Woohyun, Hoya, and Sungyeol finish their military services 4 months after Sunggyu’s confession, by the time Myungsoo has mastered the art of pretending that he’s okay and there is nothing wrong, has been able to hide it when he forgets something important. Sunggyu always tried to be there for Myungsoo, including the time when they welcomed the 91-liner back. He could see that Myungsoo was trying to look strong, even though he almost trembles. Myungsoo’s façade almost faltered when he sees that Woohyun, Hoya, and Sungyeol greets him with worries instead of smiles.

“I’m okay,” Myungsoo said back then, “Why do you all seem so glum?”

All of them just accepts it and doesn’t say anything. Maybe they are all still in denial, but it feels better to pretend that everything’s okay than being sad. Myungsoo is finally has encourage to face everything positively, and hopefully it won’t change soon.

Now several days after he come backs, Sunggyu sits down with Sungyeol on the rooftop, looking at the sky together. Sungyeol has asked him to speak, only with the two of them. Sungyeol probably wants to ask a lot of things about Myungsoo, since Myungsoo won’t tell him himself. Sungyeol is Myungsoo’s best friend, the one person Myungsoo tells everything. It’s weird, hearing that Myungsoo won’t tell a thing to Sungyeol, making him wonder how much Myungsoo will close himself off from other people.

“So, Myungsoo only tells me that you two are kind of dating right now.” Sungyeol says, half-smiling. Sungyeol has been the first person who knows about Myungsoo’s crush on Sunggyu. It might be because Myungsoo tells him, or maybe Sungyeol just can sense it. Sungyeol is a far more perceptive person than people give him credits for.

“Yeah—kind of.”

Kind of, because they never really define their relationship even though both of them have confessed to each other.

“Don’t you dare hurt him, if you ever hurt him I’m going to kill you and feed your flesh to dogs.” Sungyeol says. He sounds like he is joking, but Sunggyu won’t be surprised if Sungyeol will really do those things if Sunggyu hurts Myungsoo. But Sunggyu will probably punish himself before Sungyeol ever get to him if he ever hurts Myungsoo.

“I won’t hurt him, I promise.”

They are silent for a while, staring at nothingness before Sungyeol asks again, “So…how is he now? He won’t be honest with me, now. It feels like a lot have changed when I’m gone.”

It’s true, a lot of things have changed. Sunggyu wonders if it will be better if Woohyun, Hoya, and Sungyeol were here when everything happens. It would probably be better, since they have more people to comfort each other. He wondered what they’re feeling, being stuck in military while knowing that their friend is probably half-dying.

“The Alzheimer thankfully haven’t progressed, he doesn’t relapse a lot, so far it feels…normal.”

Not exactly normal, but they still can live easily. It feels like they can have a lot of times before everything starts to go downhill.

“This .” Sungyeol says, “Everything .”

Sunggyu chuckled, “I know, right?”

“It’s so frustrating! I want to help him and shoo away that alz-thingy but I can’t do anything! God !” Sungyeol rants, now going back to looking and sounding childish. Sunggyu wonders how hearing Sungyeol rants can feel nice, because it feels nice now. It’s like finally, there is something that doesn’t change.

“Let’s just be there for him, he is going to need us more later.”

“I know that, you don’t need to tell me.” Sungyeol pouts, and then his voice falters again, “He and Sungjong is supposed to enter military now. Myungsoo is lucky he can skip that hell.”

Sunggyu knows that Sungyeol is trying to joke, even though in the end it doesn’t feel funny. The plan was that after the three finished their services, Myungsoo and Sungjong are going to start theirs, with Sungjong entering one year earlier than he is supposed to be. But now Myungsoo is exempted from it because his condition, making Sungjong delays his enlistment too, since there is no reason for him to enter earlier. The company releases an article about Myungsoo’s exemption, citing an illness as a reason, without really mentioning what the illness is. They’re not lying.

