I saw that Kyuhyun woke up and I act like I was sleeping. He turned to me and whispered my name.

“Zhou-Mi… What… Ah, Siwon-“ It broke my heart to hear mine and his name in one sentence. He stood up and took his clothes. But he came back to me and kissed my cheek. “Zhou-Mi…” he said but he didn’t end his sentence. I wanted to say something but I didn’t lose my control and let him go. After I couldn’t hear his voice anymore I stood up and went into my room. There I pressed my head in my pillow again and screamed. There where so many words I wanted to say but not only one word left my mouth.

“Kyuhyun…” I said. In my mind was his face. He smiled at me but I still cried. If I will be brave enough I would talk to Kyuhyun and confess him what I feel. But I’m not. I need some help and a lot of courage.

-

After some time I calmed down and sat on my bed. Leeteuk knocked on my door and opened it.

“Zhou-Mi, we need to practice. Will you come with us?”

“I will, just need a few minutes more.” Leeteuk nodded and left the room. I sighed and took my things with me and left my room as well. Leeteuk waited for me and left the dorm with me. After we walked a few meters he looked at me.

“Is something wrong with you? You look awful. Can I help you.” YES! You can!

“No, I’m alright. “

“Is it because of Siwon and Kyuhyun? Are you hurt?” A few moments I didn’t know what I should say but then I noticed that it’ll be senseless when I lying on Leeteuk. So I nodded. “I know that you’re hurt, Zhou-Mi. You are hurt like Donghae. But Siwon is a guy who changes is mind very fast. The first moment he wants Kyuhyun but right in the other one he wants Donghae back. The question is why. Donghae doesn’t want Siwon to sleep with him that’s why he always takes Kyuhyun. But Siwon doesn’t love him at all. Kyuhyun should be just a toy for . And Kyuhyun allowed him to do this, because he is also hurt. That’s all I know. Does it help?” He asked. But I need to understand what he said first. Kyuhyun is just a toy? How can that be? How can he want that?

“Leeteuk, I don’t understand what is going on here. So, Siwon likes Donghae but Donghae don’t want to have with him so Siwon screw Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun does it with no reason and I’m hurt. Donghae is hurt as well because he doesn’t want Siwon doing this. And last night he asks me whether we should do the same like Siwon and Kyuhyun. What’s wrong?” I told him confused but he just looked at me and didn’t know what’s to say.

“Maybe… Donghae is too weak to tell Siwon what he really wants. Or … I don’t know. If Donghae and Siwon are peaceful with each other, you can try to find your way to Kyuhyun. It might be hard but you are strong enough, you will handle it.” I nodded but Leeteuk forgot that I’m not. If I will be strong enough I would came into the room of Siwon and had thrown Siwon down. But I hadn’t. Where the hell am I strong enough?

 I started crying.

Crying because of my weakness.

Crying because I don’t want to lose Kyuhyun.

Crying because Leeteuk took my hand and hugged me.

“It’s okay… Please stop crying, please. I’ll help you. I’ll take your hand and will reach your goal with you. So please don’t give up.” I looked at him.

“Seriously?” He nodded and smiled. “Thank you hyung.” I said and cuddled with him.