The snow didn't fall today—some said that it was a bad sign, but the cold was enough to make people want just to sleep underneath thick winter blankets. But unfortunately, I had to go to school. I wound a Mickey Mouse scarf on my neck. My first gift from Hanbin when we first met at dawn on the beach. The color was fading and the threads were loose here and there, but I still loved wearing it.

Hanbin had been waiting for me on his bicycle when I opened the door. His face was red from the cold. I noticed that he had his hair cut.

"Hanbin-ah, mianhae, you have waited for so long. Your face is red."

"No, hyung." He looked at the scarf on my neck and not said a word.

I got on his bicycle and couldn't help but comment. "You cut your hair, didn't you?" He had the back of his hair cut so I could see the back of his neck. His fringe was not as long as it used to. He looked younger.

"Yeah. My mom forced me to." He started to pedal his bicycle and automatically I wrapped my hands around his waist. "It's not that bad, isn't it?

"You always looked handsome, Hanbin-ah."

I could imagine his face turn redder. "Hyung—"

"I mean it this time." I cut him off before he could protest.

***

Many of the students were already at the school although I could say it was still early in the morning. All of them were wearing their winter uniforms. There were several groups of students that were happy because finally they could go away from this school. Some of them were sad because this school held so many memories. Because today was our high school graduation ceremony.

Hanbin appeared to recognize someone else in the crowd and darted away in his usually manner, without pausing to say where he was going. I went to greet Jiwon and Donghyuk. They were talking to each other. Jiwon was leaning in close to do Donghyuk, the way couples often seemed to curve into each other when they spoke, in their own contained universe. I was happy to see them happy, but it hurt too. I wondered if I could have it too.

Before I could get to their place, the bell rang, telling us to go to the hall. I sighed in tiredness.

***

All graduates were asked to form lines to received our certificates of graduation. After that, we were assembled in front of the school building to take class photos. We all knew that it was just a formality in our school, because most of us would meet again in the same university in this small town.

I was separated from my friends and I was looking for them in the crowd like a lost child looking for his mother. Luckily, I spotted a glimpse of Jiwon and Donghyuk's heads in the crowd.

"Jiwon-ah, Donghyuk-ah, do you know where Hanbin is?"

"I saw him going to the baseball court direction." said Donghyuk.

"Do you want us to find him?"

"No, just wait here. I want to take a picture of us together. I'll bring him here."

"Okey dokey." I saw Jiwon give me a thumb-up before I left them.

***

I heaved a long sigh, watching my breath that coming out of my mouth turned into mist. The sun was heading to the west, sinking into the horizon. The dual hues of blue and orange painted the evening sky. The wind blew colder and I slightly shivered.

Despite the usual morning talk, a perceptible distance had come between us. It was not that I had a fight with him. It was because his new baseball club's manager. She had been making excuses to be with Hanbin more longer with extra exercises, and the upcoming winter tournament was worsening the whole situation. I was glad that Hanbin could make a new friends at his club, but jealousy get the more of me.

My steps came for a halt when I was at the court. It was white covered with snow. Between the big trees behind it stood Hanbin. But he wasn't alone. He was with his baseball club's manager.

Lee Hayi.

I admitted that the girl was pretty, with her small figure and beautiful long hair, complemented with her bubbly and energetic personality. The boys always liked her. And maybe Hanbin was one of them too since he had been annoying her company first the past few weeks.

Her face was hidden behind here long brown-dyed hair and I couldn't see her expression. Then, Hanbin pulled something from his uniform and handed it to Hayi.

The invisible ice that had been in my veins seemed to crystallized, freezing me in place. I could not move. I couldn't breath.

It was his uniform button.

Giving someone his first button of his uniform is an important graduation in every school in Korea. If a girl confesses to a boy and the boy gives the button to the girl, it means that he has accepted and returned the girl's feeling. And Hanbin had given his. The button that the girl hunted from him, the button I yearned to be given by Hanbin.

He had given it to someone else.

I covered my face with both of my hands, trying to stop the tears that kept falling, but I failed.

***

I ran. I ran away from Hanbin who didn't even see my presence at all, away from Jiwon and Donghyuk who were shouting my name from afar—telling me to stop. I kept running, letting the surrounding blurred with cold evening breeze and became a dull abstract colors.

The sky was in a flat orange tinted with ugly black color. Eventually I stopped running, and while I was gasping for air, I watched my surrounding form into shapes—empty, cold steel pews, a train that had just left, a few lines of vending machines.

I was at the training station.

I was shivering under the winter uniform as it was not thick enough to shield me from the cold. The scarf was no longer on my neck and my face was red from the cold. The winter night wind started to bite with the sudden drop if temperature. I had my wallet in my pocket, there were a few hundred won folded in it. I thought it was enough to buy me a ticket.

My phone buzzed, and I reached into my pocket. Hanbin's name was displayed on the screen, and I pressed the reject button. I wanted to turned off the phone, but the photo on the screen took my attention.

A photo of me and Hanbin, taken by Jiwon.

I remembered it, a clear day in July, Hanbin sitting on one of the steps of the school, a book on his lap. I was sitting a step higher above him, my hand on his shoulder, leaning forward to see what get was reading. His hand covered mine, almost absently, and he was smiling. My throat contracted, and I turned the phone off while catching my breath.

I couldn't react like this. I had to pretend that it didn't matter, as if I didn't feel anything. I just had to bury my feeling for him.

I looked around over more time, them I saw the train that had just stopped in the platform. With a blank mind, I stepped my feet in and sat on a nearby seat.