Jongin was three years old the first time he was adopted. Until then he had lived in an institution, sharing a bunk bed and every toy had belonged to all of the other boys too, but that was okay since some of the older boys were nice and he got to play with them. Jongin was happy.

He remembers that on the adoption day, the sun was high and bright in the sky, the only sign of warm in the otherwise cold winter morning. Jongin was kneeled on his favourite spot glued to the window so he could feel the pleasant warm emanating through it. He was trying to build a Lego castle with one of the older boys, the only thing between them and the cold floor being a thin blanket. However their cold legs didn’t discourage the boys to stop playing. There was a plate of thin apple slices in a corner of the blanket left by an assistant for the boys to eat as a mid-morning snack, but had been left forgotten in the enthusiasm for their construction.

Jongin was supposed to build the towers, a work that he was taking very seriously because it was a rare sight one of the seven years old playing with one of the threes like himself.

“Do you have any more blue pieces?” Minho asked, never taking his eyes from his work but lifting the gate to show it to the younger, “to build this gate all in blue.”

Jongin looked at the tower he was building – all in blue – and at the mount of blue pieces that he still had for using. Understanding that it was just enough for him to finish building it, he grabbed the tower and admired the quality of his construction, feeling it between his fingers. Jongin was very proud of himself. The tower that he made was big and robust, capable of taking any invader attack.

The younger boys didn’t had access to a lot of the better toys, but thanks to Minho who had the work of reuniting a lot of pieces for them, they had a generous amount to play that day. So he thought that the older boy deserved all the pieces that he wanted, even if it meant that Jongin couldn’t have the blue pieces. That’s why he teared down his almost built tower quietly and pushed all the pieces to Minho after, who received them silently and continue his gate.

Jongin observed in awe as the older boy’s hands moved and mounted the gate expertly for some minutes, until he reached for other pieces to start building a new tower. His bangs fell to his eyes when he leaned his head down and he was about to pull his hair out of his forehead when he remembered the assistant’s warning about disarranging his hair. Supposedly, it was a very especial day for Jongin and he had to be at his best behaviour if he wanted something really good to happen. So Jongin was making an effort to be at his best, shirt all buttoned up inside his trousers and (although he really wanted to take them off) uncomfortable formal shoes from one of the older boys put on.

They appeared to take him away sometime along the morning – a young couple. Jongin can only remember that the man was very tall and the woman (he thought) was probably the most beautiful that had ever existed in the world. Together they had a bright and sophisticated aura that quickly caught the boy with promises of a wonderful future as a family.

In all honestly, Jongin didn’t know how a true family was supposed to function, apart from the fact that it needed to have a daddy, a mummy and a baby – who supposedly was now him. The couple brought him to a big apartment with lots of divisions, where they introduce him to his new room just for his personal use.

Jongin had never had something just for him and having so many new toys (all belonging him) was overwhelming and really exciting. But what seemed perfect was actually a poisoned chalice. He was supposed to sleep alone and there weren’t any other children around, so even if he had so much Jongin often felt lonely.

His parents were really nice though and it didn’t take long for him to depend on them. His daddy was a pilot and he would play airplane with Jongin too, flying him in the air around the living room until his arms ached to the younger’s bliss. That also meant that he was away for several days on a row so Jongin would spend more time with his mummy. Her amused laughter filling his days with joy and he knew he was the happiest that he could ever be.

It happened too fast for Jongin to keep up and he doesn’t remember much about it. He had five when his mummy got pregnant and the whole apartment was swum in ecstasy – his parents brought cake and everything. Jongin thought that a new brother or sister to play with was the only thing that was missing to his perfect life. So he couldn’t understand why they took him back to the place he used to live before.

In the car trip his mummy explained that it was impossible for the family to afford two babies and because this new baby had their blood it was different from Jongin. She asked a lot of times if Jongin had understood and although he nodded his head, he made it because he didn’t want to disappoint her.

In reality he couldn’t understand anything.

Jongin had his favourite toy truck on his arms when they left. He asked them when were they coming back to take him home and instead of an answer, his mummy kneeled and rearranged his jacket, kissing his forehead before leaving.

The place was similar to his memories. He was given a top bunk bed (because he was one of the older boys in his age range), his designated room still being the one with the younger boys from two to six years old. However Jongin didn’t fit well in this environment anymore. For once he was used to not sharing a room or clothes with at least seven other boys and even though he remembered the place, most of the people had fade from his memories.

But Jongin wasn’t a bad sharer by nature and he was happy to lend his truck to other boys, he didn’t play a lot anyway since most of his days were spent near the adjacent door that led to the main door of the building, which was where all people from the exterior had to pass by before entering the building.

Jongin was waiting.

Just waiting for his parents to come back and take him home.

Days became weeks, which became months. And still, no one came.

Minho was there – one of the few kids Jongin remembered. He tried to occupy the younger and make him abandon his spot at the door. It became more effective has time went by.

After some months appeared a family for him but not the one Jongin was hoping for. The assistants praised him for his good fortune on having attracted a new family, because many of the boys didn’t even had a chance with a single family let alone two (although this time they set up some rules for Jongin to follow, one of which was to never spook about the former family, ever).

Jongin didn’t like this couple. They were older than his former parents and not as nice, one could even say that they were cold and unapproachable people – though very polite – but it was enough to make him fear for his future days with them.

