The sun had finally shed light across the little town and here I sat, at the kitchen table once again. After a long while, the weeping from last night had subsided. From my guess, it meant that Key had fallen asleep from all the crying. For some reason, though, I liked the noise better, it helped me sleep; to not think of all the crap I couldn’t remember or the odd slices of memory I did seem to get.

Key looked surprised to see me sitting here when he came into the kitchen, brooding over my situation. I looked up and caught his smile he sent my way as he walked to the coffee machine and began to set everything up.

“You’re up early.” He commented.

“Sorry, I couldn’t sleep that well,” I answered.

Key paused what he was doing and turned back to look at me. I could see the guilt written all over his face.

“I’m sorry, I try-“

“It wasn’t you.” I quickly interrupted.

“It wasn’t?”

“No…I just had a lot on my mind. Where’s Onew?”

“Still sleep.” He sighed as if a large weight were sitting on his throat. The heaviness in his shoulders was infectious. I found my heart weighing a little more than it should in my chest the more I looked at him.

“I’m not surprised, though. I probably kept him up all night. You know with all my crying and what not.”

He grabbed a cup from the cupboard and set it on the coffee machine.

“You want one?” He asked.

I shook my head.

“I really hope it wasn’t me that kept you awake. I try my best. I assume Onew already told you about the situation since…you know…you had to hear it.” There was a bit of a chuckle in his voice, but not from anything funny. More of a nervous chuckle; trying to relinquish the thought of having to tell an embarrassing story to a stranger.

So I nodded my head.

“He does his best to try and act like it doesn’t bother him but I know it does. I know the medicine is starting not to work. I may need to go to the doctor again.”

When the cup was filled with steaming black coffee, he walked over to the table to join me side by side and looked down into the dark substance; letting the steam hit his face.

“You know, there’s a lot of people with a bipolar disorder but sadly, there are little who actually understand the ones who have it. People usually ignore these things. I could….If I tried. I could ignore the fact that I target Onew like he has a dot on his head then switch back to being happy as if nothing was wrong. I could….” He sighed, then took a slow sip from the cup, drowning whatever words he'd thought of.

“But that would just be lying to myself now, wouldn’t it? And plus, I love the man.” 

He sounded just like Onew. How little did the two understand just how much alike they really were?

And so, I decided to speak.

“Onew said the same thing, you know.” My voice was small and inaudible to my own ears.

It looked as if Key was about to say something before I spoke but I had interrupted. His gaze followed me.

“What’d you mean?” He asked.

I wasn’t sure if I had overstepped my boundaries or not, but the more I lingered at the sight of the expression on his face, the more it seemed to me, from his pinching almond eyes and bridges forming between his brow, that he perhaps anticipated my answer more than anything.

“Last night, me and Onew went out to the beach. He…he wanted to show me the stars and he talked about you. He sounded just like you right now."

I paused.

"What I’m saying is, you both said the same thing.”

“What?”

“That you loved the other person.”

There was a brief moment of shocked realization that touched his face, as a secret had been revealed, and that’s when he told me-

“He hasn’t told me that in a long time. I didn’t think he did anymore.”

A sweet smirk danced across his face if only for a second. And in that second, it was gone. Vanished into thin air. He took another slow sip of his coffee and breathed in the swirls of disorientated steam. He said nothing for a long time, simply gazed down into the dark liquid as if soaking up the last moments he had with it until it was completely gone.

“He hasn’t told me that in a long time.” He repeated in a more sullen tone. From the hollow stare off into the distance, I knew the statement wasn't for me, but a reminder to himself that maybe it wasn’t as bad as he thought it was; just maybe the storm which formed their relationship wasn’t really there after all.

“It’s curious what the mind will do to you. What you think up, you know?” He looked up at me and as soon as he did, I heard her voice saying those exact words to me once again.

Rani.

Her euphonious subtle voice echoed in my mind. Her silhouette from my dreams as if I was still under the tree, lost in the cold, stood in the glint of my gaze. The dead leaves covering my lap as if resting. And just as soon as my mind had entered that void, it came out by Key’s voice.

He chuckled at his own thoughts.

“I thought…because of all this, that he hated me.” He looked back down at what little coffee he had left, and I could see a clear liquid glint from the corner of his eye that faced me. The reaction befuddled me. It was as if he struggled between believing his own words and the truth. That, no matter how much he wanted to think that Onew didn’t hate him, he knew deep down the man actually did. 

I was still a stranger in this situation, divided from reality and weariness. I wanted to understand his feelings in my own degree, but it was hard when there was nothing to remember in order to relate. The only feeling that we appeared to share was loss. But even that was quite different from one another's.

“I could never hate you.” Came a voice.

We both looked up in surprise to find Onew standing in the archway of the kitchen, looking down at Key with loving eyes. There was a long silence before anyone tried to say anything and thus, it was Onew who broke it.

“You know, if you thought that, you could’ve just said something.” He smirked.

“No, I couldn’t have.” Key remarked.

He pushed his coffee to the side.

“You probably would have thought I was just being dramatic or some kind of emotion that had to do with me being bipolar. Plus…there are things that you could’ve said to me too that you haven’t in years.”

Key got up from the table and faced him directly.

“You can’t even say it now if you wanted to. That’s how much it hurts for you to talk to me. Because I’m a freak right? Because I’m so much more different than I was before!” His temper escalated and before Onew could grab his arm to stop him, Key had dashed away into the living room. 

“See, I told you we couldn’t talk without having an argument.” He said while meeting my eyes before going into the living room after Key.

