asks, waiting for the girl’s response although she already knows what the answer might be.

“Cause all I want is you, Joohyun.”

Joohyun’s breath hitches in and she feels the buildup of tears in her eyes. For a moment, it’s as though time has stopped and the woman finds herself unable to move, struggling to come up with a proper response to the confession.

“You know, it’s not that easy.” Joohyun finally says, standing up and walking towards the kitchen. She does it to hide her tears from Seulgi but the latter already noticed her glassy eyes.

Seulgi stands and follows behind her, frustration slowly building up within her to the point where she would have exploded in anger if she weren’t forcing herself to hold back. “But it is, you’re making it harder than it has to be Joohyun.”

“You don’t understand-”

“I do understand Joohyun, I understand it very very well because I know how you feel. Scared. We’ve all been scared before.”

Joohyun stops in front of the sink and turns around, scoffing. She leans her back against the counter and crosses her arms. “Scared? You think I’m scared?”

“Why else would you be running away from what we could have?” Seulgi fires back, taking one step closer towards the girl.

“Seulgi I-” Joohyun stops herself and shakes her head, “Never mind, you won’t get it.”

Seulgi throws her hands up in frustration, “Obviously I’m wrong! Obviously I don’t get it! Because you aren’t telling me anything Joohyun, there’s no communication here. If you would take the time to explain, maybe, maybe then I would know what the hell is getting in the way of all this, of us.”

Joohyun pushes off the counter and tries to leave the kitchen but Seulgi steps in front of her and holds her by the shoulders, gently so as to not hurt the woman or seem forceful. She stares into her eyes and sighs softly, while her voice cracks as she speaks, “Please, make me understand.”

Joohyun searches Seulgi’s eyes, blinking to let her tears fall. Seulgi’s hands make their way up to her face to wipe away the tears. There’s a moment of silence before Joohyun opens .

“I see a therapist, I’m depressed, I’m anxious, I have low self-esteem. I can’t put myself through a relationship because I can’t stand the thought of putting someone else through all of my pain and breakdowns,” Joohyun stops to take a quick breath, finally spilling everything she had been holding onto for years. All of the things she had never bothered to tell anyone else, including her own father left so easily that it got a lot easier once she started.

“I hate myself more than anyone else could ever know, I spend every second of the day picking out my flaws, every day regretting the last, I don’t even know who I am anymore, how can I love someone else if I can’t love myself? I can’t even make myself happy, so how will I bring you any happiness?” Joohyun stops talking. She can’t go on much longer because her body is starting to shake and her eyes have filled with tears again.

Seulgi’s initial shock disappears when Joohyun starts to cry. Her hold on Joohyun’s shoulders loosens and she lowers her hands, trailing them slowly down Joohyun’s arm, until she’s holding both small hands in her own.

“Jesus Joohyun, look at me, will you?” Seulgi whispers, pulling the girl closer until Joohyun’s pressed against her chest and Seulgi’s arms are wrapped around the smaller body.

Joohyun doesn’t look up and Seulgi starts to feel what seems to be tears leaking through her thin shirt. She sighs and hugs the smaller woman tighter. “Don’t listen to all that stuff on the internet, that garbage about loving yourself first before you can love someone else, it’s not true.”

Seulgi pulls away and lifts Joohyun’s chin up so she can stare into her eyes, a small smile on her face, “Don’t hold yourself back from love, you have so much time to learn to love yourself, and the people around you can help, and if you lose them…then where do you go from there?”

“I get you’re independent and strong and all, but you need to know that it’s okay to lean on others when you need to, it’s okay to love people even if you aren’t fully on board with yourself, it’s possible,” Seulgi presses her lips to Joohyun’s forehead, leaving a soft kiss.

“You’re capable of loving so so much Joohyun, don’t hold back,” Seulgi finishes, lowering her face to stare at Joohyun’s lips.

“Can I?” She mumbles.

Joohyun doesn’t answer verbally but her eyes flutter to a close and she gives a small nod. Seulgi leans in, tasting the salt of Joohyun’s tears on her lips. But even the bitterness doesn’t drive her away from the kiss and she pushes into the woman until Joohyun is backed up into the counter.

Seulgi pulls away from the kiss, breathing heavily, a smile planted on her lips.

“There’s more where that came from, if you let me be yours. I promise. We’ll work through everything together,” Seulgi whispers, running a hand through the woman’s hair and watching her face turn red.

“I don’t think we should-” Joohy