We slept in harmony…a deep, deep harmony that I’d never felt before. He was soundly snoring next to me in the bed, his arms wrapped around my shoulders as I lay to the side. My face was away from him. I don’t know why. After our experience on the beach, I was complete, I was satisfied. At least…I thought I was. Something was pulling at my heart, something eerie and I’m not sure if it was the thought of the fight coming to mind that we have yet to talk about or the situation I was in now.

I remembered stepping back when I first saw Kai. My feet, they had a mind of their own, pushing me away from the very person I’d been looking for all this time. The one thing, besides my younger sister, that I could remember.

And what about my younger sister?

He had told me this news, but I didn’t know what to think. What can you think when the only memory you have of your younger sister is disturbing images of her trying to get you? That bothered me as well. I couldn’t tell Kai though, I didn’t have the heart to.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him anything I was thinking…even the good things. And now here I am, lying here, eyes wide open, wondering when I will fall asleep. So far, ever since I woke up under the tree I’ve realized, me and the dark don’t get along well.

****

I woke up feeling groggy and my mind feeling hazy. The sun was gleaming through the bits of curtains that had failed to cover the rest of the window and the side of me where Kai laid not too long ago per my account, was distorted and empty. I realized that I had rolled most of the cover around my body, fitting me like a tunnel.

I sat up and looked around. The dark wooden room was bright in this light and portrayed to be more caring than ominous that it seemed when Kai and I had came in from the beach last night. Last night. I began to think about it but my mind was clouded by the smoky smell of bacon and eggs. Toast as well? I think I even smelled kimchi. I wasn’t sure. It must have been Key. I remembered his meal from the last time I was here. Feeling like home. If I even knew what home really felt like.

There was a glint on the side of my eye that made me take notice. I twisted my body to the right side and saw, lying on the end table, my chain necklace. When had I put it there? Last night? I closed my eyes trying to recall all that happened after me and Kai came in from the beach. I was drunk in his love and not really paying attention to my surroundings. His scent was etched on my skin, his smile embedded in mine. I remember moving things around, trying to find pajamas to sleep in. I think that’s when I found my necklace on accident. And I remembered something else too….It could be my mind playing tricks on me about last night but I’m sure, if only for a second, I saw Kai look over at me as I grabbed the necklace to place it out the way.

Maybe it was all in my head though. It was crazy last night. How could I be sure? In the end I found no pajamas to wear and simply went in with my boxers and cuddled with Kai. I reached over towards the end table and grabbed my necklace and secured it around my neck.

I got up from the bed and slowly made my way towards the kitchen, dragging my feet along the shiny hardwood floor. Two sets of eyes greeted me when I arrived but one of them wasn’t who I expected. Kai sat at the table, looking at a newspaper when he heard me and looked up but the one at the stove was Onew not Key. He was busily making the breakfast, but when he heard me, he too turned around but greeted me with a smile.

“Probably not who you were expecting to be up and cooking.” He joked, moving the eggs around in the pan as the searing sound grew louder.

“No, not really.” I mumbled.

He chuckled again.

“Key’s still sleep. The new meds does that to him from time to time.” He replied, then silently turned back around to cook.

Kai sent a smile my way as I joined him at the table. I smiled back, but it was more forced than anything. I was a little embarrassed at myself about last night….but at the same time, it was….so nice. I’m sure I was blushing now because he snickered. He placed the newspaper down and folded it up before speaking.

“I’m guessing you had some good sleep.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“You bundled yourself up in the covers and was snoring, just a little,” he squinted his fingers together in the air to demonstrate, “I decided to get up when the sun hit my face.” He laughed.

“Oh..S-Sorry.” I stuttered.

I looked up at Onew who had his back to us. He didn’t seem to be paying attention to our conversation but deep down I felt like he was. I mean, he was right there after all.

“Oh, it’s alright-“ He reached to touch my cheek but instantly my head moved back.

He paused, his finger in mid-air, then retreated back to his position. I could see the disappointment in his face, but I’m sure he could read it in mines as well. There I go again. This weird moving back that I did when we first met. What the hell was wrong with me? Was this going to be a pattern? First I step away from him when we first meet, then I have with him on the beach only to wake up and do the same thing I did when we first met. Something…something was off.

“Sorry!” I quickly apologized. “I-I don’t know why I keep doing that.”

Just as the smile had faded from his face, it came back ten times more. He shrugged his shoulders, then leaned over and patted me on the shoulder instead. It felt like something a father would do to his little boy. Disappointment rained over me.

“It’s alright.” He murmured. “You’re still getting used to everything.”

“IT’s Ready!” Onew exclaimed, thankfully breaking up the awkward silence that was starting up between me and Kai.

And just as he spoke, Key walked in rubbing his eyes and sat down next to me.

“I told you I could cook-“

“When you got up, I know.” Onew interrupted. “Honey, by the time you got up, the rest of us would have died from starvation.”

For some reason I expected Key to change and be a little irritated but instead he smirked and sat down while Onew made him a plate. I couldn’t help but remember when he cried all night. It lasted so long that I feared while being outside at night with Onew, looking up at the stars, that they too would start to cry out in unison.

“Taemin?” Someone called, snapping me out of a daze.

“huh?” I turned my head from side to side to locate the source.

It was Key. His eyebrows arched in a questionable expression and tilted slightly to the side.

“Are you alright?”

“Deh!” I quickly nodded. “Just…was thinking.”

The rest of the breakfast went smooth. There was just small chatter, nothing about my condition or me and Kai in general. Maybe everyone could sense it on me or tell by my meager expressions that I really didn’t want to talk about it. After everything was cleaned up and tidy, Key and Onew said they had to head to the market and wondered if me and Kai would want to tag along. There was plenty of room in their truck, but I declined and Kai along with me.

