I'm sorry, this got too much to my emotions so I could not really beta-read this.
i hope you that you like it and tell me how you feel about this

“Today is the big day huh?”
Yoongi looked at Jimin who had just pulled him out of his thoughts.
Yeah, a pretty big day for Yoongi.
Today was the day he and Hoseok would stop the break from their relationship and Hoseok was about to tell him, if he still loves him.
Everything had begun in a huge fight and Yoongi just became upset about everything.
“Why aren’t you calling me? Why am I always the one who has to arrange dates? What is wrong with you doing something for us? Is our relationship nothing for you?”
Hoseok said nothing.
Yoongi had called him. Hoseok did not have the courage to show up.
The elder exhaled shakily and felt the tears emerge his eyes.
“Lis- Listen” He had to catch his breath again to continue.
“Listen here, we … we are going to take a break. For one week. Next week Monday you are going to tell me if you want to stay in this relationship or not, is that clear?”
The phone in his hands was shaking and he heard Hoseok sigh shakingly.
“Okay” he whispered and Yoongi sat down, bit back a whimper.
“I … I love you Hoseok. I … alright … See you, on Monday …”
He sniffled his nose and heard Hoseok do the same.
“Yes” it was just a breathing out of the word. “’till Monday”
Then he hung up.
Yoongi let the phone drop and begun to cry.

Jimin smiled weakly and reached him a bag. “Here, I guess you are going to need this”
They had a sleep-over since Yoongi was way too upset with this whole situation. Since the first day this fear had never left him – the fear of being not loved anymore.
Just the only thought of being let alone in an emotionless surrounding was the worst imagination ever crossing his mind.
For days dreams were hunting him about Hoseok and this ing brat Taehyung together; it was always the same – Yoongi was looking for Hoseok, worried about him and if he was fine, but then he caught them together.
He always woke up in tears.

“Jimin, listen here, what if my dreams … were … real-“
“No way” the younger just said and opened up the bag for him, put two donuts onto the plate in front of him.
“Don’t be stupid, Yoongi. We both know dreams are not reality and they usually are more symbolic signs more like real imaginations. Don’t think so bad about him … he, yeah, well, he is a careless . And you don’t deserve that kind of treatment to you. So if you both catch up again please make sure that you two start from the very first step”
Yoongi looked at the two donuts.
1Donuts were one of his favourite things ever, next to writing stupid fanfictions and other and eating and sleeping.
If Yoongi and Hoseok were together in Busan they always vistited Yoongi’s favourite donut-store and got a bunch of them. They ate them together while watching series – from The Walking Dead to ty Animes.

A Donut had never looked less delicious.
“Thanks” he said anyways and tried a bite.
“So, shall we do something together?” Jimin said smiled.
“Should we watch a movie or do you want to play something?”
Yoongi swallowed and hesitated. “I don’t know when Hoseok is going to call”
“Don’t worry, if we watch a movie we can just pause and I go home, okay?”
He breathed out heavily and nodded. He put the donut back down onto the plate and grabbed his phone while Jimi started the television and was looking for a film.
Jimin did not want Yoongi to text Hoseok, he was always saying that he should text and not Yoongi again, but he just could not resist it.

Hey, my grandma came over and we are eating lunch together. So please send a message before you call, okay?

It was awkward to text without smileys. It felt so less emotional than he actually really was.
Also the grandma-excuse was a lame one and he knew it, but the urge to text him at least a little message was too much to resist against it.
Jimin must have found a good film and so he started it. While his friend was having quite a good time, Yoongi kept staring at his phone to vibrate, to make a little sound or to just signalize Hoseok had come online and has seen the message. A little ‘okay’ would be enough to make him happy and to see Hoseok at least answered something unnecessary.
But his phone kept quiet for the two hours of the film.
The ending must have really could Jimin, he just kept talking about how mind-blowing everything was and how this would be in real life and he kept talking and Yoongi nodded from time to time, send him a tired smile or was just silent.
His friend hoped to cheer him up just the smallest but the elder could not get his eyes off of the messenger.
“Hey, Yoongi”
He looked up, Jimin was smiling.
“Please don’t worry so much. Remember he texted you at your second break day and wished you good luck for your exam?”
Yeah, of course. This was the last message the exchanged.
Of course Yoongi had failed the exam miserably, he couldn’t keep the focus onto the littlest of the tasks and nothing has worked out as he wanted it to. Around an hour passed as he started to focus onto the exam, but that was way too late to receive a good grade.
“Yeah, I remember” he just muttered and Jimin smiled at him while shoving the plate of the almost untouched donut over to him.
“Good, you see he would not have texted you if he had not cared for you. He likes you, Yoongi. You two are almost together for a year now, those feelings don’t erase from today to tomorrow. He was

