The very first thing Irene does is to cry. 

 

 

She seldom cries, just a few times after growing up, including that time when she had her first break-up or when Wendy tugged her to sleep. 

 

 

She is finally back. 

 

 

Remembering her “future”, the doctor, every little thing of her journey, and that person called Wendy Son Seungwan - her gentleness, her lively eyebrows, her lovable chuckles, and her expressive eyes.

 

 

 

It’s morning and Irene knows she has to go to work today. As if nothing has happened. Because she isn’t the type that would call a sick leave that easily and she’d never do so in the past five years. 

 

 

She doesn’t know how to take care of herself since the day she was born. It’s how Seulgi describes her and Wendy always call herself a babysitter…... According to the texts Irene read that night.

 

 

Speaking of which, Irene has no idea when and how she would meet that girl, again. And she’s scared. It’s ironically because Wendy would not remember her at all. Now, she could truly feel how Wendy felt.

 

 

 

And she suddenly feels reluctant to walk out of her house. If she has already that attached to Wendy, how could she face Onew now, in 2015? 

 

 

Just like a walking dead, she puts on her makeup, changes her clothes and steps on those killer heels. They are all routines she has done a million times. She could even do them without opening her eyes. Nevertheless, her mind is in somewhere else. Not in this time nor space.

 

 

She had never thought of imagining how her future would be. Seulgi had. But in the end, she still had to live with a regret.  The doctor is right. It’s a terribly weighty experience. To see one’s own future. And she has to make a difference. 

 

 

She greets her colleagues as usual and enters that suffocating office of hers.

 

 

Everything is so unreal but her memories scream otherwise. Just like a robot, she executes her job perfectly yet passionlessly. She has something far more important to do. It’s the first time she has ever thought in that way.

 

 

Oh, she has really changed. Not a workaholic anymore. And she starts to think. What more she has to change. All she had wanted was to come back. And she has come back now. But it feels….. empty.

 

 

 

She has ever realized her life was so boring, so blind. 

 

 

She has never realized her house was so big, so hallow.

 

 

And she has never realized she was so alone.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

It has almost been a month since her “return” and Irene hasn’t said a word about her “unusual trip” to anyone. Not even Seulgi, who is currently in Japan.

 

 

Irene smiles at the thought of Seulgi meeting that girl Park Sooyoung. She’d better give some very “useful” tips to the bear replica when the two become an item.

 

 

 

She has met Onew once. For the dinner date they had kept postponing. It was an awfully regular meal. In a high-end restaurant, lit-candles on the table, served with delicacies and a glass of fine wine. They talked about work and any interesting happened around them, which were mostly related to their workplace again. Irene nearly forgot they are both workaholic and working is their only passion.

 

 

It was just like before. The only difference was she drove herself home that night. It wasn’t bad and it wasn’t good.

 

 

And they are meeting again tonight. Irene was a bit surprised when he asked her. Still, she is going. It’s even the same place as last time. 

 

 

In fact, they have been going to the same restaurant for some time already. She guesses Onew is too busy to pick another one or he thinks she likes that place or he likes that place or she has never said what she likes or…... 

 

 

 

She is here and he is late. Oh, another typical scene. One of them being late because of some urgent work.

 

 

So she sits there and waits. She fishes out her phone and starts scrolling aimlessly. Oh, the same old thing. But then when she glances outside the window, a familiar figure passes by in a hurry. 

 

 

It was just a few seconds. But she couldn’t have missed that light brown hair, her petite body, and her sharp jawline.

 

 

It reminds her of someone. And it seems that someone has come earlier than she thought.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry, how long have you waited?” He finally arrives and adjusts his collar a little while sitting down.

 

 

She puts down her phone, “Not for long. It’s okay. I bet it’s something important, right?”

 

 

“Yes, it was.” He smiles rather warmly.

 

 

“So…...” She carefully asks. “You said you have something important to tell me.”

 

 

 

Onew then frowns with the mention of that something, “Yes.”

