I was screaming for her.

Nana, she won’t come. She can’t hear me. But I cried my lungs out as I shouted louder. It was getting hot and no one’s answering my plea, until I tried to call them. All the six of them one by one – I can’t breathe anymore. I know I’ll suffocate and I will end up stuck here.

I tried to struggle again one more time and I woke up.

The phone is ringing madly and it is vibrating unceasingly on the table. The call woke me from the nightmare. It rang exactly 2 more times the moment I opened my eyes and died. I checked the time and it was already 7 in the evening according to the wall clock near my comfort room’s door. The phone rang again and it forced me to get up and answer it.

It died again even before I can reach the table. I looked on the screen and squinted my eyes as hold it nearer my face, there were 36 missed calls displayed on its screen and the 37^th call just came in when I was about to look who’s been calling.

The caller’s name read – “Jinnie Oppa”.

I swiped the answer tab the soonest.

“Hey! Kris! Hello? Are you there? Hello?” Junjin’s voice sounded very cool and husky even over the phone, right now his tone is with a mixture of worry and sudden excitement.

“Hello..” I paused and tried swallow emptily to recover my voice. It sounded more of a guy’s voice with its low tone. “Sorry I just woke up.” I explained.

“Oh! Sorry, I might have disturbed you. I called you just in case you haven’t seen our message yet about tomorrow’s schedule with Hyesung and me?” he sounded more apologetic than excited now.

“Huh? Sorry, I just opened the phone today and I honestly haven’t seen anything yet too.” I tried to catch my thoughts.

Junjin understood it right away and explained everything about it.

“Hyesung would want us to go somewhere tomorrow, just the three of us. I’m not sure with the activities yet but we will pick you up at around 8 in the morning tomorrow.” I can hear his smile from his voice. He is excited but I am thorn with lots of thoughts.

“Okay. I’ll go with you. I still don’t have any plans for tomorrow.” I decided. I thought to myself that spending more time with them might led me to the answers that I am looking for.

“That’s great! I will call Hyesung in a while and let him know about it. He is quite nervous that you won’t come! Oh this will be awesome! Have a good night Kris! Rest well and pack more energy for tomorrow! Sweet dreams!” and he hanged up.

I gripped the phone tightly before I let out a deep breath and looked in to it again. I saw the logs of the missed calls and was surprised to find out that the 36 missed calls were not all from Junjin but randomly from every one of them. It all started since the day I received it.

My inbox is also full of unread messages too. I decided not to check it right away. I needed to reassess my progress on this complicated challenge from Nana.

I started to pick my back pack and get my black journal from it. I needed to list down some items that will remind me, those important details that will keep me on track, who’s who. I wrote their names arranged depending on the order I’ve met them:

Junjin who knew that I cannot ride bikes and I have no sense of direction with two points, Dongwan is already leading with four points since he knows that I am not a cry baby, loved apple flavoured lollipop, pointed out that gravity is my enemy and about my asthma, Andy had 3 points telling me my allergies, the food that I don’t eat and my favourite cake. Minwoo had 3 points already with my favourite color, clothing inclination and my habit of not fitting them in shops, Hyesung had 2 points when he gave me my favourite coffee, and favourite food and the last one – Eric  with 2 points as well who knows about the fact that I am not a dog lover and that I cannot watch movies alone.

Can it be really Dongwan? But, why do I feel like it was not him? I think I needed to know what the other people had to say too. Until I get the fifth fact, I will decide.

I got exhausted thinking for possibilities until I gave up. I needed to prepare for tomorrow and decided to go back to sleep but now, I ended up getting Eric’s mp3 player again for a more suitable lullaby. I set the alarm on the phone and put it on my lamp table and adjusted it to its loudest ringing sound.

I went back to sleep easier this time and the moment I woke up, it’s because of a combination of consistent knocking on the door that goes with the ringing of my alarm clock that disrupted the serene sound of the clarinet.

I reached for my phone and turned off the alarm and heard Laura’s voice.

