“You keep calling other people when I’m just right here
And you keep looking someplace else when I’m just right here
Why can’t it be me? You and me together instead
Wish you would find out, that it’s me”

You had your head resting on your fist, your elbow on your crossed legs while you watched him dance. He was always passionate about dancing, it was his one true love, it was– as you have told him “something he’ll love more than anything in the world”. Often, he would only give you that full toothed gummy smile as a reply. And that smile never fails to make your heart skip a beat and most of the time, it was that smile that often made you feel like you just finished running from a marathon. It would beat so fast and so loud that it would be banging against your ears are often left you wondering, does he hear it?

The music continued to play, it was smooth, it was quite relaxing and normally, it was the type of music that put you to sleep. But no this time. No, you were too mesmerized and you felt like your heart needed a break from the pace of it’s beating. You were the one seated down and watching but you felt as if it was you who had been dancing for hours rather than him.

This was the time of the day you loved the most. It didn’t matter if you were busy or had some place else to go. You would cancel because the late afternoons until the early evenings was the only time you looked forward to.

For years you had watched him from afar, he knew you and you knew him but nothing more than formal greetings or a smile down the hall or a small nod or bow when you walked passed by each other. It was only until your junior high years that gave you the chance to be closer to him.

You had always been into hiphop and rap but you were often too shy to even try it out so the supposed talent of yours, as your other friends would put it goes to “waste”. You had two really close friends growing up, both of them had influenced you into hiphop and both of them often joined underground rap battles or just participated in one quite a lot. You had a few of them that you idolized and would come with them to support the two and at the same time have a little bit of fangirling each time you saw Cheetah and ChoiSam. They were definitely two of your favorite female rappers.

It was one of those nights you were there to support Minyoung or better known as M-Zero and Hyeryeong or Kisum. It was one of those nights where you weren’t needed to be asked twice to come because you truly loved your friends and seeing them up onstage usually gave you thrill and happiness that they do something they love that didn’t even really require age limit which was quite the bonus.

You were backstage and they had managed to talk you into performing with them for once. It was an original composition they did that they had you do the singing parts originally as well so it wasn’t much of a struggle for on the spot performance anyway. No wonder they insisted on dressing you up tonight because they knew you be won’t be able to say no once you’re out there. Cutting the story short—Hoseok just had finished up with his own set of friends and immediately noticed you up onstage finding your face familiar. Then there was the way you seemed nervous at first until slowly loosening up and hyping the crowd with them, it was fun for you and as well as for him and the way the crowd cheered. You loved the feeling but you weren’t sure if it was something you’d be able to do again soon.

It was him who approached you at school the minute he laid eyes on you and your friends, he immediately remembered your faces as soon as he saw you in the gym during one of the assemblies. No wonder you were very familiar to him, how could he not have recognized a face he saw nearly every single day. Your friends nearly gave it away as they saw him approaching. It was often that he’d get to meet fellow underground hiphop enthusiasts and artists it was something nice, making new friends with the same interest felt good.

Only days had passed and yet you, your friends, hoseok and a very few others had already formed quite a close set of friends in school. You have also found yourself performing here and there a few times thanks to his encouragement ofcourse. Although the closer you got to him, you thought the feeling would pass but no. The closer you two got, the more you started falling for him. He was extremely nice, funny and passionate when it came to something he loved to do and one thing he loved more than rapping was dancing.

You grew extremely close throughout the few weeks to the point that he nearly overthrew your two bestfriends from the list because of the amount of time you and Hoseok spend together. You two didn’t exactly had too many things in common but it’s those differences that made him even more interesting in your eyes. You would even argue about the most ridiculous things that both your parents always felt like the two of you were kids.

It was college that had been the parting time for you and your other friends and incidentally only you and him chose the same school because of the degrees offered and thus giving you both even more reason to stick together even tho you both ran around in different majors.

The more you watched him, the more you felt your heart swell and constrict. You loved him for years and you have listened to those times he had told you about a few heartbreaks and that one time you swear you heard your own get torn at the words of his drunk heart. “Why can’t I just fall inlove with you instead?” That time during your freshman year in highschool, the first time he got dumped by a girl he greatly fell inlove with. All those times you watched him happy with her, you silently suffered. All those times you gave him your shoulder to cry on, if only he knew how much it hurt you as well.

You were always so ready to lend an ear to him. To wrap him in your embrace whenever he needed one, whether it be something to celebrate or something he needed someone to cry with. At times, the sadness was just too much and pain seemed as if it wasn’t something you can endure but everyday, every single day, just one smile from him made it seem like all the pain goes away and you start again with that little wish you always had since you became friends, that one day he’d start feeling the way you feel for him.

“Hoseok” You called out in that sweet soft voice that he liked to hear.

“Yeah?” He smiled at you wiping off the sweat from his forehead using the sleeve of his shirt. He had always been attractive in your eyes no matter what he did and no matter what silly face he made. You stared at him for more than a few seconds as you felt your heart quiver and your legs go weak. He never fails to make you feel this way.

You only smiled back and shook your head as you looked away, afraid that if you let your eyes wonder over his any longer, you’d be having all your blood rushing up to you face. And for a second there, you nearly slipped again. For the hundredth time, you nearly told him how you felt. Shaking your head, you just smiled at him again as you regained composure. “Nothing” You chuckled and pretended to be fine.

Often times you wonder, will he ever know just how much you love him?

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