At that moment, I didn’t know what came over me, but I followed the two into the next room and looked at how they sat on opposite couches of one another. Tears rolled down Key’s eyes and Onew scratched the back of his head in confusion; not knowing how to handle the situation.  So I stepped in.

“You know,” I stated, grabbing their attentions, “I don’t remember a lot of my own past. But you two, you remember everything. From the time it was good, up to the time it was bad and though it’s not things that you want to remember, it’s still better than not remembering anything at all. You two, you can’t remember what it’s like to not love each other, because even though neither one of you say it, you’re still together because you do. I don’t even know if this Kai guy or this Rani woman were people I loved and every time I think of them, I feel nothing. What if they were? Do you know how awful it is to have that gut feeling that something’s always missing and always will be no matter how much you try?”

They watched me as if in a trance, following my every movement. Then they looked at each other in sympathy.

“You don’t,” I answered. “Because every day you two have each other and no matter how much the other person is going through, you guys still stay together for the exact reason that each of you told me; because you loved the other one. Now, maybe I shouldn’t be saying anything because I’m a man who can’t even remember a relationship, let alone love. Or maybe for that exact reason, I'm just the right person to say this.”

Onew sighed, then stood up from his spot and walked over to Key. Before Key could object, he cupped his hands around the boy’s full rosy cheeks and pulled them towards his face.

“Key…I do love you. You know that right?”

And without a word, Key gently nodded.

“And no matter how worse you get, that’s never going to change. You’re never going to change.” 

“Look, you got me saying all this sappy stuff.” He laughed.

And Key laughed. He laughed while he wept and slowly the weeping echoed throughout the room and into the morning sun. Only, I didn’t feel overcome with sadness when the sound touched my ears.

****

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” I asked, looking up at Key.

He smiled and pushed the suitcase towards me.

“Do you know how awful I’d feel for sending you away with nothing but what you came here with?” He paused, smiling at me, soaking up my features. “Are you sure that you need to go? You’re not a bother you know.”

I asked them if they could me to the city, because wherever I came from, it didn't seem like it was the countryside. Though there was nothing about the city I could directly remember, it seemed the place to go. For a while, they argued with me to stay; that a man with no memories should be wandering around in a big city, but after making a valid point of wanting my memories to resurface, they agreed. Recommending and setting me up with a good hotel there, they packed my clothes and made sure I was set for the trip. There was a honk from outside and we both turned to find Onew waving from the window.

“The truck’s ready!” He yelled.

“Alright!” 

“I hope you find what you’re looking for and don’t lose the money we gave you.”

“You didn’t have to really-“

He placed his hand into the air to stop me.

“No need to be modest, it’s honestly not a big deal. Plus, we have a lot more saved up than we show.” He chuckled.

Without a thought, he pulled my arm into his chest and squeezed me tight as if hugging a longtime friend.

“Thanks for everything.” He whispered into my ear. “I really do hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“Me too,” I answered. With a nod of my head, I began to walk off.

“Oh and Taemin!” Key yelled, stopping me in my tracks.

I turned halfway.

“You really do look familiar, like I’ve seen you around here before.” His voice trailed off as if trying to pinpoint the exact moment he was suggesting he saw me. But nothing came to mind.

Instead, in a long stride, he entered the house, waved one more time, and closed the door. I wasn’t sure what to take from his statement but perhaps it was a sign of how I got here. Maybe this place was something familiar to me. I thought of that as I climbed into the passenger’s side of the truck after putting my suitcase in the back. Onew started up the truck and slowly we began off on the road through the town.

“Are you sure you want to go to the city?” Onew asked as he drove.

I nodded.

“I don’t know why, but I feel like I should go there. Like someone’s waiting for me.” Then I chuckled to myself. “Or maybe I’m just losing it from lack of sleep.”

“Well, definitely make sure you get some when I drop you off at the hotel we put you in. But I don’t think feeling something is such a bad thing. After all, you don’t remember anything which means all other senses are more heightened. Or so I read on the internet.” He laughed.

The town was quiet as we passed through. Only a couple of people walked throughout the sidewalks and some who saw me in the truck, stared at me as we drove away. Just as I thought my head was starting to become clear by heading towards the city where something was drawing me in…we passed by the tree.

That exotic tree. The one that I had dreamed of as pale and dying. Under it on the opposite side stuck out a woman’s pale feet and long pale legs. From the corner, I could see a peek of her skirt. White with a pink rose filling up some of its space. Without thinking I screamed.

“STOP!”  And quickly, Onew slammed on the brakes.

My eyes widened as I opened the door and ran to the tree, the woman’s pale feet not far from me.

I touched the tree and walked around to the other side of it only to find the full body that belonged to the pale feet. Suddenly, the sky turned dark, the clouds covered the sun. The land turned wet, the grass disappearing from my view and instead it invited mud underneath my feet. The tree turned from its warm and loving glow to a sickly alabaster. The bark started to crack from its sides. The leaves fell from the top and landed on my shoulder. They were just as I remembered, dull and dead. A hand touched my shoulder. It was cold and uninviting. I caught glimpse of it and could see that it was a woman’s hand so blanched it almost looked blue, the skin peeling from the fingertips.

“Taemin.” She whispered.

My breath stopped.

I didn’t move.

I didn’t want to.

I squinted my eyes closed.

It’s curious what the mind will do to you…

This is the last of the first story. If you read the description then you know that Taemin travels and as he does he encounters other couples with other problems. The first is now over, but what do you think it going on with Taemin? I will update a new chapter soon! COMMENT! And thanks for reading!