 

 

“Say it.” Irene gives a reassuring smile. “We’re here now.”

 

 

He clears his throat first, “I am not that young and we have been dating for a while….. I know it’s awkward, but my mom talked to me and-”

 

 

“And?” She bats her eyelids so lightly.

 

 

 

“She wants me to get married by next year.”

 

 

“W-what?” She bursts out in shock and soon covers with her hands.

 

 

“I know it’s so unexpected and sudden.” He sighs. “I don’t want to do it too...... I-I mean I am not prepared and I haven’t thought about marriage at all.”

 

 

She manages to regain her composure, “So what’re we g-going to do? And why?” Although she’s still freaking out inside.

 

 

So is this the time to make her choice?

 

 

 

“She forces me to get married so that I can have the right to inherit the company. But, I am not that eager to inherit it, to begin with…..” He sips on the glass of water. “So I won’t force you. You can definitely say no.”

 

 

She forces a smile, “So are you proposing now?”

 

 

“Hmm…... sort of.” He chuckles in embarrassment. “I’m sorry it was so curt.”

 

 

Onew’s chuckles are so different from Wendy’s. Very very different. His are so mature and flat, hers are so choppy and child-like. 

 

 

 

“What if I said no?” She can only look at the blindingly white table cloth.

 

 

“I’m okay with that.” He straightens his back, looking at her. “But we might have to break up. Because my mom won’t stop bothering me about that when I have a stable girlfriend. She is that determined. I bet you know that already.”

 

 

“Yeah, I know,” She looks up and finds herself tongue-tied. “But wow, so...... extreme.”

 

 

“I know. I’m so sorry I have to make you choose. I know it’s hard.”

 

 

“Can you, like, give me some time?”

 

 

“Of course.”

 

 

“Thank you.”

 

 

 

They exchange a sincere smile. Perhaps it’s the last one.

 

 

And Irene rushes out from the restaurant.

 

 

Her brain automatically plays a song she overheard from Wendy because she has never closed her door properly. Is it called something like “Slow dancing in a burning room”?

 

 

 

“It's not a silly little moment,

It's not the storm before the calm.

This is the deep and dying breath of,

This love we've been working on.”

 

 

 

And didn't the young brunette weep whenever she played the song in her own room?  She has never seen someone crying that hard, so heartbrokenly.

 

 

But how could Wendy be so calm when they broke up?

 

 

 

“I was the one you always dreamed of,

You were the one I tried to draw.

How dare you say it's nothing to me,

Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

It has been two days. 

 

 

Seulgi stares at Irene weirdly when they are meeting up in the café they used to go as high-schoolers, since the former girl has finally returned.

 

 

 

“What?”

 

 

“You, are, acting strange.” Seulgi points at her best friend with a tea-spoon.

 

 

“How can I act normal after when I have to choose like that?” Irene stabs her fork into the poor carrot cake she ordered. It doesn’t taste good anyway. She has tried better.

 

 

“You’ve changed.” The bear slyly grins. “You would have said yes because you had never cared about yourself.”

 

 

 

She turns her head to the window again, “I don’t know.” Nothing is there, no one is there. 

 

 

“Say, do you love him that much?” She chirps. “It has just been a little more than a year.”

 

 

She turns her head back and lets silence fall upon her.

 

 

Seulgi tilts her head so that she can get a good look of Irene’s face, “You don’t or you don’t know?”

 

 

 

Irene throws her a glare, “Don’t probe further or I’ll force you to tell me every detail between you and that Sooyoung girl.”

 

 

The bear gulps, “Alright…... She likes people to call her Joy by the way. We just met for some weeks during my stay. She goes there to study, in uni. She’s a smart student. She’s nice, she showed me around-” 

 

 

“Whatever.” She cuts her off. “Not in the mood of sniffing around.”

 

 

“Oh right.” She jumps a little thinking of something. “I’m invited to join a photography exhibition. Do you want to go to the opening ceremony with me? It’s at tomorrow evening. I know you might want to do something new to clear up your mind.”

