Baekho’s POV

After Ren had waved goodbye and disappeared back into his apartment complex, I shakily opened the front door to my car and climbed inside. I sat and leaned back against the headrest with a big smile. It had come both as a complete shock and surprise when I heard my name finally escape his lips. My heart leapt with excitement. It felt as if I was starting to make some progress with Ren after all with trying to get him to recognize me as a person and not just as Mr. Kim. I was happy… The star-struck factor was starting to wear down and he was seeing me as someone he could approach in secret, rather than the figure he was expected to respect in public. When at first he seemed rather scared of me, he was now slowly but surely warming up to me. And now that he had called me by my first name, the fact that we were friends was official. It still wasn’t what I was hoping for, but it was a step in the right direction. Maybe with time all of that might change.

I drove away from Ren’s apartment complex before anyone could spot my car. As I pulled back into the city and further away from him, the smile on my face slowly dissipated into a frown. The reality that I was all alone had once again struck me. And it hadn’t helped that during the short car ride to his place that Ren had mentioned one of the words that brought me back to possibly the worst time in my life, which was when I had lost my parents. How long had it been? It must have been over a handful of years since the accident occurred. I remembered still being in high school around the time that it had happened. I had been on my way back from basketball practice when I received the phone call out on the street. I remembered running to the scene to find two crushed cars and several ambulance trucks parked around them. The passengers from the other vehicle were already being wheeled into the back of the trucks as I had arrived. But my attention had been focused on my parents’ car in front of me, which they were still trapped, unconscious inside…

Silent tears trickled from the corners of my eyes and down my cheeks. I kept my blurry gaze on the road in front of me and sniffled while trying to remain strong. Occasionally I got like this, where the painful memories just completely overwhelmed me. Usually I just tried to push it back or not think about it. After all, what use would dwelling on the past be? My parents were already gone and it wouldn’t bring them back. After the accident, it had taken some time to get back up on my own two feet and start living again. I had only been 18 at the time I was forced to become a full-fledged adult who had to pay his own rent, cell phone and utility bills. It had been hard. I struggled. But I overcame and did it. After all, I was still here, wasn’t I?

I turned the street at a stop light and continued driving in the other direction. I had to admit, life’s challenges didn’t become any easier as I grew older. They only became more difficult, especially with the decisions I had been making lately. If only I had saw it then when Jason and JR placed the contract down in front of me that becoming Mr. Kim would be a mistake I’d later come to heavily regret. I had no freedom. In a sense, I was basically Jason’s puppet, here to do whatever he said. Although I’m all that man has, he continues to insinuate how incompetent I am. I’m not stupid – fashion just isn’t my thing. I don’t know enough about it. Surely my experience in the café today with Ren and JR stated that I didn’t. And I felt horrible for it. I felt ashamed that I didn’t know as much about it as they did, despite studying all of JR’s manuals and guides that he had left me. I had made a complete idiot out of myself in front of Ren and there was no going back from that. After I had dropped him off at his place, I couldn’t just let him leave like that. The disappointment had been written all over his face back in the café when I had answered his question incorrectly. I felt the strong, urgent need to explain myself to him. Surprisingly he understood well. Actually, better than I hoped. Although he wouldn’t tell me what it was that I had made him realize, whatever it was – I was grateful. The way he called my name and looked at me, the way he smiled, even the enthusiastic way he waved at me made me feel like I was flying high on cloud nine. It was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits after that conversation gone wrong with JR.

I drove past the gated entrance at the front of the upscale residential area that Jason and JR had chosen to hide me away in. By now the aching, empty feeling that I had felt when I thought of the accident had subsided, along with the tears. Instead it was replaced by anger and annoyance towards the one person I felt somewhat horrible and guilty to feel that way towards. All of this time I had felt sorry for JR. I never thought that I would end up upset at him. I couldn’t stand the unfair and cruel way Jason treated him and so I took his side, trying to help JR. But when I told him that, he seemed bothered that I had thought to help him. Either that or he just didn’t care. Truthfully I had been a bit taken aback when he asked me if I wanted him to thank me. It had never been about the thanks. But it really didn’t matter anymore, did it? Despite me wanting to help him, it seemed JR wanted to be left alone to figure things out. And now that both of our feelings about Ren were made very clear, I understood that I was now the second to last person he wanted to accept help from – the first being Jason, that is.

I parked my car outside the front of the house once I arrived, slamming the door shut after I stepped out. I angrily stared down at the gravel outside of the house. It bothered me to learn that it wasn’t just Jason who had set me up in all of this mess, but JR too. At least Jason had been more forward and clear about it. But JR? Without me even knowing, he had turned this into some competition over Ren’s heart. All of this time I had wondered why JR had been so distant from me – I had figured that it had just been a part of his personality. I had no idea that he felt so insecure around me over fear that I would steal Ren from him. I hadn’t known that JR was in the picture until I overheard it from a conversation between Jason and Ren. And even after knowing, I asked him if it was okay, and he lied to me. But was part of this my fault for believing him? Deep down I had my suspicions that he wasn’t being truthful, but the naïve part of me had been too excited and I took his word for it.

I grabbed both sides of my head and groaned while I stood outside. Dammit. What was I supposed to do now? I had practically declared war on JR when I hadn’t meant to. I had just been so angry and caught up in the heat of the moment when I said those things… I didn’t want to be the villain in all of this. If there was a peaceful way of figuring all of this out, I’d gladly take it. But I was stuck. No matter what I did, from JR’s perspective I was just about as evil as Jason. I just wanted to be happy, though. And being around Ren made me happy. Was that so wrong? Was it so wrong to like someone? From the looks of it, nothing seemed official between them… yet. There was still time to catch Ren’s heart. But that meant that I would have to speed things up a bit. Instead of just casually running into him at JA Style or on the street, I would have to be more bold and make our encounters happen. The easiest way of doing that would be to just ask him to meet up.

I finally stepped into the house, shutting and locking the door behind me. As I stood in the entranceway I kicked off my shoes and pulled out my phone. I stared down at the blank screen. I didn’t have Ren’s number. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. In the file that Jason had given me of all of his models, everything from the amount they weighed to their phone number was listed. I supposed if I wanted to be a creepy stalker I could just get it from there and scare him off. I sighed in defeat, letting my hand with my phone fall down to my side. I couldn’t do it. If I looked at his file, it would reveal everything about him that I didn’t know yet. In a way it sort of felt like cheating. If I wanted to learn more about him, I would have to find out directly from the source itself. I entered the living room and sat down on the couch. Across from me sitting on the coffee table sat the file that contained everyone’s information. I kept eyeing it, going back and forth in my mind whether or not I was desperate enough to open it. Frustrated, I groaned then stood back up. I had to walk away.

I entered the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. As I tilted the rim up to my lips, I received a text from Jason. I took a sip then placed the glass down and picked up my phone and unlocked it. As I read through it, it was then when I realized that the text was part of a massive group message meant for his models to see. Inside of it he was informing everyone about his health and that he would be back soon. I dryly laughed. I doubted anyone really cared about that information – I paused when my phone vibrated again. Another message appeared from Jason. This time it was an informer about a group meeting for tomorrow morning. There was going to be another ‘annual’ mandatory measurement and weigh in led by his assistants and several medical professionals. I shook my head. The amount of stress a model suffered through was no joke. It was a no wonder why Ren had seemed to be on edge lately. Had he been worried about tomorrow? I thought back to earlier when I had caught him outside running like a madman in effort to lose weight that he really didn’t need to lose. I sat my phone down on the counter and folded my arms across my chest and worriedly pursed my lips together. I really hoped that he wouldn’t overdo it… He had seemed fine when I dropped him off and I reassured him that he looked perfect. I sighed. Perhaps I was the one overdoing it. Things would probably be fine, right? And as for tomorrow, Jason hadn’t really cleared it up whether or not I needed to be there for the meeting, but I was going to take this as a chance to meet up with Ren afterwards. Luckily Jason had provided me the perfect excuse to run into him.

