Junhyung was frustrated and nothing was going his way at all today, he scoffed loudly as he crumpled up the page of lyrics that he poured every simile and metaphor into all for it to just end up on the floor among the graveyard of other balls of papers. He couldn't get anything right at all, it was as if the whole damn universe was against him. The vibration of his phone cut through the string of curses spilling out of his mouth, reaching for his phone he saw another message from yoseob asking if he would be coming to the hospital. 

Raking his fingers through his onyx hair, junhyung could already feel the weight of distress beginning to take a toll on him. He waited for a couple of minutes before unlocking his phone and sending out a quick reply back to yoseob that he'll let him know if he'll be able to in a couple of hours, since he was busy.
  

That was a lie. 
 

Junhyung knew for the fact that he wasn't busy at all, he wasn't sticking his head in his monitor working his blood sweat and tears into another track nor did he have anything else to tend to right now. The rapper had literally holed himself up in the studio for almost a day and a half after hyunseung had collapsed, he barely left the room at all, and he felt like trash. He was ashamed of himself for being this way at all before junhyung could continue tearing himself down his phone vibrated again startling junhyung in his seat, he guessed that it was one of the younger members again checking up on him but this time it was actually doojoon asking him to meet him by the park that was nearby the studio in ten minutes. Junhyung got up grabbing his coat by the hanger making his way towards the park, at least this time he'll be able to get some fresh air for once. 
 
 
 
it wasn't that long of a walk to his destination, as soon as he entered the park he spotted doojoon already seated at a bench with his back towards him, he wordlessly made his way over plopping himself down next to the other neither exchanged greetings as doojoon handed junhyung a can of coke which he took gladly. 

"how's that track you've been working on." 
 
junhyung settled the can of coke beside him instead of guzzling it down at once, "it's getting there." 
 
then they both fell into an awkward silence, despite the tense atmosphere around them they watched bypassers going here and there it wasn't until a couple passed by in front of them that doojoon broke the atmosphere. "what's going on with you and hyunseung?" 
 
in some way junhyung knew this would come up and of course leave it to the hawk eyed leader to pick every little thing up. "there's nothing going on between me and hyunseung" hyunseung's name felt foreign on his tongue. 
 
"then why haven't you dropped by at the hospital yet" 
 
junhyung straightened his back a bit "I've been busy with the album hyung, I've told you--" 
 
"so the album is more important than hyunseung then." 
 
he was ready to snap at him but was taken back by the way the elder was staring right back at him. It was rare that doojoon would put his authority into use, sure he would be serious if the whole group was playing around instead of focusing but for him to be like this out of work is a whole different thing. 
 
junhyung felt his short lived rage falter, looking away suddenly finding his shoes to be the most interesting thing he'd seen in a while, he could still feel the piercing stare as he tried to come up with some kind of excuse without looking pathetic on the spot. It was no use anyway, doojoon was as stubborn as a bull not to mention that he could tell if he was lying from a mile away.

He shoved his hand in his pocket blindly looking for what he had been meaning to do for a while. Doojoon watched as the youngest take a cigarette out along with his silver lighter, he continued watching junhyung as he lighted up the cigarette before taking a long drag from it. 

"I thought you quit smoking."  

Junhyung leaned into his seat brushing his hair back, "I'm trying. I only smoke whenever I'm too stressed or when I start to overthink." 
 
"you can always tell me what's on your mind, if you want to that is."  
 
"you won't leave me alone until I fess up about hyunseung isn't it?"  
 
doojoon laughed "of course." 
 
they fell into silence again, junhyung absently watching the way the smoke disappear without a trace into the air. He had nothing to lose anymore, he was sure that the rest were likely mad at him for selfishly putting the album first instead of visiting hyunseung. as for Hyunseung, junhyung definitely knew that the consequences of his actions would get to him at some point it was only a matter of time.

Inhaling the smoke once more the rapper tried to form out a way he could explain himself to the elder about all the mess that’s been going on, just as he opened his mouth to begin doojoon cut him to the chase. 
 
"I'll help get you started, do you like hyunseung?" 
 
"yes." 
 
doojoon stared straight into junhyungs eyes "do you like like him, as in you like hyunseung more than a friend, you want to be closer and find out things about hyunseung that you didn’t even know about, have your own thing with him and only him, learn everything about him and maybe even some things about yourself that you didn't know. Make him cry only from laughing too much because you can't get enough of his voice, slip your fingers between the gaps of his own when no one is looking holding onto his hand for a little while longer, be there for him when he sinks rock bottom and show him that his flaws aren't just flaws they're what makes him, him. " 
 
junhyung tapped his the stick between his fingers to the side watching the ashes rain down to the floor, he laughed emptily "yoon doojoon you just read me like an open book." 
 
