Taekwoon’s insistant silence was starting to wear Hongbin down. He appreciated that his hyung was hurting, but he wasn’t the only one that was struggling. Hongbin had lost his best friend too. The one he was the closest to in VIXX, the one he relied on more than he relied on his hyungs even. Afraid that he’d bother the olders if he approached them with his issues, Wonshik had always been the natural person to turn too. Wonshik, who was always so stable and grounded. Wonshik, who had always known just what to say or do in order to make Hongbin feel better. Whether it was giving advice or simply just listening while Hongbin poured his heart out to his friend.
So Taekwoon wasn’t the only one hurting, Hongbin had felt equally lost since Wonshik’s passing. It’s true, he didn’t blame himself or feel responsible for Wonshik’s death like Taekwoon did, so Hongbin could understand his devestation. But what he was struggling to wrap his mind around was the fact that Taekwoon-hyung had tried to leave them. Had tried to rob them of their hyung, their friend, their family member without once considering what it might do to the rest of them. And now that his attempt had failed he refused to talk to them. He hadn’t said a word since he woke up almost four weeks ago. He simply laid on his hospital bed, staring out the window while his family and members fussed over him, trying to get him to respond to their questions and comments. Their never ending patience and understanding was making Hongbin feel even more tired.
Hongbin was angry, simple as that. When Taekwoon had first woken up he’d been hopeful, he hoped that his hyung would say it was all a mistake that he hadn’t tried to kill himself. But as the days passed and Taekwoon still didn’t show any signs of responding, the hope had turned sour and eventually it turned into anger. Hongbin didn’t blame Taekwoon’s family for acting that way, it was their son and brother afterall. The other VIXX members, however. He didn’t get how they could forgive and move on so easily.
Hyuk was pretty much stuck to the second-oldest’s side. Always trying to make him engage either by teasing him, telling poor jokes or by reading to him. Under any other circumstance the sight of Hyuk next to Taekwoon would’ve been adorable, now it only served to irk Hongbin further.
Jaehwan, who had been the most reluctant to visit Taekwoon in the beginning now hardly left his room. He’d been the one to hold Taekwoon’s hand when he woke up and had so far been the only one, family included, to manage any form of reaction from the older, even if it was only to make eye-contact every once in a while. Each time it happened a hopefulness had entered Jaehwan-hyung’s eyes only to dissappear just as quickly when Taekwoon without blinking an eye turned away to ressume staring out the window. Yet Jaehwan persisted, he would sit by the foot of Taekwoon’s bed, talking and singing. It was his singing that got the biggest reaction’s out of Taekwoon. He’d sometimes close his eyes, sometimes cry and sometimes Jaehwan’s gentle voice would lull him to sleep. Hongbin knew Jaehwan felt bad for not being there the first few days, and so he knew that was a big reason for why he insisted on staying at the hospital constantly. What he didn’t understand was why he felt guilty. Taekwoon had brought this on himself, surely? And so Hongbin found himself angry with his Jaehwanie-hyung as well.
But worst of all was Hakyeon-hyung. He’d gone straight from his own ER bed to the waiting room where Taekwoon’s family was. He hadn’t been back to the dorm more than four times since this whole thing started and Hongbin was fed up with it. Hakyeon did everything for Taekwoon and his family.  He seemed more like their servent than VIXX’s leader. He’d encourage Taekwoon’s family to eat and rest and sleep, more than he did s. Hongbin would be lying if he didn’t say he felt betrayed. They all needed their leader right now, not only the selfish person lying on that blasted bed.
And then he felt angry with himself. Why was he acting like this? He would go to the hospital every day, sit on a chair in the furthest corner away from Taekwoon’s bed and stare at the fragile looking man that occupied it. He’d look on resentfully as their members fussed over Taekwoon, while all he wanted to do was hit him. But when the other members suggested he leave, he would refuse profusely. The only thing that was greater than the anger he felt, was the fear of what might happen if he left. He’d never been so scared in his life as when he had grabbed a hold of Taekwoon’s limp body only to find that he wasn’t breathing and that his heart wasn’t beating. So how could he leave?
What if Taekwoon tried again?
What if he succeeded?
What if he missed when Taekwoon finally started talking again?
What if something happened to the other members too while he was away?
What if..?
What if..?
What if….
All the scenarios would run through his head until he wasn’t sure what was what anymore and all that was left to him was to shake his head and with a weak voice say:
”No… I’m staying…” s had stopped arguing with him, simply opting to leaving him on his chair in his corner, alone with his thoughts, until eventually he fell asleep.