Instead, I offered Kai a stroll outside, maybe towards the tree. When I mentioned the tree, he agreed but with a slight hesitation. I’m not sure if he noticed that I noticed but afterwards he quickly headed outside, leaving me with nothing to say.

The sun was warm on my skin. Not too hot. Not too searing. The wind blew ever so slightly, caressing the hairs on my arms and from time to time I looked up at the clear blue sky. There was such a difference between here and the city. So much mourning from the rain and people rushing, heading towards who knows where. But here…here it was calm, with people enjoying the evening, strolling, taking in the scenery.

I turned to Kai who seemed just as in a daze as I was, but he sensed me watching him for he spoke:

“I know what you want to talk about.” His deep voice assured.

I nodded, but my mind was blank. I knew what I wanted to talk about, but that didn’t mean I wanted to talk about it now. Yes, I wanted to walk to bring up something of the past that I didn’t remember, but now that we were in the midst of things, my mind changed. All this flowed through my thoughts but nothing came out of my lips.

“The argument. You want to know what happened.” His eyes lowered. “It’s so beautiful and peaceful out here…can’t we…talk about it another time? ”

My eyebrows lifted and my eyes turned to look at him as we begun  to walk under the green leaves of many trees, their shadows showering us. It was not the answer I expected from him. Yesterday, he was so adamant about me asking him anything, helping me remember, but now…like me…he’s changed his mind.

“Why…” I began, opening my mouth. “Why do you want to change the subject?”

He smiled and leaned over to ruffle my hair. This time I did not detest. 

“Some sad things should only be talked about in sad moments.” He gestured his hands around. “This is a happy moment. Right?”

I slightly nodded.

“Then we shouldn’t mess it up.” His tone changed into a whisper.

He was avoiding something. I knew it. I knew it and yet I said nothing. I don’t know why. We came upon the tree and his happy gaze stopped. It faded just as quickly as it had came. His eyes lingered on it. Almost like mine had when I looked at it for a second time after waking up and seeing it.

When I turned my head to look at it, there she was….

My supposedly little sister.

Scary just as always.

Her raven hair covered her face as she sat at the bottom of the tree looking down at the ground. Her skin was just as pale as always and sickening. Her hands caressed the dirt on the ground, swishing it back and forth. But a glint is what really caught my attention. A glint on the ground where her hand would go from side to side. It was as if she saw me watching her. The motion of her hands stopped and she moved them out of the way of the object. It was…something. Something that my eyes couldn’t fixate on, no matter how much I squinted.

“Taemin…” I heard my name.

I knew it was coming from the side of me, I knew it was Kai but I couldn’t help trying to see what the thing was.

“Taemin, are you alright?”

“Taemin?”

Finally, there was a violent shake on my shoulder and I turned to him, the wind swishing my hair out of place.

“What!” I screamed.

The volume of my voice seemed to startle him. His skin jumped, his feet scooting back. He took his hands off of me and looked at me with such an expression I cannot explain.

“I-I’m sorry.” I quickly apologized. “I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just…It’s just…I was thinking is all. You caught me in the middle of thinking.”

My words, they were beginning to ramble, losing themselves. What was wrong with me?

“I was trying to-“

“Think. I get it.” Kai said, moving towards me. There it was again, that smile. His whole demeanor changed in just a second. How? Why?

“It’s alright Taemin. You were…thinking.” It was like he knew what really went on in my head but decided to say nothing.

“You know something.” I replied.

His lips pursed only for a second before trying to touch my shoulder and reassure me.

“I know that you’re stressed out.” He answered. “Look Taemin. We had a good night yesterday, what’s wrong today?”

I didn’t know. That was my answer. But instead of saying that, I thought hard on his question. Then, without much thought, I reached for my necklace and let my fingers play in it, moving about like a snake. And suddenly, my eyes met his.

“You know about this necklace. Don’t you?”

“Taemin-“

“Don’t you Kai?” I gestured my hand with the chain in it at him. “You’re not telling me something. I know it. Why don’t you want to talk about the fight…Does it have something to do with this necklace. I saw you look at it yesterday night when we came in from the beach.”

Kai sighed and rocked his body back and forth then brushed his left hand through his hair.

“Taemin. Can’t we just have one good day. I don’t want to get into all the bad things that happened between us on that one day.”

“But I do.” I commanded. “What was it? Was it something I did?”

He began to move back, I saw his body making motions to walk away and for some reason those actions were familiar to me, like he had done it before…

“What did I do?” I yelled.

He began to move, but I moved with him.

“Kai! I know I love you but something’s off, something’s not right. You know it. What did I do?!”

I grabbed his arm pulling and turning his attention towards me. When his face met mines there were tears beginning to well up in the corner of his eyes. My anger subsided, washing out of me like a quick storm passing by. This beautiful face was starting to pour tears in front of me, making my heart ache. I let go of my grip and loosened up my expression.

“It wasn’t you.” He said, almost in a whisper. “It was me.”

“You?” I questioned.

“I was the reason of the fight…I did a bad thing…Taemin. I did a bad thing.”

And for the first time since I remembered his voice, I felt something different. Hearing his voice always in his head, visioning him in my mind…Maybe it wasn’t just because I loved him; maybe it was because I loved him and he’d hurt me. Maybe I was really looking for him, not to see my love again, but to confront him about what he’d done. Whatever he’d done that I didn’t remember. And by the sin stained tears that ran down his cheeks, I knew, since the moment he saw me again, that he’d thought the same. 

Sorry these updates are taking longer by the minute. I've been really busy with school work and art projects but I spent this week just to make sure this chapter was nicely detailed for you all an am starting on the next one soon!