Paradise. Where was Paradise? These were the thoughts that preoccupied Sungjong’s head as he lay on the bare floor of the practice room, chest heaving as he breathed in and out, sweat trickling down his neck and forehead. For almost 72 hours straight now, with the occasional meal or sleep break, Sungjong had listened to Infinite’s Paradise over and over again and danced its matching choreography over and over again. Tomorrow was the day that Infinite would make their comeback on M! Countdown.

According to the song, Paradise was a place where a guy can be with the girl of his dreams forever, but also a sad place where he cannot go when he is awake. The song also said that it can only be Paradise when the girl is there, so the guy has trapped his girl in Paradise by force. Sungjong thought all of that sounded incredibly confusing. There was no element of happiness in the Paradise described in the song, no mention of hope that the guy and his dream girl may end with a happy ending. This all but comforted Sungjong, since every line of lyric in the song reminded him of Hyera.

Without intending to, Sungjong innately kept associating the feeling of embracing Hyera – as he’d done at their last meeting – with the word Paradise. In addition, every time he and the Infinite members ran through the choreography of their song, he always managed to end his thoughts at the same time the song ended with Hyera. By some odd means, Hyera and Paradise had become somewhat of a necessary association. Why, Why?

The first time the girl group trainees had come in to sit through Infinite’s run-through of the Paradise choreography, Sungjong had not known what to do. He never looked anywhere near Hyera’s direction, for fear of any type of sudden, nightmarish attack inside him. Luckily, he managed to run through the dance without any noticeable mess-ups, after which the girls left wordlessly. By the second time, Sungjong had already decided that there was no use in him trying to ignore the interconnection with Hyera and Paradise in his mind. Thus, he let her presence in the practice room fuel his dance movements, and sure enough, Dongmin hyung told him after the run-through that Sungjong had done the best he’d ever done in that rehearsal. Sungjong felt that Hyera was slightly trying to avoid him as well, which made him think back to their last meeting with guilt. After Sungjong’s sudden embrace, Hyera had run-off promptly, leaving Sungjong standing there by himself, flustered. All in all, Sungjong had no answers to any of his inner dilemmas. Ultimately, though, it all seemed to lead to that one word Hyera had pointed out the last meeting.

A shadow came over Sungjong’s laying figure, pulling Sungjong away from his thoughts. Hoya stood over him, sipping from a water bottle. The older boy smirked, making a gesture to pour the contents of the bottle on top of Sungjong.

“Hoya hyung, how experienced are you with crushes?” Sungjong blurted suddenly.

The smirk on Hoya’s face instantly transformed into a sneer, as he said, “Why do you ask?”

“I… I don’t know what it is,” Sungjong responded.

“What do you mean you don’t know what it is??”

“Well, no, I know what it is, but… you know… I just don’t know, how it works.”

Hoya’s face again read blank. “So, what do you expect me to do?” He jeered.

“Have you ever had a crush on someone, hyung?” Sungjong asked, sitting up.

“Yeah…”

“Explain to me what it’s like,” Sungjong commanded, gesturing for his hyung to sit next to him. Hoya reluctantly crouched down and sat with his legs crossed, eyebrows furrowed.

“Uhhhh… it’s hard to explain…” Hoya fumbled. Sungjong peered at his hyung expectantly, but the older boy’s words seemed to have stopped flow, and he just sat there, scratching his head.

“Hyung! Just tell me how you were when you had a crush on someone,” Sungjong coerced, gesturing hurriedly with his hands. With a sigh, Hoya finally began to speak.

“So… I had a crush on this girl my first year in middle school, and she was the smartest girl in my class. The class president. For a nerd, she was really pretty, and by some miracle, I got to sit beside her. It was actually completely distracting on my part, since during class each day, all I did was stare at her out of the corner of my eye. I would be frozen in my seat too and tense all over my body, with my ears bright red and my whole body radiating heat. From time to time, she would smile at me, which would get me giggly and just plain whipped up all day long. I used to spy on her during lunch and out of class like a stalker. I was really weird and not myself.”

Sungjong listened intently, nodding occasionally to keep Hoya going. With every line of Hoya’s story, flashes of Sungjong’s encounters with Hyera jotted through his mind. “So then what happened?” persisted Sungjong.

