When I came down from the roof top, I returned back to the dorm. Everyone was asleep this time, so I decided to go to sleep too. I tiptoed my way to the room I shared with Siwon. He was snoring in his sleep. I smiled as I turned to look at to my bed adjacent to Siwon’s. I stepped in the bathroom and looked at myself. I was the same me, wasn't I?

I stepped out of the tub after noticing I was beginning to drift off as well. I grabbed my pajamas and brushed my teeth, completing my bathroom routine. I smiled, trying to make myself calm despite the pressures and tension building up between me and my group mates. I lay on my bed, staring at the room’s blue ceiling. It calmed me, doing so, when I felt distressed.

It was a restless night, no matter what I tried I just couldn’t nod off again. Too many things rushed through my mind. I never thought my leaving would have caused such havoc with my Super Junior friends. I tried not to leave the group before, but the need to perform and please people overruled my ties with my hyungs and in the end... I chose the arts over them.

Looking back on that time I realize it may have occurred too sudden myself... but I figured we’d all get over it eventually. I chewed my lip, closing my eyes as I tried to go to sleep again. It wasn’t working at first but sooner or later, I drifted off into calm bliss. The thought of my future here never ceased to leave my mind. It plagued my thoughts continuously.

What was I to do now?

_____________________________________________________________________________

In the morning, I entered the kitchen to find everyone awake and getting ready to go out. Everything seemed fine, save for this new treatment of ignoring me. At least, the strict, mad faces were gone. I was observing them for a moment.

“Ya, Ryeowook-hyung! Get off the table! I need to eat breakfast!” Shindong entered the dining area, screaming.

“Aish~ you don’t have to eat anything. You have a lot stored in your tummy, you know.” Ryeowook jumped off the table and poked Shindong’s tummy.

“Hyung, where is my razor?” Yesung asked Eunhyuk. Eunhyuk just shrugged and continued washing the dirty dishes.

“Ya, where are my new shoes?!” Heechul-nim whined, looking for the missing shoes in the shoe rack.

“Aigoo~ drama queen on the loose.” Kyuhyun shook his head while finishing off his favorite milk drink.

“Hey, I heard that!” Heechul-nim said while pointing his fingers at Kyuhyun.

“Ya, don’t lay your dirty fingers on me!” Everyone laughed, I laughed quietly too. I loved what I was seeing.

“Okay, stop this now. Everyone should be ready. You too, Kibum-ssi. We don’t want to get late in our activity today, do we? Now move it!” Leeteuk hyung told me and the rest of the members.  Good, now they knew I was there. Everyone looked at me for a brief moment and started moving on their own again. Aish, how I missed this group. This was the normal mornings I had shared with them, but now, they were enjoying it without me.

“Where are we going?” I asked Siwon, who had a blank look on his face. He stared at me blankly for a moment.

“Just practice,” he replied and left me standing there without further word. I looked down at myself, I was still in my sleepwear. I needed to get dressed.

Getting ready as quickly as I could I made my way down to the parking lot outside and got into the van with the other members. The drive was awkward, to say the least. Some people chatted but most stayed silent.

Heechul-hyung gave me an intense look at one point. I didn’t know what it was about but it made me feel weird. Ever since last night’s incident, I hadn’t talked to Heechul but I knew I had missed something when I tried to bring up a conversation to Donghae. I knew there was something I wasn’t being told. Heechul then smirked at me and went back to listening to his PMP. It made me feel annoyed for the moment.

Leeteuk patted me on the shoulder and gave me the thumbs up, smiling. “You’ll be fine today, won’t you Kibum-ah?”

“I think so, hyung,” I replied, returning the smile. At least I had one person who I could count on till everything went back to normal.

When we arrived at the studio I was filled with memories of the place where I used to spend the majority of my time. It had been so long. We went up the stairs and arrived at the large room, where practiced our choreography. It hadn’t changed a bit since I had left. It still had the same cloudy sky wallpaper, light panel flooring and mirrored wall. It was good to be back.

Everyone chucked their bags against the wall and got ready to dance. “We’re going to do ‘Sorry Sorry’ to warm up, ne?” Leeteuk said as he neared the stereo. Everyone nodded and made last minute stretches. I took up my old place, bumping into the other members who had changed the steps in my absence.

Leeteuk inserted the CD we use for practicing then he turned to look at us. The look which says, ‘Take-your-posts-now’.The music started and we began dancing. In the beginning, I managed to keep up but as we got further into it, I could feel myself lagging. I missed my timing, I was out of step with everyone.

“Stop!” Heechul yelled, causing everyone to stop what they were doing. “Kibum-ssi is out of step.” Pointing his long, silky fingers on me. I blinked once.

Some of the others nodded in affirmation, they had noticed as well. Donghae shook his head in annoyance. I looked down to my shoes, it was rather embarrassing.

“That’s okay,” Leeteuk reasoned. “He’s been out of practice for a while. You can try again, can’t you Kibum-ah?” He smiled warmly and told us a few tips to avoid mistiming and avoid the bumping to each other. I was relieved Leeteuk-hyung was there for me.

We tried again and it seemed to go fine but low and behold, I once again got out of step. I tried to keep up but I accidentally hit Eunhyuk’s forehead while doing the cross-step in the entire choreography.

“Kibum-ssi!” Eunhyuk said, annoyed. “That hurts! What’s wrong with you? You should be better than this.” He said scratching his forehead. Heechul smirked at the scenario I was going through. I looked at him too, well, embarrassingly since I kept missing most of the steps in this old, simple choreography which made Super Junior very famous in the first place. Now, I’m ruining the essence of it.

I bowed in apology and we tried again, everyone was now aggravated. But no matter what I did I kept messing it up. After the seventh attempt, Siwon finally snapped.

“This is why you shouldn’t have come back!” He yelled, furious. Everyone looked to him, including me.

“What?” I replied, in a state of shock. Heechul seemed to like it even more. Aish, that punk!

“You should have never come back to Super Junior when all you do is mess up everything we’ve worked hard for without you Kim Kibum!”

I was surprised with him snapping at me. I looked up to him but then, all I see was darkness.