 

 

The next morning I awoke early enough to shower and get ready before heading down to JA Style. I dressed in a destroyed dark navy blue sweater and black skinny jeans with black shoes. I wore a silver dog tag necklace around my neck and a simple silver ring on my right ring finger. Instead of spiking my hair up as usual, I opted to wear it down and softly combed to the front. I grabbed Mr. Kim’s trademark sunglasses before heading out. As I passed a mirror on my way to the door I paused and curiously took a look at my face. I slowly lowered the glasses, pulling it down from the bridge of my nose. I had worn these damned things so often that I was worried that I had gotten a tan line from them. Luckily there was a minimal difference in my pale white skin tone. I sighed with relief then grabbed my bag from the floor and stepped outside and headed towards JA Style. By the time I had arrived, the weigh-ins and measurements had already started about twenty minutes ago. I casually entered the studio and nodded at the clerk in the shop level who had bowed and greeted me before I climbed up the stairs to a madhouse. Dozens of Jason’s models had been standing around in simple t-shirts and shorts, waiting for their turn to enter the practice room which had temporarily been transformed into the weighing room. I had to squeeze my way through a sea of bodies and several models respectfully bowed in front of me as I passed them on my way towards Jason’s office. I breathed a sigh of relief when I finally made it. I opened the door and stepped inside. As I was setting my bag down on Jason’s desk, I heard a voice call out to me from the doorway.

“Well, look who’s here, Aron. It’s Mr. Kim.” Minhyun said with amusement. I glanced back over my left shoulder to see Minhyun with Aron standing behind him. Aron hesitantly kept his gaze to the floor as Minhyun continued on. “Here to check up on how we’re doing?”

I turned around and smiled back at him in annoyance. “Is it your place to question your employer?” I asked, doing my best to keep myself calm around him. He was obviously here to provoke me, that much was certain.

“Is it wrong? Jason never cared when I did it.”

I scoffed. “Jason doesn’t care about a lot of things-” My words thoughtlessly escaped my lips. Minhyun gave me a surprised but entertained look.

“That you are correct.” He replied while smiling at me. “That you are correct… Did you need something from out of here, Mr. Kim?” He continued to eye me suspiciously.

“I came to drop off some documents. I’ll be taking my leave shortly.” I replied then paused. “But only because you drew my curiosity; how did the weigh in go for you?”

Minhyun smirked. “Why? Do you think Jason’s Top Model is going to be dropped so easily over something so trivial as weight?”

“One could only hope so.” I casually shot back. A stunned look spread across Minhyun’s face.

“Excuse me?” He asked, taking great offense to my remark. I pretended to sit some papers that were already on Jason’s desk back down then grabbed my bag’s strap and threw it over my left shoulder. I paused beside them before stepping out of the office, glancing down at Aron.

“Keep up the good work, Aron.” I praised him. Aron’s eyes grew wide in shock as my words reached him. He silently nodded and bowed. I glanced back up at Minhyun, raising my right hand to lower my sunglasses before rolling my eyes at him and walking off. As I stepped into the lobby area of the second floor I could hear Minhyun angrily scowling. I smirked then continued walking. Right as I reached the top of the staircase I suddenly heard a familiar voice cheerfully call out to me.

“Mr. Kim!” Ren ran up to me in a black tank top and shorts, revealing his slender but toned arms and legs. I turned to my left and had to force myself to look up at him in the eyes, momentarily forgetting that my gaze was hidden beneath my sunglasses. Taking into consideration where we were, I put on my professional persona and expressionlessly stared at him and waited. Ren continued. “I’m surprised to see you here today.”

“I’m here on business.” I lied. Ren smiled back at me, believing my little white lie.

“Ah, I see.”

“How did it go?” I curiously asked. Ren blinked for a second before smiling again.

“You were right, I had nothing to worry about. I’m fine.”

“Was that what you were so worried about yesterday?” I asked. Ren suddenly paused, looking rather uncomfortable.

“Oh, um, that? Sort of. Jason kind of just sprung the weigh-ins on us. I asked about it and Minhyun and Aron said that it’s not unusual for Jason to do such a thing. They say it supposedly keeps us on our toes to motivate us not to gain or lose too much weight.” Ren replied. It sounded cruel, but then again, this was Jason that we were talking about.

“But you did well, congratulations.” I praised him. A grateful smile spread over Ren’s lips.

“Thanks. Are you on your way out?” He suddenly asked. I nodded.

“Do you want to walk with me?” I held my breath, secretly hoping that he would say yes. Ren stared at me for a brief moment before enthusiastically nodding. I discretely exhaled, feeling both excited and relieved on the inside while maintaining a cold exterior on the outside. Ren walked beside me down the stairs to the first floor where he followed me outside. Once the two of us were standing on the sidewalk, Ren turned to me.

“You’re probably really busy, aren’t you? I won’t keep you-” He started to turn away to leave.

“I’m not – I’m not that busy. Are you?” I quickly replied, hoping to make him stop. I realized how lame and pathetic I probably just sounded. Ren paused then gave me a curious look. He held his bare, exposed arms into his body for warmth outside in the chilly weather.

“Sorry, I have plans today!” Ren pouted as he started jumping up and down to keep himself warm. Plans? I hesitated. Were they perhaps with JR? Although I wanted to ask, I knew I shouldn’t. Not to mention I wanted to keep this conversation brief before he froze to death. Ren cautiously looked around us to make sure it was safe to speak. “Did you perhaps want to hang out again?”

I slowly shook my head. “Not if you already have plans.” I replied. Ren frowned.

“Ah! If only I could cancel!”

“No, it’s okay. Don’t cancel your plans for me. It was my bad timing.” I insisted. Even despite the fact that I suspected that these plans of his were with JR, I didn’t want to intrude. It was true that I wanted to earn Ren’s heart, but not by forcing him to cancel his plans.

“I’m sorry…” Ren’s voice sadly trailed off. Judging by his behavior, I could see that he really must have wanted to hang out with me again. This thought suddenly lifted my mood and I had to suppress the urge not to smile in front of him just now. “I think I know how to fix this ‘bad timing’ thing.” Ren reached down into his pocket and pulled out his phone, turning it on in front of me. “You can call me.”

I stared at him for a moment. All of last night I had been wondering how I would get his number out of him. I hadn’t of thought that it would be this easy. I smirked in amusement. “Are you asking me for my number?” I . Ren froze in horror.

“It’s not like that, I swear!” He replied, turning a bright shade of red in embarrassment. I laughed.

“I’m a man of privacy. I don’t usually give out my number…” I sternly said, letting my voice trail off. “But for you I’ll make an exception.” I watched the overjoyed expression spread across Ren’s face when I agreed to give it to him. I couldn’t help but find his reaction cute. He almost looked as if he had won the lottery, making me feel somewhat flattered. I quietly whispered my number to him and he tapped it into his phone. A few seconds later I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I removed it to see a text from an unknown number which had a smiley emoticon beside the name ‘Ren.’ My heart secretly leapt with joy.

“Next time you have time, just text me and I’ll let you know if I’m busy, ok?” Ren reassuringly replied. I smiled back at him.

“It works both ways.” I said. Ren gave me a surprised, uncomfortable look.

“How can I bother you? I mean you’re-”

“I’m your friend.” I cut him off before he could refer to me as Mr. Kim again. Ren pursed his lips together, looking unsure.

“Is it really alright? Even if we’re friends… I don’t want to disturb you from your work.”

“All I have in my life is my work. Disturb me. I need a distraction every now and then.” I replied. A touched smile suddenly spread across Ren’s lips. He finally gave in and nodded.

“I’ll keep that in mind then. But please tell me if I’m ever bothering you, ok?”

“Ok.” I smiled back at him for a brief moment before deciding to wrap things up. I put my phone away inside of my pocket then took a step backwards. “I’ll let you get back. It’s cold outside. I’ll hear from you later, I assume. Guard that number with your life, got it?” I . Ren cheerfully nodded before lowering his voice into a whisper.

“Got it! Bye, Baekho!” He happily said then waved before bowing and hurrying back inside of Jason’s warm studio. A full minute must have passed by after he had already left when I realized I was still standing there on the side of the road smiling like a fool. I shook my head and laughed. Ever since I had become closer to Ren, as I predicted, there had never been a dull moment. It was fun to constantly and watch him get fired up, not to mention almost heartwarming whenever he called me by my real name. We had finally properly exchanged numbers and it was only a matter of time before he contacted me. Hopefully it was sooner rather than later.

