Baekhyun struggled to keep his cool. Chanyeol was watching him, eyes dead focused on the screen of his camcorder. He played with his fingers. He needed to leave. He was gonna get caught.

He started to shift his weight to stand up, and Chanyeol eyed him. He fell under his gaze and sat back down. No escape.

He tried scooting slowly towards the door. The camera followed him. He scooted back to his seat.

He tried sending telepathic messages to Minseok, who Baekhyun could see sitting in his Ferrari, parked right in front of the store. Baekhyun waved and would’ve gotten Minseok’s attention, if not for his unfaltering eye contact with Luhan.

He gave up and stood. He was leaving.

But Chanyeol saw him and pounced, stopping Baekhyun abruptly in his tracks by slamming his hand against the wall in front of him. Baek froze.

Chanyeol peered at him, leaning closer, all with the intention of intimidating him into surrender. But Baek saw a giant in an ILLEGAL snapback leaning in to kiss him.

He screamed and pushed Chanyeol’s face away, falling back and yelling, “Okay!” He looked petrified. “I’ll return all the hats I stole, just leave me alone you pedo!”

Chanyeol gaped. He couldn’t believe it. “Oh my God.” He looked at his camera. “I just recorded it. You…” Realization struck him. “YESSSS!” He picked up the camera and manhandled Baekhyun out of Happy Virus Hats. “Come on, Baekhyun,” he said. “We’re sending your to jail.”

Sehun locked Baekhyun’s Grandmother’s car and followed Tao back into the general store. “Did you see her haircut?”

Tao laughed. “She looked like Cruella De Vil. It was fabulous.”

“Do you think anyone noticed our wigs?”

“They’d better have.” Tao posed. “Otherwise they’re missing out.”

They had been waiting two hours for Jongdae’s manservants to call, and still nothing. So they went to Starbucks in their wigs and came back with Frappuccionos. Sehun waved at Lay on his way into the shop. “Hey, can you go get some air freshener for the car? I’d do it myself but I’m supposed to ‘work’.” he scrunched up his nose. “It smells like bingo night.”

Lay nodded and left the medicine isle to run his errand. He passed Minseok and Luhan, who were engaged in conversation in a red Ferrari, and entered the empty auto-repair shop. He looked around for car fresheners and froze when he saw an unexpected entity curled up in the far corner of the shop.

Looking at him with wide, open eyes, was a massive seventy-pound Labrador retriever.

Luhan huffed and bit into his croissant. “I can’t believe he didn’t even care.”

“It’s okay,” Minseok said, patting his shoulder. “He was probably too focused on Tao.”

Luhan gawked. “I lost my number one fanboy to Tao??!” They were sitting in Minseok’s car, eating breakfast foods while they waited for Jongdae’s slaves to call back.

Minseok chuckled. “Don’t worry, Lu-ge, you still have me. I’ll be your number one fan.”

Under normal circumstances, Luhan would’ve looked touched and said Thanks Baozi, but today he waved it off. “Yeah, yeah.” He turned to the backseat. “So how come we have to sell feathered boas?”

The older shrugged. “Feathered boas are in this year. Besides, the gays guys in this strip mall will die for it.”

Kyungsoo led a blindfolded Jongin around his shop. He crossed the counter and brought him to the back room.

Ah, the back room. The most prominent spot to find Kyungsoo on a regular day, yet the most undefined existence in this strip mall.

What did it look like, the den where Kyungsoo spent most of his time?

Kyungsoo cleared his throat and pulled the blindfold off the nervous Jongin, and presented his masterpiece.

Jongin gasped. The whole room, every inch and every nook and cranny, every centimeter of the space was covered.

SpongeBob merch. Lots of it.

The walls were plastered in posters and calendars and a star-shaped Patrick clock and even a map of Bikini Bottom. The desk was yellow and sponge-themed, with a delicate assortment of SpongeBob stationary and a Carol computer.

There was a bookshelf of plushies and Krusty Krabs’ snowglobes and an actual-size Plankton figurine. Even the floors were covered in a flowery ‘One Hundred Krabby Patties Later’ carpet.

