“This seems really cool!” Lee Chaerin gushed looking down a Indyanna Christina© halter top. It looked really cool as it is constructed from clear PVC and adored with perfectly placed cartoon stickers. It is also cropped and would cover almost nothing on your back. Now, only if it was released 4 months earlier, she could have rocked that.

As she finished admiring the said designer, she turned the page of the catalog, balancing her ice cream cup at her lap and an ice cream scoop on her free hand. For someone whose browsing the IN Style for the upcoming autumn line, she was in a complete reverse, dressed up on a sweatshirt that she couldn’t be caught wearing in public. And the fact that she have her blonde hair on a messy, literally messy bun just threw her fashion sense off the roof. If someone saw her on that exact moment on her couch, no one would ever believe she was CL, the baddest female.

Not to mention the evident reality that she already consumed two galloons of ice cream that morning. God knows how many calories that was! She could only stare longingly at the varieties of clothes for there’s no way those would fit her now. No freaking way.

When she brought up the scoop to , she tasted nothing. Upon looking at the container, she found that she already emptied the second galloon. Well, at least she was feeling full. She wasn’t really sure how much that would last though. She stood up, or better way to describe it was, she tried to stand up but failed as she felt gravity working on her recently gained extra weight .

For the past week that she stayed at the comfort of a city just a few miles north of Paris – Nancy – she found out what she was truly capable of, which was gaining extra weight. Hell, she couldn’t remember a day she weighed that much. She weren’t exactly skinny to begin with. (Well, for a few weeks she was, with all the throwing up and dieting) but originally, she was what they brand, voluptuous. She had some weight compare to others (ie. Read: Park Sandara) but she’s almost positive Hwangsabbu would deprive her access to any food for a month plus five hours of cardio if he ever find out that she gained that much in such small span of time. But then again, that’s an if.

If he ever find out.

If he even care.

Sighing, she forced herself to get up. She was getting stressed again, that’s not good. Especially, with the baby. She knew just what she need when she was feeling down.

Whipped Cream!

*****

Entry No. 4

Hi, Baby. Mommy just got back from the doctor and… got scolded. Like big time. I’m sure you heard it all. I already gained 5 kilos since I got here and she told me that if I gained too much it would be hard for the both of us so mommy need to skip whipped creams and ice creams for a while, okay? Dr. Durand made a list of healthy things we could eat instead, but staring at the list I could not help but felt like I’m back on strict dieting. I wonder if there would be some lettuce ice cream we could eat instead.

We did the ultrasound again and she assured me that you’re growing fine. And when I told her it was all thanks to whipped creams and bagels, she told me that I need you to be healthy, not obese. Thus, the green feeds we would be eating for the next few weeks. What’s a swiss chard anyway?

And also, Mommy’s sister, called earlier. It seemed that everything’s smooth over South Korea so I just need to worry about us. And also, Jiyong (you remember Mommy’s list of handsome friends right?) sent me another mail asking again, where have I been, so I’m more than confident that the news about us had not leaked yet. If the G-Dragon had no idea about you, then no one have.

She stopped writing to stare up the ceiling. That way, she could stop her tears from spilling.

Mommy’s sorry that she had to hide your existence, okay? It’s very complicated right now. But mommy’s going to do her best to keep everything alright. We have each other, and that’s all that matters, right?

Love, your mother.

Lee Chaerin liked that word: mother. And she was one. For better or for worse. And damn, she was even willing to face the worst for the whole nine months just for her baby. She put a hand on her little baby bump. She was at her tenth week. Three months. With the rate its going, she could go through the next six without a problem.

Little did she know.

---=====---

*Chaerin’s*

It was already dinner time. Time sure passed real quick at Nancy. I’ve been, uh, taking refuge here for a week but it only felt like yesterday. Guess, time passed quickly if you’re having fun. Which I do, every time, even though I’m alone on this apartment but I couldn’t help but feel the pleasantness of it all.

Doing normal stuffs like watching a movie (I don’t recommend Train to Busan to pregnant women!! It’s depressing as hell); reading a book (‘What to expect while expecting’ was sure fun to read); baking (Whipped creams!!); writing a journal (as recommended by my Doctor) and even doing the dishes felt like dream. Not that I thought scrubbing burnt butter off the frying pan a dream, but it sure felt like something heavy was taken off my chest.

For I was on my own pace.

I don’t have a deadline to accomplish, a routine to memorize, a song to complete. And the best part is, I am away from them all: the stress, the problems, the rage, the disappointments, and the father.

Speaking of Kri- the father. I haven’t heard from him since that phone call. I hope to keep it that way for a very long time. It’s not that I’m depriving him of his child. Well, technically, I am. But what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him right?

It’s already complicated enough that I am the mother. What else if we add him with the equation?

I could already imagine the fast approaching bloodbath and visions of my broken bones. So NOPE. Not a chance.

The oven binged loudly, and I was pulled out of my gruesome reverie. Thank God. I smiled excitedly as I made a quick dash at kitchen area. Grabbing two pot holders, I opened the microwave oven and viola! Dinner was served. It was baked salmon with lots of leafy stuffs going on. There’s broccoli, asparagus, beets, endives, celery, parsley, brussels sprout, collard greens - basically there’s some sort of a vegan party in there, so this is healthy right? I mean, its salmon and leaves!

What else could go wrong?

*****

Wrong. It was wrong.

I haven’t felt this awful since whipped creams and ice creams were on top of my diet. Turned out my baby wasn’t feeling vegetarian so everything I ate was now spilling violently off my throat. I found myself bent over the to