I'll never forget the first time I felt a different feeling for Hanbin.

When we are in high school, suddenly Jiwon and Hanbin become very popular. They are tall with broad shoulders and their voices heavy. They're very different from me. Jiwon is the captain of the school's basketball team and Hanbin is an ace in baseball club. Girls talk about them everything and everywhere. Jiwon begins to play with the girls but Hanbin doesn't even take it seriously. I bet he doesn't even know if he's popular amongst the girls, seniors or juniors.

There are a lot of girls - and boys, trying to confess their feelings to Hanbin and Jiwon. Some seniors will ask me to give their lover letters and gifts to them and the juniors call them oppa, with blushing faces, one by one asking them to meet behind a court.

Jiwon accepted a boy's confession several weeks ago - his name was Kim Donghyuk, a member from basketball team, and currently dating him. Meanwhile Hanbin always reject any confessions for his entire life.

When I went to baseball court several weeks ago, I saw a girl was confessing to Hanbin. The girl was pretty. She's a junior, the football club's manager, but I can't recall her name. With a red face and stuttering words, she said that she really like Hanbin. The latter just smiled plainly and shook his head, as if he was saying he couldn't accept her feeling, and walked away. That confession of love lasted less than three minutes, followed by tears and a broken heart for several months. I felt bad for the girl but at the same time I was relieved he didn't accept it.

And then the realization struck me. I was jealous of the girl and I had fallen in love with my own best friend.

I don't know exactly when I like him that way. And, for a sudden, I know, I've felt it for years.

Falling in love for the first time was really weird, a strong feeling, some kind of powerful energy that can give us strength to do anything. At least that's what I'm feeling. My heart beats faster than usual when he's near. My hearing becomes sharper when I heard his name being spoken. I'm more aware of my looks and I always want to be at his side.

We go to school together, eat lunch together on the rooftop, and watch the sunset on the beach. I even learn to cook new dishes for his lunchbox so he won't get bored. I'm quite happy to do little things with him, even though just to be a mere bural chingu - childhood friend, I feel happy. I value our friendship more than anything, and I don't want to break it because of my petty feeling.

And because I've known the answer if I confess my feeling.

.

One day on Thursday evening, we were sitting facing the sea, as usual waiting for Jiwon to finish his club activity. I braved myself to ask him.

"What did you feel when you rejected those girls?"

Hanbin looked at me suspiciously. "Were you eavesdropping?"

I looked away in embarrassment. He was right. "No, I was just passing by. Moreover, the whole school knows that you never accept any confessions. Why? Some of them were really pretty for me."

"I can't return their feeling, hyung. That's all."

"Why?" I asked again, didn't want to give up until I knew the answer. "Do you like someone?"

He shook his head, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. "Not really."

I should have known.

"Hanbin-ah," I replied with a soft voice. "Don't you realize that almost half of the girls in our school are falling in love with you?"

He lay on the sand and closed his eyes, and then laughing at my question. "What makes you said that, hyung?"

I sighed heavily and pouted. "You don't even realize you are so handsome, do you?"

He only laughed harder, as if I had said something funny. I looked at his strong jaw, his thick eyelashes, his big nose and his beautiful full lips. He looked so handsome, his body was tall and straight back with tanned skin, his dark hair shining under the sunlight. I never lied when I said he was handsome, but he always took it as a joke or a tease. I didn't even understand how he didn't realize he had such a hugh impact on a girl and didn't feel he was special. He could be in the centre of attention just by doing nothing.

I lay beside him, the sand was warm beneath my skin.

"Hanbin-ah, What will you say if I say I like you?" I tried to ask it naturally, but my heart beat a little bit faster than it should be.

Hanbin was still closing his eyes, but his hand slowly found and grabbed mine. My face felt warm. "Hmm." He hummed, and my heart stopped beating to hear his answer. He opened his eyes and looked directly in my eyes. His face was half serious and half grinning. "Of course I'll say I like you too, Jinan-hyung. You are my best friend. You are like a brother to me."

He added. "One day, a beautiful girl will confess to you and you'll fall in love with her. If she hurts you or makes you cry, I won't hesitate to beat her even though she's a girl."

I tried to laugh, but my eyes stung with tears. Sometimes I hate the fact that I'm a boy, not a girl. I had one-sided love, and there was nothing I could say beside, "Okay. Be my best friend forever."

Hanbin nodded and we intertwined our little fingers to seal the promise.

I laughed again, but this time I let a drop of tear fell and wetted the sand.

In the end, he was the one who hurt me.

But stupidly I still love him until now.