“Kris? Are you up? Kris?” Laura called outside. She never did this before, I mean waking me up but why all of a sudden?

I somehow managed to answer back properly and she told me about my alarm that went on and off as it snoozed from time to time. I might have gotten her worried about it. I think I got too immersed listening to the lullaby.

I checked the time and it was a good thing that I put the alarm advanced than the usual. Now, I still have time to prepare. My messed up body clock is taking a huge toll on me. I am not even fully aware how the time flies here at Sylfaen and now that I remembered what happened yesterday, I think I’ll be dealing with an enormous torment later on, but I have to face it if I would really like to come back to the company.

I washed off slowly trying to take my time as I try to avoid putting pressure on my right arm. I become a lot sluggish with my dysfunctional right elbow but I still succeeded to save a few more minutes while waiting for them.

I grabbed my backpack and added another item – the inhaler that Dongwan gave me the other day. I carried my phone with my right hand while I sling my bag on my left shoulder carelessly. I sat on our comfortable black sofa and decided to read the messages from yesterday’s discovery.

Almost all of it are from Minwoo asking me what I had for my meals, the others are from Dongwan telling me about the time for my medicines and there are a bunch of text messages too from Hyesung and Junjin with the same topic – about today’s activity. I noticed two singled out names in my inbox – Eric and Andy.

Andy’s only message said, “Hi Kris! I hope you get this message. Let me know when you are free so that we can cook together. I hope you’re doing well! Take care ~ ^^” he did not forgot about his promise.

Just then I saw Eric’s message which is surprisingly BLANK.

What kind of sorcery? Did he really send this one or he accidentally pushed the send button? But why didn’t he send any follow up message for the mistake? Of all the messages I received, this one – made me so curious so I replied. I sent him a blank message too.

It did not take long before my phone vibrated for a newly received message and it was from him. I checked it and with all my heart I seriously wanted to throw off the phone somewhere when I opened the message and received something like: “^.^”

WHAT ON EARTH DOES HE MEAN BY SENDING ME SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!

He is having fun. I am being annoyed and it does not matter because I am glad that someone finally wanted to annoy me on a childish rate and this made me think about how exactly older are they compared to me. If I were 8 on the mysterious pictures that Dongwan showed me, they are probably twice as old as I am? If I can only ask them it will be less nerve-wracking. Sigh.              

Right before I lose my mind with all the swirling possibilities in my head, I heard Junjin’s voice shouting outside the gate of the Villa.

“Kris! We’re here! Let’s GOOOOO! Kris!!!” and I just saw half of his body sticking outside Hyesung’s car window waving madly to get my attention. How did he fit on that? It might have been hard for him but he looks like he is enjoying it. He is wearing rectangular shades now and his hair’s pulled back revealing his smooth forehead. He is wearing a sleeveless yellow shirt and his biceps are well sculpted on his strong arms too, now it made me feel that it’s really summer.

I jumped off the couch and walked as quickly as I can to reach his car without stumbling with shame and I am glad that I made it.  Hyesung was wearing a fedora hat and it looked like they spoke to each other about what to wear since he topped his white t-shirt with a thin knitted yellow cardigan and it well matched their almost the same knee length denim shorts.

“Jinnie, get inside now. You might catch cold if you continue what you’re doing.” Hyesung suggested.

Junjin followed him right away and took his shades off to hang them on his shirt’s neck line.

“We are going to the beach Kris!” he said full of excitement. “Don’t worry; it’s on a lower location. It’s the only place in Sylfaen where summer is really summer. We will NOT go swimming too so you may relax a bit. I know that you cannot swim.”

By saying that, Junjin earned his 3^rd point.

“Oh, that’s good to know. Thank you for thinking about me and inviting me too.” I really feel grateful towards them – on how easily they decide upon spending their time with me without thinking twice and planning it like this, as thoughtful as this.

“Don’t mention all of these. I bet the others also prepared in their own way but me and Junjin, we are the Birds of the group and we decided it will be easier if we handle things like this together. Haha” Hyesung said comfortably. It felt like the awkwardness is less visible when he is with Junjin. I cannot explain why but they seem to be very close to each other.

