Ren’s POV

As previously arranged, I met with Dambi at her studio at 10 AM. I made sure to set about a dozen alarms on my phone to ensure that I didn’t sleep through this important meeting, not like how I had slept through my first day of work with Jason. I still couldn’t believe I had done that. Right now, Dambi was the only person willing to help me. I had to accept any help I could get, and what could be better than being trained by a former model herself? When I arrived, I noticed that those three girls from yesterday weren’t here. Well, it had been a night class that we had walked into. I was pretty sure that the only reason why they attended a class so late was because of their busy schedules during the day. Dambi was here to greet me with open arms the moment I set foot into her studio. She embraced me tightly into a bear hug, squeezing the last ounce I had left out of my lungs before setting me back down. I had never been so painfully aware of my small size until now. I wearily smiled at her, unsure of what to expect. Dambi dusted her hands and placed her hands on her hips.

“So we’re going to work on your walk, huh?” She asked. I nodded. She twirled her right index finger at me. “Let’s see what we’re working with.” She replied, motioning for me to show her my walk. I hurried over to one end of the studio and paused briefly before I began. I confidently held my head level to the floor and I made sure to loosely, but firmly sway my arms as I walked from one end of the room to the other. When I finally made it back to her, she frowned. I self-consciously scratched the back of my neck.

“That bad…?” I asked. According to those judges from my last casting call, my walk wasn’t too terrible. Unless they were lying to me and were just trying to be nice. But even then, they still said some pretty cruel things to me, so I couldn’t imagine that they would spare any expense when it came to the quality of my walk. Dambi held her finger up at me.

“Wait right here.” She replied, dodging the question to run off to the back of the studio. She disappeared through one of the doors that led to what I supposed was a storage room behind the main dance hall. When she returned, she was carrying a plastic ball, one which I was certain was either used in a game of dodgeball or something used for yoga; I was halfway expecting her to throw and hit me with it for my poor performance just now as punishment. Instead she approached me and placed it on top of my head with a big smile spread across her lips. “There you go.”

I blinked. “What’s this?”

Dambi clapped her hands together. “Oh, you look like a baby seal! How precious!” I blankly stared at her, slightly tilting my head forward. The ball fell off from my head and rolled across the floor. Her enlightened expression scarily changed to a darker mood. “Pick it up!” Somewhat confused and terrified, I went to go retrieve the ball. When I returned, she motioned for me to go to the back of the studio and place it on top of my head again. “You move too much from side to side as you walk. The key is to find an equal balance.”

“And I’ll find that balance by balancing this toy on my head?” I asked in confusion. “Don’t most models usually train while balancing… you know, books on their heads?”

Dambi smirked. “You’re not like most models. Therefore, your goal isn’t to be like most of them. Your goal is to be different; to be the best!” She exclaimed. By now I was certain she was certifiably crazy. JR, what did you get me into? I paused for a moment.

“Not like most models?”

“You said Jason went out of his way for you by himself, didn’t you?” She asked. I nodded. She gave me an annoyed look. “Jason doesn’t chase models; truth be told, he doesn’t have to. He has recognition in both China and Korea. Models come to him, and even then, he only accepts 1 to 3 at the most a year.”

I stared at her. That ten minute chase from the newsstand deep into the city the other day could have fooled me. “Seriously?”

She laughed. “You really don’t know how easy you have it, do you? You just saw that loveable, strange little jerk and thought he would be easy to work with, but you’re wrong. Unless you sign an exclusive time contract with him, the most he’ll keep most models is a year, maybe even less. He goes through models like tissues. He’s very fickle.”

“So you’ve worked with Jason before?”

Dambi gave me a surprised look then laughed. “Me? Oh god no! Some of my girls have been through Jason’s agency before.” She started laughing as if I had just told her the world’s funniest joke. I thought back to the three girls that I had seen practicing here late last night. Was she referring to them? They definitely had the looks to be models; they were all gorgeous. “Back when I used to rock the runways I ran into him several times and I know him through several acquaintances. Let me tell you, he’s not as nice as he seems. I would be weary around him.” She warned.

“What?” I asked, starting to feel alarmed. Not as nice as he seemed? Aside from our first encounter, Jason had been nothing but nice to me since I signed underneath him. Unless… all of that was an act?

She smiled uncomfortably and flipped her short brown hair. “He’s been known to manipulate others just to benefit himself…” Her voice trailed off in distaste as she gave me a look down from head to toes. “You’ll probably be fine though... He knows he has a good thing going for him right now.”

Her words didn’t make me feel any better. Should I be on my guard whenever I was around Jason from now on? How did I know I could trust her though? Just because I met Dambi through JR didn’t necessarily make her a good person through association either. I had to wonder; who was telling the truth? “A good thing going for him?”

She smiled sweetly at me. “Dear, you don’t know just how beautiful you are, do you?” She replied, eyeing my face. “And you’re a boy, at that.”

I grew embarrassed. “The humble thing would be to say ‘no,’ right?” I asked. Of course I knew. I had grown up with so many people telling me that too. Of course, my brother far outdid me in the looks department, but out of the two of us, he had chosen a stable job, unlike myself. I had wanted to distance myself from him and stop standing in his shadow all of the time, therefore, I didn’t take the safe, stable job. I worked on building my own life, apart from him. Dambi laughed at me.

“It would be, but who needs humility when we’re all friends here?” She happily exclaimed. Although she seemed genuine enough, I really didn’t know who to believe at this point. She already considered me her friend, and she was one of JR’s close friends so I felt like she had to be telling me the truth. But then that made me question Jason. Apparently Jason and JR also knew each other, and Jason even went so far as to say that JR was a ‘good guy,’ meaning that they had to be close also. I felt so frustrated and confused. I mentally sighed. I supposed I’d just have to wait until Jason got back from China in order for me to tell for myself who was really being honest. “Now back to practice!”

I decided to put away my pride and practice balancing the ball on my head as I walked. This was a task far easier said than done. It seemed every centimeter I moved, the ball would fall. But I practiced continuously, not giving up. The time seemed to fly by. Before I knew it, several people had arrived for one of Dambi’s evening dance classes. Finally she stopped me. When she took the ball away, I felt dejected. She seemed to pick up on this emotion of mine.

“What’s wrong?” She asked. I shifted my gaze to the ground.

“I feel like it’s impossible.”

“Impossible?” She asked before placing the ball on top of her own head and taking several steps forward effortlessly. When she stopped, she tilted her head downward and let the ball fall from her head and caught it in her arms. “Nothing is impossible.”

“You made it look so effortless.”

“Effortless?” She laughed. “I was concentrating so hard, I thought the ball would burst into flames! The trick is to not let your stress show. As a runway model, your job is to be a blank canvas. It’s all about the clothes, not the glory. Never get it mixed up. But don’t give up; this was a good start. I think by the end of this week we can get you to where you need to be.”

I stared at her through hopeful eyes. “You really think so?” I asked. She nodded.

“I know so.”

I bowed in front of her. “Thank you so much for your help today.” I gratefully thanked her. Although I wasn’t sure about her, she was indeed helping me. In fact, she was the only one helping me. I had to be grateful towards her. Dambi smiled back at me and waved.

“Run along now. I have a class to teach.”

I nodded, bowed once again then took off running. As I exited the dance studio, I smiled brightly up into the evening sky. After Dambi reassuring me that I would be fine, I didn’t feel so bad about today’s practice after all. I pulled out my phone. I had to tell JR the great news. I dialed his number. The phone rang several times until it finally went to voice mail. I frowned. Was he busy? I shrugged then sent him a quick text, telling him to call me back once he was available. After I sent the text I happily skipped all the way back home. When I arrived, I showered and then redressed, fixing my black hair and admiring my reflection in my full body mirror. I would be able to do this. I would become a successful model. I would someday meet my inspiration, House of Kim. I nodded to myself in the mirror. That’s right, Ren. Only think happy, cheerful thoughts from now on. No more self-doubt.