“Well… after a few weeks, she started… looking down at me, because I was horrible in school. My grades were screwed up, big time, while she always did perfect. I became discouraged and embarrassed, because I thought she thought of me as dumb. And that’s pretty much it. I guess I just got over her, and fell in love with dancing instead,” Hoya finished, the smallest of a smirk on the edge of his lips.

Sungjong gawked at Hoya. “That’s it?” he demanded. That was how crushes worked? Then what was he doing, having late night rendezvous with Hyera? Was he doing it wrong? Was he just supposed to suppress all of those confusing feelings for Hyera and let it pass, like Hoya?

The expression on Sungjong’s face must have been one of clear shock, because Hoya quickly added, “Well it’s not like that all the time, people tend to have different sorts of crushes.”

At that, Sungjong just groaned.

“I don’t think I’m the right person to be asking about this kind of stuff… Dongwoo hyung has a lot more experience… Dongwoo hyung!”

Dongwoo scrambled over to the two boys sitting on the floor at Hoya’s call. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Sungjong wants to know what a crush is,” Hoya remarked shyly. Sungjong sighed, feeling slightly ridiculous.

“Huh? Why do you wanna know that, Lee Sungjong?” Dongwoo raised his eyebrows. “Do you have a crush on someone or something?”

Eyes widening, Sungjong shook his head vigorously at Dongwoo. “No!” he added.

Dongwoo wasn’t convinced, especially since Sungjong’s dramatic reply obviously roused further suspicion. But without pressing the thought, Dongwoo simply said, “Sungjong-ah, a crush is something completely innate in everyone’s bodies and minds, not something you have to learn about. If you’re wondering as to whether you have a crush or not because you find that you’re suddenly feeling odd or abnormal because of someone, then you’re not really questioning as to whether you have a crush on this particular person or not. You’re just refusing to admit in your mind that you do have a crush.”

This got Sungjong thinking much more deeply on his whole inner dilemma, and with a new light. However, the small break the Infinite members had been taking from practicing was now over, and Sungjong was again absorbed in the solemn repetition of song and dance. They practiced late into the night, until all of the members were ordered a good night’s rest for the final comeback in the morning.

*****

The Infinite members were to report to their hair and makeup salon early in the morning in order to make it to their M!Countdown recording. He had to find her before then, before he left.

Dressed in simple jeans and a black t-shirt, Sungjong wandered over to the main practice room of the Woolim building, hoping to find the girl group trainees there already. He was out of luck though, as he found the room empty.

Heading over directly to the girls’ quarters was bad idea, but Sungjong found himself pondering the option out of desperation. How would he tell her, if he couldn’t find her before he left?
 

In the lounging room, Sungjong found Myungsoo and Jiae chomping on a feast of snack foods that neither was probably supposed to have. For a moment, Sungjong wanted to go ask Jiae where he might find Hyera, but held himself back. As the two occupants of the room hadn’t noticed Sungjong, he just made his way out quietly, back into the halls.

Sungjong was suddenly reminded of how Hyera used to avoid Sungjong so skillfully, and how he’d found her on the rooftop one day, eating breakfast by herself. With alarm, Sungjong switched directions toward the stairs leading to the roof, a sudden fear that Hyera had turned to her old ways again gripping him.

As Sungjong’s pace quickened with a turn at a corner to his left, he almost slammed into two figures exiting the door of an adjacent room. “Whoa there!” yelped a female voice Sungjong recognized as one of his vocal trainers. The second person with her was the person Sungjong had been looking for all morning.

“Good morning, Sungjong sunbae,” Hyera greeted with a slight smile.

“Morning, sorry about that,” Sungjong replied.

“Watch where you’re going, Lee Sungjong,” said the female vocal trainer, and with that, she smiled at Hyera and walked off, and Sungjong was finally left with the girl he’d been searching for. With the two of them alone, Hyera’s casual expression had transformed into a mixture of anxiety and guilt. Sungjong read her face and felt the same way; guilty about what had happened, and anxious about what they could and should do next. But he had come to find Hyera for a reason. With a large intake of air, Sungjong began to speak.

“You were right.”

Hyera looked at him questioningly. “Huh?”

“You were right. I became that way; I’ve been acting toward you that way, all because I do have a crush on you. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself, but now I have.”

For a long moment, Hyera just stared at Sungjong. “So, what now, then?” she finally remarked.

