Now trust me, hold me once again
So I can feel you, hold me

Without you, I can’t breathe
I’m nothing without you
Open my closed heart, drench my heart
So I can feel you, hold me

Your arms, your warmth, your heart
I want to see it all, I beg you
This moment, even the warm flower scented wind
Even the sky without a single cloud
Everything feels cold and I’m even scared of the clear sky
If you’re not here, I’m just a corpse, so how can I breathe?

 

 

 

Aren't we all so pathetically fragile?

Words crack you up
Lies break you down
Silly smiles, meaningful winks and tight warm hugs never felt so overwhelming, so strong, so bitter, so painful

 

It's almost hell, he was losing his sanity

It's a dark room, that is for now, it's a dark small closet actually, and yes he is hiding there for the time being, in the back of his head
This lovely closet held within its walls many tears, whimpers and stories
Insecurity, sadness and fear radiates out of this small place, it's almost a miracle how the thin wooden door supports all that weight
a weight that would've crashed him a bit too hard if he didn't spread out his arms, empty his lungs as he screamed out profanities and poison out of his soul.

Actually this isn't even his place, it's Taehyung's door to escape
Little, well not so little, pretty Taehyung

His best friend

he snores in complete mockery

The first time Jimin caught him was way back in their No More Dream era

such young fragile days

 

He heard faint sniffs, nobody was home, Jin was out with their manager helping Jungkook with his school matters, Namjoon and Yoongi never really leave the studio.

 

That leaves three of them, He was actually planning to go to the dance studio with Hoseok so to perfect their dance.

 

now that leaves one of them
 

for some reason, Taehyung was like a shadow to all of them, the hyper kid wasn't around much, wasn't loud much, he should've noticed it way earlier than this

 

what kind of a friend was he?!

 

he was supposed to come back with Hoseok hours later, but the oldest had to be an utter and ditch him because apparently Yoongi was losing his temper 
 

who knew a single "come now" could be so intimidating

 

Thus leaving Jimin alone as he apologizes and gives him a sloppy kiss on the forehead.
 

so Here he was, back in the dorm, the dorm he expected to be empty, yet he could still hear the chocked, deep breathes as he walks down the hall

It has such a heavy feeling

at first he was scared, You're expecting to be alone, yet you come back to faint whimpers coming out of manager's room, whimpers that seem a tad bit too familiar

as he enters the room, just to find it empty, silence paiting the walls

he ruffles his hair, thinking that maybe he needs rest, he's starting to hallucinate for real now.

but no, the sounds come back again, loud and clear now

someone is crying, and not just someone

Taehyung is

 

It's the small closet in their manager's room, it's a very small one, nobody really goes there, as the boys already have their own outside

He gets closer, with swift steps but heart heavy

 

"Taehyung? is that you"?

 

and his breath hitches
Silence welcomes them again for mere seconds, then Jimin opens the closet to find the child that his best friend crumpled into a ball, his freshly dyed bangs hiding his whole face, he freezes, body tense

"Taehyung? what's wrong? are you crying?" he sits down next to him, trying to get him to look at him

Taehyung finally moves a bit, away, he shakes his head fursfully as he tries to hide away from Jimin's prying hands

"Not crying, I'm not, Jimin"

 

but a broken Jimin out of his mouth was enough for said boy to pull him into a hug

 

it's fine, I'm here, I understand

 

and he really does, Jimin never spits out empty words

Taehyung appreciates him way too much for that, and more

cause Jimin really understands

 

Jimin knew how it all felt, he especially did, coming out at a very young age and going to the big city where big bad wolves disguise as heaven

At 15 he wasn't the brightest of them, nor strongest, if anything, he was one of the weakest, Chubby cheeks and messy hair, sweat dripping as tears roll down

It's not necessarily a bad term, the weakest, aren't we all I say again?

Now he looks back to his old self, and he coul only smile a little at the big turn over he made

He should be proud of the change shouldn't he?
Well he is, but then he would be lying if said he entirely was

 

Truthfully he feels especially weak right now, as he hugs his knees, for some reason, his eyes are burning, and a single tear kisses his cheek, as it streams down

It's been a while since he has been here, 2 years after the first time he found Taehyung, the latter, thanks to Jimin, stopped visiting the closet that much, but Jimin found himself going there more

a little remarque here, a little comment there; he felt himself losing to insecurity

Taehyung was a big help, no matter the teasing and the poking, he was always by his side.