The shrine was almost inspiring. Kyungsoo looked like his child had just debuted.

“Kai, meet my SpongeBob family.”

Jongin looked emotional. “It’s beautiful.” He wiped an incoming tear. “I-I just can’t believe you did this…”

Kyungsoo put a hand on his heart. He leaned against the wall, trying with all his might to conceal something behind him. Luckily Jongin didn’t notice.

Kai squealed at a pile of neatly folded t-shirts. “Can I wear one?!”

D.O beamed. Seconds later they both were dressed in matching shirts, Kyungsoo wearing an annoyingly yellow SpongeBob shirt and Jongin, the matching Patrick. Kyungsoo kept his back against the wall.

Jongin noticed and raised an eyebrow. “D.O, what’s that behind you?”

“Nothing.” He replied too fast.

“No, really, I wanna see…” Jongin moved to look behind the shop owner. Kyungsoo put up a fight and extended his leg oddly and fell, revealing the sparkly bronze poster of Beyonce’s ‘I Am...Sasha Fierce’ album cover.

Kyungsoo tried to explain but his voice trailed off as he let the damage sink in.

Jongin looked deadpan at the poster on the wall and nodded. “Same.”

Lay tried his best to stay still. The dog stared him down. He snapped.

He turned around for the exit abruptly, slamming into a wooden cabinet. A can of paint on the top shelf staggered, and Lay gulped as it tipped down, pouring orange paint over his shoulders. He sputtered and tripped, and the paint jar clanked against the ground.

The dog perked up.

They looked at each other cautiously for a split second, before the dog barked and terrified Yixing broke into a run.

He pushed past the doors of the shop and tripped onto the sidewalk. Jongin’s dog came after him, and Lay sprinted six laps around the mall with the Labrador at his heels.

He ran past Junmyeon, who didn’t notice, and eventually Chanyeol and Baekhyun, who were just leaving the hat shop. They didn’t seem to care.

He wasn’t looking ahead, but in his path, Luhan and Minseok carried boxes of feathery boas, discussing the loss of a much-valued fanboy.

Lay dashed and slammed into Luhan’s box, ignoring the several feathery boas wrapped around his paint-covered body and running off insanely into the distance.

Yifan rested his chin on the counter and pouted. “You know, sometimes I wonder if you live in a cornfield.”

Tao sighed. “Why’s that?”

“Because I’ve been stalking you.”

Sehun put his phone down and burst out laughing. “Oh, isn’t that right.”

Tao rolled his eyes and packed a box of donuts for the cop. “How come you aren’t in uniform today?”

Yifan shrugged. He was wearing a white button-down shirt and jeans. “It’s my day off.”

“And you came here anyway?” Sehun said, third-wheeling the conversation. “Tell me, how does that work?”

Yifan was about to retort, when the shop doors smashed open and Chanyeol came stumbling in, holding Baekhyun in a startling headlock.

“I CAUGHT HIM. WHAT DID I TELL YOU, YIFAN? I. CAUGHT. HIM.”

“No evidence, no verdict-”

“Here’s your petty evidence!” Chanyeol stuffed a video camera into Yifan’s hands, and the cop fell back a bit, knocking over a cup of cranberry juice and spilling it intelligently over his ivory shirt.

He sputtered and Sehun groaned. “My juice…”

Chanyeol didn’t see nor did he give a . “QUICK YIFAN HANDCUFF HIM.”

Tao tch-ed. “It’s his day off.”

“THEN DO YOU HAVE TAPE OR ROPE.”

“No, we don’t sell that here.”

“BUT YOU SELL NAIL CLIPPERS AND ADVIL.”

“Hey, hey, I don’t make the grocery lists.”

“WHAT KIND OF DRUG STORE DOESN’T HAVE TAPE?”

“We might have something you can tie him up with, though.” Tao nodded at Sehun, and he got up and spun through the isles.

“We have cheese and fruit roll-ups.”

“Give him the roll-ups.”

Sehun gave a thumbs up and came back carrying a basket of fruit rollups. He and Tao took their time shredding off the wrappers, while Yifan went through the evidence and Chanyeol held Baekhyun in a firm grip. Baekhyun, at this point, just looked tired.