And yet all that fear dissipated when they reached his new home, because waiting for them was a very nice dog – almost as tall as Jongin – that welcomed him with many and playful nuzzles.

He and the dog became inseparable pretty fast, the last having a permanent spot on Jongin’s new bed. This family wasn’t as scary as Jongin initially thought, his mum would constantly prepared delicious food for them to eat and after knowing about Jongin’s favourites, she would make a side dish just for him at every meal. His belly felt pleasantly full after each time and it didn’t take long for her to conquer Jongin’s heart with only the power of nice meals.

His dad was a different story. Jongin remembers that he wasn’t a man of many words and spent a lot of his free time watching television. However after dinner he never failed to play a board game with him. Jongin would try very hard to contain his expectation, but he surely exploded in exhilaration every time his father made the signal for him to set up the chosen game for the night.

Problems began to arise when he first started to leave the safety of their home. His mum had to go back to work (after a short leave to help him get settled) so he started to attend the closest pre-school. There people were fast to discover that Jongin hadn’t been born in this family, being only a ‘true’ son on paper. Most of the other mothers expressed their discontent in having Jongin’s presence in the same room as their children, teaching their sons and daughters that it was crucial to keep a distance from him.

Sometime after, the neighbours also began to show their displeasure, with measures like blocking the entry for his dad’s car with their cars, leaving garbage at their door and avoiding every friendly interaction from his parents. It eventually progressed to direct insults, always about the incapability of having a true son and even Jongin got a few share of insults each time the neighbours caught him alone on the street in front of their house. He couldn’t understand well why this was happening, but he knew he was the cause.

His mum began to cry a lot and if his dad arrived home and found her crying he would get angry and call Jongin to come to the living room with him, ordering him to kneel down in front of the armchair where he sat and apologize. Then he would ask for one of Jongin’s hands to slap it, telling him after that it would be better if he stayed in his room for the rest of the day.

Jongin always took the dog with him in these occasions, to have company through the rest of the afternoon and night and his dad never made a move to stop it. In reality, the man never actually hurt Jongin with any of his slaps simply because he never used any strength to do it. But in the end of the day Jongin would still cry, just from seeing his parents suffer.

A little after a year his dad came to his room to have a serious talk with him – his parents had decided to return him to the institution. The older man looked defeated and exhausted while confessing that what he had wanted the most was a son like him. His dad explained to him that he wanted to have given them a new start as the family deserved in a new home and city, pretending that Jongin was their real son, but because of his job he couldn’t. As a result now everyone was unhappy so this was the only possible solution.

Jongin didn’t want to accept that. How was he supposed to? Losing a family again?  So he clung to his dad’s arms with all the strength he had and begged him to not take him back. Through his closed eyes Jongin saw his world crumbing down, his mum’s quiet cries at the door of his room as a background noise and his heart felt impossibly tight in his chest, breath coming out puffy and fast because he already knew what was expecting him in the future.

Tears rolled off of his eyes and his dad hugged him hard, until Jongin was too exhausted to fight anymore and just kept quiet. His mum joined them, hugging him from behind and murmuring to his ear that she was very sorry because she liked Jongin very much.

But that didn’t stop him from being back at the institution on the following week. His mum had hugged him goodbye at the house before he left, but her crying stopped her from getting into the car with them, so his dad drove him alone. He left him with all the toys and clothes that Jongin had chosen to bring back.

This time, after they appointed Jongin to where his bed would be, he didn’t feel like complying and following along. What good had that brought anyway?

For the first time, he started to doubt adults around him, always doing what’s best for their own happiness but closing their eyes to Jongin’s. That’s why he always ended up alone back at the institution, so far away from everything that he got used to and learned how to love. He knew that no one would care about him and his needs perpetually. It was just Jongin, because parents came and went, but Jongin would always end up back at the institution. So what was the point of having a family anyway?

That’s why it was better to just stay. No more parents or families. No more leaving the institution. It was time for him to take care of himself.

Jongin was barely eight when a new family appeared to adopt him, only a few months after he came back. The people in the institution told him that it was very rare for someone as old as him to be adopted, especially after two failed attempts, so he should be a very, very special boy.

Jongin didn’t feel special, his body was shaking in fear and his heart was still wounded from the former separation. He asked the assistants if he could stay, but no one replied and just urged him to pack his things faster.

He couldn’t go. He knew he wouldn’t be happy and in no time these new parents would bring him back again. Just like before. Jongin was so sick of going back and forward, of adults making all the decisions and never asking for his opinion. He had had enough. And if nobody was going to listen to him there was only one way out.

Jongin would have to run way.

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Author's note: The preface gives an insight of Jongin's life before Kyungsoo and it will probably be the only part that is in Jongin's point of view, the rest will be mostly Kyungsoo's.

If you need help with the time frame: Jongin's 1st adoption was at age of 3, he was returned to the institution at age of 5, his 2nd adoption was at age of 6 and he was returned again at age of 7. He ran away on March at the age of 8.

And now the storyline is going to start in October of that same year on Kyungsoo's side.

If you couldn't understand well Jongin's situation, maybe it will help to know that only about 11% of the children within the Korean adoption system are actually adopted and (especially by single mothers) an impressive number of babies is abandoned every year. The studies point out that the main reasons for the low numbers of families that want to adopt lies within the social pressure. Families that can’t have babies hide in shame and many of the ones that try to adopt use tactics like moving to a new area or simulating a pregnancy.

Anyway, the next chapter will be lighter. Thank you for reading :D