 

so why did he feel as if he was sinking even deeper?

 

When the news of a new dorm first came Taehyung was all jumping, excited for a new bigger dorm, he sneaks his hand into Jimin's and interviews their fingers, pulling him into the manager's room and standing infront of the closet

"I know you come here sometimes, I haven't been here all thanks to you, so thank you Jimin, you are the best ever, I'm being a little cheesy but now we can throw away all those sad feelings and leave it behind right? let's be each others support, let's lean on each others, okay friend?"

and puts out his pinky, like a little child, waiting for Jimin to do the same

He could never not say yes

so he does, and they lock pinkies, promising for a better future and a bigger, better Bangtan, Taehyung screams out, as he runs out of the room, Jimin opens the door of the closet, and smirks, damn he's leaving big bits of his fear and insecurity but gosh

Something bigger is settling in his heart,he legit wants to curl up right at this moment and close the door on himself.

but he doesn't, just merely closes the door for a final time, as Taehyung rushes back to pull him out into the chatters of the other boys around the kitchen.

 

Now don't get him wrong, it's not the same ocean, he came out fresh as a new born baby from all those insecurities

Well new born baby is an exaggeration, he's just saying it to feed himself lies, lies that comfort him and block away the negativity

But he still came out alive

However this ocean he set his feet in is much deeper, much more savage and merciless

It's the ocean of love

and he already found himself going deeper and deeper

Shouldn't men cry three times in their life only?
what a stupid lie

 

He cried three

Three times, he added two more 

And if you include this moment right now, it makes it six times

He cried them all for Taehyung

Damn it, this young heart is so foolish

 

does that make him any less of a man?

stupid, he spits out venom, stupid

stupid

not just about such statement but everything is stupid, heavy, and this damn heart wouldn't just stop 

He looked all around him, the room is a bigger, oh yes it is bigger, it's not the same closet anymore, it feels cold
 

oh so so cold without the memories

yes, it's a new dorm, yet, as he sits down, sad and tired, it feels like the first time
but not really the first time, because there's no heat, no burning heat

 

Taehyung's anxiety and energy did not color this closet yet

and he doesn't think it will

 

Still, he sits down, still, as he counts the seconds, still, one, two, still, three, four, still

It's been months, it was their Dark & Wild era, where he finally understood how he really feels

They were playing around; dancing to T-ara's Sugar free, he was all happy, Namjoon and Hoseok making fools of themselves

Then for a small second he caught dark eyes before hoseok stole his attention to dance their favorite part of the song

Eyes that he ignored for a little bit, high on fun and games, but couldn't stop thinking about once the camera was turnt off

 

 

The recording was over, and they can finally rest in their dorm

As he was waiting for his turn to take a shower, he noticed a shadow entering the manager's room

 

Taehyung

 

He followed him, softly, poking his head inside

Taehyung was standing infront of the so popular closet, thinking, deeply, a look that never fits the forever hyper Taehyung

He shakes his head, sighs then turns around to meet Jimin's soft smile

"let's talk"

 

He was always there for him, Jimin

He was also always there for him, Taehyung

 

 

As they sat down cross legged, blanket shared between them, Jimin took minutes to admire his friend a little, he always knew Taehyung was gorgeous, really gorgeous, he had this beauty in him, childish, pretty

pure

 

Heat creeped up his skin as Taehyung looked him right in the eye, he has the tendencies to do so, Jimin regardless of his dicomfort couldn't look away, he was taken back by such beauty, it wasn't the first time, and he always joked around about Taehyung being so damn obsessed with him

 

he found himself obsessing over the other, slowly, a little too much, what an irony

 

That was the first time Jimin finally noticed how his heart beat picked up when Taehyung took his hand, smiling and thanking him for being such a loyal friend, for being his shield, for being other half

 

So this is how it feels to fall in love with your best friend?

 

but this is worst, there's no hiding, you're vulnerable, you're out there, as if , vulnerable

 

He sees him nearly everyday, 24/7, how could he hide

How could he forget

How could he fix himself

 

Why did he grow up?, he didn't need this, it's so hard, it's crashing him down, he hits the wall next to him

 

This is so pathetic

He chants again and again

 

Well why isn't their song so damn accurate now, what? should he go fill up the bath already?