I grabbed my cell phone and my wallet and started to make my way over to the JA Style building. Although it was later in the day, I wanted to at least drop by to see if anything interesting was going on. Since Jason was gone for the week, all of the models had a bit of freedom. Unless they were already scheduled, most of them had the week off. Since I was technically still training, I didn’t have any responsibilities other than learning to perfect my walk, which I had just spent the first 2/3rds of the day doing. When I walked inside, the front store was practically empty of any customers. I made my way upstairs to the second floor where the offices and lounge area were. Sitting around in lounge chairs were a few of the other models. To my dismay, Aron and Minhyun happened to be included. When Aron noticed me walk into the room he practically shot up in his chair and stared at me with eager eyes, making me pause. I took a step back. Should I be concerned…? I started to turn the opposite direction. If I left now then maybe-

“Ren!” Aron called out to me, literally jumping over his chair to get to me and knocking it over in the process. He tumbled to his knees and got back up as if nothing had ever happened. He hurried over to me and smugly smirked. I blinked. What was this about? Minhyun glanced over his shoulder from the magazine he had been reading and rolled his eyes once he spotted me. He closed the magazine and placed it back down on the small table in front of him before slowly standing up and walking over to join us.

“You’re never happy to see me. What’s going on…?” My voice trailed off uneasily. Minhyun nudged Aron out of the way, folding his arms across his chest and coolly looking down on me with his head held high.

“Haven’t you heard the good news?”

I furrowed my brows in confusion. “Good news? About…?”

Minhyun rolled his eyes again. “House of Kim.” He replied, annoyed. I felt my heart drop all the way to my stomach and then my toes. I stared at him with wide, shocked eyes at the mention of my favorite brand’s name. Minhyun sighed. “You really haven’t heard, have you?”

“What is it? Did something happen? What? Did he announce another line?”

Aron smiled from ear to ear. “House of Kim is holding an open audition casting call tomorrow!” He cheerfully exclaimed. My eyes grew as wide as plates. I was too caught up in my own excitement to find Aron’s unusual mood rather odd. What would he care about House of Kim anyways? I didn’t even know Aron was a fan. Did Minhyun tell him about my obsession with the brand?

“AREYOUSERIOUS?!”

Minhyun smirked. “It gets even better.”

Aron suddenly clapped his hands together. “You don’t get to go to it!” He cruelly, yet happily replied, rubbing salt in my wounds. My heart sank once again and my face was replaced by a look of sullen gloom. Appeased by my reaction, Minhyun leaned forward and closer to my face.

“What? You thought you could go? You just signed with Jason. You’re his property now. Attending the audition would be a breach of contract, which means Jason can and will sue you. Tough luck, kid. You should have held out just a bit longer instead of signing with him.” Minhyun relentlessly teased me, shrugging his shoulders before walking away. Aron stuck his tongue out at me and then chased after Minhyun down the hall and back into the lounge. Once they were gone, in a heartbeat I pulled out my phone and opened House of Kim’s website, looking for any news updates on their page. Behold, there it was. The announcement that House of Kim would be holding auditions in Seoul tomorrow had been posted… what was this? I furrowed my brows to concentrate even further as I read. Apparently the notice had been posted right after 3 AM. At that time I was beyond intoxicated and hadn’t even knew. But why that early? Wasn’t it a strange time to make an official announcement?

I sluggishly leaned over the railing on the second floor with my phone dangling in my right hand. I sighed heavily. Minhyun was right. Why hadn’t I just held out longer? Then I could have auditioned for my dream brand… I shook my head. Still, even if I auditioned it didn’t mean that I would get in or even get the chance to meet him. In the end, I was better off being Jason’s model. At least through him I could get my start and get my foot through the door and into the world of modeling. And it was only a 2 year contract. 2 years would fly by, wouldn’t they? I glanced down at my phone to check to see if I had missed any messages. Still no reply back from JR. I frowned and moped. What the heck?! He told me to call on him whenever, but when I did, he couldn’t even answer the phone??? I gasped. What if he was only being nice to me because he felt sorry for me? I slapped my left palm across my face. I had to think about it from his point of view; a complete stranger pushing himself on him, only ever inviting him out for drinks and then acting like a complete idiot in front of him? Ah, face it, Ren. You scared him away. He was only nice long enough to get the hell away. Then again, I don’t exactly blame him… sigh.

 

 

JR’s POV

“Since you won’t step out as Mr. Kim, then how would you feel about someone else stepping out for you…?”

I paused as I listened to Jason’s ridiculous words. “Someone else…?” I asked. What in the world? Someone else step out as me… instead of me? Does that make any sense? “That would be like hiring a ghost…” My voice trailed off uneasily.

“The correct term is actor.”

“I’m not using an actor.” I declined.

“The only reason I even got that kid to sign with me was because of the promise I made to introduce him to you!”

“Exactly, and you shouldn’t have done that, at least not without consulting with me about it first… Mr. Kim just can’t step out. I can’t.”

Jason paused. “What are you so afraid of?”

I shifted my gaze down into my lap. “Everything. Not living up to people’s expectations of me. Failure. Never being good enough.”

“You’re afraid of taking chances, aren’t you?”

“What if I take that one chance and step out there and everyone hates me? How can I live with disappointing all of those who look up to House of Kim? Take a look at me! I’m not exactly ‘designer material’! I’m a mess! Those people… they think of Mr. Kim as some role model or unreachable star…” My voice trailed off as I recalled Ren’s words about how he felt about ‘Mr. Kim.’ “I’m not a role model. I’m not anything anyone should ever look up to. I’m a hypocrite. I design clothes to make people feel good about the way they look when in reality, I can’t even feel good about who I am or the way I look. House of Kim is about spreading a positive message, but how… how can I send that message? I might be able to put clothes together, but my life… it’s in ruins. It’s not that Mr. Kim can’t come out, it’s that he shouldn’t.”

There was a long pause of silence on the other end of the line before Jason exhaled loudly. “Damn… This was the way you’ve felt all along? I had no idea…”

“I can’t meet him or anyone as ‘Mr. Kim.’ Not now, not ever.”

“But the world is dying to meet him.”

I paused. “But… I’m not dying to meet them…” I uneasily replied. I was scared, fearful of seeing the negative reactions I would most likely receive if the world saw me as Mr. Kim. People already viewed me negatively as some blog writer, but to think if they found out who I really was… I would rather hide in the shadows for the rest of my life than to be hated by thousands or even more.

“Can you meet me halfway then?” He asked. I pursed my lips together.

“Why does someone have to act to be me?”

“Because you won’t.”

“Jason… I don’t like this.”

“We help each other; isn’t that our relationship? You helped me once. I could really use that help again. Just… call it a hunch, but this kid… he’s different. I have a good feeling about him. His face can bring the kind of success my line really needs to even come close to House of Kim’s level in the fashion industry. I know he can really become something. And right now, that kid’s biggest wish is to meet Mr. Kim. The simplest request… who would have thought that it’d be the most difficult?”

I started to feel all sorts of guilt build up inside of me. Of course I wanted to help Jason. He was right; we helped each other out whenever we needed it. He was probably the one person in the fashion industry that I could trust because I was the one who helped build and establish himself. And with Ren… I was aware of his biggest wish. But I wasn’t confident in myself to stand in front of Ren as Mr. Kim, especially not now after he had already let me in and we became friends. He’d think of me as a deceiver. It was physically impossible for me to come out as Mr. Kim in front of him now. But… “Who would step out in my place?”

Jason suddenly gasped. “Really? Are you really going to do it?”

“I asked who…”

“Anyone you want!” He happily exclaimed.

A slight panic attack struck me. “But- I don’t know anyone!”

“Hold an audition then. Take a look at all of your potentials and take down notes, but don’t decide on anyone until I get back. I’ll draw up a legal contract while I’m away, signing him to secrecy. When I return, we’ll give ‘Mr. Kim’ a call and tell him he got the job.”

“Why do I feel so uneasy…?”