"but...you're right, I do want to do all that with hyunseung and only him." he spoke softly 
 
doojoon's eyes softened seeing junhyung breaking off the façade of being calm and collected, "then what's stopping you from doing it?" 
 
"I- It's just that. I don't know, I'm scared, Okay. this is all new to me, I know and you know that I've been in a relationship before but that was all with girls. Being in one after a long time again but this time with a guy is just - different and new to me, if you get what I mean." 
 
"you're not against same couples right?" 
 
"of course I'm not. I believe that everyone deserves to be loved regardless of age, gender, and race." junhyung dropped the cigarette on the floor crushing it beneath his shoes. "I don't give a rats about what society or anyone says against same couples."  
 
Doojoon smiled to himself, that was the junhyung he knew well the one who stands firm against everyone else. "I understand that this is all new and foreign to you, however you can't start doubting yourself about everything before you even begin. yes, it's natural to a be afraid but you'll come to understand that you'll get to experience something new where that voice of doubt in the back of your head will soon disappear before you even know it." 
 
the rapper let those words sink in, as usual (and always) doojoon was right, it's normal to be afraid of things that are new to us especially when you're being pushed out of your comfort zone. junhyung just needed a reminder, new beginnings come with new memories and mistakes that you'll learn from to grow as a better person. 
 
"hey hyung." he fidgeted with his sleeve. 
 
doojoon was surprised that junhyung had called him hyung, it's been a while since he heard that. "yeah?" 
 
"does this mean that I'm gay. I mean-- I've never really liked a guy as more than a friend before." 
 
"well are you attracted to any other guys in general the same way you feel for hyunseung." 
 
"no. if I weren't with him I'd be with a girl and I've never felt any attraction to guys apart from hyunseung and I'll never will." junhyung could feel his face heat up from realizing that he just admitted that he was attracted to hyunseung. 
 
"well there you go." 
 
junhyung slouched, everything was coming to him. Flashbacks of hyunseungs pained yet upset faces appeared in his head  whenever he thought the other wasn’t looking at him, catching the way hyunseung hesitated to reach out to him, the feeling of him staring at the back of his head. It was like junhyung created a wall between them that he didn't know he built until now.

But then he remembered seeing the way the eldest laughed carefreely leaning against yoseob, whenever yoseob anchored his arm around hyunseung's neck whenever he wanted to show him something, when he catches them holding hands a little longer than usual. The rapper could feel his blood start to boil again just by reminiscing how hyunseung looked so ecstatic with yoseob, he could make hyunseung smile like it was nothing, make hyunseung happy the way he deserved.  
 
And junhyung wished that it was him making hyunseung feel that way. 
 

"but...I-I don't think I can make hyunseung happy at all, I've done nothing but caused him pain throughout how long. I'm not even sure if he even likes me the way I like him at all, especially when he looks likes he's on top of the world when he's with yoseob, maybe he actually likes yo-ow! Hyung what the hell was that for? Do you want me to kill you?!" 
 
"are you kidding me, yong junhyung. Are you really that dense?" 
 
rubbing the back of his sore head junhyung glared openly "what are you on about." 
 
"hyunseung doesn't like yoseob that way, and you should know by now the way yoseob is. he's the personification of a sunshine or even a hyper little golden retriever, he's always clingy plus the boy practically feeds off of skinship not to mention that he would always do his best to make everyone around him happy and comfortable." 

Doojoon turned to his side resting his hand junhyungs shoulder "trust me on this. Hyunseung doesn't like yoseob. He likes you." 

 
the tips of his ears burned red at the possibility of hyunseung maybe liking him back but he quickly shook that thought away not wanting to get caught up in his delusional fantasy. "as if" 
 
"if you don't believe me then that’s your choice. However" junhyung looked over at doojoon "if you like hyunseung, as you claim as you do, then you should go and see him right now and explain everything to him face to face, if you want him to be happy then he deserves to hear the whole truth." 
 
growing frustrated junhyung roared out loud "I've done nothing but neglect and hurt hyunseung because of my own selfish feelings, I really am a piece of ." 
 
"now is the time fix that, so go and confess dear Romeo." 
 
junhyung got up briefly checking he had everything with him, "thanks hyung, I'm in your debt. I really mean it this time." doojoon smiled nevertheless ushering junhyung to go as he watched the other speed off. "also the next time I see you smoking I'll kick your !."

he laughed loudly when he caught the other flipping him off from a distance, doojoon was glad that this whole mess was finally getting sorted junhyung just needed a kick in the right direction. From the corner of his eyes he spotted the coke can that was left still unopened at the end of the bench, reaching over for the can he held it in his hand feeling that the drink was still cold. 
 
'"I wonder if he knows."  
 

it was doojoon who was behind that door!