 

No, he wouldn't, he's not as devastated cause Taehyung seems to crush him, fix him just to ruin him again

Plus if he even thought of such thing, Taehyung would go all around the world and beyond to get him back from the dead

 

Just to kill him again cause Jiminnie pabo

 

Jiminnie that I love

 

but I don't like you

 

what a lie, as he says in an almost tired, yet defensive way into the mic

 

They are in Sukira, Ryeowook asked him if he likes Jungkook and why does he

normally he'd go totally for it, and start saying cheesy stuff about jungkook, cause yes he adores the little son of satan absolutely too much, and maybe to make Taehyung jealous?

oh so childish of him, the dude is probably straight

isn't he also? he doesn't know anymore as Taehyung stole away his heart anyways

 

However today he is especially furstrated so he denies "I don't like him that way"

He doesn't understand why he said it like that, in that voice, but he also knows why

He sees a flick of confused in Jungkook's eyes as he was waiting for a much more cringe worthy sentence

 

Then he hears that honey like deep voice 

 

"To be honest I think Jimin likes guys"

 

and a wave of cold ice sudders hit him, as he defensively denies

 

denies what? he actually denied nothing, he didn't say that he didn't like guys, and what he said about Taehyung wasn't true

 

wait a second, it was true, he doesn't like him

 

He stupidly loves him

 

and here they are in the dorm; Taehyung urged them all out, as hoseok and namjoon earlier poked him asking about Jimin and if they should talk to him

 

and here he is now, standing where Jimin was years ago

 

different time, different story, different place, same people

different feelings

 

He opens the closet softly, Jimin almost doesn't hear him, as he burn holes at the back of his eyes, the dorm is all black and the world is slow, he feels an arm circling his waist and he almost jumps up if not for the familiar scent

 

Taehyung is warm, familiar and painful

 

It's painful

It's bitter

It leaves a very vilurent taste at the back of his throat

a malicious knocking at the back of his head

 

Taehyung nuzzles his hair, he always has been affectionate, an affection Jimin used to love before his heart slipped and made even the smallest touches electrifying

He whispers softly, into Jimin's ear, scared the older will crack and push him

 

It was simple, and Jimin gave up, his arms falling down, as he hides into Taehyung's own awaiting ones

 

"Talk to me"

 

 

and he does, talk, he just talks, eyes dry, very very dry, he still talks with emotions, but doesn't talk his emotions, he always listens, he listens well to everyone, now it's time for someone to listen.

he should be happy, it's a happy day, they won yesterday

 

Still, he's mumbling banalities into Taehyung's shirt, as the other holds him in a tight grasp, never letting go, as if his life depends on it

He wishes Taehyung really depended on him

 

Taehyung was a child at heart, not just for his craziness and cuteness, but especially for his rather naivety, call it glubillity or innocence, whichever it is

 

Jimin both loved it and despises it, because Taehyung was true, real and pure

but was also ignorant

not in that negative sense but in the sense of not noticing the tense shoulders, the trempling lips, and the satisfied yet sad sighs Jimin lets out when Taehyung throw himself at him, arms, heart, and soul open

 

He's now angry, he hugs Taehyung back a tad bit too hard, the other doesn't complain though, just plays with his hair and lets his fingers dance all around Jimin's skin

 

He wants to let it out, he wants to tell him, he deeply wants to

 

But he's scared

 

As that thought crosses his mind, Taehyung pushes him a bit softly, mumbling a wait a second, he turns on the faint light in the closet, then closes the door

sits back down, genuine smile and fond stares as he opens his arms wildly for Jimin to claim back the place

 

"Will now tell me what's really bothering you Jiminnie? I think it's been enough of a while for you to open up and rest no?"

 

Jimin frowns, not really understanding what Taehyung means

 

"It's been months, I notice, cause I care, no matter how gullible I can be, I notice Jimin"

 

Jimin has his eyes open now, staring into Taehyung's very warm beautiful ones

God why is he so beautiful

 

and Taehyung is now rewarding him yet torturing him slowly with that heavenly laugh of his

 

are these angels singing?

 

Jimin can not help his own laugh rocking out his chest

for real he feels a little better, as he laughs at Taehyung's attempt in english, as sings out his part in their song hold me tight, why isn't the song so accurate now?