“Relax. Take a deep breath. Everything will be fine. You’re not alone in this; I’m going to help you.”

“But holding an audition isn’t an easy process!” I protested.

“You’ll figure it out. You always do. I gotta get going. I want to get at least a couple of hours of sleep in before I leave for my flight. If you need anything while I’m abroad, e-mail me! Later!” Jason exclaimed. The line suddenly went dead. I dropped my phone into my lap and groaned, running my fingers through my hair. He wanted me to just pick someone at a casting call? But how? I couldn’t exactly just tell everyone that I was holding auditions for someone to be my avatar. How crazy would that sound? By doing this, I would be deceiving a lot more people… Dammit! It seemed no matter which path I took, I’d still be lying to people. But… if this path meant that Ren could meet his dream, then wasn’t it something worth doing…?

I stood up and made my way over towards my laptop that I had left abandoned on my kitchen counter. I sat down on one of my stools and opened up House of Kim’s webpage, taking my phone and scrolling through my list of several contacts in the fashion industry. As House of Kim’s designer, I only ever contacted other designers, photographers and runway event planners through email. It was one of the absurd conditions I made others agree to if they wanted to work with me. No one had ever personally heard Mr. Kim’s voice. Although plenty thought it strange, no one ever protested it. I started sending emails left and right trying to get this audition set up for the day after tomorrow. I would get this audition done, and I would do it without having my identity uncovered through the help of some of my previous casting producers. In my e-mails I was very descriptive about what I was looking for in a male model: tall, handsome, thin but masculine, and someone with a strong, fierce image. I was looking for someone completely the opposite of myself. I was far from masculine. I wasn’t what they would call a ‘flower boy’ because I couldn’t call myself pretty, but I wasn’t exactly the manliest guy around either. However, I wanted Mr. Kim to represent the image of what a real man was and what I was clearly lacking.

I sent the e-mails with full and outmost trust in my crew. Because I couldn’t physically be there to pick someone I liked, my crew had to be my eyes. They had never let me down before, so I wasn’t worried about it. After receiving and responding to several emails until the early hours of the morning, I finally posted a notice on my website about the casting auditions and then shut my laptop and went to bed. I placed my phone right beside my pillow in case I received anymore e-mail notifications from my crew before closing my eyes and drifting off into a deep sleep. When I awoke several hours later, I noticed my phone was blinking. I rolled onto my back and extended my phone up in the air in front of me, still halfway asleep. The phone suddenly slipped through my fingers, landing flat on my face. I let out a small shriek as I was certain my nose almost broke. I rolled over onto my left side, grabbing at my face and as I kicked my legs out into my bed. Once the initial pain and shock wore off, I picked up my phone again and turned it on to see I had several missed notifications, all mostly from my crewmembers asking about the setup for tomorrow. I sat up, grabbing my phone with me and I climbed out of bed, returning back into the kitchen and opening up my laptop again. I sighed heavily. Back to work, it seemed.

 

 

When I had finally finished responding to e-mails, it was already close to 7 PM. Everything for tomorrow’s audition was completed and ready. I shut my laptop closed and leaned forward on the kitchen counter. It was then when my phone rang beside me, startling me to the point where I fell backward and out of my stool, crashing to the floor on my rear. I threw my head back and cried out loud. Oh, god, why was I such a danger to myself today? I scurried onto my knees and reached for my phone still on the counter, grabbing it to quickly answer it after reading that it had been Ren calling me. When I picked up he seemed rather gloomy and upset. “Ren?” I asked.

“Why didn’t you call or text me back?”

I blinked. “Y-You tried to contact me?” I stuttered, briefly glancing down at my phone.

“Several times…” Ren whined on the other end of the line.

I stupidly slapped my left hand across my face then shrieked as I hit not only the bruise from the hole in the wall I caused the other day but my sore nose from this morning as well. I silently sobbed. Why…? “I’m sorry… I got so caught up in work today. I didn’t even realize- I’m sorry, Ren.” I apologized, feeling like a big, huge jerk.

Ren was silent for a moment. “So you weren’t trying to avoid me…?” His voice trailed off. My eyes widened in shock.

“Avoid you…? Why would I-”

“Look, you don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings. Just say it. I’m strange and awkward to be around.”

“But…”

“But what?” He asked.

“I don’t… feel that way about you.” I replied then was met by another long pause.

“You… don’t?” He slowly asked. “Then… how do you feel then?”

“Hmm? Well… I told you this last night, but I guess you were still drunk.” I awkwardly laughed. “I really enjoy your company. And I don’t… I don’t think of you as a burden. I think of you as my friend now.”

“You don’t have many friends, do you?” Ren bluntly asked before suddenly gasping, realizing that he had been rude. “Oh my god, a classic case of foot-in-the-mouth. Ah! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it that way! It’s just Dambi noona said she was surprised when you brought me in, that’s all.”

A small, amused smile escaped my lips. “You’re right. I don’t.”

“Am I overstepping my boundaries by forcing my friendship on you?”

I laughed. “Not at all.”

Ren sighed. “That’s a relief. I like hanging around you. You’re a lot of fun to be with.” He replied. Now it was my turn to pause.

“You… you really think so?” I asked, suprised. No one had ever called me ‘fun’ before…

“Of course! I didn’t think I could ever meet someone with as much bad luck as me; we’re a very unique duo, don’t you think?”

“Rather odd duo.” I corrected.

“Unique!” Ren persisted before the two of us shared a laugh.

“Ren… was there something you needed?” I finally asked, wondering why it was that he had called or had tried contacting me so many times earlier. Ren gasped.

“That’s right! Actually, there’s no reason. I just wanted to talk to you.”

I stared blankly at the floor in front of me, slowly sitting down on the carpet after having been standing on my knees the entire duration of our phone call. “You… wanted to talk to me?” I asked, the whole idea sounding foreign to me. I couldn’t recall a time when someone called just wanting to talk to me, rather than wanting something from me. Even Jason and I didn’t contact each other just to talk, only when we needed something from one another. But here Ren was, the oddball out that was shattering all previous notions I had about communicating with the outside world.

“Actually… I hate doing this over the phone. Can we just meet up instead?”

I glanced at my watch. It was already 7:45 PM. It was starting to get dark, but I wouldn’t mind going out to meet him. I needed to get my head off of the auditions for my stand-in. “Sure. Where do you want to meet?”

“I’m barely just leaving JA Style. Can’t we just meet up at your place? I’ll bring food!” Ren cheerfully exclaimed. I quickly glanced into my fabric and sewing supplies cluttered around my living room. My jaw dropped. If I didn’t tell him I was secretly Mr. Kim, my messy living room sure would. Although my stomach was rumbling with pain from having gone an entire day without eating, the idea of having Ren walk into my personal living quarters completely masked it. I was panicking.

“Um! Can’t we just meet somewhere outside instead?” I practically pleaded.

“Huh? Why?” Ren paused. “Is there a reason why you don’t want me to see your apartment? I mean, you’ve never let me past the front door.” He moped. “I swear to god, JR, I won’t steal anything. Sheesh.”

“No!” I exclaimed, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. It’s not that I think you’re a thief; it’s just that I’m Mr. Kim! “It’s a mess! That’s it!” I protested. Ren scoffed.

“Mess? Did you not see my room? You can swim in an ocean of empty beer cans.”

I paused. “Y-you still haven’t picked those up yet?”

“I’m not the one on trial here!” He exclaimed. “JR! What are you hiding from me?” Although he asked in a playful tone of voice, I was sweating bullets. Oh my god, he’s onto me. Confess now. Abort mission and just confess everything! Think of something! Quick!

“I have toys!” I suddenly blurted out, followed by yet again another one of our popular long awkward moments of silence on the phone. Out of all things to possibly say, JR, that was the best you could come up with?!?!

“…What kind of toys do you have?” Ren suddenly asked. I couldn’t tell if he was actually curious or just teasing me.

“A-action figures.”

Ren groaned. “Lame!”

I blinked. “W-What kind of toys did you think I had?” I naively asked. Ren awkwardly laughed.

