Beautiful Insanity - Exo_these_balls

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Summary:

Romance, Angst, Psychological

Kyungsoo, Kai, EXO

On Going/Chapter 6

Kyungsoo kills his husband Kris and gets sent to a mental institution for six months. Kyungsoo is torn between what he was brought up to believe and what he has come to realise about human interactions and how the mind really works. While he is there he learns more about the dark pasts of the patients and meets a man named Kai.

TITLE

Intriguing title, really caught my attention. It sounds mysterious yet beautiful. I'm not sure what to expect with this kind of title besides someone going crazy but I'm very curious to know! Great captivating title!

DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD

Wow, this description gave me chills, it's all so dramatic. I like the way you formulated the last line of your description, the contrast between the imagery of love blossoming and fading away in the darkness due to insanity is really pretty. It adds a wonderful touch to the suspence.

GRAPHICS

You do not have a graphic, therefore it will not be evaluated. Do no worry it will not penalize you. Your score will be on 90 instead of a 100

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Kyungsoo's character of development is spot on. From when he seemed down in the begining to his painful thought in his head afterwards. We can feel that he becomes darker as we go, but with Kai something changes. Not to mention Kai's improvement in his attitude!

APPEARANCE

Good and clear font. You use a lot of spaces which I like because the text is not cluttered and it's easy on the eyes when reading. I also enjoy your use of italics it puts a nice emphasis on certain words.

ORIGINALITY PLOT

Original plot, who would have thought about two people from different background would meet in a mental hospital! Although I was able to predict what was going to happen at some point, but I still love your idea behind it!

FLOW

Perfect flow, not too fast nor too slow. Which suprised me because I was expecting it to be very slow, kudos to you for impressing me!

WRITING

You writing is beautiful, you create these wonderful images when describing the setting or emotions and I had a lot of pleasure reading it. For example: "Dawn touched down to earth with pale gracefully fingers [...]" By the way there's a mistake with gracefully, it should be graceful. Even though it's not the grammar section, I thought I should point it out.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING

You have a few mistakes. For example, in chapter 1, "So Kai had to simply broke his wrist [...]" Instead of "broke" it should be "break". You have a lot of minor errors like capitalizing, typos or punctuation. I think you forgot a word here or something: "He into the room [...]". Perhaps, "He entered the room" would be better.

GENERAL ENJOYMENT

It's not a story I would normally read, but I did enjoy it because of the emotions it made me go through. I could feel compassion for most of the characters. The way Kris died though, is a bit odd to me?

EXTRA

Nice work overall, I do hope you will finish it for your lovely subbies~ Continue writting beautifully!

80 / 90

ID#608528