Even half an hour after Taeil received the phone call he still sat in the doorway. His legs gave in as they couldn’t hold him anymore but his body was still strained and his mind was a huge mess. All of his thoughts were leaving a big chaos causing him a terrible headache.

The reason for his current miserable state was a call from his manager. The news he had for the lead vocal would be a blessing for every normal singer but not for him: Basically Taeil got offered to perform a song on one of South Koreas biggest music shows and in addition it was a song that was supposed to be dedicated to the Sewol Ferry tragedy. It was a beautiful piece, slow but with power and incredibly hard to sing. 

Taeil looked at his hands under shaking breath.

He will have to stand on that giant stage in front of that giant audience all alone. All those eyes would stare at him for the entire song. If he messed up, everybody would see. If he failed to perfectly sing this important song everybody would talk about him and it would definitely be the last time he entered a stage. He wasn’t ready for that.

The young singer started shaking, mind racing as he was gasping for air. This happened before, he knew this feeling. His panic was building up and tears were starting to build up. 

With blurry vision he made his way to the bathroom locking the door and collapsing onto the floor again. He didn’t want anybody to see him in this state. Nobody was supposed to know how weak he was.

There he was lying on the ground crying and shaking in pure fear. All his strength had left him when suddenly, out of nowhere, Taeil remembered the monologue Jiho held in the morning. Talking about recording, the weather, toilet paper and protein shakes in less than two minutes. It was like this more often than one would think. Jiho was always busy so when he knew that he only had little time left with someone before he had to get back to work he would try to get out as much information as possible. Though that mostly led to a situations where he is the only one talking and then suddenly leaves for work, sometimes without saying a word. Taeil thought it was kind of adorable, especially when Jiho is in a good mood and starts laughing at his own jokes more than anyone. 

Taeil took a deep breath. To his surprise it helped him calming down and maybe the thought of Jihos incredibly stupid laugh when he finds something funny distracted him from all the anxiety he just felt.

He sat up, head throbbing and breath still a bit shaky and unsteady. 

‚I must look stupid‘ he thought. ¨How long have I been lying here?¨A sigh left his mouth followed by a yawn. It was already morning again and he still haven’t had even a few hours of sleep. He opened the bathroom door and stumbled into the living room. When he plopped on the sofa to finally find some rest he felt something poking his ribs. He fumbled until he got a hold of the little piece of plastic, bringing it closer to his eyes to identify it in the darkness.

‚Jiho you idiot!‘ he mumbled.

Taeil grabbed his phone and checked his messages. Of course. He didn’t notice before but Jiho had sent him messages asking if he had seen the USB-stick he picked up from Jihoon yesterday. The singer sighed again ,such a situation would normally be cause by me’ he thought. He decided to text the leader saying he’d bring him the stick in the afternoon, he doesn’t have plans after 5 o’clock anyways. 

Taeil: ¨I found it, I’m gonna come to the studio around half past 5 okay?¨ 

He had already put his phone away and eyes closed when it suddenly buzzed making him flinch at the unpleasing sound. Looking at the screen he kind of wondered if Jiho had insomnia too, he never seemed to sleep but Taeil didn’t see the younger that often anymore either so he wouldn’t know.

Jiho: ¨Really??! That’s good, I’ve been searching for it all day! Yeah, that’s fine with me, I’m in the studio the whole day anyway but text me when you’re on your way¨

Taeil:¨Sure. Now stop working and go to sleep¨

Jiho:¨Go to sleep yourself! And thanks sweetheart ;)¨

Taeil blushed. Sweetheart… that guy. How was Jiho able to make him forget about all the miserable parts of his life with only a few words?

~

The next morning he woke up being startled by the ringing of his phone. He had all appointments written down and saved as notifications because he knew that he would either forget about them or fall asleep somewhere over the day and missing them as a result. Taeil could still feel how last nights panic attack effected him. His head felt heavy and his eyes were lightly swollen. But he felt a little better today knowing that his day wasn’t as packed as the day before and that he would be able to see Jiho in the afternoon again. 

It was 6 o’clock and he still had 20 minutes left until he had to leave so he decided to take a shower and grab something to eat. ¨It’s freezing¨ Taeil notes as he walks to his car. It felt as if even his oversized, thick coat didn’t warm him up anymore. It wasn’t something new though, he was freezing all the time.

Today was actually a somewhat special day for the singer. He was asked to give two young guys vocal training. Their band didn’t have their debut yet and if Taeil remembered correctly they both were the main dancers of the group, which reminded him of Minhyuk and Yukwon. He helped his fellow members a lot in the beginning. They had trouble with their singing parts and Jiho used to be way to strict but they are both really good singers. Their problems mostly came when they had to sing live and in harmony with the music. ‚They improved so much‘ Taeil thought.

The lead singer used his spare time to warm up his voice, singing some songs while driving. It was Saturday and the whole city seemed to sleep. It made him feel oddly comfortable as if he was all alone, in good way, with no one watching him and embraced by the silence he could fill with his unforced singing. But it didn’t last that long. He arrived at the building in which he would give the vocal lessons and parked in the parking lot where he could hardly see any cars. Only a few black vans were lined up on the left side. He had imagined it as a more busy place but he would definitely not complain though.

~

After he met up with the two young dancers (who were 16 and 17 years old and still over half a head taller than him) he had his own vocal training and a meeting about a little tv appearance he would have in a month. When the meeting was done Taeil nearly ran out of the building and hurried to his car. It was currently 4:47 pm so he texted Jiho just as promised.

Taeil: ¨I’m on my way now, it’ll take about 10 or 15 minutes.¨

Jiho: ¨Good, hurry up I need distraction - my brain hurts!¨

He added an image of him in the studio with dramatically pained expression. It looked incredibly ugly.

Taeil laughed. He really couldn’t wait any longer to get to the man he loved.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

second chapter done :) 

I'm not sure if I'm completely content with it because I had trouble to convert my thoughts into words at some points if you know what I mean 

If you find any mistakes or weird phrasing please tell me :D

I hope you like it anyway ❤