“Ah-hah, not important. Anyways, I promise not to make fun of any of your stuff, okay? So just it up and let me in. I’m picking up Chinese. I’ll be over in thirty! See you!” He replied then hung up. As soon as the line went dead I screamed then jumped up to my feet. Ren was coming over? I had to hide all of the evidence! I quickly went into hyperactive cleaning mode and started gathering up all of my fabric roles and carrying them over to my coat closet, stuffing them inside one by one. I made several trips back and forth, collecting all of my sewing supplies and samples that I had carelessly laying around. By the time I had all of my living room picked up, my closet door was bursting at its hinges. I just had to pray to god that Ren didn’t open it. I quickly ran to my room and made sure to stuff all of my House of Kim samples in a pile on the floor of my personal closet, shutting the door. In the short time span of 30 minutes I had miraculously been able to hide my entire secret identity. I glanced around my entire room like a madman, looking for any indicators of being a designer before I returned to the living room and did the same exact thing there as well. Before I knew it, Ren was standing outside of my front door and ringing my doorbell. I opened it to reveal Ren carrying two plastic bags full of food. He smiled brightly at me and entered, removing his shoes at the doorstep.

“W-welcome…” I shyly greeted him. Ren walked into the living room and placed the bags of food on top of my coffee table that I had previously been using as a makeshift workstation. I flinched at the thought of greasy food staining my table and getting into my fabrics later on. I made a mental note to sanitize it after he left. Ren placed his hands on his hips and took a look around the living room and the kitchen. He huffed.

“It’s not even dirty! You’re such a worrier.”

I hesitantly smiled. “It’s my nature…”

Ren sat down on my couch and started removing food from containers from inside of the plastic bags, setting it down on the table. He patted the seat next to him. “Come, sit!” He enthusiastically replied. I slowly made my way over and sat down beside him on the couch. I stared at the large amount of food he had brought with him.

“There’s so much-”

“I’m skinny-fat.” Ren replied as if it were one of his automatic responses. Apparently this was something that happened to him quite often. I tilted my head slightly to the side, confused. Ren rolled his eyes and smirked at me. “It means I eat A LOT.”

“Isn’t that a bad habit for a model?”

“When I’m hungry I eat. I’ll fix my appetite later. Anyways, I’m still in training so I don’t really have to worry about my weight just yet.” He replied, handing me a bowl and serving me first. I stared down at the food he had given me. Maybe it was because I had become so accustomed to eating alone every day, but I couldn’t recall the last time someone else served me. Of course, it was the polite thing to do to serve someone else before yourself, wasn’t it? I feverishly placed the bowl down and served Ren in return. Ren must have found my actions amusing, seeing as he laughed at me. Feeling rather self-conscious now, I quietly handed him the bowl. He thanked me then started to dig in.

“So… how was training? You saw her, didn’t you? You met with Dambi?” I asked as I slowly started to dig in. Ren hesitantly nodded.

“Well… it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. It’s not going to be easy.”

“Nothing is easy with Dambi. Her training is difficult and unconventional, but in the end, it works.” I replied. Ren suddenly yelled, startling me.

“Ah! That’s right! I was going to ask you; do you go to her dance classes or something? Were those girls your classmates too?” He asked. I quietly stared at him. He immediately apologized. “Sorry, I don’t mean to pry.”

I shook my head. “I used to go... Yes, they were my classmates.” I vaguely responded.

Ren paused. “Used to? Why’d you stop?”

I uncomfortably smiled. “Just because.” I replied. Ren pursed his lips together. I could tell he didn’t like my response, but I didn’t want to tell him the real reason why I stopped. It was an embarrassing story. There were just times where I was uncomfortable being around all of those girls. It wasn’t that I was attracted to them, but because I was afraid of how they would respond to me. They were nice enough to me in front of my face, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that they were all laughing at me behind my back.

“Don’t you ever want to go back?” He asked.

“I don’t think that’s a place I should go back to. I don’t really belong there anyways.” I dejectedly replied. Ren placed his bowl down on the table and sat back, throwing his head back on the couch.

“Ah, so frustrating! There are places both you and I can’t get to!” He flailed his arms and legs out. I stared at him, waiting for him to elaborate. He pouted. “It turns out House of Kim is holding auditions tomorrow, but being a model signed under Jason, I can’t go to it.”

I blinked. He had found out? Of course he did. He was a mega-fan of House of Kim. I doubted there was any bit of news involving my brand that didn’t go unnoticed by him. I awkwardly waved my hands in front of me after placing my bowl down. “Why would you want to go to that anyways? I heard they’re looking for a specific type of model.”

Ren sighed. “I know I’m not anything Mr. Kim would ever want in a model, but still, it’s just the fact that it’s a missed opportunity.”

I paused. “How do you know that?” I seriously asked, momentarily forgetting who I was.

“Huh?”

My eyes widened. I shook my head in a panic. “A designer’s taste changes often; you never know what they’re looking for.”

“You think so?”

I nodded. “Take Jason, for example. He’s gone through so many phases. I heard that he’s be taking on a project, designing stage outfits for a popular girl group…” I said trying to shift the topic of the conversation. Ren blinked, sitting forward and looking at me with interest.

“Really? Did he say which one?”

I smirked. “I’ve already said too much. If you want to know, you’ll have to read my next article.”

Ren pouted. “You big tease!” He laughed then returned back to eating. As the two of us sat and ate, I realized that I wasn’t as nervous as I had originally thought I would be about him being here. In fact, I was rather surprised about how relaxed I felt around him. While he was around, I felt more at peace. I didn’t feel that lingering empty feeling that had been plaguing me for so long. It was strange. How could one person’s presence have that kind of effect on me? Although he had a rather odd personality, it was… fun. It had probably been ages since I was able to smile and laugh like this with anyone. I never pictured something like this happening to me. I always thought friendships were something that other people allowed to have and not myself. I had always been the outcast, the odd one out that no one ever thought twice about and certainly not the one anyone ever wanted to talk to. That’s why I had found it so surprising that not only did Ren want to talk to me that day at Jason’s show, but the fact that he wanted to hang out with me afterwards and keep seeing me. I questioned his mental state; he’d have to be crazy to want to hang out with someone like me. I wasn’t too far off from the truth.

After the two of us finished eating, Ren stood up and started to roam around my living room and kitchen. Feeling uneasy, I stood up and followed him everywhere, making sure he didn’t go anywhere near the closets. “Um… are you looking for something?”

Ren grinned. “I’m looking for these so called toys that you were so afraid of me seeing!”

I paused. “You… can’t.”

“Why not?”

“It’s personal…”

Ren paused. “How about I tell you something personal about me then in exchange?” He asked, suddenly drawing in my curiosity. Something personal…? Ren smirked. “Ok, it’s settled! My big personal secret is… when I was born, my mom was expecting a daughter but got me instead and for the first three years of my life she dressed me like a girl. There!”

I stared at him with eyes as wide as plates. “W-what?”

“Oh, come on. Look at me; you can’t exactly say you’re shocked, can you?” Ren replied as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“You do look somewhat effeminate…”

Ren smirked. “You can say it, you know. I won’t be offended.” I gave him a startled look, not sure what he was implying. Ren placed his hands on his hips and laughed. “I’m pretty.”

I choked on air and suddenly turned warm and red. “I’m sorry?” I replied, not sure why I was so embarrassed by his remark. Ren laughed again.

“I’m just kidding! You’re so fun to tease.”

“So then that story was a lie?”

Ren shrugged his shoulders, shifting his gaze down my hallway. “I wish I could say it was. It’s 100% true.” He replied, making his way down the hall and into my bedroom. I chased after him. He paused as he opened the door to reveal all of my Gundam Wing figurines lining my shelves with various other action figures. He glanced back at me. “Apparently you weren’t lying either. Ah, damn. I was kind of hoping it was the other kind of toys and you were just playing coy.”

I tilted my head to the side. There he went again with that. “What are these other types of toys you keep referring to…?”

