wait! please read the thing I wrote at the end of the chapter, there are some things I want you to know! Thank you, now you can continue to read xD

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His heartbeat increased. There was no way out now, he could not escape anymore. But he didn’t need to in the first place because he was strong, right? He never escaped. There was always a better way than running away from problems, he never used the emergency exit that was offered to him, he always chose to fight even if it meant to get hurt terribly. 

Only a few minutes left until he would enter the stage, the stage that made him suffer so much, even though he was performing for over four years now. It shouldn’t be such a big deal, but it was for him. If he did well though, he was sure he could face his anxiety that accompanied him his entire life. 

Anxiety. 

He always avoided this word. It made him feel weak.

Taeil closed his eyes and tried to remember his conversation with Jiho two months ago. 

After he left the hospital Jiho had taken him to his apartment to finally talk about what happened. It was a long night of Taeil admitting his fears and worries and Jiho noticed that it wasn’t just that the older was scared of performing in front of people. There was a lot more to it than he knew of.

Taeil told him that he was always scared of talking in front of others, even in kindergarten, and that he hoped this problem would fade if he became an idol that was confronted with this situation regularly. When he couldn’t make it on the singing competition he was actually happy and the offer to join a band with six other members, where he could hide behind, seemed perfect for him. But especially during the first months and even years he felt as if he didn’t belong there, as if he’d stolen the spot of the members that used to be in the group before him. As if he was just the replacement, someone to fill the hole that was ripped in the band when the original members left. He loved Mino but he couldn’t help but still feel those emotions sometimes, when he saw him.

Since the day he signed the contract to join Block b he completely lost his sleeping schedule. It was terrible in the beginning, when he noticed what it meant to be an idol, what he’d lose and what he’d have to sacrifice he slept during the day and in between the schedules. It got better with the time when he got a little used to it but when the ‚very good‘ era started he had a relapse to the point where he barely ever slept. His insomnia caused him some awful migraine on a daily basis and he got sick more often, having to deal with colds and the flu nearly every two to three weeks. The singer lost a lot weight too which was mostly the result of not having time or forgetting to eat. 

Taeil always thought he could even out his flaws and lack of idol potential with hard work but in the end all he accomplished was no sleep, becoming underweight and having stress he couldn’t handle without a break for years. 

He talked so much, more than he probably ever has and while it made him feel really uncomfortable in the beginning he realized that the heavy burden, he always felt, started to loosen up a bit. Never before has he allowed someone to get this close to him. But he knew it was just right this way.

Jiho had listened carefully to every word Taeil said, never interrupting him but always taking his hyung seriously. In the end he made very clear that he would never leave him alone and that he could never be disappointed over something the older male did. He said something that Taeil would probably never forget:

¨I’ve been always watching you over the years and you fought every single day. You are so much stronger than you think, you only need to figure out how to deal with the situations you fear now. Your problem wont be solved in a week or in a month, maybe it will never vanish completely. But from now on it will only get better and one day you will see it was worth fall the pain.¨

And here he was now, trying hard to keep calm while absentmindedly watching a girl group  performing their cheerful song.

He frowned skeptically when suddenly a pair of strong, slender arms wrapped around his stomach from behind.

¨Hey beautiful, you nervous?¨ Jiho laughed, lifting Taeil up for a short moment.

The singer let out a heart breaking, shaky sigh.

¨Yes, but nervous isn’t really the right word. Scared would be a better description.¨

¨Oh man, I can feel you heart beat. You sure you’re still alive?¨

¨No.¨

Jiho pulled him closer, still hugging him from behind.

¨I know you can do it. You’ve always been fighting and not to mention your singing is incredible.¨

The moment the rapper said those words the staff told Taeil that it was time.

He took a deep breath and when he started walking and the warm arms let go of him, the last thing he heard from behind before entering the stage was ¨Remember why you are doing this!¨

Remember why I do this…

He slowly walked to his spot, where he was told to stand. And Taeil saw them. He saw the audience filled with unknown faces of strangers and well known faces of all those popular bands and other idols. His heartbeat got even faster and panic was building up again. No! This wasn’t supposed to happen! He couldn’t disappoint his leader now!

But then he saw the BBC, cheering and screaming as soon as they recognized him. They smiled and waved with lightsticks and signs, shouting his name and encouragements. 

Yes, he did remember. 

The reason why he always wanted to be a singer. As the song started he definitely could remember. All he ever wanted was his audience to feel something. He wanted them too feel joy, worry, anger, sadness, anything, it didn’t matter what, they only needed to feel. And he wanted this song, which was dedicated to the Sewol Ferry tragedy, to touch the poor victims and everyone that had or has to suffer. His only purpose now was to convey his message right. 

So he sung. Just like he always did when practicing and during rehearsals, only feeling the powerful orchestral music and the strong desire to give it his all. No other thoughts, nothing that could distract him, it was like dream, it didn’t feel real. 