 

Trust me Jimin, more like Thurst me Jimin

he sings again and again

Trust me

Please believe in me

 

"I only have you Jiminnie"

 

Taehyung said that months ago in their hotel room

and Jimin does trust him

 

He's scared, no scratch that, he's terrified, ready for the ground to swallow him alive or for Satan to consume his soul

 

He never thought he would be confessing his love in such....romantic place, You would more of imagine a romantic date, candles and roses

would imagine him walking on the sand with a girl by his side.

 

Yet it's a guy infront of him, a pretty boy in a small room

 

a closet

 

but the mere thought of a closet has more sense and meaning that just that

 

So he does, he begs Taehyung to give him some time, to be patient and that, Taehyung gives him

 

He asks him to not freak out, to not be mad or disappointed or worst

Disgusted

 

He's scared this will ruin their beautiful, unbreakable sacred friendship

but Taehyung pokes his nose, saying whatever Jimin did or is feeling wouldn't ruin their friendship, if it does then it wasn't even a real friendship

 

and Jimin warms up, feels himself falling even more for this human being

He cannot understand how, but he feels that this is the moment he needs to finally accept it, looking beyong the group, beyong friendship, uality, gender and critism

 

I'm in love with you

 

and Taehyung looks him dead in the eyes, cannot hide his shock, and Jimin averts his down, knowing that yes this is the end

 

after few moments of silence that felt like eternity, he hears a soft you're an idiot

 

Taehyung reaches to hold his cheek, eyes at same level, bangs touching, he smiles a bit, a little rose adoring his cheeks

 

"I'm....very, flattered, I don't know to be honest"

"I don't know either"

 

and Taehyung smiles a bit bigger, he's confused himself, overwhelmed with this weight his friend just threw at him

no scartch that, it's a bomb

 

Taehyung was flustrated just at girls leaving chocolate bars at his desk, shy and all small postures

and now, his own best friend for life is...in love with him?

 

Taehyung doesn't have much experience in life, let along relationships

 

It's too much, he's suffocating he won't lie, he feels a huge headache forming, and he feels almost nauseating

 

No not at the thought of Jimin as a friend or a brother or at the thought of a guy loving him cause he doesn't care

 

He really doesn't care, he comes off even indifferent, he's seen comments of fans saying that Taehyung is hard to read when it comes to relationships and romantic feelings cause his head is almost always up in the clouds

and it's kind of true

but entirely a bit wrong, cause he's human too, he feeds off affection and contact and sensuality

He feeds on the attention others give him and dammit, he is so weak indeed

 

But Jimin was weaker, especially now, he's been enduring such emotions for so long

 

Taehyung needs some time himself, so right now he is thanking the skies and the angels and what's above when he hears the door opening

 

wow, has it already been 3 hours?

 

He laughs a little, hugging jimin and pulling him up to his feet just for another hug, he ruffles his hair and pokes his nose calling him an idiot over and over again, promising him to talk soon

 

As he opens the door, pulling Jimin, he quickly then rushes, with Jimin still on his tail, into Hoseok's awaiting arms, Jungkook following right after, and for some reason the other three members just do also, and they form a big hug, Taehyung and Jimin being the center, and then they both know

 

Jimin knows

 

That regardles of everything, this is home

This is family

 

In the family that is Bangtan, I'm not an only child

 

This is warmth and security, and Taehyung winks at him, as they stay a bit like that, until Yoongi pulls himself away calling them sobby , pulling Jungkook with him cause the basketball match is starting soon, but noone could ever miss the smile on his face

 

Suddenly Jimin finds himself in between Yoongi and Hoseok, the latter cooing at him, he searches with his eyes, scanning for Taehyung, but he doesn't see him or Namjoon anywhere else

 

He doesn't, for a second, doubt that Taehyung is talking about what happened, not really bringing him up, but just asking Namjoon for advice

 

He seriously doesn't know how to feel

 

He still, between the cheers and his massively crashing thoughts and feelings, sleeps on Hoseok's shoulder, landing in dreamland, all full of Taehyung's scent, laugh and voice

 

 

 

 

It's been a week

or was it two?

 

However it feels so long, they've won multiple times again, the fans are amazing, and through that, shows, appearances and performances, they weren't even sleeping full four hours, Jimin forgot himself, and he would be lying if said he wasn't kind of ignoring Taehyung, who himself was having very conflicting thoughts.