 

 

Ren’s POV

The surprise weigh-in session that Jason had sprung up on his models had finally ended around 3:40 PM after being at the studio since the early morning. It hadn’t just been the dozen of us that were picked to represent the House of Kim and JA Style collaboration, but the rest of Jason’s models as well. Weighing and recording each of our measurements took nearly fifteen to twenty minutes each, making the process both incredibly slow and boring. But now that it was finally over, I excitedly raced home to get ready to meet with JR. I felt giddy with butterflies in my stomach. I couldn’t wait to see him and actually hang out for the first time since what felt like forever ago. I jumped in the shower and scrubbed ferociously, after which I did my daily skincare routine then got dressed. I stood in front of my closet with my towel wrapped around my waist, staring at all of my clothes. It was another one of those ‘a closet full of clothes but nothing to wear’ dilemmas. Or at least nothing that I wanted to wear. I sighed. Well, since we weren’t doing anything too formal and were just going to hang out here, I supposed I didn’t need to wear anything too fancy. I pulled out a black turtle neck knit sweater and a pair of black skinny jeans. I walked over to the mirror inside of my bathroom and brushed my blonde bangs down over my forehead before adjusting my collar around my neck. I grabbed my bottle of cologne and sprayed it a couple of times before putting it back down. Just as I finished, almost as if right on cue, my phone rang. I ran over to where I had thrown it on my bed, fully expecting for it to have been JR calling. I frowned when I realized that it was Aron. I dejectedly sighed then answered it.

“Hello?”

“Yo, it’s your boy Aron.”

“…I have caller ID, you know-”

“What are you doing tonight?” He was quick to ask.

“Same thing I do every night, Aron. Try and take over the world.” I sarcastically replied.

“Dude, you have no idea how epic that response was or how much I might have fallen in love with you just now for using that reference, but I’m serious. What. Are. Your. Plans.” Aron excitedly praised me for quoting one of his beloved childhood cartoons, ‘Pinky and the Brain.’ I threw my head back and sighed while holding the phone up to my right ear.

“Oh, nothing really. I was going to just hang out with a friend.”

“Let me guess, JR?” He sounded like a gossiping teenage girl. I awkwardly paused. How did he know?

“You know, I have more than just one friend to hang out with.” I replied, trying to dodge the question.

“Yeah, and with me and Min, that makes three.”

“I know you can’t physically see it, but I’m flipping you off right now.” I lied. I was too lazy. Flipping him off would have required effort.

“Heh. So what are you guys doing?” He continued to ask. It was clear that he wasn’t going to let me drop the subject.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I was going to invite him over and watch a movie. Nothing too crazy.” I replied, only to be met with an unsurmountable amount of snickering. I blinked. Had I just said something funny?

“Now I get what’s going on… Story solved.” Aron suddenly said, leaving me clueless and in the dark. Story? What story? What was he talking about? Was it possible that Aron suspected something between me and JR? If so, then how? It’s not like I ever publicly talked about it. Sure I stood up several times to defend him in front of Aron, but even then, that was stretching it for a believable reason to suspect anything. And it wasn’t like JR had talked… right? I laughed at the thought of it.

“What are you going on about now?” I rubbed my temples then sighed.

“Nothing too crazy? Are you sure?” He ignored my question. I awkwardly paused then furrowed my brows. It almost sounded like he was teasing me now.

“Yeah… why?”

“Because back in America, we have a name for something like that.”

“Aron,” I warned, beginning to lose my patience with him. Once Aron stopped snickering he finally answered me.

“Yeah, it’s called ‘Netflix and Chill.’ But Hulu has a better selection these days. Then again, it’s not like anyone’s doing any watching…” Aron replied in an amused voice. My heart suddenly sank to the bottom of my stomach in dread after having him explain this term to me. I wasn’t so naïve as to not read between the lines of what he was implying.

“We’re just going to watch movies and hang out.” I insisted, starting to feel my cheeks turn red at his assumption.

“Yeah, ‘Netflix and Chill.’” Aron casually repeated himself.

“Will you stop?!” I screamed at him. I was freaking out. Was this really a trend in America? I thought about how many times I had innocently asked JR to come over and watch movies with me with the intention of actually watching movies and doing nothing else of that nature. My eyes grew wide in horror. Dear god… did JR think I was some sort of ert? Well, I’m pretty sure that was a ship that had sailed a long time ago… That was probably why he sounded hesitant or unsure on the phone when I had asked that it just be the two of us, wasn’t it? I mean I had suspected that he thought I was asking something more of him when he asked me if I was sure… And I wasn’t completely blameless either. Part of me had been wishfully thinking of something of that nature when I had made the request. But he also had to know that wasn’t really what I was asking of him and I would never force him to do that, ever. If he wasn’t ready, I understood. “Why are you harassing me at all hours of the day???” I pleaded for Aron to stop.

“Someone has to. Joking, joking. Anyways, what time are you guys ‘hanging out’?”

“Soon. Why?” I asked, still wondering what business any of this was of his. It almost sounded as if he were checking up on me, but for what purpose?

“Wanted some of your time, but I guess you’ll be getting busy, heh. See what I did there?” He continued to tease.

“I’m hanging up.”

“We’ll make plans later, see ya Ren!” Aron quickly replied before I did what I said I was going to do and hung up. It was amazing that Minhyun fell for that special charm of his. Really it was. It was also surprising to hear that Aron too had wanted to hang out with me. First it had been Baekho (referring to him informally inside of my own thoughts would really take some getting used to), and now Aron? I swore this type of thing only happened when I already had plans, and I wasn’t about to cancel them. I had to admit it had been a bit tempting when Baekho (again, this felt strange calling him this) wanted to hang out, but I just couldn’t do that to JR. Luckily he understood and my plans were still on, at least as far as I knew. But after hearing what Aron had just told me, I started having other thoughts. That term of his couldn’t escape my mind. I didn’t want JR to think I was pressuring him into anything… Maybe staying indoors wasn’t such a good idea after all. I stared down at my phone and impatiently pulled up JR’s number and dialed it. The phone rang several times before he finally picked up and I quickly spoke before he could answer.

“Are you on your way???” I asked, my heart loudly and nervously thumping around in my chest with Aron’s term ‘Netflix and Chill’ playing on repeat inside of my head.

“…Yes, I’m actually right outside your apartment complex-” He sounded confused by my urgency.

“I’llmeetyoudownstairsbye!” I stammered then immediately hung up. I stuffed my phone into my pocket and dashed to the front door, kicking on a pair of black converse, locking up and running down the stairs to meet with him before he could get the chance to come inside. Right as I came to the last step I spotted JR standing about a dozen feet away still holding his phone out in front of him with a puzzled look on his face. I paused when I caught my first glimpse of him. Once again he wasn’t wearing his traditional hoodie and jeans but something a bit different – still casual, but more stylish. He wore a long loose white and grey thick striped knit sweater and a pair of light faded blue skinny jeans with a white belt looped around his hips and white vans on his feet. His usual messy blonde hair had been combed and his bangs parted 3/4ths and styled to his left side, revealing part of his strong forehead. I gulped, visibly flustered by his sudden change in style recently. Just the other day when I had run into him and Baekho at the coffee shop, I had been stunned by his seemingly random transformation. But I also knew that if I called too much attention to it, JR would probably become self-conscious and bothered. I liked seeing him dressed up and I was afraid that if I said anything that he might suddenly stop. I took a step forward and tripped over the last stair. JR’s eyes grew wide and he ran over and grabbed me before I could fall face forward into the concrete. We both paused after he had caught me and I slowly pulled myself up and away from him, my face bright red.

“… Are you ok?” He asked with concern in his voice. I awkwardly laughed.

“I’m totally fine!” Humiliated? Yes. But at least I was still alive, thanks to him. JR’s dark brown eyes stared at me as if somehow studying me. After a few seconds of silence an uncomfortable smile spread across his lips and he put his cell phone away and dug both of his hands into his pockets.

“… Is there a reason why you wanted to meet me out here-” He started to ask but I nervously cut him off.

“I’m hungry!” I exclaimed. JR blinked a few times before smiling more comfortably and naturally at me.