Next thing they knew, Baekhyun was wrapped tightly in a thick layer of fruit roll-up around his body. It was even tied firmly around his mouth. The whole get-up used about twenty-eight packs.

At that moment, Luhan strolled into the shop. When he saw Baekhyun’s position and the wigged boys refilling a jug of cranberry juice and a troubled Yifan soaked in something blood red, and Chanyeol looking the happiest he’d ever been, he guffawed.

He held his stomach and leaned against the wall, laughing. Baekhyun glared at him.

“Where’s your ex?” Tao called, pouring juice in a cup for Sehun.

“He had some order to pick up.” Luhan shrugged. “Beats me.”

“WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS BOX OF UNHEAVENLY DESIREABLES?” Chanyeol said, handing Baekhyun over to Luhan and falling over to the morning’s special order.

“Oh, that’s just an order of wigs that came this morning. I’d be careful though, they kinda-” Sehun put a hand over Sailor Tao’s mouth and shook his head. Tao grinned. “Why don’t you try one on?”

“I WANT THIS ONE.” Chanyeol picked up a fuzzy blue afro. He took off his hat and slipped into the wig. He repositioned the hat on top and winked, running his fingers along his sideburns.

Yifan saw, and set the camcorder on the counter to try one too. Luhan bit his lip and Sehun and Tao held in their giggles. He picked up a long, straight purple wig with a black fedora attached to it. He put it on.

“Oh, my God, Tao check me out.”

“I’m checking.” Tao said, snickering as he snapped a covert picture of Yifan’s ridiculous pose. The cop and the hat shop owner both tried to take their wigs at the same time. Both let the realisation hit them at the same time.

“WHY WON’T IT COME OFF?”

“Tao I’m stuck.”

“THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING.”

“Tao, help me.”

“IT’S STUCK.”

“Tao help.”

“WHY?”

“Tao.”

Sehun handed Tao a twenty dollar bill and sipped his juice, and Tao took another photo.

Minseok drove into the strip mall and parked in his usual spot. His sleek red Ferrari cruised in and he stepped a designer label dress shoe out of the car. He slammed the red door and walked towards the drug store. He was wearing a navy blue tuxedo and shades, and if it wasn’t for the meter-high green spikes on his head, he would’ve looked kinda cool.

He breezed into the drug store and breezed out as soon as he saw the commotion. Luhan grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back.

“Since when do you have the cash for a tux?”

“Since all you little ies kept losing bets to me.”

“Ahh,” Luhan nodded and turned to the crowd of people in the shop. “Wig still stuck?”

Minseok sighed. “The people at Armani wouldn’t take me seriously with this abomination glued to my scalp.”

“Sounds rough.” Luhan said, obnoxiously flipping his long, brown, removable wig. Minseok glared.

Just then, the doors swung open and then slammed closed, and Advil Lay came racing in. He was covered head to toe in flashy orange paint and wrapped like a Christmas tree in multicolored feathery boas.  “IT’S AFTER ME!” He shrieked. The room silenced and everyone turned to him.

“You’ve been awfully chipper lately, haven’t you, Advil ‘the Rock’ Lay?” Tao said, slurping his juice. “What’s the occasion?”

But Lay was too shaken to answer. He marched around the counter and knocked on the door to the back room. Someone inside giggled. “What’s the paassswoorddd~”

Lay took a deep breath. “Kai plus D.O equals besties.”

Kyungsoo gasped. “How did he know?”

“That kid hears everything.”

The door creaked open and Jongin poked his head out. “Yeah?”

Lay opened his mouth to speak and then furrowed his eyebrows. “I forgot.”

History had been outdone and a new era had begun, when the most unheard of occurrences had played out for the first time in the world.

Kim Junmyeon sauntered over and pushed through the doors of Kyungsoo’s General Store.

Jaws dropped and eyes almost popped out of heads, and even Kyungsoo and Jongin abandoned the back room, and Tao spit out his juice and Sehun’s fruit rollup fell out of his mouth. Yifan and Chanyeol forgot about their wigs and Baekhyun couldn’t react much, all tied up.

