Steam ascends from the hot water of the bathtub, filling up the air of the small bathroom and condensing on the tiles of the walls. The room is warm and inviting, ideal for the boys to be inside the water playing. Several toys float around the surface being picked up and abandoned again moments later in their haste to have fun.

Today Kyungsoo wants to play ‘pretend that there’s an underwater hideout with trapped fishes that his superhero figure has to save’. Later he plans to have a big fight with the bad guy (who is Jongin’s figure) and win of course, because the superheroes always win.

He’s in the middle of telling Jongin his idea when the other boy interrupts him.

“Can I be the superhero today?”

Of course not. Kyungsoo must be the superhero. “No. I’m always the superhero.”

“Why are you always the superhero?” Jongin asks, frowning. He doesn’t want to be the bad guy anymore. He’s not bad, he’s good. He can be the superhero too.

Oppositely, Kyungsoo just wants to be the superhero. Why does he need a reason for that? He’s the one who makes the rules. “Because these are my toys. I get to choose.”

Jongin stops for a moment, just looking at Kyungsoo carefully. The other boy’s determinant gaze, the way he so dearly grabs his action figure. Jongin thinks he understands Kyungsoo’s logic.

He is right, these are his toys and that’s why Jongin gets out of the bathtub, dries his feet hurriedly on the towel that’s on the floor waiting for them to finish the bath and runs to his wardrobe hide out. He already knows the perfect solution for this problem!

“Heyy! Where are you going?! Jongin!” Kyungsoo screams after him, but without bothering to get out too since it’s cold.

Jongin comes back just an instant after, all big smiles and shy glances when he gets inside the water again.

Kyungsoo looks at him suspiciously seeing the boy’s old toys in his hands.

“Now I can be the superhero too!” Kyungsoo eyes him disbelievingly, but Jongin doesn’t pay him any attention and continues. “See? My superhero is the soldier!” He grabs the small green plastic toys between his fingers and raises it for Kyungsoo to see. “Soldiers fight hard to save people! They go to war and can even drive tanks!”

“You can’t be the superhero with that things! They are so small my superhero would step on them!” And for good measure Kyungsoo exemplifies, trying to drown Jongin’s little toy soldiers by hitting them with his much bigger action figure.

Jongin shrinks against his side of the bathtub using his fingers to protect his little toy soldiers and hurting them in the process. “But that’s not fair, Kyungsoo-yah. These are my toys so I can choose to be the superhero too!” He tries to defend himself.

“No. But those can’t be the superheroes. They are not superhero level. Don’t you see?” Kyungsoo looks at Jongin seriously, to make him understand. “The superhero has to be this size,” and he moves his action figure between them. Jongin doesn’t seem very convinced so Kyungsoo adds, “I won’t play with you if you keep being like this.”

For the second time that day, Jongin looks at Kyungsoo carefully, measuring his words before getting out of the bathtub and running to the wardrobe. He comes back like before, a shy smile on his lips and gets inside the bathtub, showing Kyungsoo his dinosaur.

The dinosaur is almost Kyungsoo’s action figure size and dinosaurs, as everyone knows, are very strong too, but Jongin’s dinosaur is a good type. He helps to lock up bad guys, extinguishes fires and saves women and children.

He tries to explain this to Kyungsoo, but the other boy is decided to not let Jongin’s inappropriate toys be superheroes and after his strong dismissal, Jongin doesn’t feel like playing in the water anymore.

After a while of watching Kyungsoo play by himself with his action figure, Jongin’s throat constricted with unspoken sad feelings. He gets out of the bath first, drying himself up and dressing in his pyjamas.

Later he also has dinner alone instead of having Kyungsoo’s company as he usually would. The other boy still mad about the superheroes thing. Jongin’s heart clenches in the silence of the kitchen, never had it felt so alone when a close friend was so nearby.

That night when he goes to sleep, Jongin dreams about being found and brought back to the institution. Some harsher assistants punish him for having run away with chore after chore, not stopping even when Jongin’s fingertips are bleeding and his knees are hurting so much that he can’t stand up anymore. He asks them if he can stop, because it hurts but no matter how loud he speaks they don’t seem to hear him.

