I straightened the paper out more and began to read...but of course once I started, the letters started moving out of place; dancing across the page as if there were music on it. It was frustrating and infuriating. I squinted my eyes closer, squeezing the skin together; making my lids wrinkle from the stress and when I opened them back up…the same thing. Only this time, the words were stuck in their confused position, mocking me as I watched them. The only thing that made sense to me on the page was ‘Dear’ and then my name.

I squinted my eyes again as if doing the same thing was some sort of magic that I didn’t know, but of course, when I opened my eyes yet again, there was nothing to look forward to. The words were stuck in a confused position as if they, themselves weren’t sure where they were supposed to go.

“Come on!” I yelled…no…I screamed throughout my lungs.

Why out of all times did it have to do this to me now? The only clue that I have of him and this damn condition wanted to start working again. As if it’d ever stopped. I tried again and again, but every time I made an attempt, either the words stayed mangled together or danced around in another position. It was starting to make me dizzy.

I decided, after a while, to sit it down next to me while let out a defeated sigh. There was no use in trying any longer. How I got so far as to go to the countryside not having the ability to read right, I don’t know. I wish some part of my memories would come back.

“This would be the best time of any!” I screamed, looking up to the bright ceiling as if I expected it to respond.

But of course, I was ignored. There was indefinitely, no use. I turned my body around halfway and grabbed the paper as delicately as I could, regretting that I’d thrown it on the bed in the first place. The only thing I had of this man Kai, and I treated it like a piece of trash. I looked down at the mangled words yet again, only seeing my name.

“I wish-“ I breathed out, but a knock on the door toured me off my words.

My eyes left the paper and trailed their way towards the door.

Another knock.

“Hold on!” I shouted, putting the paper down as I got up.

I thought about who it must be. Seeing as Jonghyun surprised me the first time and the words he left me with, couldn’t be him. So sincere and hurt he was. It had to be Minho if what Jonghyun thought about his friend was correct and lord and behold when I opened up the door; the person standing there was no one other than that tall, dark-voiced man whose smile melted my heart from the first time we met.

It was there again...that smile, but it was weak and faint. Completely different from the fun and loving man that I’d met the day before and even different from the angry one who approached Jonghyun. He looked as if he was sorry he came but had nowhere else to go. I found that thought impossible, though, seeing as the whole hotel was under his wing.

“Minho,” I stated. “You can come in if you like.”

I greeted him with the same smile he’d sent my way, seeing as I, neither, was in a good mood.

I scooted my body to make space for him to walk through and without question or objection, he did and I closed the door behind him.

“Sorry to intrude.” He said quietly, his dark voice sounded protected and cautious as if this was my property that he was stepping on. But it wasn’t. There was no reason for him to act like this. Unless…Unless he was still affected somehow on the situation that played earlier. Maybe he was embarrassed.

“It’s nothing,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders.

He sat down on the edge of my bed and looked up into my eyes with the most sorrowful puppy dog expression.

“Jonghyun was already here, wasn’t he?” He asked.

I nodded.

“You both know each other so well.” I half smiled. “He said that you’d stop by.”

I skipped out the part why. The whole situation was already a tad bit uncomfortable for me. However, I guess after that whole experience with Key and Onew, it shouldn’t be.

“Of course, he did.” His eyes lowered.

There was a moment of silence between us before he turned and saw the piece of paper that lay on the bed.

“Oh! Sorry! I didn’t mean to bother you while you were in the middle of something.” He was about to get up and leave, but I stopped him and laughed while grabbing his shoulder.

“It’s alright.”

For some reason, I seemed more comfortable with him than even Onew or Key. I didn’t know why. Maybe what Jonghyun said to me actually got to me. I walked over and picked up the thin piece of paper with its delicate handwriting and positioned my lips in an awkward smile.

“I can’t read it anyway.” I continued. “Dyslexia. Found out while I was in the country after waking up.”

Instead of being surprised, he spread his pointer finger and thumb out in a check mark position and placed them underneath his chin and began to slowly nod.

“Interesting.” He replied. “You seem to be on quite the adventure.”

I smiled at his actions. I guess the Minho I met yesterday was still present just not fully in appearance.

“I guess you can say that.”

He gestured his eyes towards me, motioning a question; if it were alright that he looked at it. I nodded my head and immediately he grabbed it, but with the greatest delicacy that I had shown it, perhaps seeing how important it was to me.

“Would you like me to read it?”

I looked down at him shocked all the while knowing, in some aspect, that he was trying to change the subject. He’d came into my room for a reason, was at my door for a reason. Now he was using my letter as an excuse to not talk about it. I shouldn’t mind since technically it’s none of my business but for some odd reason, he felt like a long lost friend to me. As if we’d known one another before. Maybe we did, and neither one of us remembered the other.

Impossible. I said in my head. He was perfectly healthy, in a sense. I’m the sick one. If anything, I was the one that forgot him.

I was babbling. Babbling in my own head about nonsense. Maybe this is what I did in the past when I got nervous about a situation. I mean, as I think about it now, I’ve been doing it since the moment I woke up from the tree.

“Well?” He ushered.

“Um..”

“We’ll talk about why I’m here. I promise.” He answered, reading my mind, or perhaps the motion in the way I began to fidget with my hands.

