The first thing Kyungsoo did when his package arrived was run to the gas station.

“Kai, Kai, look look look,” he held out the box to his friend. “My final order of SpongeBob merch arrived!”

Jongin looked at the box and huffed. He went back to work.

Kyungsoo crinkled his eyebrows. “Kai…?”

Nothing. Jongin wouldn’t even look and Kyungsoo.

“Are you mad? Is it because I cheated in rock paper scissors?”

Jongin nodded furiously, still not saying a word and not meeting his eyes.

“Awe, c’mon, Jongin, it’s not that big of a deal.”

Jongin gasped. Kyungsoo did too, realizing what he’d said.

“Uh-I mean Kai. Kai.”

“Okay, Kyungsoo.” Jongin snarled.

D.O looked like he’d been shot. “Kai, don’t be like this…”

But Jongin ignored him and walked away.

Luhan slammed his hand down on the hood of Minseok’s car. “That’s it. I’ve had it. I’m going on strike.”

Minseok’s head shot up. He was sitting in the car, slurping noodles. “Seriously?!”

“I will,” Luhan paused. “Break up with my boyfriend!”

“With Xiumin?” Luhan nodded.

“In front of Sehun.”

“…Won’t that just be your loss?”

Luhan scoffed. “Pfft. Then I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him that you’re Xiumin.”

“That I’m your boyfriend?”

“NO you dumb.” Luhan said. “That Xiumin doesn’t exist and that I’m a single guy.”

Minseok choked. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would.”

“Wait, Luhan-” But Luhan had already started running for the drug store. Minseok abandoned his noodles and chased after him, catching him just as he reached the gas station. He grabbed him by the waist and tried dragging him back. Luhan protested, flailing his arms and trying his best to inch towards the drug store, but Minseok’s strong hold ended up pulling him back to the car.

“Wha- just give it up!” Luhan said. “I’m gonna expose you.”

“Uh, no. I wanna expose me too.”

“…” Luhan was quiet. “What?”

“Ahem.” Minseok cracked his knuckles and explained the plan.

Chanyeol watched closely as Baekhyun munched on his mini pizza. He was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall beside him and watching the culprit closely.

He inched closer. Baekhyun didn’t notice. He inched again. He didn’t notice. Chanyeol inched closer for the last time, until his and Baek’s knees were touching.

Baekhyun froze. He moved away. Chanyeol moved closer. He tried to shake it off and finish his pizza, and Chanyeol took action.

He yawned, stretching out his arms, and then cliché-ly, stealthily, he put his arm around Baekhyun, who gulped.

Holy . Baek felt his heart pound. Why is my heart doki-doki-ing?

Chanyeol had his arm around the culprit’s shoulders, and he pulled himself closer awkwardly. Now what?

Baekhyun tried to control his heart. What the hell why am I blushing?

Oh, my god, is he blushing?

, I’m blushing like a Shoujo manga girl.

Chanyeol nervously tried to take his arms off the beagle’s shoulders, and the minute he hid, Baekhyun crawled away at full speed. He sat down with his pizza on the other side of the store and shivered.

He looked at the shop owner, who was staring at him intensely. Unable to shake off the discomfort, he shot up like a missile and left the shop.

Chanyeol followed him out, grabbed a hoodie from the shop and initiated plan B.

Coming up behind Baekhyun who was standing in the parking lot, looking at his phone, he gently draped the hoodie over Baekhyun’s shoulders, like he’d seen them do in the dramas.

Baekhyun looked terrified and unimpressed. “It’s literally 50 degrees out here,” he said. “Get an education.”

“So, y’know my boyfriend Xiumin? Yeah, he’s actually a gambling named Kim Minseok.”

Sehun raised his eyebrows. “Really? Wow, you have bad taste.” He tapped Tao’s shoulder. Tao stood up and grinned. “Check out our matching t-shirts!”  

They both posed, showing off their matching “My s are Bigger than Yours” t-shirts. It was pretty cool except Sehun’s was mistyped “My Bobos are Bigger than Yours.”

Luhan laughed nervously and left.

Seconds later, he stormed into the drug store, his long brown girl-hair flowing behind him. 

“Minseok, I told you a billion times, get the hell away from me.”

“Babe, c’mon, don’t be like that.” Minseok followed after.

Tao and Sehun were at the cash register, in deep conversation about Versace vs Gucci. They stopped to watch the scene play out.

“You creep!” Luhan shrieked. He picked up a toilet paper roll from one of the shelves and chucked it at Minseok.