 

 

 

“Why don’t you ask Joy?” Irene rolls her eyes. She dislikes unnecessary socializing to her bones, which is all about putting on a facade and faking smiles.

 

 

Seulgi hides her blushes, “She’s still in Japan. Come on. It’ll be fun. I swear there will be good people, no fake people. I need someone to go there with me. You know opening speeches are boring as hell.” 

 

 

“Let me check my schedule first.” Maybe it’s not a bad idea and she likes her best friend so much that maybe she should share her pride for once.

 

 

“Great.” The bear claps and continues feasting. “You’re the best, Baechu~”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Irene pulls up as Seulgi instructed and checks her surroundings.

 

 

“You didn’t tell me it’s in a university.” She swiftly kills the engine and unbuckles the seatbelt.

 

 

“I told you there’d be good people though.” She innocently smiles as she gets off the car.

 

 

 

“You just want a free ride, don’t you?” Irene follows suit, not forgetting to lock her car.

 

 

“Not totally.” Seulgi sticks out her tongue and fixes her dress.

 

 

“Luckily, I dress up decently.” She heaves a soft sigh and checks her makeup with a mirror. 

 

 

“Your lipstick is too red though.” She jokes. “Just kidding hehehe.”

 

 

“I’ll stab you with my heels if you make one more stupid joke about me.” Irene grits her teeth and Seulgi nods as if her head is going to fall off.

 

 

 

They then peacefully arrive at the grand hall where the opening ceremony is held. Seulgi shakes hands with dozens of people and Irene reads all the pamphlets she could find.

 

 

So it is like one of the biggest events this university would hold in this year. Irene is in awe knowing her best friend is now a well-recognized photographer, even academically.

 

 

And they sit together when the ceremony officially begins. It is terribly boring, even the principal and a dean of whatever faculty are invited to deliver “a few sentences”.

 

 

Irene is alive again when it’s time to take a tour to see the exhibited photos.

 

 

 

“I’m proud of you, Seul.” She smiles as they follow the crowd.

 

 

“Thank you.” She returns a sweet one.

 

 

Photography is actually an interesting subject for Irene, not only because of Kang Seulgi. It is supposed to capture a moment, a framed reality, through angles and lens. But it is still something artificial when it’s the photographer to decide which angle, which timing, how close. And it’s exactly why it’s artistic - presenting a representation of the world from a person’s eyes.

 

 

Irene doesn’t know she’s so intrigued all of a sudden and she bumps into someone while she’s moving on to the next photo.

 

 

“I’m sor-”

 

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

 

 

She looks up to apologize but she’s stunned on her spot. Her heart is inflated with bittersweetness the moment she recognizes that person.

 

 

As if it’s magic, Wendy conjures up in Irene’s life without any warnings.

 

 

She’s wearing a white shirt, a pair of dark tight pants and high heels, of course. Her typical look at work. Irene knows because she had watched her getting changed for work “before”. And her brown hair is a few shades lighter, compared to that one when Irene first met her.

 

 

 

“Are you okay?” Wendy worriedly asks, since Irene is just standing there after bumping shoulders with her.

 

 

“Yeah. Sorry I wasn’t looking.” Irene lifts a shy smile.

 

 

“It’s alright. These photos are really intriguing, I have to agree with that.” Wendy brightly smiles.

 

 

Being with Wendy is unbelievably comfortable. How could she make the awkwardness go away so easily? Isn’t she too understanding towards the others?

 

 

 

Irene thinks she’s going crazy talking to Wendy again. Her whole being is conking out at the very existence of Son Seungwan. She is really destined to meet her, she can’t escape and is Wendy still the Wendy she met “before”? Oh, perhaps Irene should remind herself that this is Wendy “in the past”. 

 

 

Perhaps it’s the look in her eyes that is not the same. She doesn’t look at Irene so lovingly, painfully, tenderly, ardently, sorrowfully. Because she isn’t that in love with her. Yet.

