Our Shattered Petals by cyjnim

Reviewed by WhisperOfTheSea

Title [5/5]

For me, titles like yours really do grab my attention. I can tell there are two meanings because of “Shattered” and “Petals”. The wording there is quite weird but yet intoxicating!

After finishing the small oneshot, the title carries on it’s meaning with the description of Seungcheol’s flower at the end. You’ve made it clear in the beginning when Seungcheol left a rose petal on Jeonghan’s desk. I knew that it had something to do with a flower, especially since the title was “Our Shattered Petals”. But what I hadn’t thought about was that the flower petals he was leaving behind were “shattered”, the memories Seungcheol had with Jeonghan as he recalls them.

Description/Foreword [10/10]

The description is simple and plain; just two sentences. But with these two sentences, it is enough to make the new upcoming reader feel on edge already. That has definitely did its effect on me!

Plot/Theme [20/20]

The story starts off with a quote and then transitions to Seungcheol in the school campus. He silently searches for his lover’s desk and continues to rip the nametag off, throwing it in the trash can with a petal on the place where the tag was. Although you explained what he did, I really wondered how he was feeling in the inside.

In the second part of the story, Seungcheol goes back to the campus again but more emotional words are used. The way you compare and contrast things is relatable. For example:

• What hurts even more isn’t the fact that it isn’t able to be done because a person has drifted away from you, but it’s because that person had no choice other than to drift away from you. From the world.

It was like Seungcheol was speaking to me, saying these words. I could also relate in a way somehow.

Telling the readers about the painting Jeonghan made also help with background information. Not only had you told the readers about Seungcheol’s pain, but you provided information to make the story seem more realistic. The art scene did not just help with the information but the scene where Seungcheol recalls a memory of Jeonghan in the school’s clinic’s bed.

Once the last scene was told, I was able to piece the entire story together and understand more of Seungcheol’s agony. Even though you didn’t tell the readers everything, Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s past was enough to know what they did together before something tragic happened.

Flow/Writing Style [18/20]

The transitions between your sentences are smooth and they aren’t too choppy. Although there is that, your wording is quite weird in a few sentences. For example:

• It’s 2 weeks later he goes back to the campus.

This sentence makes sense but how it is paired up together sounds foreign. Removing “It’s” and adding a comma will make the sentence more clearer:

• Two weeks later, he goes back to the campus.

I really like how you separate each paragraph (a.k.a part) with a quote. You did mention in your request form that it was your first time switching time frames and I’ve got to say, you did an exceptional job! I felt that the flow wasn’t too quick or too slow.

Grammar [18/20]

There are minor mistakes but they aren’t too terrible and noticeable. I recommend to reread and correct the minor mistakes. Your vocabulary is on point though so I have nothing to say about that.

Enjoyment [10/10]

Although your story was short, I was able to enjoy it.

Total [81/85]

Reviewer’s note: There wasn’t much to review since your oneshot was pretty short, but I really hoped this review did some good. :)

If you’re wondering why there isn’t a Character Development section, it is because your oneshot was too short and I couldn’t exactly find any development to point out. It would be unfair to your score too since your story focuses more on Jeongcheol’s past.

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