Italics is a flashback

I clenched my phone tight after texting Yuna and asked for broke up.

Sorry, I hurt you.

I know this is unfair for her, but I can’t live like this anymore. Lying to Yuna and everyone about my feelings, it will hurts Yuna more if she know that I never love her. I’m sincere when I said she is a good girl, and I’m lucky to have her, I didn’t lie at all when I thought about the possibility of loving her if not for Joohyun who always distracted my mind. But still... She’s not the one I love.

After finished my dinner, I drove from my house to buy Joohyun’s favorite flower, roses. I have to confess this feeling, I don’t care anymore about my friendship with Jonghyun. At least I have to tell the truth. It’s tiring to always hiding like this.

I sigh deeply and glance at Joohyun’s house who just next to mine. I know she’s alone, her parents went traveling for two days. So, this is my chance to tell her, when she’s alone.

After return my father’s car at our house, I walk nervously towards Joohyun’s house with a bouquet of red roses in my hand. I just need to tell her that I love her, I know the possibility of her being angry is high, I don’t mind. I also don’t have to mind Jonghyun’s feelings, I have to bravely confess if it can my heart relieved.

Our houses are separated with wall, so I come to hers through the front gate.

Just when I was about to opened the gate, my eyes caught a familiar car park at the yard, and my heart immediatelly ache. I found her talking with a man, my bestfriend Lee Jonghyun at the balcony. They laughed, they feed each others, they touch each others, hugs, and they kissed. Really showed that both of them is a loving couple.

I stunned at my spot. My heart began to wondering again, will it be good if I just distracted them? i clutched the rail of the gate tight, holding my heartache seeing them kissing.

Like knowing about my heart, the sky suddenly drop the rain, small at first before turned into a hard rain. Like accompanying me crying inside my heart. My eyes didn’t left them at all, the sight of Joohyun being kissed senselessly by Jonghyun. It’s killed me.

The rain become harder, and both of them finally went inside, without notice me who stand just few meters from them.

I wait, I wait... like crazy, like a fool. Hoping for at least, Jonghyun would go home. Hoping that nothing happened like I’m afraid of. But no... none of them came out. Not even a sign that they will come out. Her parents were not home, and Joohyun already told me how she already gave herself to Jonghyun few months ago. It’s hurt me more. I glance at the window of her room in the second floor, it’s still bright. But then, she turned off the light, and Jonghyun didn’t even came out from her house although I waited for a long time.

Once again, I felt defeated. I held tight the flowers in my palm. I wanted to throw it, but I can’t, this is her favorite flower. Finally, with crying heart inside I turned my back again, failed to caught the timing once again. There will always be Jonghyun whenever I decided my mind to confessed. But, this time it’s thousand more painful. It’s killing me, knowing what they did inside her house, alone.

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The raining still poured hard,  I was sitting alone under the tree at the park near my house. I don’t want to go home, my room and hers just across each others and it’s broke me knowing that she’s with Jonghyun there. I don’t know whether my tears falls or not because of the rain. I got drenched badly, the roses are drenched with me. Like a lost kid, I don’t know what should I do. I lost my path, I lost my confidence.

Suddenly, I feel something protecting me from rain. I look up, and saw Yuna standing infront of me with her umbrella.

“So, you’re here...”

I look down, didn’t have any courage to face her. I’m such a mess, so shamefull. I hurt the most kind girl in this world, and now she still searched for me despite the hard rain, she who always found me in my most desperate state.

“Irreona...” She said...

“You will get sick. Palli, irreona!!!” She scream...

It will better if I sick, or even die.

“Then I will get sick with you...” She said and throw her umbrella, making the rain wetting her.

I stood up immediatelly and grabbed the umbrella she threw to protect her. She really know how to handle me, she know that I wouldn’t like it if she get sick. Why did you doing this, Yuna yah?

We face each others, with umbrella covering us. Slowly, I can see her crying infront of me. She gradually hit my chest angrily. I let her do what she wanted, receiving her punishment.

“Bad guy!! How can you do this to me?! How can you just asking to break up like that?! I hate you!!” She shout while crying...

Suddenly, she hugged me. Still crying her heart out, she hugged me tight. I just can stood still there, hand holding the umbrella to cover her.

