*knock knock*

I paused at the door like I always did, and then took out the spare key in my purse and entered the apartment. I knew he was in his room, where all of his music producing equipment was set up. I walked across the tiny kitchen and the living room, which was piled high in dishes and laundry and trash. I had made my way halfway across the mess when I stopped and turned around. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't leave the mess be. I took off my coat and tossed it on the nearby couch, while rolling up my sleeves to make it easier to clean. I hurriedly picked up and threw away the wrappers and packaging, tossed the dirty laundry into the bin, and washed the dishes and hung them up on the rack to dry. After vacuuming the final spots of the room, I felt satisfied with my work and took a big sigh. 

I knew he never told me to do these kinds of things, and I knew he didn't expect me to help him at all, but I just couldn't let this go. I tip-toed my way to his room, which was closed. I carefully opened the door and peered in. He had his headphones on, moving back and forth from the piano keyboard to the computer screen. I could see he was working hard on his song, and I stared at how concentrated he was. After what felt like hours of staring, he finally took off his headphones. Without taking his eyes off his computer screen, he cleared his throat.

"Miwoo, I know you're there. Again. Come on in."

"Min Suga, nice to see you. Again." I hid my smile as I heard his voice.

I entered his room and sat on his bed, which was next to his desk. I looked at him continue working. I could tell he peeked over at me, but he tried to do it as secretly as possible.

"So, how are things going?" I asked, looking around the room.

"Same old, same old. You know. The usual." 

"Are you doing ok for this month?" 

"Yeah.........." Suga replied, knowing what was implied.

"Remember I'm always here to help, and even though we both know I can't do a whole lot, it's better than nothing."

Suga remained silent, but I knew he was thinking deeply. He furrowed his brows and kept his eyes on the screen.

After graduating from the same university, Suga and I had parted ways because of school and life. Suga decided to put off finding a job, and instead devote his entire time to hip hop, while I went the traditional route and found a stable job at a local company. I would visit Suga from time to time and check on him, because I knew his parents weren't helping him much in terms of social and financial support. 

Suga continued to work, almost as if I wasn't there. I stood up, not being able to wait patiently anymore as I did in the past. I slowly walked over next to Suga, and stared down at him. I noticed the stubble, the dark circles, the wrinkled t-shirt and pants, the ruffled hair. I didn't want to say it, but I felt as if he was becoming a slave to his passion. 

Noticing that Suga remained focused, I placed my hand on his shoulder and wrapped the other arm around his chest, resting my head next to his. I could feel his breath on my arm, and knew that he stopped working when I felt his hand on mine. I inhaled deeply and sighed. His musty, home-y scent was so comforting to me. It reminded me of our past university memories, when life was full of surprises and pleasant events.

Suga turned his head to mine and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I could feel his rough stubble on my skin, feeling prickly but familiar.

"Suga. Are you sure everything is ok?" I whispered.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't it be? It won't be long before my mixtape comes out and this time I'll meet a company who will actually listen to me." 

"It's just that.... I'm not. I'm not ok," I replied, tightening my grip. In the past, Suga was the secure one who was in control of his own life and helped me to get over my hardships, but now that we were all grown up, our bond had weakened. I needed someone to rely on after I started my own life, and I didn't want to burden Suga anymore, but sometimes it was too much.

Suga understood what I meant, and unwrapped my arms from his body. He stood up, causing me to look up at his face. I couldn't help but let my tears fall from my eyes. I buried my face in his chest, causing his shirt to get wet. He hugged me with a firm bear hug, and patted my head. It had been a while since I felt so comforted, so I relaxed my nerves and took in the moment as much as I could. When I peered up at his eyes carefully, he was looking at me, with his lazy half-grin. Slowly, he tilted and lowered his head, and met my partly-open lips. I closed my teary eyes and kissed him back, hugging him tightly. He brushed his hand through my hair as we exchanged soft kisses, never letting go of my waist with his other hand. My tears rolled down my cheek to my lips, where he kissed them away. My sensations were overwhelmed with all of the contact, and I felt flooded with endless emotions. Little memories popped up in my head but I couldn't focus because Suga was kissing me so gently but passionately. 

Suga knew what he was doing right now could hurt her even more in the long run, but he couldn't help himself. Miwoo was his first and only crush, and he couldn't forget her. She was the one who had first approached him and admired his work. Suga wished to spend a happy, normal life with Miwoo, but he knew that he couldn't provide her with the things she needed. 

Suga took a step backwards, causing me to take feeble steps backwards as well. When the backs of my knees felt the edge of the bed, I fell backwards and landed on my back, with Suga over me. He caressed my face and gave me one last kiss, smiling. 

"I think all you need is some sleep," he said, pulling the covers over me and brushing my hair out of my face.

I struggled to get out, but his firm hands kept me on the bed.

"I'll be here all night, so just don't worry about work, life, anything, and just sleep, ok?" Suga reassured, as he squeezed my hand. He got up from the bed and went outside of the room, leaving me alone for a moment.

I stared at the ceiling, feeling bad for bothering Suga but feeling happy that I got to enjoy a past memory. I was confused how Suga could avoid me so easily but also be able to kiss so passionately. I could ask him tomorrow, or whenever I come in the future. I decided to forget about complicated matters and just closed my eyes, entering a deep, peaceful sleep.

Suga went to the living room, searching for something. He noticed that Miwoo had cleaned his room and kitchen once again, and shook his head while smiling. His lazy mess always bothered her. His eyes lightened up when he found Miwoo's bag. He searched and searched until he found what he had been looking for: his spare key. Suga sat down on the couch, examining the key, then stood up and walked back to his room. He paused at the doorway, and saw Miwoo sleeping like a baby on his bed. He couldn't help but smirk, and sighed while smiling. 

"She always slept so well, no matter what the circumstances," Suga thought to himself. He entered his room and sat down on his chair, and opened his secret drawer. He placed his spare apartment key inside, and closed the drawer reluctantly. 

"I'm sorry Miwoo. I was supposed to do this earlier, but I couldn't help but see you. I know I gotta let you go now. You're destined to do better things and meet a greater guy who can support you and treat you like a queen, so I hope you can forget about me and move on," Suga whispered. He was staring at Miwoo's peaceful face with a pained gaze. He then turned around and stared at his computer. He tried to begin working again, but the thought that there would be no more random visits from the person he cherished most broke his heart. Suga was the one avoiding her, yet he felt like he needed her even more. He shook his head, put on his headphones, and continued where he left off. 

A/N: Oh mannnnn my rusty skills! This was requested from badgurlyaw and I hope it was ok in the least! Thank you so much for reading and commenting heehee! (I accidentally replied twice with the same thing so I just got rid of the other reply...)

I feel so bad for being away for so long and my creative juices not working.... Exams and whatnot have made me so busy and I haven't written anything in forever...

Anyways, thanks for reading and please don't hesitate to comment! ^^