Almost a year, a few more email from Sunyoung. She met a nice guy, a local guy and a chef. She wrote to me not with burning passion again, but more elegant and I wonder, if this is the end for us. The exchange happened once a month, and there are no building picture anymore. It was replaced with their date, and I am burning in jealousy. He is a handsome man, and sweet according Sunyoung. She asked me if I met someone special, and my answer is no. Because the woman I only want is her, yet I am too coward to drag her into my mess. My job and my colleagues are now my source of happiness. I can call them my friends now, because thats what they are. We make a solid team, and our supervisor is very happy and that is way our team is trusted with big project. Like now, the project is taking a lot of our time. And working like this finally caught toll on me. There are moment when I feel aching in my bones, bruises on my knee that didnt fade away for few weeks. And when the project is done, and we are going to celebrate by dinner, I just feel nauseous. There, suddenly nosebleed caught my friend. It makes me realise how tired I was. So with a heavy heart, I bow down and go home early, feel the need to rest.

At home, it is dinner time and I caught my grandfather eating in the dinner room alone. Not wanting to disturbe him but I want so bad to see him, with a heavy heart I decide to bow to him then leave him alone. In front of him, I bow, and I can feel that he is disturbed by me. Not wanting to make him angry, after that I go to my room. Before I go to my room, he called me, "Jinki, wipe the blood from your nose. It's disgusting and ruining my appetite." Just like that and he left the room. With the tissues, I hold my nose and realise that the bleeding still comes out. It troubles me, but I just feel tired and thinking maybe a deep sleep can solve this nosebleed.

In the morning, I feel fine and check if the nosebleed suddenly comes out, but it doesnt. When aunt Kim came, she shocked over the blood and asked me to go to the doctor even after explaining that it may be just tiredness. But she is just stubborn and quickly arranged a meeting with general practitioner she knew, she said that GP is the one that took care my mom when she was young. So I promised him to go to the GP in the evening after working. In the work, my colleagues asked how I was, and I told them that I felt just fine and they were joking to me not to work hard anymore and let them to the rest. Because working with me apparently was too hard to follow. I just laughed and promised to take slow everything. When I checked my email, Sunyoung asked me to come to Amsterdam because she wanted to get married to this guy and want me to see this guy, as a brother. I was choked when read that, but it was her happiness, and so I told her I am not sure when I cant come but I trust her because she is the smart girl I ever know. Along the way to the GP, I almost miss the stop because my mind cant stop thinking how Sunyoung will get married. 

The GP is an old man, I think he is in the same age with my grandfather and it was proven when he told me he know my grandfather, and my mother, even my father. Because apparently when my mother is disowned and need to go to doctor but without money, aunt Kim told the situation to the doctor and the doctor quickly told my mother to come to him. He told me my mother felt like a daughter and he was sad when mother moved far away so he couldnt visit him. But he always sent her letter, sometimes with money. I remember letter coming and my mother was crying, but it was tear of happiness and longing. The GP introduced himself as doctor Lee Soo Man. Doctor Lee, listening to my complaint and when he saw my bruise, I just shocked because the bruise doesnt seem to fade away. He looked concern but masking it quickly. He asked me to do blood test and then come to get the result few days later when he called. Without thinking to much I followed his order and waiting the result when he called me.

Few days later, he called me with heavy voice, asking me to as soon as possible to come to his clinic. I was curious about my result. And that when he told me I got leukemia. It can be from genetic because my grandmother die from cancer, from my accident, from my lifestyle. It is every possibility. But, something that more shocking is that I got into stadium three and need to do chemo as soon as possible. He recommended me a few oncologist and told me the cost. Before I go, I asked him to promise not to tell aunt Kim and grandfather. He was shocked and told me," Son, this is a life threatening disease. How could you do this alone. And maybe you need bone marrow transplant, I am sure they can help you." I said," I need to this alone. I cant tell them and you have doctor patient confidentiality. So please respect my decision and dont worry, I'll try to live." He nodded and I left the room. At my last sentence trying to live, suddenly I laughed hard and crying. I can't believe God gave me chance to survive, met my grandfather who hate me to his bone, the kind aunt Kim and the maids, my first and forever love Park Sunyoung who will be a bride soon, the fun and nice colleagues, and now I am gonna die. But my live is God's gift, why suddenly I angry, is this how I am gonna die? But I am afraid of my grandfather, afraid never had the change to apologize, to call him grandfather.

Coming home, aunt Kim asked about the meeting with the GP and I told her it was okay, just tiredness and and lot of rest will fix them. She told me to rest and eat a lot, because she noticed how skinny I was. When in my room, I am searching for chemo price and it was pricy and hurt. I am scared and I know I cant afford it. The urge to runaway is bigger and suddenly and impulsively I order one way ticket to Amsterdam, mailing Sunyoung that I will come to her next week. Then, I typed my resignation letter. I thought how my hardwork go unappreciated by my grandfather, altough my colleagues and my supervisor always support me, but my prime motivation was to make my grandfather proud. I know I cant do it anymore. I packed my things, bringing what I could bring and decided to smuggle it under my bed, to hide it from aunt Kim. I wrote letter for her and grandfather. For grandfather, I'm sure maybe he will throw it in trash even before touching it. But it is still nice to try it. When I come to my supervisor to hand my resignation letter, he was very surprised. So I explain by lying that I need to take care my grandfather in another city. He accepted with heavy heart and told me to come back whenever I want to come back. He called all my collagues and they all are surprised and some of them crying. I dont know that being missing was like this. The foreign feeling that hurtful yet nice. When it is time for my funeral, will they come too? That thought clouded my mind while they told me everything they felt about me. 