“When are you not?” He shyly teased, shifting his gaze down to the ground and kicking the toe of his right shoe into the pavement. “Do you want to-”

“Go somewhere, anywhere but here? Sure! Let’s go!” I awkwardly stammered, lacing both of my arms around JR’s left one and dragging him with me down the street. A surprised look spread across JR’s face as I grabbed him but he didn’t protest and allowed me to pull him all the way towards the bus stop at the corner of the block. The two of us waited out in front of the station and I unwillingly released his arm and stood off to the side. After several minutes spent in silence, JR finally turned his head towards me with a curious look in his eyes.

“… Would you be offended if I told you ‘happy birthday’?” He quietly asked, making me pause. I stared at him, almost stunned that he would ask that.

“Why would I be offended?” I asked, surprised. JR shrunk into his shoulders while shifting his gaze down to the floor, almost afraid to make eye contact with me.

“You seemed to be dreading it the other day… I just wanted to make sure if it was ok…” His voice shyly trailed off. I smiled then shook my head.

“That was the other day. But I’m at peace with it now. It’s ok.” I reassured him. JR glanced back up at me and sweetly smiled.

“Happy birthday, Ren.” He warmly replied, making my heart melt. I slightly blushed.

“Thanks, JR.” I said. JR quickly spoke back up.

“Before – before we head off, do you mind if I ask you just how hungry you are?” He strangely asked. I had to stop and think about it. When I had told him that I was hungry, it had been an excuse. I hadn’t really been famished. I just wanted to avoid the awkwardness involved with inviting him into my apartment and ‘watching movies,’ especially now that things were different between us.

“Not too hungry, I suppose… Why?” I asked back. JR looked away and kept his gaze down.

“Have you heard about Dambi-noona shutting down her studio?” He suddenly asked. I quietly nodded and waited for him to further elaborate. “I know it’s kind of bad timing, but today she’s holding her last dance lesson in less than an hour…” His voice nervously trailed off. I turned and stopped directly in front of him, placing both of my hands on his shoulders.

“Are you thinking of going?” I excitedly asked. JR stared at me with wide eyes.

“Well, I was thinking… We kind of already had plans, didn’t we?” His voice sounded unsure.

“We should do it! She’s our closest friend and we should support her.” I continued to try to persuade JR into going to Dambi’s last dance lesson. Although it was true I whole heartedly wanted to support her, I would be lying if I didn’t say that I was dying to get the chance to finally see JR dance. JR gave me a reluctant look.

“Would you mind…? I mean, we did have plans-”

“We can do that any time! Come on, it’ll be fun.” I shook him back and forth in attempt to further persuade him.

“I’m not sure…”

“It’s my birthday! Come on, please…?” I pouted. JR hesitantly smiled.

“Ok.”

“Yay!” I released him and jumped back, cheering. Just then the bus arrived and pulled up to the side of the street. I excitedly grabbed JR by his wrist and pulled him on board with me before taking the right window seat in the back. JR slowly sat down beside me and fixated his gaze outside of the window, remaining silent. He looked as if he had something on his mind. Not able to bear the uncomfortable silence between us, I spoke up. “So today I had my first official weigh-in and measurements taken.” I replied in attempt to start a conversation. JR glanced back at me from looking at the window.

“… Is that so? How did it go?” He asked as he removed his phone from his pocket. I gave him a thumbs-up.

“Perfect! They told me to stay where I’m at.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, thank god for my fast metabolism or else I’d be in big trouble!” I joked. JR smiled but remained silent, turning his attention to his phone. For a brief moment things were quiet between us. I tried not to be nosey and snoop over his phone but I happened to notice that he was typing a message to someone. When he noticed my wandering eyes he quickly hit send and glanced up at me with a curious look on his face.

“… Is something wrong?” He asked, probably wondering why I had been eavesdropping.

“Is it… work?” I asked, growing somewhat disappointed. I understood that he had been extremely busy lately, and even just getting to spend time with him like we were now was completely lucky and rare, but today was supposed to be our day. I was at least hoping that he would push everything back for me, at least for this day only. I knew it was a stingy way of thinking, but couldn’t I be selfish for just today and then let everything go back to normal tomorrow? A startled look spread across JR’s face.

“Oh, um, sorry… I didn’t mean to upset you…” He replied, not answering my question. I frowned.

“Can you put it away, at least for today? Or am I being too demanding?” I worriedly asked, afraid of pushing him away already. I was never a needy type of person. When in relationships, I had always been the one that loved but gave the other person their space. I never clung, I never demanded too much. But suddenly with JR I felt myself already being demanding when nothing between us was official yet. JR immediately shook his head and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

“Not at all. I completely understand.” He nervously reassured me. I sighed in relief. I was overthinking things again. I needed to stop. This day was supposed to be about fun and relaxation. I couldn’t ruin that. My thoughts had been interrupted when the bus suddenly came to a stop in front of the station closest to Dambi’s studio. Being on the outer seat, JR stood up first then looked down at me to get up. I slowly stood and followed him off the bus. Once standing outside on the sidewalk, he reluctantly paused. “Are you sure you want to go in?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I?” I asked before realizing how uncomfortable JR looked. It was then it hit me that this really wasn’t about me, more so than him. “Why? Are you?” I turned the question on him. He gave me a surprised look before forcing on a smile.

“It’s been… a while since I attended one of noona’s dance classes.” He slowly admitted.

“Is it because you feel bad that this will be her last one?” I asked.

“Sort of…” He awkwardly replied. I raised my left hand and patted him on the back.

“Relax. Noona made the decision on her own to close down her studio. She told me the great news. Supposedly an up and coming big name designer wants her to be the face of the company. I just know she’ll do amazing things for them. Noona is a goddess.” I replied, feeling somewhat envious of Dambi’s career, despite the rough patch she hit midway through which forced her into a hiatus. But I knew that if I worked just as hard as she did that someday her success would be mine too. JR slowly smiled at me.

“I think so too…”

“So then let’s support the end of this chapter in her life and help her welcome in the new one. Don’t be so nervous; I can’t dance to save my life. But it’s fun though. Besides, didn’t you say that dancing was one of your hobbies? I have to see this for myself.” I cheerfully replied as I started walking forward down the street in the direction of Dambi’s studio and JR quietly trailed after me. A couple of minutes later the two of us finally found ourselves standing out front of the building. JR quickly circled around me and grabbed the door handle before I could reach for it and he pulled it back and held it open for me. I stared at him for a moment in stunned silence. JR awkwardly motioned for me to go in first. I slightly grew flustered at his gesture. First with the hand kiss, and now he was holding open doors for me… It was impressive just how much of a gentleman JR secretly was. I warmly smiled back at him and slightly nodded my head in thanks to him before stepping inside first into the darkened studio. The strange call from Aron earlier should have been the first indicator that something odd was going on. The second should have been when JR was secretly texting on his phone, the door holding the third, and the pitch black room the fourth. I found myself feeling utterly lost and confused by the lack of lights as I stepped inside. I turned back over my shoulder to JR. “Are we the first ones here?” The door had been unlocked so that couldn’t be-

I paused when I suddenly heard the sound of a closet door open, followed by the sight of a grinning Aron carrying a lighted cake in both hands with Minhyun and Dambi by his sides. I stood frozen in place as Raina, Lizzy and Nana came out from hiding inside of the darkened studio, followed by several other models from JA Style in attendance. Before I could comprehend what was going on, Raina had started the chorus of the ‘happy birthday’ song and everyone slowly joined in and sang along. Stunned, I raised both hands over my draping mouth and just observed. I was speechless. I glanced back over at JR who was warmly smiling back at me. Had this been his doing? Almost as if he had read my mind, he silently nodded his head. I slowly felt my heart melting. Tears started to form in the corners of my eyes, nearly blinding me.

“Happy birthday, Ren.” Minhyun congratulated me once the song ended. Dambi clapped her hands together.

“Smile, it’s your birthday!!!” Although she was cheerful enough, there was a concerned look on her face. I was too choked up at the moment to speak. Aron glanced at me before looking down at the cake.

“24… I think they got it backwards at the bakery, Min. Don’t worry, I’ll change it! 42, right?” He joked, trying to get a rise out of me. As he started to reach down for the numbered candles Minhyun suddenly swatted his hand away and scolded him.

