Coming to Amsterdam in the spring is kind of blessing. Because I'm not ready for the winter and the sun. I promised to meet Sunyoung a few days later, since she doesnt know that I arrive earlier. I rode the train that bring me to Volendam and stay there. Limited communication doesnt stop me to enjoy this journey, since it is a beautiful country surrounded with kind person. When I found wifi, I checked my email to see that aunt Kim told me to discover myself and my grandfather is looking for me and try not to be afraid. I replied to her that it's okay and I'm not afraid. Thinking about my grandfather, it kinda shocking that he read the letter and then trying to find me. I thought he'll be glad to get rid of me. A little hope that my grandfather will embrace me, but I am to afraid to dream that high. So I just enjoyed the ride. Few days in Volendam end too fast and I go to Amsterdam to meet Sunyoung. In the Museum District, we promised to meet in front of Van Gogh museum, so I waited and enjoyed the architecture. Suddenly, I tasted something metalic trickle to my mouth. Using my handkerchief, I saw blood and shocked, because this is the first one since I came here. My medicines are still left for a month and I am not missing a single dose. Fear cripping in, but before my mind running away, a voice called me. The voice that I longed for this whole year. Quickly I wiped my nose and checked if there is no blood. Then, I get up and see her, still prety, if not prettier.

"Jinki!!!" She run toward me. "Yes Sunyoung, you look happy!" I hugged her tightly hoping this would last. Then slowly I pulled away. I sensed dissapointment from her fave but maybe it just my feeling.

"Jinki, do you want come inside?I've got the free pass."

"How about my things?"

"We can keep it there, I know a few people."

Then I follow her. Turned out she is an intern of historical architecture. So she knew a lot of people in the museum. She told me that in Amsterdam, she found passion for the museum and dont wanna leave this city. I hear her story and feel proud also sad. Proud because finally she find herself, sad because maybe she wont be near me again.

"Sunyoung, where is your fiancee?"

Her expression turned sour for a moment then quickly she smiled again," He is busy. How about meet him tomorrow and now we enjoy the museum?" I nodded and with burning passion that I missed she explained about the architecture. I think she truly find her missing soul here, not me but someone else. When days almost dark, we decided to end the tour and she brought me to her apartment. Before I hestitated she told me that she lives alone and her fiancee is a cool man so it is safe for me to stay there. So I follow her and when my body touch the bed I realised how tired I was. When I opened my jacket, I saw another bruises and it freaks me out. Using my new card and after knowing time in Korea, I call dr Lee. Luckily he answered fast and when I told him my simptoms, he asked to do chemo soon because the medicine wont work anymore. Feeling hopeless after the call, I decided to spend a week here in case Sunyoung saw me getting weak. With that I go to sleep.

In the noon, true to her word. I met Sunyoung's fiancee. A local guy with attractive face and body. He cared for her, but I felt something missing, maybe the chemistry even love. But I ignored it because they looked happy. Their happiness is my fall. Because the jealousy burning through my soul. But I cant do this, because how could I make her life miserable? With that thought it  better to be like this. We had lunch together and even with jealousy, I enjoyed their company. But time passed and he had to go back. Quickly he pecked Sunyoung's cheeck and handshaked me. Sunyoung asked,"How?" "Nice guy. You both look like completed each other." I tried to smile and she smiles too. But it feels like a forced one, not the usual smiles she flashed to me everytime she was happy. 

On the way back, she asked me about aunt Kim, because she only knows her. I told her about her and my job too. She asked," are you happy there? If not there are many jobs for talented person like you here. We can work together, like we used to in the college. It's fun and we could meet many famous person here. Please consider this opportunity!" She starred hopefully and as much as I want to work here and get a lot of knowledge, I know this disease will kill me slowly. So it's better to hurt her feeling now than later. I answered, " I cant Sunyoung, because I cant leave my family alone. But if I got time, I will fly straight here and come to you." She asked," should I go back then?" Her question makes me confused, then she continued," sometimes I feel homesick, I thought that if you were here, I could make the loneliness go away."

"How about you fiancee?"

"I'll discusse it, but I am sure he will approve it."

"Sunyoung, you have a lot of opportunity, just think wisely and carefully because the opportunity wont come twice."

"I know" she answered with that fake smile again.

In here apartement, I checked my email and found one from aunt Kim," Jinki, your grandfather hired a detective to find you, and you lied to me, you told me that your visit to dr Lee wasnt a big deal. The detective found that you had leukemia. Why you lie? Just come home and get treatment soon. We dont wanna lose you." That email shocked me, without bothering the difference timezone, I called dr Lee. He answered and frantically I asked where the detective got the information. He was shocked too, but he thought maybe someone hacked the computer where the medical files saved, including mine. "I dont wanna to do the treatment." Finally the words are out from my mouth. "I knew," he answered like a patient grandfather," but your grandfather came to me once, telling me his regret for not caring for you and that old man maybe was stupid and blinded by hatred. But know he changes, and I hope you too." The silent after that broken by my answer," I'll think well, but I think it is just a matter of time before he find me and forced me to do the chemo." "He wont, maybe in the begining, but he just want his only family back, forgive him, and never leave him again. Choose wisely son." With that I said goodbye and think deeply. I choose not to answer that email, because I know they'll find me soon.

Nearly a week into my stay, I feel the aching come back and more painful, luckily the nosebleed doesnt. But it means that I must leave her quickly. So when I go outside alone, because she have an important job, we promise to meet there and I will tell her about going home, although I dont know if I will come home or just continue to run, before my grandfather catches me. When someone from the front office told me where she was, I walked toward but it seemed that she is in deep conversation with someone. Hearing the voice, I know it is his fiancee. But they talk in Korea and it makes me want to know, so I decide to hide and eavesdropping. 

