Today is the day, I am ready to observe the meeting. I dont want to dissapoint my grandfather. Suddenly my phone's ringing

"Jinki...."

" what's up Sunyoung? Is there something wrong?" 

Suddenly I heard Sunyoung crying and it broke my heart, I dont want to dissapoint my grandfather, but Sunyoung is more important

"Sorry Jinki, I'm sorry, I just...I...."

"Wait for me at your home." I hung up the phone and hurriedly took a bus to go to Sunyoung home. I knocked, and she opened with puffy eyes. Suddenly she hugged me so tight...

"Sunyoung..." I surprised with her action,but still I hugged her tightly too

" I broke up with Kibum oppa" she still huged me

"Why? Did he cheat on you?"

" Jinki... I am the one who cheated on him. I dont deserved him."

"Sunyoung..." I released my hug and saw her eyes deeply "You are good person. Why do you cheat? It wasnt like you."

"The man that I want to be with dont know about my feeling. I dont deserved his love. He is the only man that stay with me through everything. I am to blind to realise that he is the one for me."

"You're perfect Sunyoung, you must be crazy to think that man didnt love you." Jealousy fullfilled my heart, but Sunyoung happiness is more important than mine.

" I'm afraid you're wrong Jinki...the man just thinks of me as his little sister." She looked at me at eyes so deeply and it made me curious to know who is this man.

" Who is he? So I can judge if he is good or not for you."

she looked at me again, " His name is Jinki..."

I looked her eyes deeply, hoping to find a lie, but I found the truth. That kind of truth that I've expected for my whole life.

" Sunyoung, calmed yourself down first. Drink first." I gave her a cup of water. But she only looked at the water and held my hand. Her hand was soft and so ...warm. My heart is at peace when she hold me like that.

"Jinki...I love you...so much. At first I ignored it,thinking it was just a crush. But it gets deeper time by time. I won't lie anymore to myself. I love you and need you. I cant live without you."

Her confession warmed my heart. I want her to be mine. But I know that we cant be together. How can someone that cant be accepted by his only family get love from this lovely girl.

"Sunyoung..." I held her hand ," I love you too as a sister....my little sister. I dont want our relationship to be changed." I'm sorry Sunyoung for lying. She looked me with her hurtful eyes and told me it's okay. She apologized for making such a big scene for me and let go her hand from mine. I want to hold hers longer but I know that this is the risk from the choice that I've taken. After she calmed down and made sure she is fine, I left her with heavy heart.

On my way home, I prepared for the worst from my grandfather. I'm sure he will be pissed of on me. 

When I come home...pissed off is not the right word for what my grandfather felt. It felt like burning hatred that could burn entire word. "Jinki....,I know you just like your father...a failure and can't do things right! Fortunately I dont need you earlier. I was wrong for giving you an opportunity and there is no second chance for someone like you.Just do your job right and be a good employer!" And he left me just like that. The hatred burns through my body, I was angry and sad. Angry because I know there is no happiness for me that comes from my grandfather and sad because we would never enjoy loving relationship. I run to my room and finally crying...to tired from this complicated relationship and Sunyoung...he should be find happiness from someone else, not a broken man like me.

Morning has come and I'm doing my job automatically. I know there is no hope for relationship between me and my grandfather, so it's better for me to do my job right and leaving no problem. When I'm doing my job, my phone ringing and it comes from Sunyoung. I pick it up and she asked me to met her quickly in a caffee near my workplace. Fortunately it's lunch break and I can see her quickly.

"Jinki..." she said, "I apologize for yesterday. I apologize for everything. Sorry if I act like a spoiled brat...because thats who I am." I hold her hand and told her ,"you're not spoiled brat...you just hurt and I am sorry to for making you hurt. You deserve a happiness and I am not sure if I can bring it to you." She answer, " I know...it hurts for having one sided love. Jinki, I'm leaving for Amsterdam after this. I came to say goodbye. I dont know when will I'll be back but I need to find myself and find my purpose. When I come back, I'll be a better person that brings happiness for everyone including you. " These words broke my heart. I dont want to lose her, I want to tell her I love her but my life is a mess, and I dont want to drag her to my hell, cause she's an angel that brightens my hell. But, I know I will torture her if I am too selfish. So, with a fake smile I tell her," Find your happiness, and I'll be here being a good friend for you but please dont forget to email me."

She nods and gets up and so do I. Instead a handshake, she hugs me and kiss me in my lips. I am shocked and she said," I am not sorry for that kiss...I dont thing my feeling will change but I need to make you know my feeling. Goodbye, Jinki.See you." With that,she left like a wind leaving no trace.

Two months since she left, she just emailing me thrice. Telling me the weather, the architecture, the people, and everything she saw. Everytime I read her letter, I wish I am beside her, holding her hand in a coffee shop and see outside the window. But, this is my choice and I cant regret it. She deserves to be happy. Meanwhile, my relationship with my grandfather now is strickly just a business. When he needs me he called. It becomes more cold at home, there is no interaction between us. Sometimes I just wanna run far away. There is no love and it seems wont be any love for me. I'm not afraid to leave all behind, except him. I'm so afraid that he will be alone and none to accompany him. Somehow, I cant survive this loneliness without aunt Kim and other maids. They make this house felt like a home, where I could really go. 

Doing this job make me realised that I kinda like it. Being doctor maybe my dream and being architecture is a compulsion, but now I feel like this is where I belong. Everytime Sunyoung sent picture of a building, I always saved it and imagine the building as my inspiration. As a result, my works are noticed by my superior and college. They are recognized and supported me. Even my superior thought that I should get promotion and recomended me, but always get rejected. I knew my grandfather behind this. I knew he thought I didnt deserve it, and I just accepted it, enjoyed it, at least I get to be near him.

"Jinki...lets go out with another colleagues." Minho, my coworker asked me out. "And you must go, I insist. You cant reject it again. You've already worked here like six months but you always work hard. We should have some fun. Just a couple of beer then you could go home. I order you as your senior." I"ve got dragged just like that. But, I realise that my colleges are fun and they know how to work and play hard. They make me comfortable and it makes me longed for event like this, where I could socialize, not only with aunt Kim, the maids, and now just random email from Sunyoung. Not from the cold shoulder and constant reject from my grandfather. I just wanna cry hard but I hold it. I am very grateful for my colleagues.

After that night, somehow I join my colleagues to eat together, although not often. In a few opportunity they told me that they were afraid to approach me because I was to scary and a maniac workholic eventough they admire my hardwork and confuse why I dont get a promotion. I just laughed with them. I dont care with things like that anymore. Happiness like this is something that need to be appreciate. And when I go home late, my grandfather never care to meet me at the dinner room after that dissapointment. So maybe he knew but ignored it, like ignored and rejected my promotion.