Ren placed his right hand over his mouth to disguise the ferocious fit of giggles he was struck by. “I have a feeling I probably shouldn’t tell you.”

I furrowed my brows, obviously not getting it. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“If you don’t already get it, then trust me, you don’t want to know.”

“But I just said I did…” My voice trailed off. I was beginning to grow upset with him. Why wouldn’t he tell me? Was it some big secret that everyone knew about but me? Ren seemed to notice the frustrated look on my face and he frowned.

“Ok, I’ll tell you, but don’t get upset, alright?” He warned.

“Why would I get upset-”

“ toys.” Ren cut me off. I grew as stiff as a statue, staring at him with wide, gaping eyes as his words reached my ears. My entire face grew at least ten shades of red in the time span of seconds. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I began to stutter.

“W-W-why would I have those?!?!” I shrieked. I started to question everything about myself. Did I look like the type of person who would have those sorts of things in my possession? Never… never had I ever thought of using- Ah! Why was I thinking about it now? It was all Ren’s fault. He put these dirty, embarrassing thoughts here in my mind!

Ren smirked, obviously enjoying watching me uncomfortably flinch and squirm by just the thought of owning toys. “Well, you know what they say about the quiet ones. Those are really the ones you have to watch out for.”

“I’m not a ert!”

“Are you sure?” Ren continued to accusingly tease me. He glanced over near my bed. “You’re not secretly hiding any dirty magazines down there, are you?”

“Of course not!!!” I wildly exclaimed. Why was this happening? Why were we suddenly talking about… oh god. He really thought I was a ert, didn’t he? I was no such thing! I made sure I was so busy that I didn’t have time to even think about things like self-gratification. The only reason why I bring that up was because there was absolutely no way I would go anywhere near women, much less invite one over. I feared them. That fear was partially the reason why I was afraid of going back to Dambi’s dance studio.

“Riiight, of course. Not what with the internet and such, playboy magazines have become a thing of the past. You can get it all for free online… Where’s your computer?” He started to look around for my laptop. My eyes grew wide as a million thoughts seemed to cross my mind all at once. Had I remembered to exit out of my email? What about my webpage? Had I left my browser open on House of Kim? My heart started to beat erratically as I imagined him inside of my mind stumbling across all evidence on my laptop that lead to me being Mr. Kim. He couldn’t see what was on my computer. He just absolutely couldn’t!

“I don’t look at things like that!” I sternly spoke up, trying to get him to stop searching for my laptop which wasn’t even inside my bedroom. Ren turned and faced me with a blank look on his face.

“Why not? You’re a man, aren’t you?” He asked as if something were wrong with me. I gave him a look of disbelief. How could he ask me such personal things like that? Even if I did, I’d never admit it to him. That was just something you didn’t share with other people, friends or not… or was it? I mentally slapped myself. Really, Jonghyun? You’d really consider discussing this subject with him?

“Why? Do you watch it?” I suddenly asked, turning the question around on him. That’s right; let’s see how you like it-

“Of course!”

You weren’t supposed to admit it. Oh my god… How was it that I felt so embarrassed listening to his confession when it didn’t even seem to bother him? How could a person not have even a single ounce of shame? “I’m sorry I asked-”

“Why? It’s not like you asked me what kind I prefer.” Ren replied, continuing to poke his nose around my room. Don’t tell me, don’t tell me, please, please don’t tell me. Ren turned and glanced over at my closet, an evil smirk spreading across his lips. I suddenly shrieked as I watched him start to walk towards it.

“Of course not!”

“I prefer-” I ran across the other side of the room like a football player as his right hand started moving towards the doorknob. You can’t look inside of that closet!!! I knelt down underneath his arm and squeezed my way in between him and the door. “Manxman action-” Ren suddenly blurted out as he came face to face with me, inadvertently pinning me against the closet door with barely an inch of space between us. I stared at him with wide eyes in shock when I heard his response. The two of us paused, staring into each other’s eyes in a stunned, awkward silence. Ferociously blushing, I was the first to break eye contact and glance off to the side. A second later Ren finally stepped backwards, blinking his eyes hysterically as if he had gotten something caught inside. He turned his back to me and took a couple more steps away, creating some distance between us. Right now my entire body felt paralyzed. I couldn’t move. At this moment my mind was farthest away from the secret I had lying inside of my closet. Right now I could only focus on one thing…

“W-What… did you just say?” I stumbled across my words. He was joking, right? Ren paused momentarily before slowly glancing over his left shoulder to look back at me in shock, the tips of his right fingers brushing against his lips.

“Um, w-what?” He stuttered back to me.

“What you said just now-”

“What did I just say?” He asked in a panic, bringing both hands to his face and brushing his long black bangs out of his face. “I think I just out for a second. Did something just happen?” He replied back, embarrassed. I continued staring at him in disbelief. Was he trying to play off what happened just now? Although it happened seconds ago, my mind flashed back to our close proximity as he uttered those few words and I found myself feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

“Ren, are you… gay?” I awkwardly asked. I hated being so forward, but there really wasn’t a delicate way of asking this type of question. An embarrassed smile spread across Ren’s lips.

“Ah! I’m sorry! I made you uncomfortable! I thought… you knew and were cool with it. My mistake. I’m so, so sorry.” Ren apologized, bowing several times in front of me. I slowly shook my head. If he thought I knew, then why would he tell me something so personal as to what type of he looked at? Unless… was he flirting with me?

“Y-Y-You were just teasing me, weren’t you?” I replied, trying to play it off. Whether he was or not, I didn’t want to know. Now just wasn’t the right time for anyone to be looking my way. There were a thousand things wrong with me. It would be a waste of anyone’s time. Ren gave me a somewhat hurt, surprised look before hesitantly nodding. I paused. Wait… had he just taken my response in a wrong way…?

“Right! I was just teasing you. It got out of hand. Sorry.” He awkwardly glanced away, running his right hand through his scalp. “Um, I think… I should probably get going. I’ve made things awkward enough here.” He quickly replied then darted out of my room, down the hallway and into the living room where he stopped to shove his shoes back onto his feet. His back turned to me, he didn’t see me when I slowly extended my hand out and reached out for him. When I realized what I was doing and came back to my senses I quickly pulled my hand back down to my side, watching him leave. As he pulled the door open he paused and hesitantly glanced back at me. “I’ll talk to you later?” He asked, sounding somewhat afraid of hearing my response. I silently nodded instead, not being able to bring myself to answer him out of the guilt of knowing that I hurt him. Once he was gone, I remained staring at the closed front door from the hallway.

Dammit. I could care less if you were gay. But… you don’t really feel that way about me, do you, Ren? Things were going so well for us… Although there were a lot of bumps in our strange relationship and it was only the beginning, it was working for us… as a friendship. Anything more is just… I can’t even picture it for myself. How could I learn to love someone else when I couldn’t even love myself? I tightly pursed my lips together. I felt so ashamed of myself. Why didn’t I say anything more? Why did I just let Ren leave like that, thinking that I was some sort of homophobe and that I hated him? That wasn’t the case… In fact, I somewhat admired him for being so bold to admit it and live openly like that. If only I had been able to do that back when…

In the far off distance I heard it again.

The sound of a loud ringing bell that pierced my eardrums. I winced and grabbed at both of my ears, falling back against the hallway wall and sliding down to the ground. I shut my eyes and began to breathe heavily. Not again… not this again… Stop. Just go away… Tears started to form in the corners of my eyes. I fell to my right side and curled up into a ball. It was so long ago, but why did it feel like everything happened yesterday? The wounds from several years ago were as real today as they were back then. It wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t I just move on? Why did I have to continue to live like this? I wanted to be able to live freely too, dammit… Can’t the past just stay where it is? Why did it have to continue to shape and mold the way I lived even today? I just want to move on. I just want to be happy. I don’t want to be afraid to be myself anymore. I want to live… I just want to live.