“Hyesung, is more like a mother to me. He always takes care of me. Yes, just like a mother bird takes care of a baby bird before it can fly.” Junjin elaborated with a very serious poker face but it just made the scene more humorous, I was not able hold back my laughter when I caught his smirk on his last word.

“By the way, Dongwan and Minwoo visited me yesterday. They also left a photobook for me to view but I was not able to see all of it yet.” I told them honestly and both of them paused with an awkward silence from all the laughter.

“If that’s the case, I think I am in charged to do the briefing now.” Hyesung said as he adjusted his fedora hat deliberately while driving. Junjin just sat quietly at the back to listen.

“We were already graduating students when Nana introduced you to us. I, Minwoo, Dongwan and Eric were already 18 by that time while Andy and Jinnie were a year younger than us. We’ve been with Nana for a very long time so she trusted us to be your companions while your parents are busy with your business in the city. It was also around this season of the year when you came to us. That was March 1998 as long as I can remember.” Hyesung’s voice was full of reminiscing tone and I can tell that he is thinking deeply on how he is going to translate his memories into words.

“During your vacation, you spent it with us happily. It was not just a month but almost half a year. That is how we knew you. You are very transparent on how you feel and you did not hesitate to share your vulnerability with us because we were already like your older brothers from another set of family.” He paused and smiled at Junjin.

“I can still remember the time when you were with me and you’re almost out of your temper waiting for Nana’s class to finish when I lent you my walk-man and you suddenly got a grip of yourself and calmly listened to music instead.” I was not sure how to react. Hearing it straight from him, a fact that “music is my therapy” and knowing how it all started with a memory that both of us shared with each other – 17 years ago felt so hard to comprehend but so obvious to equate with all the revelations around me.

Hyesung stopped talking and inhaled deeply before saying, “ You can’t even remember when is the first time you started treating music as your therapy do you?” and sadness shadowed my heart without any warnings at all. This kind of thing, it was like a dream but it’s too real to fix it as a fiction.

“Me too, I’m quite frustrated that you can’t still ride a bike because we stopped our tutorial! Oh! So frustrating! Now we are going back from the start! I’ve taught you a lot already Kris!” Junjin’s sudden explosion of his absurd frustration about the biking lessons made the mood lighter like a feather.

With all his effective tactics of breaking sudden heavy situations, he is the best. I should commend him for that. It made us laugh and from the back of the car he forced himself right between our chairs to play a song. It did not take long before the music started and the rhythm poured a good feel because it is a happy beach song and they sang along as soon as it started.

They told me they used to play this song with me on our picnic trips. I used to love this too back then. I read the flashing title on the screen of the player and the song was “Eusha! Eusha!” I promised myself to take a note on that.

We arrived at exactly lunch time on the beach side. Both of them helped each other set up our picnic spot and spread a blanket on the beach’s white sand under a plumeria tree slightly protruding from the edge of the sea side sharing its thick leafy branches giving us a cool shade. Hyesung went off to get something from his car while Junjin arranged the food diligently. 

There were no other people but only us, the place is something to treasure. I took out the phone that I got from the professor to take pictures when I noticed a message waiting in my inbox and opened it right away. It was from him – Eric, he sent a rabbit figure made up of symbols like this:  ／(･ × ･)＼ and it seemed like he is amused sending me this sort of things. I replied with a smiley instead.

While I am taking pictures of the gentle waves of the clear water kissing the soles of my feet Junjin called out and I saw Hyesung who just got back with a guitar in his hands. They were both waving at me to come and eat.

Kimbap is the main course for our outing and I can already tell who made it since the abundant amount of sesame seeds on it is so obvious. Hyesung even kept on asking if it’s good and honestly, it tasted odd on my first bite but the new flavour turned to be interesting and savoury.

“You want to know what Kris, we used to go to the town’s public swimming pool before and I will always spend my time with you in the kiddie pool because I cannot swim too. My hyungs (older brothers) will always tease me about it but you enjoyed it the most.” Junjin started while he pours iced tea on my paper cup.