I check my salary and count it. For travelling few weeks more than enough and I still have some saving from my project. I could live in my old house, in another city. I know grandfather might find me there, but I doubt he'll come to me again. He might be happy could get rid of me and I could die in peace. Smuggling my things are not easy part. It's better to lie to aunt Kim and the maids that I have job in another city and wont come back few weeks and when they found the letter it will be too late to stop me. I leave when my grandfather already went to the office. I am sure the resignation letter will be in his hand two or three days depended on the HRD. So I should go as soon as possible. After saying goodbye and go to the airport by riding taxi, I check my email, Sunyoung told me how excited she is and she will show me all spot and all the beautiful building in Amsterdam. I think you're the most beautiful thing in the world, just my thought went like that.

Waiting for my flight to be called, I drink the medicine that doctor Lee gave me. He said it was for temporary, to stop the aching and bleeding, and some vitamins. I just need time and temporary is more than enough. As my flight being called, and leaving Korea, I feel sleepy and the burden lifted from my shoulder...and I feel free...

Choi Jin Hyuk is a busy man, but he read everything carefully. Like when Lee Jinki is recommended to get a promotion a few times, he read and know Lee Jinki is capable. But remembering that tardiness from him a year ago and how slacking is his father, Choi Jin Hyuk tought that Lee Jinki will destroy this company. So he ignored it. And when the resignation letter coming, he read it carefully, when he saw the name he surprised. Because he knew Lee Jinki must be resigned a few days ago, but he saw him at home ready to go work every morning. Choi Jin Hyuk felt bertrayed so after knowing that he is free, he came home and called Lee Jinki loudly. How surprised he is when the maid told him that Jinki had work in another city from the company and wont be back for a few weeks. So he went to his room and found two letter in the night stand. There was one for him and he read it

"Grandfather...

How weird to call you like that. But I want to call you that 10 years ago. Thank you for bringing me to your home, taught me everything and raising me well. I am growing up well thanks to you.

Grandfather, I am sorry for abandoning the company, running from my responsibility as an employeer, but I cant work there anymore.

Grandfather, you dont need to see me in your house anymore, I know by raising me bring you pain, and I am deeply sorry for that. Forgive my mother and especially my father for destroying a relationship between father and daughter. But they are the best parent I ever had, and even when I am born again I will be their children.

Grandfather, if in this life I am not a fillial grandson, then let us meet in another life, and let me bring happiness for you too, not pain, not sadness, and not anger. I want to be the grandson that bring smile in your face.

Thankyou grandfather, this is my goodbye. I wont bring misery in your life again. I'll live my life quietly so you wont be ashame of me

Lee Jinki"

The letter fell out of his hand. Still cant believe that Jinki decided to runaway. He knew that everything he's done was to drive Jinki away. The reason for taking care of him solely because of his daughter. Jinki is the male version of his daughter. There is undeniable. But everytime he saw Jinki, he also saw that man, that filthy man that took away his daughter until to the grave, although he knew the man changed 180 degree to be a better man. Still the hatred burned through his body. When he knew Jinki wouldnt run away and he could pressure him, there was sense of comfort. But now, Jinki left by saying goodbye like they wouldnt meet again. His ego told him not to look for him, but his heart told the opposite. For once, he'll follow his heart. He'll find him, to apologize and to start a new family. He called aunt Kim, told him that Jinki runaway and gave her the letter for her. He asked her where she thought Jinki would be. He surprised when heard aunt Kim's answer, " Why you just couldnt let him go. He is never loved here, why dont you set him free?" Choi Jin Hyuk, the grandfather answered," I wont let him go. I will ask forgiveness from him and I want to tell the world he is my grandson. I want to have a real family. I want to get rid this hatred." Aunt Kim said," I dont know if this is your game or this is the truth. Maybe if you're looking for him, you could look for him using the detective to track him. But remember, if he is found and dont want to go home dont force him. We just bring heartache for him." Aunt Kim left the grandfather alone and let him think hard.

Aunt Kim is crying when she opens the letter, she doesnt know that Jinki doesnt like stay there anymore. She felt like a failure for not taking care him right

"Aunt Kim, when you read this letter I know you must be crying hard. So wipe your tears and smile wide."

Aunt Kim silently laughs and wipes her tears then continue read

"Thats good. Now I apologize for leaving by lying to you. I wanna find myself again and maybe I wont go back there. I remember you are the first one that feels warm and taste like a family, like an aunt that always sat there, when I graduated and hopefully for another moment. I was selfish for leaving without goodbye. But if I told you the truth, maybe I am not able to go. Hopefully you wont be looking for me. But if you look for me you could email me. I dont know when I will reply you but I will try my best

P.S: please take care of grandfather well,thankyou

Lee Jinki"

Aunt Kim just holds the letter like a lifeline and after a few moment tell herself," you should be happy Jinki."