I really can’t sleep last night because I’ve been weighing the pros and cons in my mind. If I choose Jessica I have the opportunity to be with her, but I have to let go of my dream job. Now, if I choose my dream job I can have anything I want, but this time I have to let go Jessica. Now, which one should I sacrifice? As elders say,” the bigger the sacrifice the bigger the reward”, and both candidates are BIG! Ottoke?

 

I was in the cubicle emptying my bladder because I was holding my urine for almost 4 hours because of the heavy work in the office. Plus! I’ve been drinking gallons and gallons of coffee to keep me alive, alert and enthusiastic because I’ve been suffering from insomnia these past nights.  I have a week to decide now if should I accept my promotion or should I go to the States. Everything is ready now and my decision is the only one that they’re all been waiting for…

 

Yes, I am still peeing right now and my eyes wander around the cubicle’s door. What’s unique about each cubicle in the bathrom is that they have various quotes posted on every door; quotes about life, love, work, family, etc. Maybe the purpose is that when you’re having a moment inside each cubicle you’ll get to be inspired. Anyway, one quote caught my eye. It is about unrequited love…

 

 “I thought of all the others who had tried to tie her to the ground and failed. So I resisted showing her the songs and poems I had written, knowing that too much truth can ruin a thing. And if that meant she wasn't entirely mine, what of it? I would be the one she could always return to without fear of recrimination or question. So I did not try to win her and contented myself with playing a beautiful game. But there was always a part of me that hoped for more, and so there was a part of me that was always a fool.” ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear

 

I thought of it deeply and realized that I’m really a fool. No! I’m not a fool! She’s ing married! How can I be a fool? But I just can’t confess to her my feelings right? I’ll just humiliate myself. Confessing my feelings to a married woman! Oh! Choi Sooyoung you’re soo stupid! I came out from the cubicle with my head down. I was facing the mirror in the bathroom and looked at my lifeless face.

 

“Pabo!” I cursed at myself, pulling out my toothbrush and toothpaste from my purse

 

And then someone just giggled beside me. I looked to my left and there she is standing brushing her teeth. ! She’s here again and she’s so ing cute with some froth of toothpaste is all over .

 

“Hey, Boss!” I smiled at her, I started brushing my teeth.

 

“Don’t chall mi bosshhh!” she said, even though it’s quite hard to understand because of the stuff inside

 

“Pardon boss?” I said, as I started to brush my teeth.

 

She spitted out the froth from and rinsed it, “Don’t call me boss! I heard that you promoted! Congratulations!” she said and abruptly hugged me. ! I dropped my toothbrush on the floor and I was red like a tomato! SHE HUGGED ME!!! OH MY GOD! And My Inner Goddess is HYPERVENTILATING already!

 

“Oops! Sorry about that!” she bent down to pick up my toothbrush on the floor. I abruptly bent down to reach for my toothbrush too because it will be rude to have your boss pick up your own toothbrush. We both reached for it and our hands touch. I could feel wild electric impulses travelled to my veins going to my heart which made it beat impulsively. HOLY ! What was that?! We stared into each other’s gaze and she stood up, giggling. Gahd! I can’t believe we had a moment in the bathroom.

 

I stood up and then her giggles progress into laughter. I was confused why she is laughing so hard, it seems Iike I’m her laughing stock every time we meet. “Boss, why are you laughing?” I asked,

She pointed at the mirror and I followed to  her direction. I looked at the mirror and froth is all over my face. Oh my gahd!!! I look like Santa Claus!!! My eyes widen and then I started rinsing my mouth and face.

 

“Oh! Miss Choi… You never fail to entertain me!” she said, still laughing. “I’ll go ahead. See you next week partner!” she gave me a wink and left the bathroom.

 

! She just ing hugged and winked at me! And she said I never fail to entertain her! It’s good to hear those actions and words from someone special! My Inner Goddess in me is crying because of happiness. Well, this will be a good start for next week.

 

I can’t wait to work with you Jessica, I said to myself.

=========================================================================

I was at the lobby of our office waiting for the package of Victoria from Khun who sent all the way from the U.S. Victoria was still in a meeting, so, she sent me to claim it for her. I glanced at my watch and its 3:30. I thought her package will be arriving at 3:00 but it is still not here.  I glanced around the lobby to see something interesting and a little boy at the vending machine caught my eye. He’s trying to insert a coin inside the coin slot but he is too short to insert it. Hahahaha. I decided to help the little boy who is too cute.