He could see the wonder and questionable look on my face no doubt. So I nodded my head and made a seat for myself right next to him. And he read.

Dear Taemin,

I know it hurts right now. But that’s life. Things hurt. I didn’t mean to sound cold when she left. I really didn’t, you have to believe me. I was just trying to make you feel better, hoping that if I was there, you wouldn’t hurt any longer. I should know, though. Trying to compete between the love of you two was ridiculous. It’s preschool.

I hope you don’t keep a grudge on my actions and I hope you come back to this hotel to read this letter.

I wish you didn’t see things as negative as you do. I know what you’re dealing with isn’t easy and I know now that you found out your condition, it’s harder, but I’m here. I thought you would at least like to know that. I’ve always been by your side...except for now. I apologize. But you can’t keep running away from all the bad stuff just because it hurts. I told you once and I’ll tell you again, it never solves anything and eventually it’ll catch up.

Besides that, I wish you would stop crying. It hurts me to see you cry and if you have to, don’t look at the rain. I know how it gets to you.

Just know that I’m still looking for you and I’ll find you. I don’t know why I thought you might come back here because I’ve been here at least two more times without the owner seeing me and I haven’t seen you. But if you do, know that I AM looking for you. I’ll find you and make it up to you. Hopefully, it’s before you forget me.

Hopefully, it’s before you forget us.

Kai.

And that was it. For a second, I felt a twinge of embarrassment for having Minho read this extremely private letter to me, but I quickly forgot about it once I thought about something he’d read.

“Can you read the part about the rain again?” I asked.

He nodded.

“…if you have to, don’t look at the rain. I know how it gets to you.”

I nodded my head.

The rain.

The day that Onew found me lying under the tree, I’d thought that it had rained because in my nightmare my clothes were soaked and the ground was muddy, the air crisp and cold. And when I came to the city, I remembered the melancholy feeling that swirled throughout my body as I watched the rain from my window.

The rain.

Why did it trigger me so negatively?

“Taemin.” Came Minho’s voice, pushing me out of my thoughts.

He’d set the paper back on the bed already and was standing up, body pointed towards the door.

“I’m going to leave you to your thoughts. I know you have a lot to think about after a letter like that.”

“Oh no!” I exclaimed, standing up to meet his gaze. “Forget about it. We can talk.”

He smiled. Sincerely. And placed his hand on my shoulder.

“Stop being such a worry wart of other people.” He smiled.

His touch, it reminded me of something...something familiar.

Minho started towards the door and stopped just when he began to open it.

“Quite the interesting person you are, Mysterious Taemin.” And with that, he left.

I stood there, wondering to myself. Not of his words but the letter he’d just read to me. And it happened. A memory.

I was standing next to a huge, spaced out window that displayed all of the outdoors as if I was in it. My hand pressed lightly onto the glass and a lowly sigh sung from lips as I watched the ground become proceedingly wet.

A comforting hand placed itself on my shoulder and I couldn’t help but release a tear from my eye as it danced down my cheek. The hand turned me around. And it was him, it was Kai.

At first, he was nothing but a silhouette but slowly, the black mass around him began to fade and his face came into view. He was…

He was…

Beautiful.

With his kissable, tangible lips, he smiled; helping his tan skin glow along with his beautiful dark brown eyes. His dark brown hair contrasted from my sandy brown and was lengthier than mines. From what I could see from where I stood, it was wrapped in a bun from the back. He wore an elongated sweater, the sleeves growing over his arms. His somewhat puffy eyes smiled with him, creating cute lines underneath. With his free hand, he touched my cheek and caressed it. It was the most relaxing feeling I’d ever felt. Mesmerizing almost.

Just as his smile was there, it faded and soon I realized the area in which we stood. There were cream colored walls and gray chairs with metal lining all around us. Sounds of machines beeping and people rushing; all sounds thrown into my ear at once. Sirens railing from another area. The room was bright but I was distracted by him. He caressed my face with the print of his thumb and then pulled me in for a hug.

I didn’t object. Couldn’t object, for it was his touch. The touch that I wondered so much about. Longed for. When I looked, there was no one else around except for the gray chairs and wide windows while he rubbed the back of my head.

His touch was loving but it seemed distressed, as if I was a child.

“I’m alright.” I choked out. Not being able to control the words, for this was just a memory.

He shushed me and continued.

“She’ll be alright. After all, you’re both too much alike.” He said.  “You’re both strong.”

I nodded.

“Just don’t leave me alone…okay.” I choked out.

I could feel the soft chuckle from his chest as he hugged me in closer.

“I would never dream of leaving my Tae.”

He pulled our hug away and kissed me on the cheek.

He’d never dream of leaving me. I thought to myself and I believed my words. I believed my memory.

He’d never do it.

I felt a cold touch on my cheek and realized I’d been crying. And when I looked at the window, there were slights spots of rain covering it. It was sprinkling outside. I watched with a watery gaze, the window, turning from solid to this swirl of an object as the tears filled my eyes. But then I remembered his words. Don’t look at the rain, so I turned away.

It was late and I needed sleep.

But tonight, instead of going to bed with questions, I was going to bed with him in my thoughts. I would dream of my Kai that night.