Yifan pranced towards his friend. “Myeonnie! What are you doing here?!”

Junmyeon dodged him as he came soaring over. Yifan ran into the door. “Don’t touch me. .”

“Myeonnie…” Yifan sniffled.

Jongdae, too, chose that moment to walk in. He stopped in his tracks at the sight of the homeless man.

“Oh my God, no.” He his heal to leave, but was stopped by Luhan and Minseok, who stood by the door.

“Did your slaves call back yet?” Sehun questioned.

“Not yet. Georgie said it will take a while.” Jongdae walked around the counter and put his arm around Tao. Sehun and Yifan scowled at him, but he was only there to get closer to the cash register.

“It’s Jinki.”

“What will take a while?” Junmyeon asked. Nobody answered. Kyungsoo coughed.

For the first time in the history of the strip mall, all twelve gays guys were in the same room.

Somehow a few minutes later, they were all standing in a row atop a hill in the middle of nowhere, looking out into the sunset even though it was just 3 PM a while ago.

Jongdae ran a finger through his hair. “So I hear Jonas can teleport.”

“Is that how we got here?”

“Who’s Jonas?”

“Kai? You can teleport?”

“I can?”

“Who’s Kai?”

Luhan looked at Minseok’s suit for the eighth time. “I really like that tux…”

“Want me to buy you a dress to match?” Minseok smirked.

“No.”

“A corsage, then? I know you like roses.”

Luhan was silent. “White roses, then. Not yellow ones.”

Minseok laughed.

Tao looked at the sunset and whipped out his phone. “Sehun, quick, take a picture of me in front of the sky.”

Sehun took the phone and focused the camera. “Ooh, move a little to the right, I can’t see you over the sun.”

Tao scooched. Sehun snapped the picture. “Use the Valencia filter.”

“No, Instagram filters . Use LOMO.”

“Kay.”

Sehun moved to see Tao’s phone screen over his shoulder, knocking Baekhyun with his elbow. The poor guy, so ferociously wrapped up in fruit roll-ups, had no means of stabilization as he tumbled over and rolled downhill in a fit of muffled screaming.

Chanyeol gasped, “You’re letting him get away!” And brainlessly dove after him, rolling like a pencil down the hill.

Yifan cleared his throat, dragging the attention back to Junmyeon.

Junmyeon waited impatiently for Chanyeol to shove Baekhyun back uphill and stand him upright beside Sehun.

“My boys, look how far you’ve come since first starting work at the strip mall.”

Everyone nodded silently.

“You’ve overcome many obstacles.”

Nods.

“You’ve made many new friends.”

Nods.

“All because you believed.”

“I think I’m gonna hurl.” Sehun said, putting a hand over his mouth. Tao laughed.

It was an odd sight, indeed. Twelve men in their early twenties lined up on a hill, looking off into a sudden sunset.

One wore a ratty Patrick star t-shirt and a shimmery beaded charm bracelet around his wrist. Another wore a matching bracelet with a SpongeBob shirt.

Beside him, a guy in a million dollar suit and shades perched on his head and a spiky high green wig. On his right, a guy in a Japanese school uniform and spontaneous dream catcher earrings.

 Then a guy in a red-stained button-down shirt and purple fedora-wig, followed by a homeless man in a Hawaiian shirt, and a bare-chested millionaire in swim trucks and a shark-tooth necklace.

On his left was a guy rolled up irregularly in fruit roll-up, now with grass in his hair and tears in his eyes, and on his left, a guy with a fuzzy blue afro and an ILLEGAL snapback perched on top.

Then came Sailor Moon’s depressing cosplayer and the human incarnation of SNSD’s Hyoyeon in the music video for ‘I Got a Boy’.

Junmyeon’s monologue was interrupted by someone’s obnoxious ringtone.

Gurae WOLF Naega WOLF

Awooo~

Jongdae answered his phone. There was a long pause as someone on the other end spoke, and his eyes widened. He turned to Junmyeon.

“WAIT, YOU WERE THE LEADER OF A TWELVE MEMBER BOYBAND?!”

-

That's it, folk. It's done. 

Over. 

Poof.

But. How did you like it? Goood?

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