Chapter 2: To Feel part 2

The darkness and stars had finally come and swallowed up the sun. I still sat at the table; my arm slouched to the side and the palm of my hand keeping my head up. My attention kept at the sign from earlier that Key had me looking at and everything was fine. It was just a regular sign that read ‘The Sea is Where to Be.’ Corny, but nothing out of the ordinary. Either my mind must’ve always played tricks on me, or this dyslexia thing must come and go; if that is even possible. Great, I was a stranger in a quiet town who had forgotten his memory and was dyslexic.

‘What a great combo,’ I thought to myself.

I was interrupted by the sound of incoming footsteps from the hallway next to me. It was Onew, but something was different about him. There was no smile on his face. His back slouched over just a little, and instead of walking, it was like he was had to drag his feet to even move. The sparkle in his eyes was gone. Instead, they looked overworked and completely worn out. He walked over and touched me on the shoulder with a gentle had.

“How long you gonna sit here and mope?” His voice sounded a little raspier than earlier. Strained. “I set up a room for you in the back.”

He gestured his thumb to the opposite direction of him, down the hallway and perhaps around the corner? I stayed silent.

Suddenly, there was a faint sound. A faint sound that became greater the longer we were in here. Weeps? Someone weeping. The cries began to echo throughout the entire house. First, slow and quiet, then, loud and announcing. Onew turned around as if to walk back, but immediately stopped himself and instead, heaved out a heavy heart. He turned back to me and placed a plastic smile on his face. He nodded towards the door.

“Wanna go out to the ocean. There aren’t really a lot of street lights in this town so the stars are beautiful.” 

His statement ushered out as more of a plea than anything else. Honestly, I was a bit uncomfortable with hearing constant crying from a stranger and less uncomfortable going out to the ocean with one. So I chose the latter. Instead of nodding, I got up and made my way towards the door, waiting for him to follow. My gut told me that Onew was a good guy, so there was nothing to worry about, but a small voice in the back of my head completely disagreed.

****

We found two large dusty silver rocks stationed in the sand to sit on. There sturdiness provided comfort, but some of their edges were still a bit jagged with a bit of a slant to their ends. Like earlier, there was silence between us. I watched him look up into the stars. There were so many. Their iridescent glow lingered in the void-black beyond the moon’s corona. They, themselves, were like scattered moondust in the sky, a guide for lost souls. The ones furthest away were faint with silver tints. I stared at them the most. If only for a moment, my problems went away and as I watched Onew, I’m sure he forgot about his. His breathing matched with the gentle wind. I turned around for a minute and looked at what now was the small miniature toy house that he called a home. I wondered if the weeping continued or not. Now that we were gone, the only thing that I could hear was the sound of the waves hitting one another along the sandy shore.

“He wasn’t always like this.” Onew finally spoke, breaking the peace.

Instead of responding, I let him get out another heavy breath from his chest before he continued.

“It was nice, having him around, being together, you know? Then he started acting strange, going from one thing to another; being happy with me, then hating having me around.”

“What does he have?” I asked.

“A couple of years ago, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. And yeah I know, to some people it may not seem like a big thing, but not everyone’s the same. You know?”

I didn’t know, but I’m sure he knew that. It was a question you asked when immersed in your thoughts and because of that, I didn’t respond. Not once did he look at me. He kept his eyes up at the stars. From the side of him I sat on, I witnessed the corner of his eye glint with the stardust. There was a tear struggling to form. Struggling to let go.

“He goes through so many moods a day but it seems like with me lately, that whenever it’s an angry one, I have a huge target on my forehead.”

He blew out a long breath and finally moved his head a bit. This time, however, he looked down towards the sand.

“I mean, he takes medication for it, which is why he wasn’t as crazy as he’d usually be today. For some reason though, I think it had something to do with you being around. He was calmer….” He paused for a moment as if getting his thoughts together, “or it could just be me hoping too much.”

“Do you love him?” I asked.

“Of course I love him. He’s my whole world. What’s not to love about Key.” He smiled. “He reminds me of these stars.”

“Well then, that’s all that should matter, isn’t it?”

He nodded lightly.

“That’s what the fairytale books tell me.” He answered.

But suddenly, his voice went grew darker.

“Lately though, I’m starting to think that his medicine isn’t working as much; that we might have to go to the doctor and maybe they could get a better prescription or something, I don’t know. It’s just lately, he’s been moody even with taking the medicine and once again, I’m the target. It’s just stressful you know?”

“Have you ever talked about it with him? I’m sure he’s having just as bad of a day as you are.”

Onew shrugged his shoulders.

“What’s the point, we only get into arguments when we do.”

“You should talk to him.” I smiled.

He made a small little grunting noise with his throat, then pushed his body off the rock. When I tilted my head upwards to look at him, he was already smiling at me. He ruffled my hair with his right hand as if I were a small child who knew little of the grown up world, or maybe it was simply, because I had forgotten it. But he said nothing and when he was done, he pointed towards the house and said,

“Come in whenever you’re ready. I’m going to be up for a while anyway so the door will be open.”

And with that, he walked away as if we’d never had a conversation to begin with.

I watched his figure turn into a blurry black silhouette as he merged with the darkness. My eyes turned their attention towards the stars and now, I began to question myself. What nerve did I have? Giving relationship advice when I, myself couldn’t even remember if I had any. He probably thought of me as foolish, that’s why he left. I would have. 

I spread my fingers out in a wide handprint sort of style and pressed it on the sand. Then slowly, I moved my hand from side to side so that it swayed the tiny beads along with it.

“You feel better?” He said as his hand lay on top of mine and together we spread out the sand beads, little shells going in between our fingers.

“I guess.” I answered with a short lived smile.

 When I turned, there was a black silhouette of the man next to me.

“Good, because she’ll be alright and so will you.” He responded.

He took one of his free hands and ruffled my hair as if I was a child. “Don’t be sad okay?”

I raised my hand off the sand in a jolt, as if electricity had struck my body. A memory, perhaps? Or a dream just like the tree? I looked down at the imprint I had made in the sand and sighed. That silhouette…it had to be Kai, right?

“Don’t be sad okay?”

And as if to understand my pain, far away, in the miniature toy house made by the night, the weeping made its way out of the house and began to sing throughout the darkness and the stars.