And before he knew it it was over, the already soft light on stage got dimmed and he opened his eyes. He didn’t even notice that they were closed nearly the entire time.

He looked in Jihos direction hoping to find a hint in his expression that could tell him wether he did a good job or not. But to Taeils surprise he only found a wildly jumping and screaming Jiho that violently threw his arms around, gesticulating something. The singer watched him confused for a few seconds not knowing what to think of it when all of the sudden the light went on again. He turned his head back to the crowd which was giving him a … standing ovation?!

They energetically applauded and as he took a closer look he saw that some actually cried, even some singers from other bands. He couldn’t believe it, was that actually happening?

After bowing several times and thanking everyone, Taeil left the stage with a big smile and teary eyes. Off stage an excited Jiho ran towards him, hugging him and screaming a mess of incomprehensible words while jumping up and down. 

The older sat down on the nearest box he could find, strength totally leaving his body.

¨Oh my goooood… what did just happen?¨ he groaned.

¨What happened?! You were INCREDIBLE, that’s what happened! You completely smashed it, I don’t even have words for it. Everyone loved it, you didn’t look like you were nervous at all, not even the slightest. I’m so proud, Taeil. See?! I knew you could do it!! Have little more faith in yourself!¨

Jiho took out his phone and started tweeting and messaging everyone about Taeils success, happily squealing while Taeil could just stare holes into the air. He was completely done for the day, but holy , what an incredibly good day.

¨Let’s celebrate this later!¨ Jiho yelled, still way to excited.

¨I don’t think I can do that. I can barely stand up.¨ Taeil laughed pathetically.

¨Never mind then. But we can have a beer or two at my place right? Nothing to say against some alcohol.¨

¨Fine, but first we have to go back to the audience and watch the remaining performances.¨

¨Nobody cares for them now, they are probably still crying over yours.¨ 

~

When they arrived at Jihos apartment Taeil instantly laid down on the couch.

¨So you don’t wanna get drunk? How boring. It’s so cold outside, alcohol always helps.¨Jiho laughed from the kitchen.

He crossed the room and dropped himself beside the shorter male.

¨You are probably tired after that day, right?¨ he asked.

¨Basically I am since four years but right now I’m still too restless to be able to sleep.¨

Jiho tuned to Taeil.

¨I understand¨ he chuckled. ¨But you finally did it. You faced your fear and you did it in such an unbelievable way.¨

¨Thanks to you.¨

¨No, it was all you, I only made sure you remembered what you already knew. I didn’t do anything really, you didn’t actually need me.¨

¨That’s not true.¨ Taeil frowned slightly. ¨If you weren’t there I couldn’t have done it. Of course I needed you.¨

The young rapper stared at him with an unreadable expression.

¨Alright, I helped you.¨ 

¨Right, you did.¨ Taeil smiled.

¨Since I helped you so much, you could do me a favor as well right?¨ 

¨A favor? Sure? What do you want me to do?¨

¨Technically you don’t need to do anything.¨ Jiho snickered.

The confusion in Taeils expression was obvious. He didn’t quiet understand what this was about.

¨I don’t get, I thought you wanted me to do you a favor?¨

¨Yeah but you’re already doing me one right now.¨

And at that note he smiled and pushed himself up a bit so he half hovered over Taeil. With a short stare he made clear what he was about to do when he leaned down and their lips finally touched. The older male didn’t move at first, too shocked by this sudden act to react but came to his senses soon. It was a soft and sweet kiss, no hectic movements, only little smiles in between. Taeil had lovingly wrapped his arms around Jiho at this point while the younger gave up maintaining his former position, now laying chest on chest, left arm still above the older males head to take some weight of him. He  had put his other hand on Taeils cheek, ghosting his thump over the soft skin. When they broke off the kiss their faces were only a few centimeters apart from each other.

¨That’s the only favor I wanted you to do me.¨ Jiho hummed smiling.

¨I don’t have a problem with that.¨ Taeil smiled back at him. ¨I think I might be sleeping well tonight. Also I don’t need alcohol to warm me up if we stay like this and I prefer it this way.¨ He added, gently pulling the man he loved down into a second kiss.

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I’m done! It’s complete! It’s finished!!! yaaaaaaas! xD

Okay, so pleeease tell me what you think, it was alot of work and mental effort, I would really appreciate some feedback and tips, since it’s my first real fanfiction. Also, as I said in the last chapter, I would love to write other stories or one shots about taeco, so if you have any ideas please tell me ^o^

if you don’t have an account here of course you can write me over tumblr: http://toni-daboom.tumblr.com

I would love to hear from you!!!

lastly, I did a little scribbling for you guys, who had the patience to read my entire fanfiction :   

http://toni-daboom.tumblr.com/post/124260656843/some-taeco-fanart-from-my-own-fanfiction-xd-if

(okay, it  actually took me like a day to draw that and now my eyes hurt because I forget to blink when I draw)

but that’s all, I hope you liked it and don’t forget to write me ( ˘ ³˘)