 

 

“You like photography?” Wendy notices Irene has been spacing out again so she chuckles. “You seem really intrigued.”

 

 

Oh, even her chuckles are the same.

 

 

“I-I…... My friend is one of the photographers they invited.” Irene bites her lips not wanting to further embarrass herself. “Her name is Kang Seulgi.”

 

 

 

“Oh, her.” Wendy’s right eye shrinks a little from smiling too brightly. “I met her earlier. She’s really nice and really talented. She’s just the same age as me and she’s such an established photographer already.” 

 

 

Uh hm, yeah, she knows her age already.

 

 

“Yes, she works really hard too.” Irene timidly answers. She doesn’t know what else to say so that she won’t blurt out awkward things and scare the younger girl. But she doesn’t want their conversation to end just like that.

 

 

“Ah, I forgot to introduce myself.” As if she could read her mind, Wendy speaks again. “My name is Wendy Son. I’m an associate professor in Criminology. Just arrived in Korea last week. So, I still haven’t quite figured out the environment yet. And I haven’t seen you around, so I guess you don’t work here?”

 

 

So it’s already changed. They have already met in 2015. What should she do?

 

 

“N-no, I don’t.” She stutters for no particular reason. “I work in a law firm. Name’s Irene, nice to meet you.”

 

 

 

Wendy nods repeatedly and beams, “Hello Irene. It seems we might meet again in the future. I’d work as a forensic linguist sometimes. We might see each other on the court.”

 

 

Isn’t that how they met originally? Irene can now officially say those memories of Wendy are haunting her. She even stares at her lips as she’s talking. She always showers her with kisses with those lips. Oh, go away, indecent thoughts.

 

 

“Sure.” She slurs. “I mean…... Very possible.”

 

 

 

Wendy chuckles again, “You’re really interesting, Irene. That’s why I always like to study people themselves more than anything else.”

 

 

Then here goes Seulgi appearing from nowhere and helping Irene out from her little “misery”. “Hi, Wendy, I reckon you’ve met my best friend!”

 

 

“Yes, we were chatting quite…... enjoyably. At least for me.” The young professor flashes a fairly charming smile.

 

 

Irene thinks she has swooned a little because she still can’t speak.

 

 

 

But the bear happily replies, “Good. I think we can be good friends!”

 

 

Or, more than friends, Irene thinks to herself. 

 

 

“Sounds good to me.” Wendy, on ther other hand, is as cheerful as always.

 

 

“G-good to me too…..” Irene tries to avoid the young brunette’s intense gaze.

 

 

 

“Well…... I think I should go.” Wendy checks her wristwatch and switches her gaze to Seulgi. “I gotta find my ‘boss’. See you later, maybe.”

 

 

“Bye!” Seulgi waves excitedly and Irene waves softly.

 

 

When Wendy walks far away enough, Seulgi starts to blabber, “Don’t you think she’s kinda hot? She really stands out from those old geezers. Geez, I thought there’d be more young people….. Anyway, I walked up to talk to her and it turns out she’s nice too.”

 

 

“So you’re hitting on her?” Irene grumbles a little. Due to jealousy, maybe. “I thought you are ‘getting along’ with that Joy girl.”

 

 

 

“We’re just friends.” Seulgi pokes her buddy’s arm. “And I just thought making friends with Wendy isn’t a bad idea you know. We’re the same age. She’s quite intellectual and hot and-”

 

 

“Just shut up.” She clicks her heels onto the marbled floor, trying to reboot her brain without a bear annoying her.

 

 

“Baechu, I got her number though.” The bear, however, tails her like a puppy and grins in a more annoying way.

 

 

Irene abruptly turns and nearly twists her ankles, “How?” 

 

 

What? Did Seulgi flirt with Wendy? It isn’t supposed to happen in that way, right? She didn’t do it, right? Did she just her…... Damn, she’s thinking too much.