 

 

Ren’s POV

I ran as fast and as far away from JR’s apartment as I could, my heart racing the entire time. My mind kept replaying the events that had just occurred. What had I just done? I took it too far again! What had originally started out as innocent teasing suddenly took a sharp turn way too fast. I had no idea what I was saying anymore. Why the hell did I tell him that? Those words seemed to just so effortlessly escape from my lips. Ah! What sane person says things like that to other people? I probably scarred him enough with all the talk about toys- I mentally slapped myself. Why in the world would you talk about toys with someone like him? He didn’t even know what I was talking about until- enough, Ren. What’s done is done. You acted like an back there. You clearly stepped out of line. Oh, god. I just wanted to disappear. Earlier I had been so worried about JR not calling me back because he was avoiding me for all of the stupid crap I did on a regular basis, but now I certainly didn’t have to worry anymore because the chances of him ever calling me back were at 0%. Dammit, what’s wrong with me? Why was I cursed with an unfortunate tendency to ramble?

When I arrived back at my own apartment I grabbed both sides of my head and practically collapsed to my knees in my living room out of embarrassment. I knelt down, basically pressing my forehead against my knees. I couldn’t get over my behavior back there. Why had I brought up those toys? Why in the world did I talk about ? Ok, obviously it had been a while since the last time I even remotely got lucky in that department, but really, with JR? I couldn’t even wonder what I was thinking because clearly I wasn’t at the moment. I didn’t care if the whole world knew about my uality; it was something I came to terms with when I was still a kid. I knew I was different from everyone else and not only did I accept it, but I embraced it and led a pretty decent life because of it. Most people had been accepting of it that I hadn’t even thought to question if it would be the same with JR. I felt so humiliated. Out of all people to crash and burn in front of, why did it have to be him?

I sat up and let my hands fall down into my lap. I stared blankly across the room and down into the small hallway. The reason why all of this bothered me so much… what was it? Was it because I was starting to develop an attraction towards him? I admitted that he made my heart stir when I lifted up his bangs and saw his bare forehead. It was something so simple, but… how? It had to be that strange personality of his. I had never met another person like him before. He was so shy, so self-conscious but… he was sincere. And he seemed genuinely appreciative each time I called him out to meet me. The way he seemed to get so happy whenever I stepped before him, regardless of the state I was in, it was… touching. The way he acted made me feel somewhat special. Not to mention what happened right when I was about to open his closet…

I felt my heart start to flutter when I recalled how close the two of us had been. I began to think how that situation came about. I hadn’t even seen him there until it was almost too late… I sighed, shaking my head. Oh, you idiot. You really blew it. He’s never going to want anything to do with you now, whether its friendship or anything more. Not that I should hope for anything more. I’d be thankful and grateful with just his friendship alone. I wouldn’t want to force him into any more situations that he might find uncomfortable just because of me.

“Ah, I’m so stupid…” I said out loud with a sullen smile on my lips, dragging myself up onto my feet. I slapped both sides of my face. I needed a distraction, something to get my mind off of my misfortune. I glanced over at the calendar hanging up on the wall. Jason, can’t you hurry up and get back? I’m ready to work hard and completely absorb myself into becoming your next Top Model and crush Minhyun and Aron. I sighed. At least for now I had my daily training sessions with Dambi to look forward to…

 

 

Over the course of the week, I had attended Dambi’s usual 10 AM training sessions. Each day the task of balancing the ball on top of my head became less challenging. With how many times she drilled me and gave me one on one instruction, positioning my arms and head and even directing my hips, by the last day I was finally successful. When I was finally able to walk down the length of Dambi’s studio without dropping the ball, she literally swept me off my feet and swung me around the air in excitement. During the entire week, Dambi had been my only friend. As I had expected, I hadn’t heard anything back from JR. But somehow I knew that would happen. I knew I would probably have to be the one to contact him first like always, but I wasn’t too confident myself either to do so… I tried not to let it get to me and spent most of my time at the dance studio or JA Style’s office, though I don’t quite know why I kept going back. Each time I returned, both Minhyun and Aron had something demeaning to say towards me. Despite their cruel words and relentless teasing, I held my head up high. Soon I would surpass Minhyun, and when I did, Aron would also be put in his place. After finishing up at the dance studio early, I made my way straight to Jason’s office in my black Adidas tracksuit that I had been practicing in, not bothering to go home and fix up my appearance. I merely only wanted to greet and welcome him back. But little did I know that I would come to regret that decision. When I arrived and stepped through the doors into his main store, I saw a group of young girls all standing around a rack of clothes, their backs facing me. I found this odd, but I shrugged it off and walked upstairs, figuring that they were all models judging by their thin frames.

When I walked upstairs, I noticed that the door to Jason’s office was open. I casually walked over and took a look inside to see the redhead hunched over his desk, looking down at several sketches of women’s dresses. It was then I noticed a couple of overdressed women sitting in the chairs adjacent from his desk, discussing the concept of the designs. Realizing he was busy, I decided to wait until they were finished and watched as the two high-fashion women walked out of his office with their heads held up high. As they walked past me I could feel the cold air of arrogance that floated around them. Once they were gone I stepped inside.

“Welcome back, bossman.” I smiled down at him. Jason glanced up from his sketches and blankly stared at me.

“Don’t tell me that’s what you’re wearing.” He said, eyeing my clothes like they were a rattlesnake, making me feel a thousand times more self-conscious than what I needed to be feeling at this moment. That was rather… uncalled for. But this was Jason. He was a rather… well, I couldn’t think of the right word to call him. Unconventional? I furrowed my brows in confusion as he continued. “Did you not just see who was waiting downstairs? Imagine what they must have thought.” He said, referring to the group of girls I had walked past just minutes ago.

I shrugged. “Weren’t they models?”

Jason smirked. “Models? A bunch of young ladies; I’m sure they’d love you for that remark. Anyways, what’s up? Don’t tell me you missed me.” He joked although by the expression on his face I could tell he was somewhat expecting me to almost have shed tears because of his gracious return.

“I have something to show you.” I replied, anxious to get the chance to show him my walk that I had worked so hard on over the past week. Jason tilted his head to the side in curiosity.

“Do you?” He had to pause to think about what it could possibly be that I wanted to show him. As if a light bulb went on above his head, his face lit up. “No… you don’t mean-”

“My walk. I perfected it.”

Jason laughed. “Well damn. I hope you’re not lying to me and getting my hopes up. Did Aron and Minhyun teach you?” He asked. I hesitantly paused before shaking my head. He furrowed his brows. Judging by the displeased look on his face, he wasn’t happy with them either. “Then who?”

“A friend of a friend.”

“Oh, please, Ren. I don’t have time for riddles. I have to put the finishing touches on six different dresses overnight. Those cruel es- I mean witches- ah, stylists keep insisting on changing the design. So who was it?”

“Son Dambi; I met her through JR.” I finally replied. As I said this, the tip of Jason’s pencil that he held in his hand suddenly snapped as he applied too much pressure down on the desk. I glanced down at the desk then back up at him, a bit taken aback. A blank expression seemed to wash over his face before he finally replaced it with a feigned look of gratitude.

“Did she? Well, how unusually kind of her.” He seemed to mutter through his teeth in disdain towards her. I tilted my head slightly to the side. I remembered how she wasn’t exactly fond of Jason either.

“Did something happen between the two of you?” I skeptically asked. Jason placed down his pencil and sighed in annoyance, folding his arms across his chest.

“We’ve had our differences on and off the runway.”

I gasped. “Don’t tell me you two dated.”

Jason practically choked on air. “Oh, god no! As if it even needed to be said; I like men.”

“I thought so…” I absent-mindedly responded as I was trying to make sense of the ill tensions between Dambi and Jason. As I said this Jason scoffed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

My eyes grew big. “Oh, god, no, I didn’t mean it that way!” I nervously protested. I couldn’t believe my bad luck lately. I had a bad case of saying things that shouldn’t have been said. First it landed me in an awkward, uncomfortable situation with JR and now possibly hot water with my employer. I really needed to learn how to take a hint and just stop talking. I just never seemed to learn. Jason rolled his eyes and leaned against the edge of his desk.

