Chapter 04

(Taeyeon's POV)

Baekhyun’s been quiet the whole drive to the cabin. I kept stealing glances at him whenever his phone buzzed. He wouldn’t take it. He would just scowl every time it buzzed to life. I didn’t bother asking him if he’ll ever get it. Knowing Baek, he’d answer on the first call if he wanted to and never if he didn’t. And this one, it’s the latter. I’ve known the guy for long to figure out who’s calling him.

The air was still filled with silence when we arrived here in the cabin. We put our bags in our rooms without muttering a word and thirty minutes later, we’re here in the lounge as couch potatoes watching a hockey game on TV. Though I don’t know if Baekhyun’s watching, he’s more like staring into space than paying attention to the puck that’s being chased around. I want to break this silence because it’s getting boring. As much as I enjoy watching hockey and the hot-but-most-are-taken-not-like-I-had-the-chance players in the rink, I can’t magically teleport myself there and be with the crowd because my companion seems to be…quiet. I finally decided to tap his jean-clad knee. Baekhyun turned his head to my side and met my eyes.

“You’re awfully quiet.” I said. “Mind telling me why?”

He smiled slightly and sighed. “She kept calling.” And by she, I think…? Yeah, that’s probably her.

“What does she want? Not that I’m not being nosy, just curious.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, which he has been doing a lot lately, and shrugged like it’s no big deal. “She wanted to go out some time.”

Oh? What’s so bad about that? He said nothing’s going on with them anymore, right? And even if there’s a tiny ugly feeling bubbling inside me, it’s not like he’s my boyfriend that I could say NO, DON’T GO OUT WITH HER – and that’s really silly for me to say anyway. “So? What seems to be the problem then?”

“Apparently she asked if we could see each other sometime and see where it’s going because she missed me. Us. Now don’t get me wrong, she really is nice and I know we fooled around back then.” He paused for a bit and I surprised myself that I’m on the edge, waiting for whatever is next. “But she kept asking, that’s the problem, and I kept saying no. I’m afraid the next thing she’s gonna do is call and I don’t want to be rude by ignoring it. If I answer, tell her it’s still a no, and she’d still ask, then there’s definitely something wrong. I don’t want to hurt her in the end because I don’t want to go there.”

“Why not? You said she’s nice and you two could still click if you go out.” Oh my God. Am I serious? I liked this guy for so damn long and now I’m trying to tell him to date his…friend? I’m also hurting myself in this process if he finally obliged.

“I don’t know. I’m not looking for a relationship right now actually.” He set his eyes on the TV again and I’m thankful he did because I just stiffened for not more than five seconds. He doesn’t want a relationship right now. Right now. But how long is right now? And what exactly am I longing for if he doesn’t even want to be in one?  God, we’re not even a boyfriend-girlfriend thing leading to a break-up but I feel like he just crushed my heart and–

“I have someone in mind and I don’t know if she feels the same but I’m gonna make my move.” He turned and grinned at me. “That’s why I said no to Bomi because some girl already had my heart.”

Oh nice, my already crushed heart just got crushed over again.

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I moved around in bed facing to one side then to another then to my back, repeat. I can’t sleep and my heart is still pounding like I just ran a marathon and there’s no finish line. I asked Baekhyun who she was but then he stood up and changed the subject to what we’ll have for dinner. He was evading my question and it saddens me that he doesn’t share it to me, his best friend. I don’t want to pry anymore because if I do, I know I’ll just hurt myself.

So here I am, lying wide awake, staring at the ceiling. I glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table and it’s already quarter to twelve midnight. I try not to think about it and I let my mind focus on the strong wind rattling the windo