“Haneul, have you heard that B.A.P is coming to our town?” she asked excitedly. Minseo and I were massive fans of B.A.P, we have been with them since they debuted. We never really went to their concerts or fan meetings, we’re not like that. We’d rather be behind and support them through thick and thin, but they’re coming to town, isn’t that amazing?!

 

“When?” I didn’t bother checking news yesterday, I was too busy – if you know what I mean.

“This week, but I don’t know which day.” She took my rice balls away from my hands, I didn’t realise I was holding on to them while I was contemplating. I looked at my bowl and saw that all my rice balls are gone. Bye-bye lunch.

“You seemed occupied, wanna talk about it?” Minseo secretly gave me her candy, I couldn’t help but smile.

 

“You know… it’s Sungjoon.” I looked behind Minseo and saw Jongdae waving, he was coming over. Minseo greeted him and both of them stared at me, I didn’t notice I was looking for Sungjoon. “What’s up? She seems odd, but not the usual way.” Jongdae took a bite from his apple, I heard the crunch coming from his mouth. It was irritating.

“Sungjoon confessed to me that he likes me yesterday,” I paused and tired taking a bite of a radish. “But I didn’t answer him.”

“What? Are you insane?” Jongdae pretend to slam the table, “You like him don’t you? It’s obvious, you couldn’t stop talking about him, you couldn’t stop hanging out with him and you even dreamt about him taking you out.” Minseo and I looked at him, he was right. For the past few days, I kept denying that I have interest in Sungjoon.

 

But from my eyes, Jongdae seemed ticked off. “Anyway, how about you and Ahra?” asked Minseo.

“I broke up with her, she’s too much. I hated the way she treated me and guess what, she has someone else when we are still together. I found out but I let it go cause I thought she will leave him,” he hissed. “I was wrong.”

“I’m sorry,” that was all I could say.

“Aren’t you supposed to meet Sungjoon and tell him how you feel? Before it’s too late?” Mineso was right yet again, she knew always what to say. I looked at her like a lightbulb shined above me. “What’s with that look? Everytime she does that, it freaks me out,” said Jongdae who was weirded out.

 

I was going to meet Sungjoon, I am going to tell him how I feel. It’s not like he gave up on me right? It was only 24 hours and I had short amount of time before school is closing. It was the last period, Sungjoon has History and I was waiting near my locker. When the last bell rung, every student body walked out of their classrooms and was eager to go home.

 My heart was about to jump out and my skin was crawling, I got chills all over to give him his answer. I was ready, I was determined and I was… oh my gosh, there he is!! “Sungjoon…” I called him.

 

That was when everything fall apart, I overheard his conversation.

“Hey, wanna go out and have bubble tea?” said Sungjoon to the girl he was holding hands with, giving her all the love-dovey eyes.

“What, of course. You love it, I love it.” She kissed him on both cheeks.

“I love you so much,” he kissed her lips.

“I love you too,” she was kissing his lips like they were candy or some .

 

I was dizzy, like word vomit is coming out. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know if I should see him or run away to another country and change my name so I won’t have to remember this moment. Or join the FIB so I could learn how to erase a certain memory forever, as long as it was gone and I only have to remember the ones that made me feel great.

It was like everything went away, faded away, ran away from me and it wouldn’t come back. I shut my locker and walked away, never looked back.

 

 

I usually like to go out at night, like it was my world. I don’t have to care, no one would see how I look, I can hide and there were lots of great things going on at night to get me distracted.

And no, that does not mean getting wasted. I am still underage, I wish I could but that is not the only solution to every problem, I’d say I would do something that makes me a bit happy and that is to just hang out at my cousin’s café.

 

“Here you go, your favorite Affogato,” Soora placed it on the table, I quickly leaned forward and started eating. “Slow down, you might get brain freeze.”

“I can’t, I just want to eat.” I ignored her and continued eating, switched on the TV and let myself flow. I come to her café every weekdays at night, and hang around the VIP room. It has the whole package, TV, bookshelves, internet, bean bags and couches and the best thing – privacy.

 

“I sense something is wrong,” she glared at me. “You eat Affogato when you’re feeling down.”

Soora has been with me since we were little, okay, she is my closest cousin. I used to work at her café for a month, the youngest to own her own business in town. She and I are 4 years in , but we have one mind and we share and tell everything together.

“Yeah,” I put my spoon down and crossed my legs and sat at the floor. “There’s this guy, Sungjoon, he is new in school a few weeks ago. I made friends with him when I lend him my pen, so a few weeks later – he and I hung out a lot and turns out he is amazing.” I found the TV still switched on, so I lowered the volume and Hello Counselor was on. “Then, he confessed to me that he liked me. But I didn’t answer, and you know why. So, I came to a conclusion that I will confess to him after school but I was too late. He’s got a girl.”

 

“That quick? He must be a bastard,” Soora scoffed, annoyed at what was heard. I was stunned to hear her respond, she was always this straightforward. I appreciated that it was honest thought, “Yeah but I was too late,” I was still down and continued eating my dessert.

“What if, when he confessed, he has a girlfriend already?” she shrugged. That gave me chills, it couldn’t be right?

“No way, but that make sense. I don’t know, everything is so foreign,” I shook my head and Soora had to go back to work. I was yet again left alone with my thoughts, that sounded super sad but at least I was in a happy place.

 

 

“You were too late,” that was what he only said to me.

“I don’t get it,” I looked at the ground.

 

I was at the back of the school with Sungjoon, it was also a garden that was hidden for agriculture club. It has been 3 weeks after I last saw Sungjoon and his girlfriend. Now, I had the courage to talk to him and he truthfully said that he missed me talking to him. I nearly hurled at that.

 

“Well, I told you I liked you but you never answered, why?” he was utterly annoyed, I could tell by his tone of voice. I have never been this nervous and humiliated, I did and said what my heart told me to. “It’s because I was thinking, I really did like you. I was about to tell you but when you and her walked out of the class, so I didn’t know what to do but disappear.” I wanted to slap the sense out of him.

“Yeah, so she’s mine now and you’re just a friend.”

 

That hit me, real bad.

 

To Be Continued