“Tcht; whatever. Since the two of you have met, I’m assuming you’ve already learned that she and JR are childhood friends. That being said, she doesn’t approve of me personally anywhere near him. That woman is extremely over-protective of him, you’d think she was his mother or something. Anyways, it’s not like I see JR often, only when its work related.”

I paused. “Why wouldn’t she approve of you?” I asked as more of the story between the two of them was starting to surface. Finally parts of Dambi’s side was starting to make sense. She outright said that she didn’t trust him and here Jason was admitting to it. It made me wonder… was Jason the one I had to be weary of after all?

Jason shrugged it off. “I wonder.” He replied without a care in the world. “Anyways, I’ll have to take a rain check on your walk; I need to get these finished by tonight. My trip to China set me back and those two stylists you just saw are upset with me enough as it is.” He replied, somewhat taking me a bit aback. Why had he given me the goal to perfect my walk in a week when he knew that he would be behind when he got back and that he wouldn’t get to see it right away? Was this one of his motivation tools that he used, or was he just that uncoordinated with his time? Either way, it forced me to work hard and nail my walk, even if it was frustrating that I would have to wait to show it to him.

I blinked. “By tonight? What is it that you need to do? Is there any way I can help?” I asked, offering him my assistance just to keep myself busy and my thoughts off of JR. Once again, I didn’t realize I was making another big mistake. Jason suddenly eyed me from head to toe with a mischievous look planted on his face.

“You’re about their size… Come! Come with me!” He exclaimed, not even waiting for me to respond before taking me by my left wrist and dragging me out of his office and towards the back of the second floor in front of a room which he kept locked. There was a loud rustling of keys before the lock switched and he shoved the door open, pulling me inside with him and locking the door behind him. When I stumbled into the room I was surprised to see six bright pink floral dresses, each with its own unique design hanging off of mannequins lined up in the center of the room. I stared at them in awe. They were stunning. I definitely didn’t expect to see a side like this to Jason’s designs. I suddenly thought back to when JR had told me that designer’s tastes change all of the time. I slightly frowned at the thought of him and how I hadn’t heard a word from him since then, but I pushed it out of my mind. He had been right, apparently. The dresses were a burst of bright colors.

“Jason… who are these for?”

“Ah, ah, ah! A designer never gives away the identity of his client! And besides, you really should have figured it out since they were standing downstairs. Oh well. There are no points for ignorance.” He shrugged. I thought back to how JR had tipped me off that Jason would be working with a popular girl group. My mind then flashed back to the group of six girls that I had seen clamoring over a clothes rack. I had only seen their backs without as much as a glimpse of their faces. How was I expected to be able to guess who they were from behind?

“I was just asking because these designs… I feel like I’m seeing another side of you.” I complemented him.

“They are pretty good, aren’t they? Despite the changes their company keeps making. Oh well. Now undress.” He instructed. I stared at him like he was crazy. Was I about to get ? Oh god, that’s why he locked the door, wasn’t it? That’s why Dambi didn’t approve of him; he was a ual predator. Jason suddenly gave me an irritated look. “Hurry up! I don’t have all day!” He replied as he walked over to a mannequin and started undressing it, taking the dress off. I stared down at the dress in his hands. Suddenly it all connected. He wanted me to put it on. I quickly spun around and ran for the door. It was no use. Jason had locked it from the inside and only he carried the key. Out of desperation I started clawing at the door like a cat, trying to escape the hell I had just signed myself up for. Not again. I was not about to have to wear a dress again for the first time in over twenty years! I dramatically screamed for help from whoever was listening: god, mother, Obama, anyone…

Someone save me!

 

 

Jason’s POV [TWO DAYS AGO]

Despite being scheduled to spend the entire week in China, I made sure to wrap things up two days early and head back. I had already received several emails from JR and the talent scouts that worked under him that they had picked ‘the one.’ Upon hearing this I made sure to hop on the next available flight back to Seoul. When I arrived back at the airport, I informed no one except JR of my presence back in Korea. I called him for the contact number of the model that had caught everyone’s eye and then arranged for the three of us to meet back at my private residence. Unlike JR, I didn’t live simply. Despite all the massive success and money his designs brought in, he was still living like the fashion journalist he was disguising himself to be inside of a middle-income apartment. I on the other hand lived behind a private gated community aimed more at the wealthy crowd. The premise was guarded by security guards 24/7 and everyone kept to themselves so there was no need to worry about eavesdroppers. The secret of ‘Mr. Kim’ would be well protected inside of these gates.

After arriving home, I washed then changed before the sound of my doorbell went off. I went to check the small monitor beside my door to see who it was. As I turned it on, it revealed none other than JR. I buzzed him in and he slowly and self-consciously invited himself in, removing his shoes at the door. I smiled at him.

“It looks like you’re the first to arrive.”

JR nervously glanced around as if he were afraid of breaking anything nearby. “You’re back early; I was surprised…”

“Of course, dear. When I received word of our candidate being picked I simply had to rush back.” I replied then stared darkly at him. “And the other models that auditioned? Have they kept quiet?”

JR nodded. “They were signed to secrecy the moment they auditioned. I made sure that the producers presented them with confidentiality waivers as they entered the premise. If they breach the contract, they are to consider themselves sued by House of Kim representatives.”

“You’re very clever. You didn’t even need my help.”

He shook his head. “No, I do need it. I might look calm but I have cold feet at the moment.”

I smirked. “Has there ever been a moment where you looked ‘calm’?” I . “Cold feet? I’m afraid it’s too late to back out now. ‘Mr. Kim’ has already been picked and he’s on his way here at this very moment. From the emails that I’ve read, he’s already signed a contract agreeing to work underneath House of Kim, hasn’t he?”

JR hesitantly nodded. “He has…”

“But neither he nor the talent scouts are aware of what he was specifically picked for, right?” I asked. Once again JR slowly nodded, shifting his gaze down to the floor. I nodded. “Then that’s what today’s meeting will be for. He’ll be briefed on his duties and expectations as ‘Mr. Kim.’”

“What we’re doing is wrong…”

“You agreed to it. We’re already in too deep as it is. Might as well keep going, shouldn’t we?” I asked, folding my arms across my chest and shifting my weight onto the wall. JR stared at me with an unsure look on his face. I pursed my lips together. As long as I kept pushing, I knew I could get him to give in and agree with me. JR had always been this way so I knew how to work him in such a way that it usually ended up in my favor. JR suddenly parted his mouth as if he were about to say something in protest, only he was cut off by the sound of the doorbell. The both of us froze and shared an uneasy look with one another before slowly glancing over at the door where on the other side our ‘Mr. Kim’ stood waiting. It suddenly donned on me now that he was here; what in the world were we doing? We were basically committing fraud, that’s what. We would be building, shaping and molding another person into the image of what we thought Mr. Kim should represent.

“Jason… the door…” JR’s voice trailed off as he stood frozen in place. I snapped out of my fear-induced trance.

“I know that!” I snapped before swiftly brushing past him, stopping in front of the door where I paused to take a moment to collect myself before opening it. As the door slowly pulled inward, it revealed the image of a dashingly pale skinned, tall, broad shouldered, muscular blonde in a pair of dark ripped jeans and a black shirt and black leather jacket standing on my front porch. He lowered his pair of black sunglasses to the rim of his nose and peered out over them at me, making eye contact. My jaw slightly dropped as I felt his eyes on me, my heart starting to stir. I waved my right hand in front of my face, fanning myself as I nervously laughed. “Goddamn, you’re a good looking one. Whew.”

“Jason!” JR exclaimed, obviously embarrassed by my reaction. He came walking up to the door and stood in the spot next to me. He awkwardly reached out his hand to the blonde stranger who openly accepted it and shook it. “I’m sorry, please come in.” He apologized. I turned and narrowed my eyes at him.

