If you’re reading this, it means that six years have already passed.

Six years since I wrote this letter… it may be too late or maybe it’s not but for what it’s worth, I think it would best put me to rest to let you know through words, what I didn’t have the courage to say to your face.

I remember meeting you for the first time during the first semester of sophomore year during Trigonometry; you were nice enough to share your calculator with me because I left it at home. I hated math with passion –who doesn’t? - but after that day, I had been more eager to come in because I could waste the hour talking to you, I thought I was bothering you because you seemed like the type that actually listens in class but after seeing all the doodles on your notebook, I thought otherwise.

We gradually got closer and closer to each other, before I knew it; I found myself spending the night at your house to finish projects and assignments or just hang around and watch sappy romance comedies with you. There was no intimacy, no romantic feelings; we were just two people who enjoyed each other’s company. We were best friends.

You weren’t the boyish kind of girl, you just really knew how to have fun and that’s just one of your many amazing traits. You were just like every other girl that liked to dress up, you weren’t sloppy, you were neat; you always tried your best to keep your hair in place, you liked wearing perfume and practiced your make up skill on me often… I hated the idea of it but it was kind of fun. But to be honest, the only reason why I stayed so still was because I liked the feeling of your hand touching my face; it sounds a little creepy but yes. For some reason, it always seemed to put me in the calmest state.

I remember when you came over to my place for the weekend and halfway it rained hard, you didn't have your umbrella with you so, by the time you reached my house, you were soaking wet and mom felt so sorry for you that she brought you new clothes and scolded me for not fetching you at the bus stop. I thought you'd be mad at me but you were not, you even joked about how you missed dancing in the rain. We've been through a lot together in just the few months since we've known each other, to me it seemed eternal.

Eventually, I had to face reality that that wasn't the case because we were not the only people in highschool. I was not the only guy that you know and in junior year, reality hit me hard when you said that you liked Sehun. It felt like time just suddenly froze and I felt like the oxygen in my lungs were forcefully out. I don't know how I still managed to smile at you though; I felt like punching a wall, flipping a table or maybe just tell you "That's awesome. I feel the same way about you".

I could've done something, anything but all I did was smile and gave you my word that I would help you get him. How stupid of me but, when was I not an idiot?

Yes, I like you.

I don't know when specifically but I do remember just looking at you and your smile made my knees weak, your eyes --everytime you looked at me, I wanted to just grab you and kiss you; hell! You don't know how many times I've looked in the mirror and practiced my confession. You were just... I don't even know how to explain it, you just --wow.

Everything about you is beautiful, your imperfections even.

But althroughout junior year, all I did was figure out every possible way there is to get you closer to Sehun. I even went through the trouble of asking Kris for a favor to introduce me in exchange for that project I helped him out with to pass a subject. So, I met Sehun and we became friends; I forced myself to like soccer so I could grow much more closer to him for you and when I finally got close enough, then came the most painful part... atleast, for me. I didn't want to give you up to him, especially after knowing who Sehun really was. But I told you nothing bad about him because... why should I? What were the chances of you believing me anyway?

In the eyes of someone inlove, there will never be anything wrong about the one they are infatuated about.

So I did what I thought was right and tried to change Sehun, to atleast put me at ease that you have landed in the hands of a decent guy. Then when I thought it was enough, I told him all about you... everything beautiful about you and he slowly started to look at you. But I don't think he will ever see you the same way that I do, he won't see the imperfections that make you perfect; why? Because that's just how Sehun is.

But you were not that hard to love... so when he told me of his plans to date you, I just it up and gave him the final push.

You were so happy that day, I don't think I've ever seen you smile as bright as you did the day that Sehun asked you to be his girlfriend. I was happy for you, please don't get me wrong. Truly, I was because I would do anything to see you happy.

Even if it meant giving up mine... anything for you.

When senior year came, we rarely talked anymore. You had become a part of Sehun's peer and I had quit the soccer team to focus on the final year before college. I wanted to talk to you so badly, just to ask how are you or something but it seemed like everytime the opportunity presented itself, something would come up. It was frustrating but one day I decided to it up and made sure to talk to you.

You were still my best friend, after all.

And when fate finally gave us the chance, I planned to tell you everything but then you told me that you were going to the same college as Sehun. I knew I had no chance, who was I compared to him? You told me that you intentionally got some items wrong during the test so that you could be in level with Sehun... I didn't even know what else there was to say because you clearly had life ready for you.

But today, during graduation, I realized that this may be my only chance to let you know seeing as there is no more telling when we will be seeing each other next time so I gathered up all my courage to let you know that I, Park Chanyeol, have been loving you.

I wish I told you, I really do.

But instead, here I am, writing this letter at 3 in the morning with five more hours before you leave for your new university and new life. And you won't be getting this until six years later with me hoping that it's not too late or even if it is, atleast you get to read it. Atleast you would know, how I really feel.

I love you, always have and always will.

With love, Chanyeol