“Fire is hot, you imbecile.” Minhyun retorted. Aron sighed heavily.

“Some day you’ll be nice to me.”

“I’m not 42.” I replied through my hands. I felt somewhat humiliated by Aron’s joke. It was harmless, but I wasn’t completely over turning another year older. It was only just yesterday that I had come to terms with aging and getting older through Baekho’s help. He had helped me realize that just as people are prone to making mistakes, people age too. It was just part of being human. Even still, I hadn’t expected any of this. I specifically remembered telling JR that I didn’t want to make a big deal out of my birthday, but he did anyways. For the first time JR was the one to force me out of my comfort zone. And to be honest… I was actually kind of glad that he did. It took us away from the awkward atmosphere of staying indoors with just the two of us, plus all of my friends were here to celebrate with me to help take my mind off of the fact that I was turning 24 – well, most of them were. Apparently Aron hadn’t received that memo, but it was all in good fun.

“Ah, so he can speak!” Aron chuckled. “Happy birthday, man. You should have told us something!” He replied. I lowered my hands from my mouth and tilted my head downwards.

“I was too ashamed…” My voice trailed off. Raina gasped.

“Oh no! Did we mess up? Were we not supposed to celebrate?” She worriedly asked. I immediately glanced up and shook my head.

“No – no, not at all! I’m happy! I’m happy that you all thought of me – I’m touched, really.” I sniffled through tears. “But how can I admit to a room full of beautiful people that I’m getting older? It’s embarrassing.” I replied. All of the models groaned at me for being cheesy, despite the fact that it was really how I felt.

“Tcht.” Nana grinned. “Kiss-.” She teased me. Lizzy placed her hands on her hips.

“We all get older, Ren. Even models. The trick is to take care of yourself well enough so that nobody can tell the difference! I think my bio still says I’m 23???” She replied. Aron suspiciously eyed her from head to toe.

“How old are you? I’m 25. Do I need to refer to you as noona or…?” He replied. Lizzy glared back at him before nervously chuckling.

“THE POINT IS – No one has to know, alright, Ren?” She replied, dodging the question and circling around Nana, hiding behind her. Nana rolled her eyes and silently shook her head. Dambi awkwardly clapped her hands together to change the subject. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that all of the talk about aging and getting older hadn’t affected her, being the oldest in the room that was about to return back to modeling. She forced a smile on her lips.

“Let’s blow out those candles, shall we?” Dambi urged. “Make a wish, Ren.” She replied. I smiled then nodded, pausing briefly to think about what it was that I wanted to wish for. So far this year, some of my wildest dreams had already come true and more. Not only had I met Mr. Kim, but now I was good enough friends to be on calling terms with him. And there was also my chance of running into JR. If it hadn’t of been for him, I would have never met Dambi and I would have never perfected my skills on my own – at least not to this level. They were both my good friends, however, JR was something more to me now. What that was, or rather, what we were, was still unclear but I was happy just being with him. I leaned forward when I thought of a wish then blew out the candles. Raina pointed her index finger to the corner of her lips and leaned to her side, giving me a curious look.

“What did you wish for?” She asked.

“Success.” I simply replied then glanced back at JR who had been awfully quiet since the moment we stepped inside of Dambi’s studio. When he noticed me staring at him a surprised look spread over his face, replaced by a soft smile shortly afterwards. Out of the corner of my eyes I could have sworn I caught Dambi watching us and smiling, however when I looked back at her she turned away and faced the star-struck Aron, trying to take the cake from him. At first he protested and the two began the tedious debate over who would put it away for later. I caught Minhyun eyeing Dambi and Aron, but mostly watching Dambi with a streak of jealousy. Finally the two came to an agreement and took the cake together over towards the front desk on the other side of the room. As they disappeared, Lizzy scooted closer to Minhyun.

“Are you single?” She shot him a wink. Minhyun didn’t even so much as glance down at her before coldly answering her question.

“Gay.”

“Damn!” Lizzy sighed in defeat before walking away and hitting on another model. I took this moment now that everyone was distracted enough and talking amongst themselves to worm myself out from the circle of people that had formed around me. Once I was on the outside, I reached forward and pulled JR, who had been pushed to the back of the circle, out with me. Now that the two of us could finally talk, I smiled widely at him.

“When did you even… I’m floored, really. I had no idea!” I happily exclaimed. JR blushed.

“I hope you’re not mad…” His voice nervously trailed off. I shook my head and gave him a touched look.

“I had been feeling really crummy lately about getting older – that’s why I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it… because on the inside I wasn’t happy. I finally became a model, you know? My big dream… it only took forever to achieve. I know I’m just lucky enough to be here, but I really just want to be successful and for it to last as long as it possibly can… I got so sidetracked by my insecurities and fears that I didn’t see my birthday as a celebration. But luckily you did…” I replied, placing my right hand on his left shoulder briefly before pulling it away. JR glanced down at his shoulder before looking back up at me.

“You’ve helped me so much, Ren… whether you know it or not. It was the least I could do.”

“But how did you do it? Was that noona you were texting earlier on the bus?” I could definitely see Dambi helping him set this up. JR slowly shook his head then glanced over at Aron who was still standing with Dambi on the other side of the room, making small talk. Whatever the two were talking about, the mood was light between them and he had Dambi laughing. I furrowed my brows. “It was Aron?” I asked in disbelief. Were they friends now? Since when? The last I remembered, JR was terrified of him.

“Both of them helped… Dambi volunteered her studio and set up. Aron brought everyone here and I had him check up on you to see if our plans were still solid… He also got the cake. I’m sorry about going behind your back like that.”

“JR, you’ve got to stop apologizing. Everything is fine. I love it, really, I do. Thank you so much.” I gratefully smiled at him. JR’s face grew a bright tint of red before he nervously nodded. Just then I watched as Minhyun approached Aron and Dambi and the three of them exchanged words before Dambi shortly excused herself. The two of them shared a brief conversation before Minhyun left him, stepping outside of the studio. Now that he had been left alone, Aron rejoined the group and started a conversation with another model. I blinked. What had all of that been about? As I was about to turn and ask him, he stepped away and caught Lizzy’s attention, asking her something which seemed to annoy her.

“FOR THE LAST TIME, I WON’T TELL YOU HOW OLD I AM!!!” Lizzy declared, running away. Aron outstretched his hand.

“But noona!” He teased, following her.

“AGH!!!” Lizzy retreated and hid behind Raina who had been standing around idly, cutely sipping a can of soda through a straw and minding her own business when she had been interrupted. Once Aron had stopped in front of her, Raina released the straw from and admiringly stared up at him.

“My goodness, you’re beautiful. It’s like god spent just a little bit more time on you.” Raina replied, eyeing him preciously. Although her remark had caught Aron off guard, he didn’t spare a moment to respond.

“Haha, I guess he did, didn’t he???” He laughed, raising his arm and scratching behind his neck. I walked up to them with JR following closely behind and paused beside Aron.

“Have some modesty, Aron.” I pleaded him. Lizzy suddenly shoved Raina in her shoulder.

“Don’t go barking up that tree. I’ve already asked around. All the guys here are taken or gay!” Lizzy pouted. “It’s like no one wants to love Lizzy!” She cried. Raina turned to her.

“I love you, Lizzy!”

“Should we become lesbians together?” Lizzy suggested.

“If we must!” Raina cried out loud and the two shared a dramatic embrace, stealing the attention of every straight but taken male model in the room. A small circle of men slowly started to crowd around them before Nana pushed her way through and grabbed the both of them by their shirt collars, dragging them out with her.

“You two vultures feed off of each other, I swear!” Nana muttered before the three of them disappeared. Now that it was just the three of us, Aron cackled, amused by the situation that had just happened before us.

“JR told me what you did for me. I just wanted to say thanks. It really means a lot.” I thanked him. Aron glanced at me before fully turning around. He folded his arms across his chest and smirked.

“Hey, no sweat, man. I figure I owed the both of you a solid.” He vaguely replied. I tilted my head to the side.

“Huh?” I asked. Could he be referring to how I helped him get back together with Minhyun and the time JR had driven him home because he had been too drunk? Aron smirked again then silently shook his head.