This time, it was Sungjong’s turn to stare, as he did not have a response. “I honestly don’t know. That’s as far as I got.”

And then, both were at a loss for words, because both had no idea what to say to each other in this more than slightly odd arrangement.

Despite his silence, Sungjong did know one thing: that he wasn’t going to let this just dissolve away, like Hoya. For one, he wanted to see Hyera again, all the time, as much as possible. That much, he was sure of. Next, he wanted that crazy feeling again, the feeling he kept comparing to the word Paradise, the feeling he had felt when he had embraced Hyera. Maybe he wasn’t as hopelessly lost and unprepared as he’d thought.

“Well…” said Sungjong, but at the same time, Hyera had spoken the exact same word, each interrupting the other. After a brief pause, Sungjong said, “Go ahead, Hyera.”

Clearing , Hyera began again. “You still have your end of the bargain to hold, even though I’m not exactly sure I’ve fulfilled my part yet. I need you to help me too, remember?”

As Hyera spoke, the corners of Sungjong’s mouth turned up into a brief smile. He had forgotten about their deal, that if Hyera agreed to help Sungjong with his obsession, he would help her to become better at dancing. “You’re right. Again.” The boy said.

Hyera dipped her head shyly at the compliment. “So when do you think you could help me?” she asked.

After pondering briefly, Sungjong answered, “Tonight! After we get back, we have more practice, but I think we’ll have time afterward.”

Hyera nodded, although in her mind, she questioned Sungjong’s plan. She ran through in her mind what she knew of Infinite’s rough schedule when they usually promoted. On promotion weekends, the boys went through performance, review and practice, performance the next day, review and practice of that performance, and repeat, about four times, sometimes even more, in order to endorse themselves as effectively as possible on each of the music programs. Hyera could only imagined how rigorous and tiring the routine could be, even if she had seen it directly in some of the Infinite members through her very eyes. She felt guilty about taking even more rest and sleep from Sungjong, but Sungjong either didn’t seem to mind or didn’t seem to remember. While Hyera pondered on whether she should push back their next meeting, Sungjong interrupted.

“Hyera, I have to go, for our recording…”

“Oh,” she mumbled, as the boy stood in front of her awkwardly. What did he expect her to say?

“Well, bye, and good luck today,” she managed at last.

“Thanks. See you tonight.”

With that, Sungjong walked off into the halls, leaving Hyera alone. Already she was regretting having their next meeting so soon, not to forget how tired she knew Sungjong was going to be after such a packed day. With a sigh, she started toward her dorm to find the other girls.

*****

At 6p.m, that evening, the girl group trainees sat in the lounging room of the Woolim Company in order to take a break from their day’s practicing and to observe the various artists performing on the day’s M!Countdown, including Infinite. The trainee group’s official staff and advisers all encouraged the girls to observe other artists as much as they could, since in a matter of time, they were going to be in the same place. Without a doubt, the girls observed every single performance and appearance of their company sunbaes, Infinite. While it was true that Infinite was in their same company, all of the girls unanimously agreed that Infinite, regardless, was one of the best, most hardworking, and most motivated groups out in the booming music industry. It was late in the year, but Infinite was beginning to grow and be recognized nationwide as ‘Trend Idols’. Their fanbase had grown into something much more than anyone had expected, and even among professionals and other artists, Infinite was now being noticed as an apparent candidate for top star. More than anything, the girl group trainees took pride in the fact that they were part of the same team, so to speak, with Infinite.

The Paradise comeback performance was absolutely fantastic in Hyera’s eyes. The members did seem nervous throughout the performance, and Hyera felt herself tingling with excitement as she watched, the same anxiety almost passing through the screen to her. To her surprise, Hyera found that she actually giggled quietly to herself when Sungjong’s part came up. His part was a mere 5 seconds, but Hyera was in no way mocking him; she was merely excited and nervous that Sungjong was there, in the TV screen, doing his best. However, soon Hyera recognized the mental oddity of the situation and the fact that she was giggling at a television screen, and stopped herself, watching the rest of the performance with only a smug expression.

“Hahahahaha!!!! Look at Kim Myungsoo’a back!!!!” Jiae had exclaimed obnoxiously at the end of Infinite’s performance, and Yejin had to agree that it was incredibly funny but attractive at the same time.

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