Choices - AgentSmileyUnnie
-Megz Review Shop- [CLOSED]Title:
Author:
Genre:
Characters:
Status:
Summary:
Author:
Genre:
Characters:
Status:
Summary:
Romance, Comedy
Stella (OC), Sehun, G-Dragon
On Going/Chapter 5
Stella is a girl who doesn't know anything but practicing. Singing, rapping, dance; she does it all, leaving out time for socializing. Now that she's been accepted into SM, she's trying to cope with the intense schedules and staffs, but most of all the social aspect. How will she be able to handle some of Korea's most eligible bachelors fawning over her? Can she remain pure, beautiful, and innocent in a sea of sharks? Who will she choose, if anyone, among the sea of perfect men?
TITLE
9
Good title, I understand your link with the title and your story. Nice choice, it doesn’t give too much information about the story when we read it. Though, I don't think it's too eye catching.
DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD
6
Your description reveals way too much in my opinion, you could have just left it as: “Stella was a SM trainee trying to balance her work and life [...]” We don’t need you to tell us she’s pure, beautiful and innocent, what we need is you to show us with your writing that she’s pure, beautiful and innocent. I find it quite funny you referred the men as a sea of shark, nice humorous touch.
GRAPHICS
-
You do not have a graphic, therefore it will not be evaluated. Do no worry it will not penalize you. Your score will be on 90 instead of a 100
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
6.5
There’s not much to say, since we don’t know much about Stella except for the fact that she is polite, hardworking and playful. I wish, you would pour more time into her character as she is the main. We don’t know much about her background in fact, I only knew she was american when she met BIGBANG. I thought she was from Europe before. I think adding scenes in your chapter where she has alone time would be great for the readers to know her true self. I’m sure you can do it, make us connect to Stella!
APPEARANCE
5
Your font is very small, maybe try to enlarge it a bit for better reading. Also, align the start of every line because some start a few spaces after and it’s not appealing for the eyes when reading. I would try to make paragraphs when writing a chapter instead of just a big block of writing to make it cleaner
ORIGINALITY PLOT
7
The plot is cliché for now, nothing that really stands out from your story. Although you still have time to turn the tables around since you’re only at the fifth chapter
FLOW
6.5
The story moves too fast to my liking. They are a lot of times where you would just say they went to the studio, recorded the album and then went off to go eat. Of course, I'm exagerating but you get the point, it's choppy and moves fast. Also, when Stella and Sehun talk about Luhan and Kris, it’s too vague. I only understood when Sehun said he felt like he lost two brothers, only then it was clear what they were talking about. Maybe some people who will read your story don’t know what happened with EXO, I highly doubt that since they are so popular but it’s still a possibility.
WRITING
6
How should I say this? Your writing is too square, in the sense you don’t describe enough. For instance, when Stella is dancing for EXO to show her talent instead of saying she did this move and that move, describe her dance. It also lacks of content that describes the setting of the story, I don't have a clear idea of how the dorm looks like and they spend a lot of time there.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
5
You have quite a few errors here and there, some I can see they are typos. You might want to double check your chapter by reading it out loud before publishing them it would help enormously! Pay attention to capitalization and punctuation since you use a lot of dialogue, I spotted a few errors. In the first chapter, where it says: “Once I interviewed [...]” it’s not well formulated. When you say it like that, it means that the girl was the one who gave an interview. Instead you should write “Once I was finished with my interview [...]”
GENERAL ENJOYMENT
7
It was a light read for me, it made me smile from time to time, but I felt like I was reading a script for a play because of the over usage of dialogue back to back.
EXTRA
Please do not be discourage by this or take this negatively, I have a feeling you enjoy and have lots of fun writing your story very much, don't give up! After all it is your first big story you've written, they're is plenty of time for amelioration! Keep writing with passion!
58 / 90
Comments