He wakes up before the alarm clock rings feeling tired, worried and weak.

By instinct, Jongin searches for Kyungsoo with his eyes, needing the comfort and security that his friend normally means to him.

Kyungsoo is sleeping on his stomach and the back of his head is all Jongin can see, peeking from under the comforter. Even so just knowing Kyungsoo is here makes him feel a little better.

Unexpectedly, an image from his dreams flashes in his head and Jongin’s eyes widen in shock before him squishes them close as hard as he can. He swallows heavily, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach.

Saturday afternoon finds Kyungsoo’s snugly sitting on Jongin’s belly while they pretend to fight a very hard and exhaustive battle as ninjas.

Jongin gives fast pats to Kyungsoo’s torso to resemble strong punches that feel more like massages while Kyungsoo tries hard to catch his pretended poisoned plastic knife that had slipped away in the confusion earlier so he can kill Jongin in one blow.

In an unpredicted turn of events, Jongin switches their positions and cages Kyungsoo on the floor with his weight. The other boy struggles to get free, but Jongin is slightly stronger than him and keeps him subdued under him.

As soon as Kyungsoo understands that he isn’t going anywhere he calls their fight off. Finally breathing with relief at the loss of Jongin’s weight, when the other boy gets up.

Jongin is smiling big time, very happy with his victory as he shyly confesses. “I wouldn’t mind being a ninja when I grow up.”

“You can’t. Ninjas don’t exist anymore,” Kyungsoo declares very matter-of-factly. He is very disappointed for having lost, but too late recalls how much stronger and faster Jongin usually is when they are playing in the playground. Kyungsoo chastises himself mentally, he should have expected this outcome all along.

“Ah, that’s right.” Jongin’s big smile falls and only a small affected upturn of the lips remains, sad in comparison. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” He asks to avoid thinking about his uncertain future.

“Oh, that’s easy!” Oblivious to his friend inner turmoil, Kyungsoo proudly declares. “I’m going to be a salesman like my dad and a pilot-”

There’s a knock on the door, effectively hushing both boys out.

“Kyungsoo-yah are you talking alone again?” Comes his mother’s muffled voice from the other side of the door. The boys look at each other in panic, mirrored hearts leaping out of their chests and don’t even dare to move too afraid any movement might denounce them.

At the lack of response, Kyungsoo mother tries to open the door only to understand that it’s locked. “Why is your door always locked these days?” She asks, in a harsher tone than before.

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows looking desperately in every corner of his head for something that would send his mother away, filling out of breath when he comes out empty. Jongin pulls his sleeve in distress and that’s when he just spits the first thing on his mind. “Big boys’ privacy, mum! You can’t get in!”

There is a moment of silence from the other side where his mother seems to take in his answer. “Is that so?” She questions in a softer tone, more to herself than expecting a reply. Then suddenly as if remembering the first topic of their conversation she continues, “Do you feel lonely? Should I ask Joonmyeon’s mother for you to sleep there this week?”

“NO!” Oh no. No no no. Absolutely not! Kyungsoo can’t leave Jongin a night alone with his parents.

“Are you sure, sweetie?” She tries again.

“Yes! I don’t want to.”

“You know? His mother tells me that he misses you very much and that lately you haven’t been playing a lot together. I think Joonmyeon is feeling a little bit lonely, Kyungsoo-yah.” Kyungsoo sighs, he misses Joonmyeon a little bit too, but to hide Jongin he needs to keep a distance – it’s for Jongin, he tells himself. “He has been such a good friend to you. Think about it, will you?”

She goes away after without saying anything else, but not without leaving Kyungsoo feeling guilty for being a bad friend.

That’s why, contrary to is new routine since Jongin is living with him, Sunday afternoon starts with Kyungsoo and Jongin in the hall of their apartment waiting for Joonmyeon.

This time Kyungsoo has everything planned so he can bring Jongin back home too. Since his parents are visiting his grandparents today, he just needs to come back before 6 p.m. and everything will be okay.