“Look, I’m not dumb enough not to see where this is going. The night you left the club early, it was to meet JR, wasn’t it?” He asked. I stared at him with wide eyes full of shock. Aron laughed. “Well that look says it all then! Damn, it really was, huh? I mean, I somewhat suspected something when JR said he wanted to throw you a birthday party, not to mention the Netflix and Chill you wanted to arrange-”

“SHUT IT!” I instinctively reached over and placed my hands over Aron’s lips in front of a very confused looking JR.

“Netflix… and chill?” JR asked. I glanced back at him with pleading eyes.

“Don’t ask… please, don’t ask.” I begged him. Suddenly Minhyun stepped back inside of the studio carrying a gift bag, dangling it out in front for me to take, momentarily distracting me. I released my hold on Aron’s face and reluctantly took the bag from Minhyun. “You didn’t have to-”

“Then give it back.” Minhyun responded in his usual cold tone of voice, making it difficult to tell if he was joking or not. I studied the look on his face for a brief second. When I saw the small, almost nonexistent smile on his face, I finally realized it was a joke then nervously laughed. Minhyun rolled his eyes and sighed. “Open it.” He urged me. I nodded then slowly opened up the bag, reaching inside and removing a large red, white and black striped silk and cotton Hermes scarf. My jaw draped open and I nearly dropped the bag.

“T-T-This is Hermes!” I stuttered, holding the scarf valued at over $400 still in my hands.

“Don’t say you won’t accept it. It didn’t cost me a thing. Hermes was the brand I started off in and that scarf happened to have been something gifted to me by the designer themselves-” I didn’t even let Minhyun finish his sentence before cheerfully leaping onto him and wrapping my arms around his tall, frail body. There was no way I was going to refuse this gift, especially one so sentimental from a person like him. A startled look spread over Minhyun’s face before he awkwardly patted me on the back. Aron suddenly and very loudly cleared his throat.

“Ok! I’ve made up my mind then. Because I don’t intent to share Min, I’m going to set you up with JR!” Aron declared, surprising both me and JR who had wrongly made the decision to accept a drink from Dambi at that moment and take a sip. JR nearly choked on his own soda when he heard Aron’s remark. Dambi started to roughly pat JR on the back to help him breathe. I released Minhyun and turned to face Aron, my face red with embarrassment.

“Will you stop it?” I pleaded him.

“Relax! What are you so embarrassed about? You’re the one who invited him over for Netflix and Chill!” He once again brought up that horrible, horrible phrase.

“Again, will you please stop it?” By now I was dying from humiliation. Once JR finally recovered from choking, he stood back up straight and turned around to face Aron.

“What is that term?” JR innocently asked. The evilest, cruelest smirk that I had ever seen spread across Aron’s lips as he walked up to him and linked his arm over JR’s shoulders.

“You wanna know what that is? I’ll tell you what it is!” Aron grinned while JR still remained standing clueless.

“NO!” I screamed.

“It’s Minhyun’s favorite pastime activity!” Aron declared.

“NO!” Now it was Minhyun’s turn to scream with me.

“You see, JR, it’s what happens when two very bored adults-” Before Aron could go any further, Dambi suddenly grabbed JR’s drink from out of his hand and splashed it in Aron’s face, stopping him. Aron froze in horror after being doused in soda. Dambi innocently feigned ignorance.

“Oops! Did I just do that? Clumsy me!” She nervously laughed before handing the empty can to Raina and removing Aron’s arm from over JR’s shoulders, bringing it around her own. “Here, why don’t I help you take care of that?” She replied, starting to lead the willing brunette with her to the back of the studio. Before passing us, Aron excitedly glanced over at Minhyun.

“She’s touching me!!!” He bragged. Minhyun annoyingly rolled his eyes before turning his head away from them and the two disappeared. Nana sighed.

“Now that the awkward nightmare is over, how about some music?” She replied, walking over towards the stereo in the corner of the room and switching it on. EXID’s ‘Hot Pink’ started playing and everyone broke off into their own groups. I placed the scarf back into the bag and safely secured it on the front desk before returning to Nana, Lizzy, Raina, and Minhyun who were gathered around JR. Both Lizzy and Raina were standing on opposite sides of JR, shaking their hips and trying to get JR to dance with them. JR bashfully held his head down. Nana’s eyes lit up as I approached them and she quickly moved forward and took me by both hands, pulling me towards her. “See? Ren will dance with us, won’t you, Ren?” She tried using me to persuade JR to move. I eagerly nodded.

“Definitely!” I replied, starting to shake in unison with Nana without a care in the world. Lizzy and Raina rocked their shoulders and their hips to the music, nudging JR to dance with them. When JR finally looked up and noticed that I was having a blast dancing together with the girls, he gave me a surprised look as if he hadn’t expected me to do something so bold, even though bold was my middle name – well, figuratively speaking, that was. Nana started to dance to the girl group member Hani’s routine, striking poses and swiveling her hips with fearless talent. I smirked then started to mirror her dance moves side by side, only using far more confidence and performing with more charisma than she was able to produce, owning the song. While I danced I could feel JR’s eyes on me the entire time, but I didn’t care. I wanted him to watch me just as much as I wanted him to join me. The four of us continued to dance until the song was over without any success of JR joining. Once it ended I sighed in defeat and stopped dancing despite the fact the girls were already dancing to the next song. I frowned. I had really wanted to see JR dance…

“Are you ok…?” JR suddenly asked, clearly not understanding why I was upset. I was frustrated that he just couldn’t get past his shyness enough to let loose and have fun. Not to mention when he had said earlier that he wanted to come to Dambi’s studio for her last class, I had thought that had implied that he would dance. Apparently that wasn’t the case. I silently shook my head and walked away. I needed to put some distance between us before I accidentally snapped at him. Luckily JR hadn’t followed me. I stopped at the back of the studio and leaned with my back against one of the mirrored walls. Dambi suddenly stepped out from the back room with Aron and noticed my disappointment.

“What’s wrong, kiddo?” She asked, stopping beside me.

“I thought… well, I don’t know what I thought, thinking that JR would actually dance and have some fun. Was I being too hopeful?” I sullenly asked her. Dambi paused for a moment before laughing at me.

“Sweetie, it’s all about the music.” She simply replied. I glanced up at her.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’re not going to get him to dance to a girl group song like ‘Hot Pink.’ He’s beyond that skill level. You have to play something more his style.” Dambi said. Aron tilted his head to the side.

“What’s exactly his style?” He asked. An evil smirk slowly spread across Dambi’s lips.

“You’ll see.” She replied, making her way across the studio and towards the stereo where she stood for several minutes, scrolling through songs on the iPod. When she found the song she was looking for, she hit play, interrupting the currently playing song before confidently strutting towards the center of the studio. The sounds of whistles and a fast beat accompanied by the loud voice of B.A.P’s Daehyun poured out from the speakers of the room, playing ‘Hurricane.’ Dambi skillfully dipped and swerved around, taking a step forward and swinging her long arms up, to the right and then downwards, dancing to the music. Several seconds into the song I glanced over at JR who seemed to have a conflicted look on his face as if he were having an internal battle with himself. Judging by the way he was starting to lean forward, I could tell that something had awakened inside of him and was bursting at the seams to get out. I crossed my fingers and held my breath, eagerly watching him. Come on, JR. Just do it. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks for once and be bold and alive…

Once the beat of the music picked up towards the one minute mark, my biggest wish surprisingly came true. JR suddenly and very excitedly stepped forward and stood to the right of Dambi, taking his position and joining in late into the song. He jumped up and down with Dambi, moving his arms forward and backward over his head while skillfully matching his footwork with her. A big grin spread across Dambi’s lips before she stepped backwards and behind him, letting him take the center stage while opting to be the supporting dancer. JR flawlessly took over. As he danced, I spotted possibly the biggest smile I had ever seen coming from him across his face. Towards the ending of the song, Minhyun walked around the edges of the room to stand by me and Aron while we watched the two of them together. Suddenly the beat of the music slowed and both Dambi and JR started to freestyle and breathtakingly break dance. I shared the same look of shock with Aron and Minhyun. All three of our mouths dropped as we watched JR, the quiet, shy journalist move around the dance studio like a beast with the support and encouragement of Dambi. The beat picked up one last final time and the two rejoined and moved in synchronization until it was over. When the last note poured out from the speaker Dambi stepped back from JR and started clapping her hands. Both Aron and I didn’t spare a second to hysterically join in and clap our hands together with her, starting a round of applause which Minhyun joined and quickly spread across the room. JR paused and slowly looked around the room with wide eyes. Before he could become too embarrassed, I ran up to him and grabbed him by his shoulders, forcing him to jump up and down with me.