 

 

 

“We exchanged cards.” Seulgi laughs innocently at her dear friend’s clumsiness. “I guess you are too shy to do so, so you’re welcome, I can give you her number. Sharing is caring, bro.”

 

 

“I ain’t your bro.” Irene rolls her eyes again.

 

 

“So you want her number or nah?”

 

 

“Why do you think I-”

 

 

“I think she’d be happy to hear from you too, Baechu. Didn’t you see the way she looked at you?” 

 

 

“You’re talking nonsense, Seul.”

 

 

 

She is biting her inner cheeks and she is still grinning like a cuddly teddy bear.

 

 

“Look at you, Bae Joohyun. Your market value is still soaring high. If you ask me, I’d tell you not to get married and just...... break up with him.”

 

 

“Are you serious?”

 

 

“200% serious, ma’am.”

 

 

“Let me think it through myself.”

 

 

 

Irene truly thinks it’ll be much easier if Seulgi knows what’s really bothering her so much.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Irene genuinely thinks she is squandering all the minutes and seconds she has, by doing nothing to her life. She is holding her phone all day and she cannot even punch in anything to any of the numbers in her contact list.

 

 

She has even talked to her parents about it, about Onew. Not Wendy, of course. And they unexpectedly said they would respect her decision. She groaned secretly, oh, as if they would really do so when she’s with Wendy.

 

 

 

Thoughts and memories about Son Seungwan keep spawning in her head. And they grasp onto her like they have struck root in her. To be perfectly honest, she isn’t sure that Wendy really seemed to be so interested in her as Seulgi claimed. 

 

 

The Wendy she knows is friendly to everyone. And she always listens to everyone attentively. The kindest, warmest, most considerate person you could ever meet. Always puts the others before herself.

 

 

 

And so, Irene ditches her brain which could no longer function properly since she’s back. Sometimes we shouldn’t think too much, right?

 

 

Things are already different, which means her future would be altered too, right? No break-up in 2023, no marrying another man in 2027, no dying in 2055, right? 

 

 

Although she remains dithery, it’s not something you could let go so easily after all, she starts to type, “I am really sorry. I wish I could tell you face to face, but I really can’t. I really can’t do it. So, let’s break up.” And she presses “send”.

 

 

“I understand. It’s fine for me. And I wish we could still be friends.”

 

 

This time, he gives a timely reply.

 

 

“Thank you. Sure. Let’s be friends then.”

 

 

And it’s done. Finally.

 

 

 

Living up to this age, she’s never imagined a break-up can be this silent and subtle. And she just did it.

 

 

So what’s next?

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Irene has been encouraging Seulgi to court Joy once the young girl finishes her study in Japan. She remembers she had to keep poking Seulgi’s messy bun and bugging her about the aftermaths if she misses this one, so the bear eventually compiled.

 

 

In return, Seulgi has talked to her about some similar things. Like, she has been asking if she has tried to reach the young professor yet. Irene would reply she needs some time after a break-up too.

 

 

The truth is, she doesn’t know what to do with Wendy. Maybe she should impress her with something but reality hits her like a train - she actually knows nothing about Wendy - what does she like? What is her favorite food, her favorite song, her favorite leisure activity apart from baking?

 

 

And she is too shy to text her first. Isn’t it too desperate of her?

 

 

 

Still, she goes straying on the streets when it’s the weekend. She usually stays home and allows herself rot, or continues to deal with those paperworks. She usually avoids any contact with any human beings except a few of her friends and Seulgi.

 

 

Without putting on any makeup, donning the most comfy clothes she could find, she drags her feet outside and takes a random stroll. She even takes the bus for the first time in two years. Maybe she should live her life for once.

 

 

 

“Irene, is that you?” 

 

 

That warm husky voice. And she is snapped out of her trance and finds herself standing in front of a newly-opened bakery. That bakery where Wendy “used to” buy her cakes from. 

 

 

Irene blinks and finally sees Wendy greeting her with her signature sunshine smile. And the young professor looks even younger in casual wear and with her hair tied up into a high ponytail.