“Oh, oh it’s on.” Minseok picked up a candy bar and it hit Luhan’s shoulder.

Luhan threw a can of pineapples, and luckily Minseok dodged. Appliances and snacks flew back and forth between the two, and Tao whispered to Sehun, “Who’s gonna tell the boss?”

“Look here, you miserable gambler,” Luhan said. “Xiumin. I’m so done with you!”

“Do I look like I care, ? Do. I. Look. Like. I. Care?”

“Agh, you stinky…” He threw a bag of chips.

“…ugly…” A bento.

“… boyfriend!” He finished with Advil, and poor Lay stood there watching, all in slow motion, as his Advil soared above the isles and landed smack beside Minseok’s foot.

He let out a sob. Nobody cared.

“That’s it. We. Are. OVER.” Minseok dramatically threw up his hands and left the store, and Luhan looked at the two bewildered employees.

“Boss will kill us.”

“Where is he, anyway?”

“See that green lump in the corner? That’s him.”

“Woah, what happened?”

“Fight with Jongin, I think.”

“Damn.”

Luhan scoffed. They didn’t even notice. Minseok ran back in to see the effects of his acting. But Tao and Sehun were more focused on their own conversation.

“Man, do you think he’ll be mad?” Sehun said, assessing the damage.

“I dunno. He’s too depressed to notice.” Tao ran a hand through his hair. “By the way, Minseok, Luhan, did you guys notice our shirts?”

 “Tell me, Senuh,” Minseok raised an eyebrow, reading the shirt. “Are you like, prone to typos?”

Sehun didn’t even hear him. “Oh my god, Tao the lemon juice on the walls is shaped like a heart. Quick, take my picture with it.”

Tao scurried to take his picture and Sehun posed, flashing a peace sign. “How’d you guys even get lemon juice on the walls?”

Luhan shrugged, and went back outside.

Kyungsoo crawled out of his corner and poked his head outside, where Jongin was busy sorting through tools. He tiptoed over awkwardly.

Jongin saw him but he pretended not to. Kyungsoo gulped. “Uh, Kai,” he tried. “Please, uh, f-f-forgive me.”

Silent treatment.

“I’ll do anything!” Kyungsoo suddenly wailed. “I’ll let you have stuff at my store for free!”

“…”

“I’ll let you shoot me with my lucky rifle!”

“…”

“I’ll even let you tune up my car! Whenever you want!”

“You don’t get it man.” Jongin said, swirling around. “I don’t want free stuff. I don’t want your car either.”

“You want to shoot me?”

“No.” Jongin sighed. “Bro. All I want is you.”

“Bro.”

They looked at each other for a minute and then launched into another brotherly hug.

“Kai…”

“D.O…”

“I think it’s time…”

“Time for what?”

“Kai, I think it’s time I introduced you to my SpongeBob family.”

 Tao and Sehun ignored the mess that had been made of the drug store and sorted through a new shipment of sellable goods. This week’s item was a bombard of colorful wigs.

Sehun squealed. “Check out this one, it’s a rainbow!” Sehun slipped into the wig. He flipped his – now shoulder-length – hair.

“Oh I want that one!” Tao reached for another. “Sailor Moon! There’s a Sailor Moon wig, oh my god.”

“Honey, you gotta try it on.”

“, check me out.” Tao posed like Sailor Moon. “In the name of the Moon, I’ll punish you!”

“Oh my God Tao you have to get a costume to match.” Sehun squeaked.

“Wait Boss has a Sailor Moon cosplay set in the storage room.”

“He does?”

“He has everything.”

“Oh.” Tao brought out a full costume and ran to change. He came out wearing the tiara, skirt and sailor uniform complete with his long blonde wig. He posed. “Draw me like one of your French girls.” He said.

“OH MY GOD WHAT ARE THOOOOOSE.” Minseok and Luhan were back – both with nothing better to do – and Minseok looked severely baffled at the sight of Sailor Tao.

“I’m Sailor Tao, champion of justice.” Tao moved his hands in the Sailor Moon stance. “And I’ll punish you!”

“I want one!” Minseok dived for the box of wigs and Luhan flipped his already waist length brown hair.

Minseok pulled out a green spiky wig that stuck straight up about a metre. “I want this one. I need this one.”

Soon 2 guys and one lady-guy-lady and Sailor Tao were prancing around a trashed drug store in multicolored wigs, doing the thing they did best.

“Lay, you should try one too, man.” Sehun called out to Lay, who was in the medicine isle and did not give a rat’s .

