Stinging Words and Too Much
I Didn't Want You, But I Needed You
Yawning periodically, she surveyed the almost empty classroom. Few were in Honors English, and those that were in the class were mostly international students. She and some other girl with blue hair were the only Korean students in the class. And she wasn't even sure if those other international student even spoke the language of the country they were in.
Sleep was invading both her fatigued mind and body quickly. The tick of clock upon the wall helped routine her breaths, so close. She was so close to actually getting at least an ounce of sleep, then the bursting open of the door awakened her.
"Can I speak to Lee Chaerin please? It's very urgent." That voice that she hated so much. His voice had caused her so many tears that they could probably fill a swimming pool. Something about the way his voice overflowed with sarcasm even when not trying gave her whole body a chill.
Without looking up from her book, the teacher nodded and motioned with her hand for the said girl to be excused. Chaerin prayed that the professor would find some reason not to let her leave, but sadly, that was not the case. Nobody dared to look up from their books to watch her exit toward to what she would call the living hell. Behind her, the door shut quickly and she took a few steps away from it.
"What the do you want Youngbae? Unlike you, some of us have classes we need to be in." She hissed purposely. Even though her voice was filled with hate, her eyes were filled with the same dullness as always.
"That's no way to talk to your seniors. You didn't bring me my mocha latte I asked for. How am I supposed to stay awake the whole day if I don't have my coffee Lee Chaerin?" He responded in a somewhat tantalizing voice.
"Get your own damn coffee. I've got class, and it's an important one at that." Chaerin turned to leave, but was stopped by his naturally sultry voice.
"Now now Lee Chaerin, you wouldn't want a certain secret about you getting with a certain someone to be leaked, would you? Why don't we just tattoo your erogenous? Would that make it easier? People will believe me because unlike you, the people here actually don't mind me. So hurry and get my coffee. Oh, and make sure you carry it in a tray, I don't want your ty hands to contaminate it." With that stinging last command, he sauntered away, only the sound of his footsteps echoing off the walls. Although she never would allow them to fall, small tears began to well on the edges her brown eyes.
It all started about a year and a half ago, in his apartment next to hers. He moved in when he was twenty and she was eighteen. Although they only started being acquainted with each other after she enrolled in the same university. Youngbae didn't even care that she existed until the two were paired up for a project (her being in the upperclassmen advanced classes). She wasn't completely sure how the whole hating her came to be, but she certain knew of several events that possibly could've lead up to it. They must've snowballed together to turn into what it is now.
At lighting sped, Chaerin ran into the bathroom a few feet away and then slammed a stall door open. The sad excuse for a lunch, a granola bar, a blue Gatorade, and an orange, abruptly coming back from her stomach. Being forced to hold her own hair back, she noticed a pair of feet in the next stall over who apparently was doing just that same. Those shoes were only ever worn by people a part of or affiliated with the dance team, so it didn't wasn't really surprising to Chaerin that one of them was in here throwing up.
Today was a rough day, and Chaerin had a feeling it was only going to get worse.
• • • • •
He could tell she had been crying, puffy, red eyes giving it away.
"Hey, Chaerin. Is everything alright?" Concern in his voice, he tried to be as gentle as possible.
"No, I'm fine. Everything is just fine Kwon Ji Yong." How many times had she said those words and knew that everyone else knew as well herself that she was lying? That word was becoming one she just substituted for all her emotions.
"Let's go for a walk. You don't have to talk to me, but I can tell you're not fine. I want to make sure you're safe." The voice he used was soft and quiet, yet it still set her off. Ji Yong could just tell that she had been sick, but he couldn't pinpoint how he knew. He just knew.
"Listen! Don't try to know me! You don't know me and you don't know anything about me life. Quit trying to get to know me. I don't need people." With poison and hate laced into her words, Chaerin yanked the coffee from the barista and stomped away furiously.
- Lee Chaerin
They had sent him away to his aunt's farm on Jeju in the hopes that that'd "cheer" him up. Sure he was depressed, but he had a right to be.
He wouldn't say that he hated the trip, but in his opinion he was too far away from his love. It was one-sided, the love. He was the lover and she obviously felt something for him, but there was no way she was just jumping with no safety net. He understood that. Back in his "glory day", he used be just like, but recently he would just perform impulsively for he had nothing to really loose besides Minji now.
But aside from that, there was one memory from Jeju that he'd never forget for as long as he was alive.
It was early in the morning, maybe around five. He wasn't really sure why he was awake around that time, he just sort of was. Maybe it was alcohol, maybe it was the thoughts of Minji. Sitting on the desolate beach only a short wake from his aunt's, he looked our across the water and noticed an orangeness begin to peak out on top of the black ocean. It kept rising, and rising, and rising until the it was completely overhead the water and shining down into it. In that moment, he finally realized something.
He was dark, empty ocean and Minji was his sun. A beacon to him, maybe not of hope or joy, nothing along those lines. She was just the being of light that gave it off to him in his darkness.
"Seungri," something interrupted his flash back, "I'm going to dance for a little bit. I'll try to be back before it gets dark." Whenever she spoke, it was alway very hesitant and gentle in a sense. Like the amount of carefulness in her voice was still offending that person no matter what she said.
"Minji, please. I'm not stopping you, but I want you stay here." Seungri knew he sounded nothing but selfish is that moment. He wanted to spend as much time with her as he could, the future vague and so he wanted to make the best of the time he had. Minji sighed, gripping her bag tighter. He knew it was the moment. Seungri bowed before her and put his hand in front of her, waiting for a response.
Moments passed, nothing.
Finally, she allowed the bag to slip off her shoulder and onto to the ground. Outstretching her own hand, their palms met one another. It was like fire and electricity mixed into one.
"There's no music." Stating dryly, the girl got into a slow dancing position.
"We don't need it." With last sentence, Seungri slithered his hand around her waist and took the first step.
Have you ever had an experience where you're not sure if it's real? And your just kind of lose sight of the time, the place, the whole world? You have a moment where it's just you and one other person, nothing else matters but their happiness. Everything just slows and life comes to a halt.
Was it too much for him? For her? How do you know when how much is too much? Too much too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love. Too much to ask for. Was it all too much?
- Lee Seung-hyun
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