“Oh yeah, I remember that! Hahaha.. I thought you’re just teaching her how to swim back then!” Hyesung said with a surprised tone of voice.

 “Kris and I kept it a secret from you guys but it really hurt my pride so I asked Eric if he can teach me. He is the best swimmer among us.” Junjin emphasized while looking at my reaction and continued.

“We even went here to practice but I don’t know why he ended trying to catch a jellyfish instead. I stood here watching him swim from afar while holding a bucket full of sea water on my hands. I thought he’s just fooling around with me but he took serious dives on the water but not able to get one. I wonder why.” Junjin’s eyes stared at Hyesung with a puzzled face.

Hyesung just shrugged his shoulders giving an “I don’t know too” kind of gesture towards him but I think – I clearly know why he did that. I just smiled and looked at his rabbit message again. He’s such a thoughtful person but it looked like he loves to deliver his affection with sudden surprises.

After having lunch, Junjin started playing the guitar skilfully while Hyesung started to sing songs along with him. I can’t even believe that both of their voices were as good as professional singers. I am awestruck and humbled by the café owner’s heavenly voice as he sang ballad songs together with the sheriff’s exceptional ability to deliver emotions through his singing melody.

I didn’t want this moment to end but that will be impossible. I still don’t know how my memory got messed up or if any of what’s happening made sense but I’d like to keep this moment remembered, saved forever. I took out the phone again and took a video of them as they smiled and played more. They wanted to keep this too, they smiled and waved back as they performed comfortably as I try to steady my trembling hands.

We were enjoying so much that I failed to notice my phone’s power capacity. The screen blinked multiple times with battery warning.

“Noooooo!!!” is the only word that I was able to say when it popped up a message about automatically shutting down – and I got anxious on what button to press. They both jumped beside me and there was Hyesung’s hand snatching the phone from my hand and he pressed “SAVE” right away.

The clip got saved just right after the phone drained its battery life and died on its own. I almost had a mini heart attack.

“Let’s do this again.” I asked them almost pleading. “I think I still have more time to spare.” Now that I think of it, I am already enjoying my vacation with them without even putting much effort on it, they made me feel so welcomed and loved.

“Sure!” Junjin answered. “But next time, we will need to arrange it with the rest, we have different schedules so they were not able to come today.” He added.

Hyesung’s phone rang and he answered it right away. He covered his mouth and lowered his voice to almost a whisper while speaking to the other person on the line. I can’t almost hear anything. I didn’t think it was Eric, his reaction is much lighter and his eyes are smiling while being lifted beautifully by his cute eye bags. Right after he hanged up, he went to us and discussed what the call was about.

“Kris, I think you need to go home. Andy’s at the Villa right now and he’s been waiting for an hour already. I told him that we will be just here for lunch but it seemed that it took us longer than expected.” Hyesung tried to relay with an apologetic tone.

“Oh my.. I didn’t know that he is coming.” I told him regretfully.

“He was actually supposed to surprise you but we ended up ruining his time frame.” Junjin explained while scratching his head.

“I think we should go back here and stay overnight to do star gazing. You’ll love it won’t you? If Andy didn’t tell me that he will visit you we could have stayed longer.” Hyesung suddenly gave another fact about me and everything on my list of probabilities got so messed up, that was his 4^th point.

We hurried tidying things up and got back to the car right away. I didn’t have enough time to think about the rankings now. We were playing random music in the car that made me feel almost refreshed and distracted from all of what happened yesterday until we reached the Villa’s gate.

I bid them goodbye and slowly walked towards the house. The gloomy feeling rushed back in again. My heart felt heavy with the burden of what could have happened. I am almost close on assuming that it was Dongwan when Hyesung suddenly spoke about star gazing today. I didn’t know how to decide anymore. My discretion was partially damaged from all these spontaneous revelations. I stopped walking as I think over and over again, re-analysing the facts asking my heart many times. Who could it be?