“No.” Lay took a minute to poke his head out and eyed the cluster of long-haired gentlemen. “Yes.”

He walked over and took out a long red wig that reached his waist.

Luhan looked at him and grinned. “That looks so rad brother can I have you.”

Lay scowled. He was still salty about Luhan’s oblivious disrespect for the Advil. He huffed and started to take off the wig.

It wouldn’t come off.

He yanked it and by the time his scalp felt like it was going to peel off, he realized the wig was stuck to him. “It’s glued on.”

“Huh?”

“IT’S GLUED ON.”

Sehun went pale. He tried taking off his rainbow hair and after nearly ripping his eyebrows off, he shrieked. “IT’S STUCK.”

Minseok and Tao tried, too. Minseok looked disgusted and Tao didn’t look that disappointed. Lay looked like was trying not to cry.

But mostly, Luhan was trying not to laugh. For the first time, he was grateful he’d brought his own wig.

“It’s okay guys, don’t panic.” Minseok said. “I heard Junmyeon was a hairstylist before he was a homeless man. He’ll know what to do!”

Tao looked at him. “No…Junmyeon was a carpenter.”

“I heard he was a pharmacist…”

“You guys are all stupid, he was a magician.” Sehun scoffed. “He told me himself.”

“Wait wait wait…he told me he was a hairstylist.” Minseok held up his hands in defense.

“But he told me he was a carpenter.” Sailor Tao twirled his long blonde wig. “Then what was he?”

Minseok jogged into Happy Virus Hats and yelled “Baekkie~ Heyy,” as he entered.

Baekhyun, who was hugging himself in the corner, waved. “Minnie~”

And then Minseok began explaining the dilemma.

“Wait, but Gramps told me he owned a pet shop.”

“Exactly.” Minseok scratched his head. “I mean, I can’t even remember what he was like before he was homeless. Can you?”

“I dunno man, I don’t remember anything from high school.” Baekhyun said, pushing away thoughts from his old high school days. “I dropped out of college.”

“You’re right…” Minseok snapped his fingers. “Does Chanyeol know?”

“Why would he?”

“They actually went to college together. Him, Junmyeon, Yifan, Jongin, Kyungsoo and Jongdae.”

“They did?”

Just then, Chanyeol walked out of the storage room, yawning. “Oh, hey Minseok.”

“Answer my question.” Minseok said, not bothering to greet the shop owner. “You knew Junmyeon in college, right?”

“Yeah, I saw him around.”

“Do you remember what he did after?”

Chanyeol nodded, smiling like a fool. “Of course! He…” he trailed off. “He…”

“You don’t know.” Baekhyun said flatly. “Nice.”

“No, no, wait! Gimme a second, I got this.” He pondered and paced around behind the counter, and finally slammed a hand on the desk. “I don’t know.”

“Wait, Minseok.” Baek turned to him. “What happened to your hair?”

Kyungsoo’s reaction to seeing his trashed convenience store was priceless. But Tao and Sehun (mostly just Sehun) were too panicked to record it. “Um, um…” Sehun looked for the words.

“What did that homeless man do before he became a homeless man?” Tao asked, no s given.

Kyungsoo didn’t hear him. “My Sailor Moon costume!” He screeched. “Where did you find it?!”

“That’s not the point.” Sehun said. “You knew him before, right?”

“Yeah, man so did you. We all went to the same high school.”

“I’m a dropout!”

“Whatever.”

“So, what was he?”

Kyungsoo looked over his shoulders, as if checking for eavesdroppers. “Listen up kids, I will tell you what I know. A while ago, I was in a situation, and that old man told me not to worry, because he was a paleontologist once. But then a few weeks later, I overheard him telling Kai he was a scuba diving instructor.” He hushed his tone dramatically. “Something’s fishy about that man.”

Tao and Sehun nodded furiously, and Sehun furrowed his eyebrows. “In what situation would you even need a paleontologist?”

“Shut up, Zitao, I’ll fire you.”

Tao scoffed. “But that was Sehun!”

When Luhan asked Jongin, his eyes widened immensely and he shook his head. “No way, nope. Don’t ask me.”

“What? Why not?”

“Look here, man.” Jongin said, stopping what he was doing to look the sales girl guy in the eye. “There is no point in concerning yourself with what that hillbilly was, is, or ever will be. Just thinking about it is a waste of time.”

“But-“

“No. That guy…I heard from Baekhyun who heard from Yifan who apparently heard from Junmyeon himself, that he was a previous assassin. He works for the dark side, I tell you.”