“OH MY GOD, YOU WERE AMAZING, JR!!!” I practically screamed at him, feeling star struck. JR awkwardly smiled at me. “I mean, seriously! How long have you been hiding all of that under there?!?!” I replied after having been completely impressed by his hidden talent. I felt my heart starting to beat faster for him. Seeing this whole new side of him was a wake-up call for me. Back when he was moving on the dance floor, he had this air of confidence around him which I had never really had the opportunity of seeing before. He looked like an entirely different person out there, like someone who was fearless and knew what he was doing. He was cool, he was daring – I was falling even harder for him.

“It’s been there all along.” Dambi proudly replied, folding her arms across her chest and smiling. “Hasn’t it, JR?”

“I mean… I guess… I don’t know…” JR was flustered.

“Holy , that was cool, huh, Min?” Aron crudely replied, playfully punching JR in his left shoulder. Minhyun coolly nodded.

“Indeed it was.” Minhyun complimented him. A surprised look spread across JR’s face before he smiled and bowed. I looked at the two of them and silently thanked them for supporting him by encouraging him for coming out of his shell. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but Dambi apparently knew what made JR tick and got him to do it. And it probably meant a lot coming from two models that had been known to mock him before in the past to suddenly now compliment him. For the next hour and a half at the party that Dambi, JR and Aron had thrown inside of Dambi’s studio, everyone freely danced along to the music and thoroughly enjoyed themselves, eating cake. When it was finally over, Dambi wished me a final happy birthday before sending me on my way home. JR accompanied me on the bus ride back, sitting beside me in the back seat as I took the right window seat once again.

“I had the best time tonight, JR.” I thanked him. JR humbly nodded.

“I’m glad…” His voice suddenly trailed off as he stared down at the gift bag that I had received from Minhyun. “Oh… I didn’t get you a gift… I’m sorr-”

“Are you serious? You gave me the biggest birthday gift of all! You threw me a surprise party and you even danced; it can’t get any better than that. Really, you did enough. I don’t need any more from you.” I tried to reassure him. JR slowly nodded.

“That’s good… I’m happy you had a great time. It’s already late. Sorry that we didn’t get around to doing anything that we had originally planned.” He continued to apologize. I lightly sighed then smiled.

“Stop apologizing! It’s fine; it’s not like we can’t sit around and watch movies at any other time.” I casually replied, thinking nothing of it. That’s right. We were going to watch movies and nothing else. It was a purely innocent plan, not dirty like how Aron kept insisting-

“Did you still want to?” JR suddenly asked, making me pause. I felt my heart pounding loudly and roughly inside of my chest. I furrowed my brows and slowly turned my head to my left to face him.

“H-Huh?” I nervously asked. JR himself had already established that it was late, too late to be doing anything productive like watch a movie in its entirety. Unless… that wasn’t what JR was implying? Was he implying anything? I could hardly think straight anymore. My heart was racing so fast that I felt like I would be losing consciousness anytime soon. Calm down, Ren. First find out the meaning behind his words, if there is one. JR awkwardly glanced down into his lap.

“Ren… I need to be honest with you.” He suddenly said. Oh god. What was happening? Was I right? Had JR really been implying something, and instead of wasting time with me guessing, he was going to jump straight to it and ask? He had been increasingly braver these days… I slowly nodded.

“Y-Yeah?”

“After tonight, I’m going to become awfully busy again… I’m not sure when the next time will be when I can see you again. That’s why if there’s anything else you want to do tonight, please, tell me.” JR replied. My heart stopped and sank to the bottom of my stomach. So that wasn’t it then. I furrowed my brows once again and shifted my gaze down into my lap.

“O-Oh? Is that so…?” I couldn’t help not hiding my disappointment. Today, of all times, this definitely wasn’t what I was expecting or hoping to hear. I tightly pursed my lips together in hurt. My chest tightened and more throat grew sore. “Dammit… That really … I knew our time together this time would be short lived, but even I didn’t think that it would be that short…”

“I’m really sorry, Ren. If I could change any part about this, I would, believe me I would-”

“I’m not ready to let you go yet… Can’t you stay with me a little bit longer?” I asked, my broken heart desperately trying to keep itself from snapping in half. JR paused, staring at me.

“How much is a little longer?” He asked before the bus came to a stop in front of the closest station near my apartment building complex. I slowly glanced up from my lap and turned to look at him. My heart was aching. This situation felt unreal. Right after returning from a fun filled evening, I was met with the possibility of the uncertainty of when I would get to see him next, right as things were finally starting to pick up between us and we were finally getting somewhere? My heart wasn’t ready for this, not when I was absolutely crazy, head over heels for him.

“… Do you want to come inside?” I searched deep inside of me to find the courage to ask as the doors to the bus swung open. When at the beginning of the day I was desperately trying to avoid alone time with him, now I was suddenly craving it. If I was going to be forced to go an uncertain amount of time without seeing him, I at least wanted to try something, anything now, even if it were just a hug. I needed that small emotional piece of him with me if I was to be expected to survive such a trying time without him. A dark, serious look spread over JR’s face as he stare at me. For a couple of seconds the both of us sat there in silence. Despite his lack of a response, I remained determined, unshaken. There were only two answers to my questions, yes or no. At least if he was going to turn me down, he had to do it here. There was no running away from it now. JR slowly parted his lips to speak.

“Ren-”

“Do you want to come inside?” I repeated my question, feeling absolutely terrified that he was about to reject me.

“… Do you think it would be a good idea?” He suddenly asked me. He must have understood the weight of the question I had just dealt him. I quickly nodded.

“Just come in… for a little while. Please?” I asked him one last time. JR paused once again. The bus driver impatiently honked his horn and yelled at us to get off. JR quickly stood and held his right hand out for mine. I briefly stared down at his open palm before placing my left hand in his. He grabbed me and then pulled me up to my feet. I snatched the gift bag with the scarf before climbing off the bus with him and stepping onto the sidewalk. The bus quickly sped away, leaving the two of us standing on the side of the street alone in the middle of the night. I stared at JR, still waiting for his answer which seemed to take forever to come. He finally spoke.

“I’ll walk you to your door.” He sternly replied. The last bit of hope that my heart had been clinging to had dissipated right before my eyes. I tried to smile to hide my disappointment and heartbreak. Don’t become an even bigger mess in front of him, Ren. Just don’t do it. Respect his decision and live with it. Live with the fact that he just gave you the best day of your life and ended it in possibly the worst way ever. Just live with it.

“Ok.” I replied, trying to disguise the hurt in my voice. After he released my hand, I turned my back to him and started to make my way towards the building. The short walk was spent in silence, as expected. When we reached my building, the two of us climbed up the staircase and came to a stop in front of my door. Without turning back to him, I took my key out and unlocked it. “Bye, JR. I’ll see you next time, whenever that is.” I murmured then pushed open the door. As I was about to step through it, he grabbed me by my left shoulder, stopping me.

“Ren,” His voice sounded hurt. I paused then slowly turned around to face him.

“You have my attention.”

“Is that really it?” JR quietly asked.

“Is what it?” I asked, giving him the cold shoulder.

“All that you want to say to me!” He emotionally snapped, surprising me. I stared at him with wide eyes before sullenly forcing myself to look away and off to the side.

“Just what is it that I’m supposed to say?” I asked, glancing back at him through the corners of my eyes. “You keep telling me to be patient. You keep telling me to wait, but I’m so confused as to what I’m supposed to be waiting for anymore. You do one thing but you say another…”

“What do you mean…?” He asked. It bothered me how he could be so clueless. The last time he told me to wait, he said that he would contact me when he became something great. But yet he contacted me just recently… had he already accomplished his mission of becoming something great? Judging by how he asked me to wait once more, apparently he hadn’t. It had me wondering though if this was just an excuse. He hugged me once and then he had to go away. Now that he kissed my hand and gave me an amazing birthday, he suddenly had to leave again. In what world did this make sense?