“You’re not serious, right?” She ask... “You’re here because you regret it, right? Tell me we’re fine, oppa...”

I don’t know what to say. It’s better if I ended this like this, it’s better if I make her hate me right now or I wouldn’t know anymore, how to makes her come to her senses and leave me for someone better.

“I can’t accept this. Breaking up is the decission of the two parties, I don’t want to broke up with you so it’s invalid!!” She let go of me and stared fiercely at my eyes... “Did you drunk? That’s why you texted something nonsense like that?”

I shook my head firmly... “I’m not drunk at all..”

I can see she’s gulping.... “No. You’re not allowed to leave me like this. I love you so much, I don’t care anymore, i’m going to keep you. I don’t care!!”

I swallowed hard seeing how determined she is. This can’t be like this, I will hurt her more if I kept being like this. I don’t have the heart to hurt her by dumped her like this, I’m not worth at all to treat her like this. But if it’s for the better future, for her to hate me, I should do this.

I give her the umbrella, before grabbing her arms... “Mianhae, Yuna. Mianhae, but... you have to find someone else, someone worthy for you. you’re too good for someone like me. Mianhae...” I said clearly.

I look at the bouquet in my palm and give it to her... “For you. Let’s end this here. You’re just wasting your time with me, you better use your time wisely rather than spending it with me without knowing exactly where will I bring you. I’m really sorry.” I said for the last time before leave her stunned at her spot. In the middle of rain. It’s cruel, but she need to wake up soon.

I love Yuna, but not romantically. I want her to be happy. I can divided my feelings very well between both of them. Yuna is like the light for my dark life, she makes me experienced the feelings someone like me unable to get. But, this have to end like this. I wanted her to find her happiness with someone esle, rather than with me who will never be able to love her completely. I don’t want to dragged someone precious like her into my mess.

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“Oppa!!! oppa! Irreona...”

I hear the tiny voice distracting me from my sleep. I caught a cold after drenched in the rain that day. The regret I felt for Yuna also the reason i didn’t have any appetite. Blamed myself for hurting her like that.

I opened my eyes lazily and find Joohyun sitting at my bed. I sigh in annoyance and back to sleep.

We have this bridge between our balcony, since kids, both of us rarely entering each other houses properly. I would greet her parents in the morning though her room as well as her who would secretly surprised my mom by suddenly appeared from my room.

“Oppa!!” She shout and hit my back with the pillow...

“Ah wae?!” I abruptly waking up... “Do you really have to wake me up like this? I’m sick!! I would call police if you keep entering my room secretly like this.”

She just gave me a merong and crossed her arms while glare scarily at me... “I heard you broke up with onnie. Wae? Do you find someone else?” She ask...

I go back to lied on my bed... “I just don’t feel like we’re meant to be.”

“Hmmph!! How do you know you’re not meant to be? Oppa, really. Do you think you would find someone better than onnie?”

No, I don’t think I would get someone at all...

“How can you just left her like that? Where’s your brain oppa? She’s not someone you can easily dumped like that! I don’t care. I wouldn’t acknowledge you with anyone else except Yuna onnie. She’s really like an angel coming from heaven just to be with a pabo like you!! You should be honored someone that beautiful want to be with you!”

I sigh in annoyance. Here comes her nags...

“Whatever!” I said and covering my body with duvet...

“I don’t care. I would make you get back with her no matter what! Oppa, your dongsaeng here really care for your well being. You need someone like onnie in your life.”

I ignore her and try to sleep again...

If only you want to be with me. I need you the most in this life, Joohyun.

“Jinjja. I really will make you get back with her!”

“Go. or I would really call police for Byuntae who entered at my room without permission. I need rest!”

She tsk... “Keunde, jinjja. Why did you broke up? Why did you left onnie like that? You don’t love her anymore?”

I just sigh...

“Oppa!!”

I abruptly caught her wrist and throw her to my bed. She’s really like being all naggy and whinny and it’s sometimes annoying. She fight me as I try to make her shut up. I caught her arms, she tried to kick me and throw the pillows.

In the end after fight so hard, I succeed in surrended her underneath me, we both breathed heavily and she challenge me with her eyes...

“Wae? What? What do you want?!”

I was so nervous being this close with her and she seems didn’t affected at all. Even when my face just few inch from hers, she kept continue to glare at me.