"You should told him" Evan, the fiancee speaks

"But I am afraid that it will hurt him. We start this because I dont want to worry him, because I still love him"

"Better now than never. We cant lie forever and it will be getting deep. I am getting married soon Sunyoung, even if my fiancee knows this situation, but it'll be complicated once we marry. I know your feeling never change for him. But, I think he loves you. I see it."

"If he loves me, he wont reject me. I am too tired to fight this feeling. This is hurt but why I am still chasing him." She cried and Evan consoled him.

Their conversation makes me realise that all this time they've been lying to me. I've feel cheated but relief at the same time. Then I realized there is no happy ending for us. I should go and leave her. Trying controlling my emotion, then I knock the door. After a moment the door opened, and I still can see the stain of tears in her eyes. They both smile and invite me to come in. Not wanting to deal with that complicated problem, I decide not to bring it up and tell them another reason. I tell them that I want to come back to Korea because of an emergency. They kinda surprised, and persuaded me to stay for another week. But I insisted and they gave in. I feel sad but this is the best for us.

I dont know where I go, so when I prepare my things and Sunyoung knocks my door, asking if she can sent me out, I am confused but tell her not to bother. Then suddenly she holds my hand and hug me. For a second, I just ignore my mind that keep telling me to let go and follow my heart to kiss her. So, I hold her face and kiss her, so does she. I forget everything, I feel happy and she tastes like my summer goddess, the one that bring out the sun in my dark and rainy days. Slowly, I pull her apart.

"I apologize and this is goodbye."

"You are confusing me. You told me you didnt love me, but now you kiss me. Tell me, do you love me or not?"

I hestitated for a moment, and before I answer her, she told me," You know I dont believe you anymore. I think you lie, you say you dont love me but I know you love me. Evan told me he knew you loved me. For your note, Evan is not my fiancee, he is my friend and I asked him to pretend because I knew you were worried about me and asking you to come to assure you that I am fine that I can survive and mostly, to make sure my heart was okay. But it never was! Everytime I see you my heart beats faster and I cant control it. I am insanely in love with you. So why do you reject me when you love me to??"

Her outburst surprised me. I dont know that she feels the heartache this deep. If my life isnt a mess, we will get happy ending. Or maybe this is just my cowardiness, too afraid to something that I cant imagine. So I just tell her," because my life is a mess, you deserve a happiness. Dont waste your time for someone like me." She slapped me and then left.

I touched my cheek and laughed with this situation. I never thought that it will end up like this. Before I could process what happened, my phone rings. It is Korean number but I dont know the number. I am afraid that something happens with my grandfather or aunt Kim. Without thinking too much, I answered my phone, but the voice there shocked me.

"Jinki...this is your grandfather."

"Yes..." I am still surprised to hear his voice.

"Jinki...," he starts crying which shocks me.," why are you crying sir? Do somebody get hurt?"

"No, I am sorry for everything. I am your grandfather not you boss. You can call me grandfather. Please go home. Lets start over. Please try to live well and live to hate me. It's okay. Just let me take care of you. Please go home!" He pleaded and it broke my heart. Never once he speak to me with soft voice. He always speak firmly. Maybe because I am dying he is being soft. And that word, grandfather... the world that I longed to say, finally he let me called him that. It feels like that I can die right now. So I answered," thank you grandfather...I will come home, but not right now. Just give me a week then I will be there. Is that okay?" He said," okay, just please dont take it too long. See you soon Jinki." And like that our conversation ended. One by one the burden started to dissapear, and now I decide to go to my final destination before coming home and facing reality.

Chatting with old friend may give you another perspective. And just like that, Choi Jin Hyuk decided to meet Lee Soo Man. Talking with him made Choi Jin Hyuk realized that he is too shallow, never forgive and still stuck in the past. Lee Soo Man surprised him by saying Lee Jinki was a good kid. Choi Jin Hyuk a little surprised and asked where he met him. Lee Soo Man expression is quickly changed and said that he met him while did a little check up for his body based on aunt Kim recommendation. As a quick thinker and knows his friend habit, he feels that Lee Soo Man is lying but dont wanna address it right now. So, when he comes home, he texts the detective that is trying to look for Jinki, by asking him to investigate Lee Soo Man. A few days later, the result arrives and it breaks his heart. Reading Jinki medical report, he finds out that his grandson has leukemia, a kind of cancer that kills his wife, and now it will kill Jinki without proper treatment. Because appearantly Jinki doesnt go to the oncologist that suggested by Lee Soo Man and decided to dissapear completely. A single tear finally falls and he cursed himself for being such a jerk to his only family. With new resolution, he will try to give Jinki the best medical care, appreciate his hard work and existence, and loving him like a grandfather loves his grandson. Choi Jin Hyuk knows where Jinki run and he has his number. But he decides to give him time to heal. But after knowing Jinki condition, he cant hold it and calls him right away. The conversation went well. Choi Jin Hyuk calls Lee Soo Man, asks him to find the best oncologist and hospital for his grandson, because now, he wont loose his family again. He wont live in the hatred and will start living in the love.

Kim Hae Sook is just speechless, not knowing that Jinki hides a big secret. When she saw tears in Choi Jin Hyuk eyes, she knew he changed. She opened her phone, emailing Jinki and asking him to go home. At least this is what she could do, she didnt want to lose someone again.