Sunggyu doesn’t read the internet often nowadays, but he can guess that netizens must be guessing what his illness is, maybe thinking that Myungsoo is dying (it’s not Myungsoo who is really dying, it’s Myungsoo’s mind) or he won’t be surprised if they think that Myungsoo and the company is lying, especially when their comeback is announced and they see Myungsoo looking healthy on stage.

But really, that’s the least of their concerns right now.

“Okay, you need to stop taking a rest now, go practice your lines and dances.” Sunggyu scolds Sungyeol, “Work hard for the comeback.”

It might be the last comeback they will ever have as seven.

___________

They made a comeback as a complete seven 3 months later, a little later than they expected.

The reception to their new songs are pretty nice, just like how it’s usually been, but people are really wondering why Myungsoo can comeback if he’s sick. They try to block any question about Myungsoo’s illness if people start asking questions about it, while Myungsoo can only stay silent and let the other protect him. They decide not to do a lot of live interviews because the questions can be unexpected and it can be hard for Myungsoo, while for variety shows only a few boys go.

But those things aren’t the hardest things, the hardest thing for them is watching Myungsoo being scared before a performance. Singing his lines again and again, making sure he remembers the lyrics and the tunes right, making sure that the dances is on the right part. The choreography is very simple for this comeback and Myungsoo doesn’t get many parts to sing, but Myungsoo is still afraid to go on a stage. Sunggyu understands Myungsoo’s feeling, but he can’t imagine how scared the boy must be.

It’s their third week promotion now, having gone through the comeback week and second week without much problems. There are only three weeks left in their promotion period, but Myungsoo’s scares don’t ease. He has been trying extra hard to focus, making himself tired mentally. Sunggyu can only help by helping Myungsoo to practice, by reminding him to take his medicines. Sunggyu feels utterly helpless, and it .

“Myungsoo?” Sunggyu nudges Myungsoo’s shoulder, trying to get attention.

Myungsoo looks at him and says, “Yes?”

This is the first time Myungsoo doesn’t go through his lines and dances, only sits down and reading his notebook. Myungsoo has started writing everything down on a notebook Sunggyu gave to him, writing what he should do today, their schedules, everything that needs to be remembered. Sunggyu wonders if Myungsoo doesn’t worry anymore, but that seems impossible. It’s only a few performances before it’s their turn to perform, and Sunggyu suddenly feels more worries.

 “Let’s prepare, we’re going to perform soon.”

“Perform? Aren’t we going to do the short interview first?”

Myungsoo tilts his head to the side, trying to remember. Sunggyu’s heart falls and he suddenly feels a little panic.

“We have done the interview thirty minutes ago, Soo.” Sunggyu explains, trying to sound as calm as possible. He can see realizations wash over Myungsoo’s face, Sunggyu feels that his heart break a little.

“Oh—I…think I forget to mark the interview…I haven’t practiced…” Myungsoo starts to panic too, and Sunggyu has to calm himself to try to calm Myungsoo, “I don’t think I will be able to remember? Will I be able? How if I forget on stage? I shouldn’t perform, right? I shouldn’t, I will ruin it!”

Myungsoo starts to get frantic and ramble, Sunggyu has to quickly hold Myungsoo’s hands. Sunggyu calls Myungsoo’s names repeatedly until Myungsoo is focused on him and stop talking. Sunggyu cup Myungsoo’s head on his hand so Myungsoo will not be distracted and only listens to him.

“It’s okay, you will do well, and we still have a few minutes, want to rehearse your lines with me?”

Myungsoo nods, while he can see Sungyeol looking at them. They stare at each other for a second and Sunggyu knows that Sungyeol realizes what is happening. Sungyeol leaves, probably trying to help the situation by doing something. Maybe asking for more time for them to prepare.

