He did not know where he was at.

Xiumin was surprised to see me yet again after one of his "adventures" and well I was surprised also to see that he stuck around to actually see me awake. His blank face soon turned into disgust and he quickly rushed to the bathroom. I knew it was the alcohol catching up to him. He finished vomittting. I gave him pills for the headache. He didn't seem to recall anything. He picked himself up, thanked me, and left. I was alone 

And in those alone moments did I truly criticize myself. I was my worst critic. My thougts always went back to xiumin. It seemed that xiumin was not the one texting me to come pick him up rather it was someone who he was with that did so. Nobody wanted to deal with a drunk xiumin and so they checked on his phone and came across my number saved as "Helper". Xiumin probably did not even know my name. The stupidity of it all. I have met with this guy for twice a week for almost two months and he didn't even know my name. meanwhile, I knew somewhat everything about him. To him, I was invisible. But what did I expect, Xiumin is out of my league. Xiumin was a born korean man with round nose, eyes, lips with chessnut brown hair while I was a black girl with brown eyes and an out of control black hair. I was imperfect looking for perfection from the opposite and I was foolish enough to think I will get it.

My feelings were quite much so one-sided and I decided to end it before I became broken.

I changed my number. After so much considerations and scenerios that ran through my mind, I knew it was better to do so. Ofcouse I contacted Kevin and told him I changed my number. Tecnically I didn't really talk to Kevin, I talked to his voicemail but either way I alerted him. I did not do that to xiumin and it was for the best that I did keep away from him.That did prove to be easy since xiumin didn't really attend my university which made me wonder how exactly xiumin was living and where exactly was he living. I tried to keep thoughts out of my mind because they always made me think of xiumin and the night I was brave enough to put my lips and his lips together. And the more I though of it, the more confusing the kiss was. While I was trying to affirm my feelings for Xiumin, he was feeding his lust with whatever was given to him. Few months passed and I didn't hear anything from either xiumin or kevin and that was fine with me. He stayed away and he didn't even know anything about my feelings.