Jjust a little confused and everything was too much. He had needed this break and you too. I’m sure he still loves you”
Yoongi smiled sadly at the donut and had to sniffle his nose.
“But … what if he … does not? I am .... afraid of false hopes, you know?”
“Yes, that’s always a danger, but he has always been a nice guy and he sure is going to realise how much you meant to him. Remember? Only miss the sun when it starts to snow? Only you know you love her when you let her go?”
A lonely tear rolled down his cheek and he nodded.
“I remember”
A phone was vibrating and without intending to Yoongi immediately looked at his.
“Yes? Hello?”
Jimin had picked up a call from his phone and Yoongi could her his roommate’s voice. He just knew his name was Seokjin and he was really tidy and Jimin complained way too often about his cleaness.
Still better than living in dirt.
“Alright, I come over”
He hung up the call and looked at Yoongi.
“Seokjin just told me that someone broke into our apartment. Nothing is really missing beside a few of our money boxes and a bit of money … and Seokjin’s tablet. He is really upset and I have to go. Do you get this all alone by yourself? Or shall I come back after the police noted the important things?”
“It’s fine” Yoongi tried a smile.
“This is more important. And maybe you are right and you don’t have to come back because everything went well”
“I will hope so”
Jimin packed his stuff and helped Yoongi to clean the mess they made with their cooking in the kitchen and then he had to go.
Suddenly everything was quiet.
Yoongi stared at the door, wanted to tear it open and to cry for Jimin to come back, but he just stared at the wood and slowly felt the tightness embracing his lungs.
No one was here beside him, only him and his thoughts were the habitants of this apartment and he had to breathe in deeply.
Yoongi sobbed and had to hurry to the toilette, his stomach was flipping over and he put up the toilette seat and waited.
The vomit was boiling inside him, but nothing came. It just bubbled in his body, together with fear and loneliness.
He just wanted to cry.
But a little sound caught his attention.
His phone.

Like a maniac he hurried over to it and unlocked it was fast as he could, 3615, his code like their date they engaged this relationship.

I can’t call you today, I am over at Namjoon’s house

He read the letters again, could not register what exactly those words meant and everything was screaming for him to through his phone against the wall until it split into pieces.

No, you … you can’t just … today the break is over … we … you have to call me to tell me how you think ….

He swallowed his tears down. This was not seriously meant, was it? This could not be true, he can’t just be over at his friend’s house. This was a joke.

I know, but calling is ty anyway … I can write you better what I want to tell you

The tears rolled down Yoongi’s cheeks and he sobbed.

No, please, don’t text, I can’t- Please call me, texting feels so … impersonal

He could not believe what was happening. What was this? How could he not call him?
Hoseok has never been good with words and Yoongi knew it. He always had tried to help him to get over his burdens of being unable to communicate the way he actually wanted to. But texting was the last thing he wanted right now. He wanted to be with him. He wanted to be in his arms. He wanted to smell him, to see him, to feel him. To just be with him.
And nothing less.

It’s not impersonal, and if I call you I know exactly and can’t say something

Desperately Yoongi closed the messenger and dialled his boyfriend’s number.
But he did not pick up the phone.
“Don’t do this to me” he sobbed and dialled again. The vibrating of an engaging message made him look at his phone.

I am at Namjoon’s. I can’t

The tears were flowing freely and he tried to wipe them away with his arm.

Please, do this last favour for me. Please go into the bathroom or so, just a silent room, please I beg you.
please

He closed the chat again and dialled again, it took a few minutes, but then Hoseok picked up.