 

“Hey, there little kid!” I said, crouching infront of the little boy. “Need a little help?” I asked,

 

He nodded, “Yes, please! I want Pororo!” he pointed at the Pororo juice inside the machine.

 

I inserted the coin at the coin slot and *poof* the vending machine gave out the Pororo juice. I opened the juice for the little boy and gave it to him.

 

“Thank you!” he said, as he started drinking from the bottle

 

Gahd!!! He soo cute!!! So squishy!!!

 

“What’s your name?” I asked,

“Kyungsoo” the boy said, wiping his mouth

 

“Who’re you with?” I suddenly noticed that this boy is alone and I began to wonder where his parents are

 

“Appa” he answered, 

 

“Oh? Where’s your Appa?” I asked,

 

“There! Apppaaaaa!!!” he pointed someone behind my back and began running to a tall guy is coming near us.

 

I stood up and looked behind me. ! The little boy who I helped awhile ago is the son of our VP!!! I didn’t know our VP has a son. Gahd!!! Our VP is so hot, good looking and clever. He’s wearing a pinstripe suit and he is about to explode in his suit.All the girls in our office mostly have a crush on him, even me! I can’t believe he has a son!!!!  He picked up Kyungsoo and carried him.

 

“So how’s my little boy? Did you bought your juice?” he asked the boy,

 

“Yes! That lady helped me!” Kyungsoo pointed at me

 

He looked at me and said “Oh! Miss Choi! Thanks for helping out my son here!” he grinned at me.

 

“No worries Mr. Taecyeon!” I said, giving him a warm smile.

 

“Appa! Appa! Where’s eomma?! I want to eat now!” Kyungsoo said, tugging the collar of Mr. Taecyeon.

 

“Yah! Kyungsoo! Eomma is coming out now! Be patient!” he reprimanded him.

 

“But Im hungry!!!!” the boy said squirming in his hands and then tears began to fall from his eyes.

“Kyungsoo-ah!” he exclaimed, comforting and reprimanding him at the same time. “Sorry about that… Toddlers and their tantrums” he said to me.

 

“It’s alright.” I said, assuring him that its ok.

 

After a few seconds…

 

“Eomma!!!!” Kyungsoo shouted

 

“Kyungsoo-ah!” the woman exclaimed, waving at him happily

 

He wrestled through the arms of Taecyeon to free himself and he ran towards the woman. My eyes followed the little boy who was running towards the woman and he hugged her. When I saw the woman, IT IS JESSICA! WOW! JUST WOW! WHAT A PERFECT TIMING!!! HOLY !

 

I clutched on my chest to feel my heart. My heart do I still have a heart? My heart was sliced into pieces, crushed, chopped, burned, shattered… I can’t breathe anymore. ! Holy ing !

 

“Yeobo! What did you do to Kyungsoo?” Jessica said, glaring at Taecyeon

 

“I didn’t do anything! He’s just hungry!” Taecyeon exclaimed,

 

“Come on! Kyungsoo!!! Eomma is here!”  Wiping the little boy’s tears away

 

I dispersed silently so that they won’t notice me. I don’t like to show my fake smile at them. And *poof* I manage to escape from them. Thank heavens! They didn’t notice me! I was already at the hallway…  I began to increase my pace… I just want some air to breathe... I just want some air, some space!  Workers who I passed by seems confuse why I was running and crying at the same time.  I climbed up the stairs at the fire exit leading towards the rooftop.

 

When I arrived at the rooftop I was crying… crying so hard!!! The pain I cannot tolerate anymore. I was down on my knees weeping and wailing. It hurts… It really hurts to see the person you have love so much can no longer be yours. The person who you want to lie down so badly, not to have , but just to wrap your arms around her. Just to sleep together in the most innocent way, to feel safe and secure with her touch. And just to be together until the last breathe you make.

 

It started with a crush and I never had expected to fall for you. I prayed to God every night to have one moment with you! Just one moment and yes he answered my prayers. But, somehow I regretted it. No! I didn’t regret it. It was actually a bittersweet ending.

 

Sometimes in life you can’t have everything. People would just come and go. Meeting her was the best thing that had ever happened to me and at the same time the worst. Why do I need to force myself to her? Since obviously she’s married and has a kid. It’s just sad and frustrating that she’s not mine. Oh well, maybe someone is still out there for me. I don’t like to put salt anymore in my wounds and I think I deserve to be happy.

 

I have come to my decision and I think I have made the right choice.

 

Goodbye Jessica! I wish you have all the happiness in the world and may God bless your family.

 

Im out of here. :,(