“Yes, do come in to my house.” I cattily snapped at JR. An amused smirk spread across the blonde’s face as he did as he was told and stepped inside. Once in the doorway he slipped out of his sneakers and into the living room where I addressed him to take a seat down on one of the couches. As he sat I offered him something to drink, which he declined. Both JR and I took a seat in the couch opposite to him. I began. “First things first; congratulations for passing the House of Kim auditions.”

The blonde silently removed his sunglasses and placed them down on his right knee to get a better look at me. “I’m sorry, but who are you again?”

My pride took a hit. Smile and bear it, Jason. “Of course; how silly of me. I am Chinese designer Fu Long Fei, ‘Jason,’ if you will, owner and designer of JA Style.”

He nodded then glanced over at JR. “And you are…?”

JR uncomfortably shifted his gaze down into his lap. “I am… the designer and owner of House of Kim.” He finally admitted to someone in the outside world for the first time other than me. The blonde’s eyes suddenly grew large as he stared at him in shock. He furrowed his brows in confusion.

“You mean… it’s you? You’re… him?” He asked, stuttering.

JR quickly glanced up at him. “Whatever comments you have to say, please refrain from doing so. There’s a reason why I’ve never publically stepped out before and I prefer to keep quiet about it.” He said, making sure to cut him off before anything judgmental could possibly be said. I glanced over at JR. That guy, always so sensitive. Judging by the blonde’s reaction, if anything he was star struck. But JR didn’t see it. He only looked at the world through pessimistic eyes, expecting everyone to make fun of him. Somehow I didn’t see this guy here doing something like that.

“I see,” the blonde replied. “I’m assuming the reason you speak of is also why you didn’t attend the audition yourself.”

“It doesn’t matter who I am.” JR replied, returning back to staring down in his lap.

The blonde gave him a conflicted look. “It doesn’t? You’ve only built one of the biggest fashion empires in all of Asia; how can it not-”

“As of this moment, it won’t matter who I am anymore.”

“And why is that?” He asked, sitting forward. I smiled, drawing some of the unwanted attention off of JR.

“I know I read your name about a dozen times in the letters, but do tell us again, please.” I said.

“Right; my name is Kang Baekho.” He casually replied.

I slightly tilted my head to the side. “How about you say we change that?” I offered with a charming smile on my face as I suddenly placed down a file on the table in front of him. He furrowed his brows at me before slowly glancing down at the folder laying out in front of him. “Open it.” I instructed. With his left hand he opened the folder to reveal several pictures inside, ranging from an elaborate mansion from the Gangnam district to a Lamborghini Veneno Roadster. The last file he flipped to was of a document to transfer an enormous sum into a blank bank account. He suddenly glanced up to look at me again with a confused expression written across his face.

“What is all of this for?” He asked. I shook my head.

“I think the question is more ‘who’ is all of this for?” I corrected him. He stared at me with wide eyes as he slowly pointed at himself in shock.

“Me?” He asked. I nodded. Baekho laughed then closed the file and sat backwards into the couch. “Yeah, right. And why would you give me expensive things like that?”

“Correction; they’re not for Kang Baekho. They’re for Kim Baekho.” I replied and was met by a strange look.

“Kim…?” His voice trailed off as he glanced over at JR. “You mean… You want me to-”

JR glanced up at him, cutting him off. “Pretend to be me… please…” He asked in desperation, giving him a pleading look. Baekho completely froze, unsure of what to do. Well, I couldn’t exactly blame him for not knowing how to respond to such a situation. A world-famous, wealthy designer hardly ever just popped up out of nowhere, begging for someone to put on a charade for him. But it wasn’t as if it wouldn’t benefit Baekho as well; on the contrary, it was quite a sweet deal he was looking at. I sternly stared at him.

“If you are able to properly do this, you, my friend will become a billionaire and the head of a fashion empire overnight. Think about it; all of the things you crave… they’re yours now. If you allow yourself to put aside your morals, throw away your past and become someone completely new.”

Baekho slowly shook his head. “…Why was I picked for this?” He asked, trying to somewhat make sense of all of this. I sat back in the couch, folding my arms across my chest and crossing my legs one over the other.

“Because you represent all of the qualities Mr. Kim should represent.” I shortly responded. Baekho glanced over at JR.

“But you’re Mr. Kim. Why don’t you just-”

“Because I am not the one the world is expecting… I’m not the one that everyone wants.” JR sullenly responded. Baekho shot him a look of disbelief.

“You’ll never know if you don’t ever try, now will you?” Baekho asked in contradiction. A dark look suddenly spread over JR’s face.

“Do you want my money or not?” He coldly asked, surprising even myself. I slowly turned to him, wondering who the heck this person was and where JR had gone to. This attitude… it was completely unlike him. I had never seen this side of him before. He must really be desperate about not wanting to step out into the spotlight and take credibility for House of Kim. This was something I just couldn’t begin to understand; I wanted to be the best. I wanted for JA Style to be known around the world just as much as House of Kim was. Not only that, but I wanted everyone to know what I was capable of. I couldn’t ever just sit back and not take credit for my own masterpieces like JR did. I would never understand what drove JR to such a level of avoidance.

Baekho gave him a stunned, offended look. “It’s not a matter of money; it’s a matter of pride. You’re the designer for House of Kim. Don’t you have any?”

“No.” JR answered frankly. “I have no pride. What little pride I had in the past, it’s gone now. And that is why I must resort to this: having someone pretend to be me. House of Kim doesn’t deserve to be led by someone as weak and fragile like me. My company deserves to be led by someone who is strong, brilliant and intimidating; not me.”

“And you think that’s me?” Baekho asked, looking rather conflicted.

“We’re not asking you to run the company. Just attend as Mr. Kim at public appearances.” I reassured him. “Do you think you can handle that much?”

Baekho paused. “It just doesn’t sound right.”

I stood up in irritation. “What more do you want? We’re giving you everything you could ever possibly want or need; a house, a car, luxury! And these things are just being handed to you! Take a look around you; everything you see here, do you think it just fell from the sky? I had to work hard for years to acquire all of this!”

Baekho stared at me. “Are you saying that if you were have given a shortcut to success like me, you would have taken it?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “In a heartbeat.” I replied. I could feel both of their eyes on me. I scoffed. “I’m almost near 30 and I’m absolutely nowhere where I want to be. If I could have had the magic equation just handed to me like you, then surely I would have taken it to get to where I want to be.” I admitted. Whatever it takes… I’ll do whatever it takes to achieve the life I was meant to live.

Baekho paused, shifting his gaze down into his lap. He bit his bottom lip as he seemed to ponder about the offer we just laid before him. After quite some time had passed, he finally glanced up to look at me, meeting my eyes. “Are you telling me Kang Baekho has to completely disappear from the face of this planet?”

I silently nodded.

An irritated smirk spread across Baekho’s lips. It looked as if he wanted to hit me. I uncomfortably took a step backwards, the backs of my legs bumping into the couch behind me. “Lucky for you; I don’t have anything to leave behind.”

Both JR and I shared shocked, surprised looks. JR furrowed his brows and slightly tilted his head to the side, a bit confused by what Baekho had just admitted to us now. “What do you mean…?”

“No family, no friends, not even a dog. It’s just me trying to get by, taking all sorts of odd jobs just to get by. Ha; what are the odds the answer to all my problems laid in a modeling job?”

“It’s not modeling.” I corrected, however, JR’s mind seemed to be focused elsewhere.

“Not even a family?” He asked, stunned. Baekho painfully smirked then shook his head.

“Lost them all in a car accident back when I was in high school.” He bitterly replied.

“I’m… sorry.” JR sympathetically replied. Baekho uncomfortably laughed.

“Don’t worry about it.” He replied.

“Then we won’t. So are we all in agreement then? From this moment on, Kang Baekho is dead?” I asked, trying to change the topic. I didn’t care much for personal sob stories. Everyone had one. If we stopped to listen to them all, no work would ever get done. Baekho paused for a brief moment before slowly nodding and glancing back at me.

“Tell me what I need to do.”