Joonmyeon comes out of his house right away as soon as Kyungsoo rings his doorbell as if he is waiting for them. “Hi Joonmyeon-ah! Ready to go?” He greets him with a smile.

Joonmyeon has been waiting for this moment since Kyungsoo’s mother called his mother last night, promising a fun afternoon playing together with Kyungsoo on the next day and oh boy is he ready for it! In the last months, they didn’t meet each other more than a couple of times to have fun together. They didn’t even see each other on winter holidays outside from the two birthday parties.

Joonmyeon has been feeling really depressed about the absence of his younger neighbour in his life and he can’t really understand why the other boy stopped seeking his company either. Has he done something wrong? What is it?

At this point he doesn’t even care anymore about Kyungsoo lack of respect toward him for not calling him hyung. He just wants the other boy back. He misses him deeply so today is about proving Kyungsoo that he is worthy of his time, Joonmyeon is a fun friend to be with. He is going to win his neighbour back.

Joonmyeon is so excited about this that he planned how the whole afternoon is going to go in his head and if it goes well maybe Kyungsoo will want to have dinner at his house today so they can play more. He is already on his entry with his jacket and shoes put on, just waiting for Kyungsoo. So, when the other rings on his doorbell he is more than ready to go.

He gets out of his house wearing a huge smile expecting to be meet with his friend, but it promptly falls out of his face when he sees Jongin there too.

Jongin.

Kyungsoo’s new friend. Or should he say, Kyungsoo’s new best friend. Ever since that boy came around Kyungsoo doesn’t see anyone else in front of his eyes. Doesn’t talk about anyone else either. Joonmyeon’s heart feels sore and his mouth tastes bitter with the jealousy. He just wants a bit of the attention that Kyungsoo gives this boy.

“Joonmyeon-ah?” Kyungsoo questions when he doesn’t say anything.

“Yes. I’m ready.” How did Jongin end up here on their floor anyway? If he was at Kyungsoo’s house, his mother would have told them on her yesterday phone call. It’s weird how the other boy is everywhere Kyungsoo is, almost as his shadow.

“Good afternoon, hyung.” Half-behind Kyungsoo Jongin shyly says as he does a polite bow.

Joonmyeon sighs and smiles back at the younger, defeated. “Hi, Jongin-ah.” He really can’t resist this boy’s kindness, even if he wishes to be in his shoes regarding Kyungsoo’s affection.

“Do you want to play with us?”

The shy boy tries to maintain a conversation with him, effectively melting Joonmyeon’s heart. “Yes, I want to. Do you guys have anything you want to play?” He asks despite the already existing ideas in his head.

“Today we are going to be Korean warriors from the Goryeo period and we are going to defeat the Yuan!” Kyungsoo excitedly intervenes. If he is going to the park on Sunday he would usually play Digimon cards with Sehun and he really wants to do that because he misses it, but today it’s about Joonmyeon and Joonmyeon doesn’t like Digimon cards so Kyungsoo thought about this instead.

“Who is going to be the Yuan?” The older boy suspiciously inquires.

“Humm, Jongdae of course!”

“Kyungsoo-yah.” Joonmyeon disappointedly disapproves. “That’s not fair. Stop being mean to Jongdae.” Kyungsoo looks at him as if he’s ruining all the fun and Joonmyeon feels like today is not going to be a fun day after all.

Jongin notices the gloomy aura on the older boy immediately. “I will be a Yuan with Jongdae.” He tries to save the situation. Honestly, he is very tired of always being the bad guy, but worse than that is seeing hyung sad. Joonmyeon deserves to always smile. He is a very good person. At all times being caring and generous even with someone as Jongin.

“Jongin-ah.” This time Kyungsoo turns to disappointedly disapprove of his friend choices.

“Will you really?” Joonmyeon’s face lights up with hope.

At the sight, Jongin knows he made the right decision. “I will hyung. It’s okay. I like to play with Jongdae.” He reassures.