“You want to know the reason?” I ask...

She nod...

My heart pound so hard as I slowly moving close to her. We’re on my bed, she’s lying underneath me, not moving at all. I glance at her lips, maybe, this is the chance for me to confess to her. No one here, no Jonghyun who always interupted or anyone else.

I draw my lips closer to her, trying to touch her lips...

“What are you doing?” She ask... Her voice is shaky, the sign that she know what I’m trying to do.

She try to avoid me but I cupped her face.

When our lips just an inch apart, suddenly something within me shook and I was unable to hold it.

I sneeze...

“Yah!!!” She hit my head and kick my legs to freed herself from me....

I was thrown, almost fell from my bed. Sh*t.. Why this sneeze coming in wrong timing?!

“Oppa!!! I hate you. How dare you to spread your virus on me!! Now, I would get sick as well..” She whinned... “Omma!!!” She hit me hard on my back, giving me punishment as hard she could...

I keep sneezing...

“What happened?” Suddenly my mother coming after hearing Joohyun’s scream..

“Oppa sneeze at me. He purposely did it to make me sick as well.”

I sneeze again, this time followed by the cough...

“Yong, how can you do that to your sister?”

I pointed at Joohyun... “Come here...”

“Shirro!!”

I stand up and steps closer to her. I hug her and then sneeze again infront of her face.

“You wanna die?!!!” She hit my arms..

I laughed out loud as I kept acting to sneeze at her. She kept punched me, determined to kill me...

“Yonghwa...” My mom trying to stop me.

“Okay, I gave up! I wouldn’t ask anymore..” She finally said...

I smirk...

“If I get sick, I would never forgive you...”

I just shrug and gave her a merong...

She pout angrily before running towards the bridge that separated my room and hers...

My mother pinched my cheek after Joohyun left... “You really..” She shook her head and then leave my room.

I sigh heavily... It’s always ended like this. Everytime. What actually I did wrong to always end up failed like this? It’s always ruined, and it’s always me who ruined it.

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“Son, I heard you broke up with Yuna...”

I stopped munching and stared at my mom who feed me my porridge.

“Omma...”

Mom sigh deeply... “Your sister is really sad when she told me that you two broke up. You know, I’m also dissapointed. I really love Yuna, I hope she will be my daughter in law. But, well... It’s all up to you. You know what’s the best for you...”

I just nod...

She feed me a spoon... “Do you find someone else?”

“Aniyo omma...”

Mom shrug... “Well, I wouldn’t interfere your love life. But, really... Your sister is going all mad about it. She love Yuna very much.”

Sister... Sister... Sister...

“Enough omma. You kept called Joohyun as my sister. Is she really my sister? My biological sister?!” I said in annoyance...

Mom seems startled with my outburst... “She’s not? Since you’re kids, both of you always together. Both of you are the only child, and we’ve been like family for years. Even before both of you born, we’re already like a family. It’s natural to think that she is your sister...”

I inhale deeply...

“I understand, you don’t like her for being too naggy, right? Women are like that, I was surprised when you said Yuna rarely nagged at you. I think it’s one of Joohyun’s charms, no wonder Jonghyun fall over heels like that.”

I swallowed hard... “I’m done eating.” And then back to lied on my bed..

“Yong, one more spoon. You have to eat your medicine as well...”

“Shirro. I’m fine. I want to sleep..” I ignore her and hide inside my duvet.

I can hear Mom’s sigh... “Don’t forget to eat your medicine, okay. You’re an adult, but always turned choding when you sick.” She pats my back and fix my duvet before leaving my room.

It’s frustating. It felt like everyone againts me for loving Joohyun. I’m all alone in this battle. It’s exhausting. It’s killing.

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Slowly I stand up and steps closer to her. She didn’t realized, still happily slicing the apples. I stop right behind her. She’s so close like this. But, I can’t even reach her. I was the one who first liked her, I was the one who always been there for her, but still.. I can’t reach her. She’s unwilling to come to me. Not even spare a glance at me...

Without I knowing, my chin fell on her shoulder. My lips pecking her skin. I can feel her loud gasped. She immediately turn around and face me. She look at me in shock. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes who drawn me into her. I can’t hold this painful feeling anymore.