“I wonder if this pain has an expiration date—“ Sunggyu starts to sing and Myungsoo’s follow him, there is a little relief on his face, “—I wonder if it’s my due date to leave,  forgetting everything—“

They sing for a while until they’re called by the others to stand beside the stage. Myungsoo looks extra nervous, so Sunggyu holds his hands tightly, reminding him that he is here and will help him. They wait until they’re told to enter the stage and get into positions. Sunggyu can tell that Myungsoo is trying hard to focus, trying hard not to forget even though he actually can’t control it. He keeps watching Myungsoo, watching him tremble and getting nervous every time his part is near, face getting paler as the performance goes on.

Sunggyu starts to wonder, if making Myungsoo stays and perform is actually crueler than letting him go.

___________

They wrap up their promotions without much hindrances, winning a few times (they cries harder when they win now) and did all performances nicely, even though Myungsoo didn’t join them several times, either because he has an appointment with his doctor or because he is sick. Sunggyu is glad, though, that they are able to spend a lot of times with Myungsoo.

But then again, his feeling is right that that is their last comeback as seven.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” said Myungsoo, several days after their last performance. Sunggyu doesn’t say much, because he can see how tired Myungsoo is, being scared all the time that he will screw up, freaking out every time he forgets something important. At least Myungsoo is still staying at the dorm, even though he probably won’t do much anymore as a member of INFINITE.

“Are you mad?” Myungsoo asks now, when they are lying on Sunggyu’s bed, cuddling.

“Of course not.” I will never be able to get mad at you, “It’s okay, I know you are tired.”

“When Jongie enlists…I think I will leave too.” Myungsoo says. He buries his head on Sunggyu’s neck, trying to find comfort. “Is it okay?”

After having lapses more often—sometimes forgetting what he’s doing 15 minutes ago, forgetting the names of things, people’s names and faces—Myungsoo is half giving up again. But Sunggyu can’t even convince him to still fight and perform anymore, because if he does, he will only make Myungsoo suffers more.

“It’s okay.”

Maybe it’s time for Myungsoo to rest from being an idol. It has been almost a decade since he became an idol. Myungsoo is never tired of being an idol, he enjoys it even though it comes with a lot of prices. But, he can’t be an idol forever. Sunggyu wonders if he is accepting this too easily, too readily. Maybe he has been unknowingly preparing himself for the inevitable.

“Can we do a concert?” Myungsoo asks again, “Before I leave, I want to say goodbye.”

That’s actually a good idea. They haven’t held a concert since a long time ago and a concert is an appropriate thing to do. But the thing is, will Myungsoo be okay? Having to concentrate for a two hour concert will be tiring, the practice will be tiring too.

“I promise I will do well,” Myungsoo continues, “I will practice from now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I don’t think I will be able to really rest if I don’t do it.”

“Let’s ask the other members later, I will ask the sajang-nim too.”

Myungsoo smiles and gives Sunggyu a light peck on the lips. Sunggyu hugs Myungsoo tighter, enjoying the warmth from his body. Sunggyu is not a very touchy person, but he enjoys hugging Myungsoo a lot.

Suddenly, Sunggyu gets an idea.

“Hey, let’s do a short vacation together,” Sunggyu says, he feels excited by the idea, “Only two of us.”

Myungsoo looks at Sunggyu with disbelief, but then with happiness. When Sunggyu thinks about it, they never really go on a vacation together, only going to other countries and place to work.

“Really? But where?”

“I will take you anywhere you want,” Sunggyu says, “as long as I can afford it.”

Myungsoo laughs.

“Let’s do it.”

___________

The concert plan is accepted without much fuss, Sunggyu can’t help but be grateful that they have a CEO who understands them. The members want to do the concert too, so they start planning about the concert. They start practicing, even Dongwoo and Hoya, who are actually preparing INFINITE H’s come back. The concert is going to be held in the middle of INFINITE H’s comeback, two weeks before Sungjong’s enlistment, and they will do their usual routines for the concert.

