The Commitment by kwon88im

Reviewed by WhisperOfTheSea

Title [3/5]

The title is pretty plain and simple. I could understand why you named the story that, hence the commitment Yuri has to do.

Description/Foreword [10/10]

It is pretty catching, especially with a cliffhanger like that. I really like how you provided information in the first sentence and then made a problem to help the reader visualize the situation without revealing too much.

Plot/Theme [20/20]

The way you start from the beginning point was very catching. You slowly start to tell the reader about the situation that Yuri is put in; Yoona having a baby. The feelings you describe for Yuri made me feel what she could feel. Being able to imagine all the work and courage to take care of a baby is frustrating. I can relate in so many ways since I don’t have babies myself, but have four younger (three of them are babies) brothers.

Adding in the scenes helped me, as a reader, know how strong Yuri and Yoona’s relationship is. In other stories, it is usually the holding hands, kisses, and loving gestures. In yours, the entire relationship itself feels so real. I felt like you were explaining an actual person’s story instead of a fanfiction. The vocabulary you use is amazing, and the way one conflict leads to another is understandable. Like this, I wouldn’t have to reread a part just to understand why they were always arguing in the first place. You made it an actual situation where it felt realistic. Portraying the relationship between Yuri and Sooyoung helped me visualize the circle of friends Yuri has.

Adding in the backstory of each character was helpful for me. It made me feel as if each character was important in their own way. Not only that but I was able to understand more than I had thought I would!

Flow/Writing Style [15/20]

I would love to point out your style of writing, but your grammar errors were too much for me to point out the pros of the way you write.

The flow of the story goes well. Nothing is too abrupt and surprising such as randomly added scenes and off-topic problems. The way you transfer to Yuri not wanting the baby to Yoona getting an arranged married was completely understandable.

Character Development [15/15]

I could easily understand each character's relationship with the way you explained them. Nothing was confusing and hard for me to understand, and the message that I am getting is friendship and love. Without friendship, the story would've just been some cliched story about Yuri trying to get Yoona to forgive her. But with Sooyoung to help, everything seemed to take a turn a good and bad way. Your story clearly shows that not everything is rainbows and daisies, and I like it!

Grammar [10/20]

I spot little mistakes such as missing words and words that need to be omitted and could be fixed. I recommend to proofread your story for mistakes such as that since there are many. Here is an example in Chapter Four:

• Her mother was six months pregnant with Yuri when her father leaves them.

Since this event had already happened, “leave” would be “left”. The meaning of the sentence is directed at past presence.

• Her mother was six months pregnant with Yuri when her father left them.

Enjoyment [10/10]

I enjoyed the way this story went!

Total [83/100]

Comment: Thank you for requesting at #1704!

I am so sorry for the long wait! Especially since it took me almost

three months to get to your story and review it. xc

A lot of stuff came up (like always *sighs*), but I hope it was worth the wait. :)

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