“Come on, hyung, it wasn’t your fault.”

“It was!! If only I didn’t ask him to come with me, if only I didn’t park at that spot we would’ve – he would’ve –“

“Kim Minseok, you better start putting your s together. It was an accident, what part that you don’t understand?! An accident. Hyung, you have to be strong for him. If you feel guilty for it, then at least be strong for him.”

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Jongdae, I… I can’t lose him too. Not after I’ve lost Ryung…”

“… I know.”

“Sehun, I’m so sorry… Sehun, Se – “

===

“ – hun, Sehun! Hey, wake up, Sehun!”

He struggles to open his eyes, and when he finally does, they sting badly. He then realizes that his entire body is drenched in cold sweat. He tries to calm down his ragged breaths, and when he can finally focuses on the surroundings, he find Luhan looking down at him in pure worry.

“Gosh, you scared me.” Luhan sighs heavily. “Here, let me help you to sit up. You need to drink some water.”

Letting his upper body to be supported by Luhan’s hands, Sehun tries to stop his hands from trembling. It’s like electricity had jolted through his veins. Luhan presses the tip of the glass against his bottom lip, and Sehun gladly takes in a few gulps. The water really helps, in the end. The liquid soothes his insides.

The expected question of ‘are you okay now?’ never came from Luhan’s lips. When Sehun looks up at him, his expression is calm. But Luhan’s eyes are locked on him, as if ready to do whatever he needs to if somehow Sehun breaks down again. It’s like Luhan’s already used to tend someone who just woke up from a very ugly nightmare.

Sehun finds it more meaningful than a cliché question.

“Let me know if you’re ready to sleep again.” Luhan says quietly, as quiet as the night air.

Nodding slowly, Sehun looks down over the blanket. “Are you staying?” he unknowingly asks.

“I am.” It’s like Luhan had expected him to ask that and already knew the answer to it.

Sehun slowly inhales a deep breath before he exhales again, pushing all his trembling away. His breaths fall into a slow rhythm, and all along the silence, Luhan never moves an inch. He stays still as Sehun does, he looks up when Sehun occasionally coughs. It’s quite warming, how Luhan hasn’t said something like ‘it’s fine, you’ll be alright’, yet his presence alone had cured the fright in Sehun’s heart.

After a while more, finally Sehun decides that he shouldn’t make Luhan stay for too long. He maybe had woken Luhan up from his sleep, and he feels guilty of it. But then he notices something inquiring. “How did you know I was having a bad dream?”

It seems like Luhan is hesitating to answer. “You were groaning. More like you want to scream yet something’s holding you back.”

“Did I wake the others?”

Luhan shakes his head. “No. It was just me. I’m kind of a light sleeper, after all.”

“… sorry.”

“Geez, what are you saying?” Luhan offers a soft grin at him. “You’re ready to sleep now?”

Sehun nods. “Thank you, hyung.”

He doesn’t fall asleep even after the sun starts to rise high.

===

Zitao is a chatter box.

Sehun notices how even breakfast could be crowded just by Zitao’s non-stop blabbers. Luhan appears to be annoyed by it although Sehun kind of knows he actually adores his younger brother’s brightness. Liu looks like she really enjoys her sons being loud, laughing occasionally as Zitao stresses the life out of his gege.

“You’re really a quiet person, Sehun.” Zitao says, waking him up from his reverie. “It’s kind of fresh to see you after all this time of having a grumpy Lu ge on the table.”

“Kid you really don’t want to push your luck with me.”

“Are you okay?” Liu asks in genuine concern. “You look pale.”

Sehun gulps quietly as three sets of eyes are looking at him. “Just a bad dream.” he murmurs.

If he notices how Luhan and Liu go meaningfully silent, he doesn’t show it. “Poor you! Here, have more chicken!” Zitao coos as he drops a big slice of roasted chicken on the top of his rice on the bowl. “Delicious breakfast is the best cure to bad dreams! Oh, and milk too. Aren’t I right, ge?”

Luhan gives a half smile half grimace. “Yeah.”

“Lu ge used to have bad dreams too.” Zitao says casually. “Well it was a pretty long while ago, I think. Right, ma? Remember when we found him on his bed – “

“Taotao, it’s not nice to speak of a terrible past while you eat.” Liu warns gently. “Everyone has had a nightmare for at least once. It’s practically humane.”

Zitao looks down over his bowl before he glances at Sehun and grins sheepishly. Sehun returns it quite the same before he continues to finish his own bowl.

He doesn’t miss the way Luhan doesn’t really touch his food anymore.

===

“You really don’t remember anything, do you?”

Sehun sighs before he nods solemnly. He and Luhan had agreed that they should start putting pieces of Sehun’s memory from the place where he had first waked up yesterday, which was in front of the café. Zitao tagged along with them, but instead of actually thinking together with Luhan and Sehun, he runs off to the park across the street, busy cooing over puppies there.

The three of them are bundled in sweaters and scarves. But one thing Sehun has been noticing ever since he went out of the house is that the air is somewhat still tolerable when it’s supposed to be chilly with the snowflakes still falling. The sky’s not the usual color for winter sky; it’s slightly colored in the softest shade of yellowish glow, and baby blue. Winter sky is supposed to be merry in white and slight grey.

But well, Sehun hasn’t been sure of what he knows ever since yesterday because –

“– it’s absurd.” he grunts. “How can I forget, like, my whole existence before this?? My name can’t be the only thing that was left in my head, right?”

Luhan observes the frustrated look on the latter’s face. “My theory is that you remember a lot, technically. As example, the way to talk, or the way to walk. Simple things like eating, or remembering your favorite food, or to distinct which stranger you can talk to – “

Both of them snort in unison.

“ – and things like picking the outfit that suits your taste. You remember the basics of living. Maybe you just don’t remember specific things like your old school, or your friends, your home address, stuffs like that. I mean, maybe you remember you have parents, but you just can’t picture their faces. You remember you have friends, but you can’t recall their names. You remember you went to school, you just don’t remember which one.”

After that, Sehun casts a look on Luhan. “You’re… right. Your theory makes sense, really.” he says seriously. “How can I not think of that?”

Luhan shrugs innocently. “You’re still messed up. It’s only normal to be dazed for a while.”

Unknowingly wanders his eyes over the sky, Sehun lets out another tired sigh. “This whole thing makes my head feels like being ripped in two.”

“Whoa, easy there.” Luhan chuckles. “Why don’t we sit inside the café to cool our heads down? I’ll orde