Yoongi tried to calm himself.
“Hey” he said.
“Hey” Hoseok sounded tired and not even a little bit as bright as he usually was. It just did not sound like Hoseok.
“How was your week?” Yoongi tried to and hoped he’d get a longer answer.
Hoseok exhaled deeply. “I … I don’t know?”
How could you not know this?
“Did you feel happy?” Yoongi hoped for a no. He desperately hoped for a no.
He heard a sigh. “I guess … no, I was not”
“Did you feel bad?” A yes, please. A single yes.
“I … I don’t know. I am not sure”
Like a wave the tears came back and Yoongi could not ask on, had to take a few moment to recreate the question in his head.
“How … how were philosophy classes for you?”
Philosophy classes were there only class they took together. With seven people they sat a big table and usually had a good time discussing and learning.
Yoongi and Hoseok had not exchanged a single word even when they sat next to each other.
Yoongi had tried to play over his despressing sadness and had tried to make nice conversations with Yoojin’s boyfriend Jungkook who visited their classes for once.
Yoojin was a nice girl who sat next to him and so he just tried to ignore Hoseok, but he looked at him every once in a while. The urge to talk to him, to hold him, to kiss him has never been greater than at this very moment.
But he was so close and so far away at the same time.
“They were awkward as . I just … did not know what to do with everything”
At least a longer answer.
“Yes, for me too” Yoongi admitted. This was understated. This was not awkward. This was torture.
“So … how … how are we going to go on? The break is over”
Yoongi closed his eyes and felt new tears fall, something felt like it was cutting off his air supply and things just were too much.
“I … don’t … I don’t know”
“Do you love me?”
Yoongi closed his eyes and send a thousand silent prayers to whatever should hear them.
But his heart broke.
“I think … I don’t”
It broke. It broke into a thousand of pieces, shattered like glass.
The glass fragments drilled into his chest and the tightness around his air supply suddenly felt like it was cutting his head off of his shoulders.
He began to cry.
He was not ashamed that Hoseok heard it, he wanted him to hear it; everything was lost.
He knew Hoseok was crying as well, but he never talked about it. He never had seen Hoseok cry, there has never been a reason for him to cry, but now he knew it.
Yoongi heard his sobbing and how he sniffled his nose.
He clenched his fingers around the phone and tried to get into his head what that sentence meant.
It meant that everything ends.
It meant that love could end.
It meant that his love ended.
It was over. Everything was over.
He just could not stop crying, everything was too much and he wanted to talk but he could not.
“But-“ he began but cut his sentence and sobbed one more time.
“But since … since when?”
Hoseok had trouble catching up his speaking up. “I am … not sure”
“April? March?”
“Yes … maybe, beginning of April … end of March?”
“March?”  his voice was untintendly high-pitched.
“That’s almost for two months, almost three! Why … why couldn’t you … talk to me? I was … always there for you …”
“I don’t know” Hoseok breathed out and Yoongi heard him crying.
“I just don’t know”
Yoongi had to breathe through.
“” he cussed and rolled himself together on his bed.
“, I- I still love you, Hoseok. I miss you …”
When Yoongi received no answer the fragments inside his chest began to sting again, to mock him.
You already know the answer
“I’m sorry Hoseok, I’m just so sorry”
“No, I am sorry”
“Hoseok I just don’t get why I was like that, okay? I just don’t get what a person I was trying to change the way you are. You are such a- such a great person and I just tried to change how you are and I am so sorry about that, I can’t … I can’t express how I am regretting doing this to you”
Yoongi bit his lip and could not help it.
“I ing love you, I love everything about you and I am so sorry” he began to cry again and heard Hoseok’s soothing voice.
“Please” it was a tearful voice.
“Please don’t be sorry, I am sorry”
“” Yoongi cried out. “, I … I can’t do this. I just can’t, I … I am lonely without you”
No answer again, he did not know what to say and Yoongi tried to talk again.
“Remember when we talked before we decided to … take a break? I never were so honest with someone when I spoke with you … I can’t even express how I just want you- you to know that I love you the way you are. What … what are we- going to do now?”
Of course, Yoongi knew the answer. Hoseok did not know. He did not know either.
“I mean … what is with our friends?”
Hoseok breathed through. “I guess we just … just meet the same as always. Just without being together”
This sounded way too easy how it rolled of his tongue and Yoongi wanted to through the phone away again.
This was not fair. This was everything but not fair.
How could everything that he build up in a year, people, a relationship, a life … how could everything just … end? Disappear?
“So we … stay friends?”
There was the sentence. Yoongi laughed under his tears and Hoseok did so too, he did not know why he laughed. Nothing inside him felt like laughing. He felt like a wrecked ship.
“I guess, yeah. I guess we stay friends”
It was silent for a minute, Yoongi had to catch his breath.
“Do you think … we should … meet one more time? The last time?”
“I don’t think … this is a good idea” Hoseok whispered again.
Nothing felt real.
“Why … why do you …” Yoongi needed a few seconds to keep hims