 

It's a free day, before they start practicing for their appreance on weekly idol

 

Taehyung noticed how Jimin has always been an exception,true that he takes his friendships seriously, hates goodbyes, but Jimin

 

Jimin claims a big place in his heart, and sits there like a king with a crown on

He knows giving more parts to Jimin in his own songs is not a coincidence

Feeling pain just at the mere scrowl of Jimin

The urge to be around him, to tease and touch 

 

Jimin

 

 

so Taehyung finally confronts him

 

 

"you already confessed, why are you going back into that cave of yours and hiding?"

 

and Jimin doesn't know how to react or what to do

so he just lets out a single I don't know why

and he never thought to get that back as an answer

I don't know what I'm doing either

 

They both don't know

 

but Taehyung is holding his hands now, in their shared room with Hosoek

His lips are moving, pretty, pink full lips moving

It feels like the world is slowing down way too dramatically for his liking

 

But he's deaf

 

Absolutely deaf and almost numb cause of the mixing senses

It's all too much

 

Is he dreaming?

 

"I want to try it, can you give me the chance to try...being with you?"

 

He doesn't know

 

Truely doesn't know what Taehyung is going all about

but the youngest is blushing hard, and he is stuttering, then he's mumbling in his alien language, then he is talking a bit too loud for Jimin's sensitive ears to endure

he shuts his mouth with a hand

 

"Kim Taehyung what did you just say? please, human language"

 

and the other smiles a bit shyly, ears legit red

 

"I said I want to try, not as in pity, but like I want to feel, and I don't know you know how I am I don't know I'm scared you're scared I just ..."

 

"you're ranting"

 

"I'm nervous"

Jimin titles his head, asking why

 

"all because of you"

 

Now it's his turn to blush a little, especially as Taehyung invases his bubble of security and claims his personal space

and claims his air

His heart with it also.

 

"I want to try something, can you trust me?"

 

and Jimin will always, so he does, feels his bones and soul resting, as he just lets himself be, and his eyes are close, doesn't know when, but his eyes are closed, he doesn't need to see so to know how Taehyung looks right now, he sees it all at the back of his mind, their noses are touching, and mere eseconds, he feels soft lips against his, it was only seconds, a little pressure, just a peck as if an angel kissed him goodnight

 

But it's electifiying, it's over the top, it's something his human self cannot take, such sensations

 

Then their foreheads are touching, they stay like that, standing, his hands are almost bruising Taehyung's small waist, as the other holds still to his cheeks, his looking down now on him, eyes full of something hidden, but warm and lovely still indeed

 

he feels safe

 

He doesn't know why he said yes, but he also knows, he's not very sure if Taehyung won't break him in any worst way, if he will change his mind or if he's playing a sick joke, but no

 

that smile says it all

 

He knows he indeed can trust Taehyung to never break him

He knows, Taehyung would break himself thousand times before breaking Jimin

Cause regardless of friendship, morals and normality

 

There's something a bit much golden than that

 

so He gives himself into that ocean of sensuality, and lets Taehyung guide him into it, to whatever path there is awaiting them, hands and hearts together

with no regrets

 

"Let's take it easy alright Tae?"

 

and Taehyung just smiles, eyes glazzed, as he surrenders to Jimin's soft touch to his cheek

He said it already once before

He knows, Jimin will protect him forever

 

Jimin, on the other hand, knows, whether these feelings stay or not

 

He will never lose Taehyung

 

Maybe falling in love with your best friend, isn't so bad after all

 

"I know Taehyng, I know you'll be by my side forever"

 

 

Can you trust me, Can you trust me, please, please, please?

 

--------------------------------------

There is a very thin layer between friendship and Love, regardless of  uality, gender, morals or nationality, once the relationship crosses the path of friendship and platonic affection and falls deep into the world of love, jealousy and need, it's hard to go back. 

There is only few people in this world that click with you, call them friends, lovers or soulmates. Life brings new people, and steals others, but you will always meet, one or two that will dramatically change your life, they will bring the best and the worst of you. Once you find that friend or that lover, hold on to them as much as the ticking clock gives you, love it , cherish it and enjoy it all -me

 

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did you catch the pun there? they came out of the closet, both literally and metaphorically

oh closets

I'm lame as

finally proof read it ^^