“You’re the one that doesn’t want to see me anymore!” I exclaimed through frustrated tears, finally turning back to face him. JR hysterically shook his head.

“No, that’s not it!”

“Then what, JR? What is it? Is it really work? Are you really that busy?” I paused for a moment. “You won’t even tell me what we are…” I started to softly cry. “You know… it’s okay to be scared of something new. But at least admit it… please. It’s really unbearable.” I begged him, not sure of how much more my heart could take.

“Of course I’m scared, Ren. It’s not just this – everything is new to me, but I’m here! I’m here, aren’t I…? If it weren’t for you, I would have never even thought to leave my apartment outside of fashion shows. It’s not just you I’m scared of, but everything. I’m trying, Ren, I’m really trying… please, give me some credit. Do you really think that I don’t think of you, that I don’t want to see you? I want to see you… I want to see you like crazy too!” JR heatedly exclaimed. “For god’s sakes, you’re all I ever think about!”

“Prove it!” I dared in a haze of emotionally distraught feelings. JR stepped forward and glared at me. The two of us met eyes and locked agitated gazes. I wasn’t sure what happened next. I wasn’t sure if it was either him, I, or both of us that had leaned forward. At the moment our lips had touched I out for a couple of seconds. When I returned, all I knew was that his arms were wrapped around my waist and mine around his neck, pulling him in closer to me. He didn’t fight me. Instead he pulled my waist closer to him, crushing his lips harder onto mine. I took a few steps backwards into my apartment. Before the two of us clumsily traveled into the living room, JR shut the door with his foot, kicking it closed. As the back of my legs hit the couch, I fell backwards with him on top of me. I tossed the gift bag I had been carrying to the side of the room and cupped both sides of his face in my hands. I pulled him in closer and parted his lips with my tongue and he allowed me entrance. I felt him curiously begin to wander my mouth with the tip of his tongue. As he did so, I squeezed my bent knees and thighs around his hips. I had been so caught up in the heat of the moment that I hadn’t even noticed that his hands had begun to wonder down my chest, softly groping the sides of my waist and hips. He slid his fingertips underneath the hem of my black sweater and caressed my stomach. As I felt his bare skin on mine I momentarily pulled away from the kiss and gasped in shock, not having expected any of this from him. JR leaned forward and reclaimed my lips, continuing to explore my stomach with his hands and traveling up to my chest, never once traveling lower than my naval. I felt him press his entire body even deeper into me. Before I knew it, we had picked up a slow paced rhythm between us, grinding our bodies closer together as we continued our passionate kiss. It wasn’t long until my own body began to grow excited from all of the stimulated and neither did JR’s. When he suddenly grew aware of it, he paused in the middle of our kiss and pulled back and away sitting up on the other end of the couch. He placed both of his hands over his crotch and stared down into the floor with wide, panicked eyes, almost too ashamed to look at me.

“I’m sorry.” He immediately apologized. I slowly sat up with tousled hair and stared at him, a bit disappointed that he had brought things to a halt so early. But I also knew that I had to be understanding. This wasn’t only JR’s first time with another man, but it was probably his first time ever, period.

“You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to do. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I replied, trying to be sensitive and reassuring towards him. JR shook his head in somewhat of a trance.

“I did do something wrong… I didn’t even know what I was doing. I’m so sorry… Forgive me, please… I shouldn’t have done that… God, I shouldn’t have done that…” His regretful voice trailed off. It pained me to see how remorseful he had been over an act we had both agreed upon, but even more so to know that somehow in his mind it wasn’t right. If he wasn’t ready, then why did he allow himself to go so far? He should have stopped himself if he felt it was wrong. At least that way I wouldn’t have ended up feeling horrible, guilty and disgusting about myself. What he said just now – it was cruel. I hadn’t pictured that our possible first kiss would end in something like this… Then again, who would?

“That’s incredibly hurtful, JR…” I replied, starting to feel the tears return to my eyes. When he heard my comment towards his remark it must have suddenly hit him how horrible he had been and he quickly turned to face me with a fearful look in his eyes.

“That’s not what I meant-”

“Do you view me as some sort of mistake?” I felt the walls of my world start crumbling down around me. I would expect this type of behavior from anyone but you… Not you… You were supposed to be different. You were supposed to be innocent and kind. Was I wrong about you…?

“No, Ren, I think you’ve misunderstood. That’s not it-”

“Misunderstood? The first thing you said was ‘sorry,’ followed by ‘god, I shouldn’t have done that.’ Tell me what I’m supposed to think after the person I just got done making out with, the person I’m absolutely crazy about, said those kinds of things to me.”

“I didn’t want to do this now-”

“But you did. You can’t take that back…” My voice shook. He really did regret it. I felt like I was seconds away from having an anxiety attack, something which I hadn’t had since the day I was almost forced to drive Aron back home.

“You don’t understand. This wasn’t supposed to happen until later.” He replied, sounding as if he wanted to cry as well. There was another painful moment of silence between us. When I glanced into his eyes I could see the sorrowful expression and the tears that threatened to fall. I leaned my forehead into the palm of my left hand and rested my elbow into my knee. I hated feeling this way. I hated fighting with him. The guilt of hurting his feelings was too much for me to handle even despite the fact that what he had said to me was a thousand times more hurtful.

“If not now, when?”

“I can’t… tell you.”

“JR, I’m trying to hold my patience with you and be understanding but you’re not making it any easier. Why? Why can’t you tell me?” I tested myself by calmly trying to say this. JR shifted his gaze down into his lap.

“… To protect you.” He suddenly said. I quietly stared at him for a long and hard while before finally speaking up.

“… For me?” I asked almost cynically, finding it hard to believe.

“It’s not something I can tell you right now, but if you wait-”

“Enough!” I snapped at him. “I have always considered myself a patient guy. I’ve spent most of my time waiting. Waiting to recover, waiting to become a model, even waiting for love. Everything – everything that I have ever waited for I’ve always considered worthwhile, you included. You always tell me to wait and I do, but why… after being told so many times that I can’t see you, I can’t hear you, you’ll see me later – why can’t it ever be now? You have to protect me? What is there to protect me from other than you?!” I screamed at him. “You’re the one that causes me constant heartbreak…” I cried. JR gave me a lost, utterly devastated look in return. I watched as his bottom lip trembled as he attempted to speak.

“… Do you… really think that?” He tearfully asked.

“Right now, at this moment right here and now – it hurts more than the accident and surgeries combined.”  Several tears streamed down my cheeks. My words seemed to hit him hard. JR slowly and shakily stood up from the couch, turning his back to me while quietly making his way towards the door. I sat frozen in dread and horror. “What are you doing???” I asked. Once JR reached the door handle, he paused then glanced back at me over his shoulder.

“… I have to go…” He replied, his small frame trembling from the sobs he was desperately trying to suppress but was failing. “I have to leave you alone… so that you can be okay again…”

“You can’t leave!” I exclaimed then watched as he pulled open the door and stepped outside into the hallway. “We have to fix this!!! JR!” I screamed as I watched him close the door behind him. “Kim Jonghyun, if you leave like this, I’ll really never see you again! I swear it!!! Come back here!!!” I desperately called out to him then waited. Several seconds passed by in silence with no trace of JR coming back. I brought both hands to my face and sobbed hysterically. He wasn’t coming back… JR really wasn’t coming back… I’d never get to see him again. Everything between us, everything – it was simply lost in the matter of a single day. I grabbed both sides of my head to keep the world around me from spinning before suddenly shooting up to my feet. I couldn’t accept this any more than I could bear the thought of JR not being in my life at all anymore. I opened and ran out the door and down the stairs and to the empty side of the street. I whirled around, looking for any trace of him. He was gone, leaving me feeling alone, useless and unwanted. I brought my right arm over my eyes and continued to loudly sob like a child. It wasn’t the part about what he had said to me or even JR leaving that stung the most right now – it was that he didn’t even try to fix it.