Hongbin wasn’t sure what woke him up, only that when he regained concsiousness it was eerily quiet in the room. Slowly he cracked an eye open letting his eyes adjust to the dim lighting. He scanned the room slowly only to find himself alone in it, apart from the man on the bed he could just about make out in the corner of his eye. When he finally let himself look at Taekwoon he felt his heart jump in his chest and his breath catch in his lungs. His hyung was staring at him intently. It was the first time his hyung had acknowledged anyone’s existance in three days, and it was the first time it had happened to anyone that wasn’t Jaehwan. Hongbin felt unsure of what do to, it was a struggle to maintain eye-contact with the older, but it was equally impossible for him to look away.
”Hyung..?” He started carefully, it came as no surprise when Taekwoon didn’t give any sign for having heard him. ” Where… Wh-where are the others? Your family?” Hongbin felt scared at having been left alone with the silent man. He didn’t know what to do or what to say and the way Taekwoon was focusing his eyes at him served to further unnerve him.
”You hate me…” The quiet voice seemed completely disconntected, Hongbin hadn’t seen the older man’s lips move and yet he knew it could come from no one else. It felt like it had been forever since he’d heard Taekwoon’s voice and the sound of it now made him shiver.
”What..?”
”You hate me…” Taekwoon repeated.
”Yes…” Hongbin said, he saw Taekwoon flinch. ”And no..” He added.
”You should, you know.” There was no emotion in Taekwoon’s voice, for someone who was always so expressive and emotional in his vocals, the change made Hongbin feel colder than ever.
”I hate you for doing what you did, hyung. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you for trying to leave us like that…” He watched as his hyung blinked away tears. ”But as much as I hate you for that… I… I still love you. You’re my hyung and I love you. That’s what hurts the most. That we mean so little to you, that you’d just decide to leave us like that without second thoughts of what it might do to us, to ME…” Hongbin’s voice broke as he admitted his feelings and thoughts to Taekwoon, thoughts that he’d been to afraid to admit to himself even. His biggest fear of losing another person that he loved dearly and that he depended on for strenght. He felt sure that that would’ve ended him as well, he had felt it on that jetty as he was desperately trying to bring life back to his hyung.
”I-I don’t…” Taekwoon didn’t finish his sentence, he just kept staring at the younger.
”Why would you do that, hyung?” He returned Taekwoon’s stare with his own. He knew he shouldn’t pressure him, but he was too upset to stop or even care in that moment. ”Why would you try and leave us like that? JUST TELL ME!”  He saw something snap in Taekwoon’s eyes.
”BECAUSE IT’S MY FAULT!” He screamed, his breath coming out ragged. ”It’s my fault he’s dead! I killed him…” Hongbin had never heard Taekwoon scream like that, it shocked him.
”Hyung, it’s no-” He began before Taekwoon broke him off.
”But it is Hongbin-ah…” He said quietly. ”I was mad at him over something stupid, I don’t even know why. I was mad at him and before he got into the car that night we argued on the phone. He said he was sorry and begged me to forgive him, but I hung up on him. He ran that red-light because he aws upset and distracted, because of me. He died probably thinking that I hated him.” Silent tears where running down Taekwoon’s checks as he spoke, refusing to look into Hongbin’s eyes his gaze was locked onto the younger’s chest.
”He knew you loved him, hyung. He always knew that.” Hongbin said quietly making Taekwoon scoff. ”What had he done? Why were you so mad at him?” Taekwoon looked up him then. His eyes completely empty. Hongbin shivered at the sight.
”I can’t remember..” He said, voice just as devoid of emotion. ”I’ve been trying to remember, but… I couldn’t remember when I last spoke to him either. I made him apologise to me even though I didn’t know myself what he was apologising for. I couldn’t remember then and I can’t remember now. He’s dead, I killed him and I don’t know what he died for…”
”Hyung…” Hongbin started, but he broke off, not knowing what to say next.
”I’m so sorry, Hongbin-ah.” Taekwoon said. ”I’m so sorry I put you through all this, you and the others mean the world to me, but I just... I don't know how to live with myself. I’m so sorry I took your friend from you… I’m just really sorry for everything.” They were both crying now, and this time the sight of his hyung’s tears didn’t anger him, it hurt him. He got up from his chair and quickly moved to stand next to Taekwoon.
”Can I please hug you hyung?” He asked carefully, still remembering how Taekwoon had shoved at anyone that had come too close. With a choked sob Taekwoon wrapped his long arms around his dongsaeng. Hongbin being quick to do the same. ”It’s not you fault, Taekwoonie-hyung. It was never your fault.” Taekwoon just shook his head against Hongbin’s shoulder, making the younger pull away a little.
Placing his hands on either side of his hyung’s face, effectivley forcing the older to look him in the eyes. ”Listen to me, hyung. It is not your fault. It was an accident. It was late, Wonshik was tired. The accident woud’ve still happened. It had nothing to do with your argument, okay?” It took a while for Taekwoon to respond, but after a while he hesitatingly nodded, his eyes still locked with Hongbin’s own. Hongbin gave him a weak smile before once again opting to hug the older close. ”I know it’s not as easy as that to get over what has happened, not for anyone of us. We’re all hurting, we are all missing him so much. But hyung, I promise… I swear that we’ll get through it. We’ll help each other, okay?” He anxiously waited for Taekwoon to respond.
”…okay…” His hyung’s voice was weak and quiet, but the fact that he’d said it meant the world to Hongbin.
”Just… Just promise me, hyung… Promise me that you won’t try to leave again, at least not without talking to me…” Taekwoon said nothing, but Hongbin felt how he froze in his arms. ”Hyung, please… Please promise me… I-I can’t loose you too. I need you…” He said quietly, tears clouding his voice. He felt Taekwoon softening once again, tightening his hold on the younger.
”Promise.. I’m so sorry..” Hongbin heard him whisper close to his ear.
”Thank you, hyung…” He smiled.

Author's note:
Okay, so that's chapter three.. I'm not at all pleased with the ending, had a bit of a writer's block for that part. Hopefully it's not too y ^^

Thank you for reading and please leave a comment :)