Subject: Nam Raeryun

From: Nambasquiat@staygold. com

To: Hiphopbabylion@bbusan. com

Date: 23 April 2015 2:22 pm

Just got home. It’s a boy! I’ve named him Raeryun (It’s the nickname the girls from the other class gave me that one time I wrote my name using Hangul. It’s cute right?). So far so good. No crying, but boy, howdy, these things sure are lifelike. Mum came to pick me up because I had to get the car seat and bag o’ baby stuff, and she freaked when she held it. She said they weighted the head and made the neck all wobbly just like a baby’s.

Hs and Ks,

~Tae the dad

Subject: Crap

From: Nambasquiat@staygold. com

To: Hiphopbabylion@bbusan. com

Date: 23 April 2015 2:26 pm

Spoke too soon. He’s crying. It’s really annoying. Gotta go. Can’t type with one hand while holding the bottle in his mouth.

Subject: More crap!

From: Nambasquiat@staygold. com

To: Hiphopbabylion@bbusan. com

Date: 23 April 2015 2:47 pm

Still crying. Have fed, changed diaper (he just wets, thank God—I couldn’t cope with fake poop), patted on back. I’m running out of things to do. Bet I got the defective model. Kwonforehead is evil.

Subject: Want a baby?

From: Nambasquiat@staygold. com

To: Hiphopbabylion@bbusan. com

Date: 23 April 2015 2:54 pm

Adoption is clearly my next option if RAERYUN DOESN’T SHUT UP!!!

Subject: Criminy dutch!

From: Nambasquiat@staygold. com

To: Hiphopbabylion@bbusan. com

Date: 23 April 2015 7:13 pm

OK, I’m convinced: no kids for me, not until I am making oodles of money and can afford a nanny, ‘cause I am clearly not cut out for this parent stuff. Raeryun cried for half hour solid! Nothing I did would shut him up. When I took him to Mum, she just shrugged and said, “Welcome to the world of parenthood.”

                This is a parent plot, you know. I was supposed to meet Jinwoo at the library tonight, but couldn’t because I had to take care of Raeryun (twice since I got home!) He got a girl by the way (he named his Mirei, which is the name of the actress that could easily pass as his long lost twin, you know her—the one you labeled ‘hot one’ in that Japanese movie we watched with the hottie Haruma Miura ;P Seungyoon is still hotter okay?), but his only cried once so far. I was talking to him while I was walking around with Raeryun—I had to keep patting his back, because class rep told us that the babies have sensors to know when you touch them, and patting sometimes works to shut them up—and he was crying so hard I couldn’t even hear Jinwoo tell me what he decided to wear to Japan.

                This is going to be a long three days.

                Oh, hey, I meant to tell you