And Joonmyeon believes him, he believes the younger boy’s sincere eyes.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he understands Kyungsoo for being Jongin-centric ever since the other boy came to their lives. Each new time he meets the younger boy he feels himself being more and more drawn towards him. His heart is already making a permanent spot just for Jongin and Joonmyeon doesn’t know what to feel about that.

Today, however, he feels that today he is going to have fun, maybe not in the way that he initially thought, but it’s okay, having Jongin close may not be so bad after all.

It’s like rocks piling up on top of Jongin and he feels heavy.

Some weeks after, around bedtime, the boys are in Kyungsoo’s room having an argument after his mother came earlier and upon noticing how Kyungsoo had left the floor after eating his snacks ordered him to clean it up before going to bed, but now Kyungsoo is ordering Jongin to do it instead.

“You have to do it now.” Kyungsoo stubbornly continues to insist even after the other boy had explained to him why he didn’t want to clean the crumbs.

“But I wiped the floor yesterday, Kyungsoo-yah.” He repeats while he makes a dejected face to the said crumbs on the floor, remembering all the hard work that he had done just the day before.

“But I’m telling you to do it now, again.”

“I don’t want to.”

By the third time, Jongin is refusing to obey him, Kyungsoo feels profoundly annoyed. In his head, he sees this house working with a hierarchy, his father can order everyone in the house, Kyungsoo’s mother can order Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo can order Jongin. Now he only needs to make Jongin understand that.

“Jongin.” The harsh tone catches Jongin off-guard and makes him look directly at Kyungsoo. “You are going to clean the floor now, because I am order you to do it.”

The words work like an electric shock running through Jongin’s body and it makes him shudder in distress. Never before did Kyungsoo speak to him like that and the meaning behind the words brought old memories back to life.

Because Kyungsoo is acting as if Jongin’s existence is to serve Kyungsoo’s happiness, forgetting Jongin’s own wishes just like what everyone in his past did. His stomach starts revolving in a madding way and he suddenly feels the urge to vomit.

He trusted Kyungsoo and it isn't supposed to be the same as before, so why does Kyungsoo act like if he doesn’t listen to Jongin’s opinion?

His heart has been relentless lately and something feels wrong. The image from his dream doesn’t go away either and every time Jongin closes his eyes he sees it as clearly as if it was printed on his eyelids.

He’s feels deceived. He also feels betrayed with himself for trusting Kyungsoo in the first place and the more he thinks about it the angrier he gets. Suddenly his dream doesn’t feel so out of place anymore and if Kyungsoo is treating him like this he isn’t so different from the people of the institute.

Now Jongin sees the other boy with different eyes. “I’m not a servant you can hide in the wardrobe, always ready for you to use.” The image from his dream and Kyungsoo are only one, the person who wants to order him like if he has no will. “I’m not yours to use.” He needs to leave now, before it’s too late.

Jongin takes off Kyungsoo’s pyjamas that he was using and throws it to the bed, going straightway for the space in the corner of the wardrobe that has his things.

He rapidly dresses his old sweater and some sweatpants, checking with hurry if all his things are inside his bag. It’s as if he has a time limit to run way and his last minutes are coming to an end, so he has to be fast.

He grabs the jacket and his bag and faces Kyungsoo who is still standing next to the crumbs.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo is truly confused by the development of the conversation and is incapable of understand what Jongin's is doing.

“I’m leaving. Thank you for your hospitality,” he bows in the other boy direction. “Goodbye,” and just like that Jongin is out of the bedroom door walking fast into the hallway direction.

Kyungsoo’s brain takes some seconds too long to react. Too late he moves clumsily after Jongin only to watch the other boy leaving the apartment soundlessly without looking back once.

He blinks repeatedly looking at the main door, first confused and then shocked. Again, too late, Kyungsoo opens the main door hastily in an attempt to go after Jongin, yet when he steps into his floor’s hall he is meet with nothing but quietness as if no boy has passed by.

Did it really happen?

Has Jongin really left? That fast?

But… Why?

Kyungsoo’s heart tightens in worry inside of his chest as bits of memories from Jongin’s last words echo in his mind.

Does this mean that he wasn't going to come back?