Luhan shuddered and nodded and decided it would be best not to ask Jongin any more questions. There was trauma behind those eyes.

The most intense confrontation of the evening, however, was when Lay went to go ask Kim Junmyeon himself.

He brought him a cupcake from the drug store and sat beside him awkwardly.

“Mr. Suho, it’s come to my attention that your background is very vague and misunderstood.” Lay said, in that terrifying Zhang Yixing way. Junmyeon was all ears, mostly because someone – even if it had to be Advil ‘the Rock’ Lay – was calling him Suho. “Can I ask what you did before your…misfortune?”

Junmyeon cleared his throat. “My boy, I can tell you whatever you want to know, just ask me. I’m your guardian.” He leaned back. “I was a kjsdlfjksdfjk.”

“What?”

“A gudhjkdfhiuakjndkj.”

“Was it different that time?”

“Of course not.”

Lay finished his cupcake and bowed (almost 130 degrees) and hopelessly wandered back the way he’d come.

Kyungsoo had finished cleaning his shop and now was tangled into the task of preparing his SpongeBob family for Jongin’s introduction.

Everything had to be perfect.

At that moment, Yifan strolled into the shop. “Where’s Tao?” He called, as if Tao would poof in and purr ‘here I am.’

“He and Sehun are on break.” Kyungsoo said. “They went for coffee.”

“In Baekhyun’s Grandmother’s van?”

“I think so.”

“Yikes.”

“Hey, Yifan.” Kyungsoo lowered his voice to a whisper. “Do you know what the homeless guy did before he got…y’know, homeless?”

Yifan mockingly answered in a matching whisper. “I’ll tell you in exchange for Tao’s phone number and apartment keys.”

“You’re trash.”

An hour later, Baekhyun, Tao, Sehun, Lay, Luhan, Minseok, and Chanyeol (who had work but didn’t want to be left out) were all gathered in the convenience store, huddled in a group meeting behind the bread isle.

“Kyungsoo doesn’t know.” Tao said.

“But he’s on to something,” Sehun finished.

“Well, Jongin’s emotionally scarred.” Luhan rubbed his temples. “He won’t talk about it.”

“Chanyeol’s an idiot.” Minseok said. Baekhyun nodded. So did Chanyeol.

Lay didn’t feel like sharing about his encounter and just shrugged when it was his turn to contribute. Kyungsoo left his merch for a minute and joined the conversation. “I think Yifan knows.” He said. “But Tao needs to be the one who asks.”

“Forget it.”

“Then we have no other choice.” Baekhyun gulped. “We have to ask him.”

Jongdae was sitting on a beach chair in the middle of the parking lot, wearing swim trunks and a shark tooth necklace. He wore no shirt, and you could see the “I Ain’t Bout Dat Lyf” tattoo (so obviously written in pen) on his chest.

Seven curious kids circled around him, blocking his sunlight. He pulled his sunglasses down and raised an eyebrow. “Well, if isn’t the Loser Squad. What brings you trick-or-treaters to my door? Also, nice look. Glad to know someone here has style." He gestured towards the wigs. 

Luhan cleared his throat. “You knew Hobo Junmyeon back in college, right? Before he became homeless?”

“Hobo Junmyeon? Is that what you’re calling him now, Luna?”

“It’s Luhan.”

“Uh-huh.” Jongdae reached under his chair and pulled out an open coconut with a straw in it. Inside, the liquid was green. “Yeah, I knew him. What of it?”

“What did he do?”

Jongdae thought. Everyone leaned in for the revelation. He shrugged. “I’ll have my slaves issue a background check on him.” He said, whipping a cellphone out from under his . He dialed a few numbers. “Hello? Jenny? Get one of my manservants to do a background check on Kim Junmyeon. And make it snappy.”

The person on the other end could be heard clear as day when he replied. “It’s Jinki.”

“Whatever.” Jongdae listened to the voice in the phone. “Okay, uh-huh. Gotcha.” He hung up.

“Well?”

“He said they’d get back to me in a few hours.”

There were some cheers and some groans, and everyone filed out and headed back to their usual spots. They could only wait, now, for the answer to their greatest question. 

-

Okay, so, what is Junmyeon? xp This chapter is much longer than usual, and Chapter 10 will be, too.

Last one will be out in a few days! Thank you guys for all your nice comments! *^*

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ALSO please check out the new oneshot I wrote, Espresso Macchiato. 

Thank you again, for reading, ilysm <3