 

 

“H-hi.” 

 

 

Talking about faith and destiny. She didn’t realize she has come to the very neighborhood near the university.

 

 

 

“Are you going in too?” Wendy points with her chin. “My colleagues said they got nice pastries and coffee, so here I am.”

 

 

“I like…... carrot cakes.” Irene smiles so shyly. “And cookies, cupcakes. Guess I got a sweet tooth.”

 

 

“Hey, I like to bake! Maybe I can bake something for you when I have the time.”

 

 

“It sounds great.”

 

 

Yes, bingo. 

 

 

 

Wendy gives a cute nod, “Okay. I’m craving for some nice coffee. Wanna join me?”

 

 

“Sure.” So Irene follows her inside.

 

 

They make their respective orders and settle down on the same table.

 

 

“Is it good?” Wendy curiously asks as she stirs her coffee but her eyes are glued on the carrot cake. “It isn’t easy to make as far as I know.” 

 

 

Irene stops her chewing, “Yes, it tastes just right.”

 

 

 

“Great.”

 

 

“Don’t drink too much coffee. It’s bad for your health.” Irene suddenly blurts out her concern. There’s always an aroma lingering in their kitchen. Coffee beans. Wendy drinks coffee every day, not only once a day but quite a lot actually. And she clearly, vividly, remembers that.

 

 

“I know.” A soft chuckle escapes from Wendy's lips, “It's become a habit when I was in graduate school. I swear it’s the only bad habit I ever have. Too much sweetness is bad for your teeth too.”

 

 

“I don’t eat cakes every day.” Irene protests quietly.

 

 

 

“Just joking around. I won’t bite.”

 

 

“I know.”

 

 

“Excuse me?”

 

 

“I mean I know you’re a nice person.”

 

 

“Well thank you.” Wendy looks away and drinks her coffee.

 

 

“I-I, see,” Irene stumbles on her words. “Seulgi gave me your number but hm…...”

 

 

 

Wendy looks up and her eyes are flickering with playfulness, “You haven’t made use of it still.”  It has almost been two weeks since they met “again”.

 

 

“I mean…... I just-”

 

 

“Your ears are all red. It’s really cute.”

 

 

“Actually, I just broke up so.”

 

 

 

Wendy’s face then falls in a millisecond, her eyes filled with concernment, eyebrows kneaded together. So expressive. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t-”

 

 

“No, it’s fine.” Irene gestures her to stop apologizing because she knows Wendy tends to talk non-stop whenever she’s nervous. The same thing happened at their very first encounter. “I’m just telling you the reason why.”

 

 

“No, you don't have to tell me.” Wendy shakes her head vigorously. “I’m just...... someone you just met and I don’t have the right to ask. So, I’m sorry for making you bring it up.”

 

 

Irene stares at Wendy deeply and thinks she’s really adorable. Only if she knows she isn’t really “just someone she just met” for her and she certainly has every right to ask her everything.

 

 

 

“No, Wendy. I said it’s okay.” She finishes it with a smile.

 

 

“Y-you sure?”

 

 

“Yes.” Only if she could tell her everything right there. She broke up because she still chooses her and she’s not going to leave any regret this time.

 

 

“O-okay.”

 

 

If Seulgi resembles a cuddly bear, Wendy would be a fluffy chipmunk.

 

 

 

“Do you want me to show you around?” Irene offers and changes the topic. “I’m free for the rest of the day.”

 

 

“Would you?” There’s a warm smile plastered on Wendy’s face again.

 

 

“Why not?”

 

 

“Lead the way for me then, Irene.”

 

 

Of course, she would. So Irene smiles so widely.

 

 

Only if she could let her know, she’s already woven into her and she’s more than glad to show her the way for the rest of her life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

The song is from John Mayer btw, but I also recommend the cover from SoMo.

p.s. Please don't hate Irene because of the previous chapter tho, everybody makes mistakes :P (and damn, imagine the social pressure)

 

Hope you all enjoy this as always

xo