They will announce the concert as Sungjong’s farewell concert, even though in the end, Myungsoo will say goodbye too.

“Stop distracting me!”

Sunggyu hears Sungjong’s yell in the middle of practice, and then watch him hitting Woohyun for whatever Woohyun did. He sees Myungsoo and Dongwoo laughing together, while Sungyeol and Woohyun starts to annoy Sungjong. Sunggyu smiles, realizing that he has started missing this kind of sight. Not that this sight will be unseen anymore, he is sure that he will see this several times in the next few months.

Sunggyu only wishes that it will be years before it cannot be unseen anymore.

___________

They start the concert by performing Back.

Myungsoo is trying to be happy for the whole day, trying his best to always smile and not let the fact that he is going to go away cloud the day. Sunggyu can see the crack between his smiles, though, when he is not in front of everyone else. Myungsoo is trying hard to stay lucid, to stay focused for the whole concert. They all know that there is a big chance that something will go wrong today—but they’re willing to take a risk.

Everyone else is trying to smile too, trying to convince themselves that today is a good day. Sunggyu is frustrated that he can’t do anything about it, he can’t even convince himself that he can be happy today.

The concert is going smoothly, unexpectedly. Sunggyu finds himself keep glancing around to Myungsoo, making sure that the boy is okay. But nothing goes wrong, they keep performing just like how they usually do. They have done a lot of performances, a lot of concerts. A one or two year break is nothing for the rest of them, yet today is the day they give all of them out.

Two hours feels like only two minutes, because suddenly everyone has done performing and now they are performing their last song, Together. It actually feels both so wrong and so right singing it at times like this.

When the songs ends, there is silence from them before Sungjong takes over by starting to speak, saying his goodbye first. The rest of them should speak too, but honestly they don’t know what they are going to say.

They’re all trying to hold their tears from falling too easily, because they know what is coming. Sunggyu doesn’t want to cry, yet. Actually, he doesn’t want to cry at all. Sunggyu feels like his time with Myungsoo is going to be over soon, after Myungsoo’s time with inspirits is over. Sunggyu knows, that INFINITE won’t be able to be together forever, but Sunggyu never thought before that INFINITE will be incomplete this soon.

Sungjong finishes his speech, before giving the mic to Myungsoo. Myungsoo doesn’t talk right away, taking time before he starts talking, trying to hold himself together. Myungsoo takes a look at Sunggyu, and then the others. Sunggyu gives him a nod, and then a sad smile.

So, Myungsoo starts talking.

“Maybe a lot of you have read about my illness, even though you don’t know what it is. Don’t worry, I’m not dying.” Myungsoo laughs a little, while the audience is now silent, “Have you heard about Alzheimer?”

No one is answering.

“I have it, I was diagnosed with it more than a year ago,” it’s actually almost two years, “now I forget things really easily.”

Dongwoo starts crying, and Sunggyu has to hold him so he won’t sobs hysterically. They start to hold each other’s hand, giving strength to each other. They have cried a thousand times at a concert, but most of those cries are cries of gratefulness. But this time, they cry because they’re sad, because they feel sorry.

“I’m sorry…for not telling you all about this, I’m sorry that I can’t stay any longer, I won’t be able to perform with INFINITE again from now on, but INFINITE is still here.” But INFINITE is not really INFINITE without a member. “I’m sorry, that I can’t promise that I will remember you all because I won’t even be able to remember that I promise you something.”

The others start to cry now. Hearing Myungsoo saying things like that hurts them, it feels like the reality is crushing them again.

“But thank you, for the supports you have been giving me, for being with me for a long time.” Myungsoo starts to break down, “Really…thank you, thank you for everything, thank you…”

Myungsoo bows, while the members approach him. Sunggyu lets Myungsoo cries in his shoulder, hiding him from the world. The other bows too, saying their gratitude before they all starts going back, crying and not saying anything.

The closing song starts to blast.