This time when he woke up, he was greeted with a nurse’s bright smile, her hands fixing something with his IV. “Good morning,” she said pleasantly, and he wondered bitterly to himself what was so good about this morning. She finished whatever she was doing and leaned over him, checking his arms and fixing his pillow. “How are you feeling today?” He ignored her as he turned his head, wondering if Bin had switched to his room. His face fell when the empty bed implied he didn’t. 

“Your mother’s come to see you.” 

That got his attention, and he snapped his head back to her, eyes wild and excited. “She did?”

Now the nurse’s smile faded slightly. “Yes, but we need to check with you first. After yesterday…”

Right…yesterday. The yesterday when everyone went crazy and Baek-hyun nearly killed himself. The hospital didn‘t know about the dolls, and to them, the guys had just gone crazy. Of course they would be wary about letting anyone else in. And he realized sadly that he would also count as one of those people. It would be best to turn her away, keep her and him safe. But…

He really wanted to see his mother. 

“Could you…” he asked carefully, a lump forming in his throat, “could you strap me down? Just so I don’t hurt myself,” he added when she looked like she was going to say no. 

“We can’t strap you down,” she said logically, and he knew he was losing. 

“Please,” he pleaded. “I really do want to see her.” 

“Sir, you're still healing. You are in no condition to be strapped down.” She moved to leave and he forced himself to sit. She frowned. “You shouldn’t be moving-”

“I want to see her. If you don’t bring her here, I’ll go myself.”

She sighed exasperatedly, throwing her arms down uselessly. “Sir, you can’t-”

“Then watch me. If I start struggling or hurting myself, take her away. I…I just really want to see her.” The nurse was silent for a long while, and for a second he thought she was going to say no, when she pursed her lips. 

“Fine. I’ll let you. But the moment you look uncomfortable, I’m pulling her out of here.” 

“Thank you!” he shouted happily, and she finally broke a smile as she left. It took a few seconds before the fact that he was finally seeing his mother sunk in, and he realized he probably looked like a mess. He hastily the tips of his fingers as he patted down his hair, leaning over the best he could to grab the glass of water off his table. He splashed the water on his face, hoping it made him look less dead. 

He took a deep breath as he tried to ready himself, preparing himself for the fear that would soon be gripping him. He somehow had to make sure he didn’t react to it. He wasn’t sure how, or if he could, but he wanted it to work more than anything in the world. 

When the door opened, he widened his smile, his stomach knotted, only to groan disappointedly when it was only Bin. Bin reacted to his disappointment, whimpering, and he quickly tried to fix the situation. “Sorry Bin, it’s not that I didn’t want to see you, it’s just I was expecting someone else.” 

Bin frowned as he came over, squatting at his side. “Who’s coming to see hyung?”

“My mother. You should stay, I’m sure she’ll love to meet you.” 

“Don’t hyung,” Bin advised, frowning, “It’s dangerous.” 

“I know,” he sighed, inwardly trying to prepare himself again. “But I really want to see her Bin ah. They’re so many things I want to talk to her about. She still doesn’t know about Seok-jin. Please don’t tell hyung not to.” Surprisingly, Bin didn’t speak again, instead supporting him by taking his hand. 

“Be careful,” Bin whispered, right before he felt his body go stiff, his heart beginning to beat erratically. His senses became hypersensitive, the sound of footsteps nearing his door growing louder and louder. His breath hitched, his fingers and toes flexing. He started breathing heavier, sweating, and he could feel Bin pulling on his arm. “Calm down hyung. Calm down-”

The doorknob turned and he screamed, whipping his arm away from Bin and slapping it over his mouth. He wanted to run, the only thing on his mind was to RUN, but he gripped the railing of his bed like a lifeline. He had to fight it. He had to. The door opened a little wider and he bit his tongue as hard as he could when his mother’s head poked in. She seemed wary, as if afraid he was going to attack her any second, and he could only guess the nurse had already warned her. 

When had his mother grown so old? She looked so tired and frail, as if her body was going to fall apart any second. Her face had so many wrinkles, her eyes sullen and bagged, her skin dried and nowhere near the soft skin that he had always playfully about. Her hair was a ratted mess that she had shoved into a bun, probably having rushed over here the moment she got the call. She smiled warmly at him, her fingers gripping her small purse. 

“Hak-yeon ah,” she said softly, and his whole body hitched, his body screaming at him to get out of there. Both hands gripped the railings this time, and he vaguely felt Bin pushing him down.     

“M-mom,” he stuttered out, that a feat in itself when all he wanted to do was scream. She took a slight step forward, quickly stepping back into the door when he cried out. He didn’t want that, he wanted to hug her and let her comfort him. Was that selfish? He just wanted to be comforted for once. 

“I’m sorry baby,” she rushed, tears prickling her pretty eyes. He hurriedly turned to Bin, hoping it would help calm his racing heart. The urge was getting stronger every second she stood in the room. “If I make you uncomfortable, please tell me. I can wait.” A sob croaked out, and he spared a glance at her, having to hold his breath when she started crying. 

“I’m so happy you’re alive, Hak-yeon ah. I’m happy you’re okay. When that police officer told me that you and Seok-jin died, I was so heartbroken. I didn’t think I could live, but when they called and said they found you-”

“Mom,” he croaked, his voice raspy from how much he was holding his breath, “Seok-jin-”

“I know,” she whispered, her voice so broken. “They said they only found you. While I wish..w-wish Seok-jinnie could be here too, I’m just happy to have you back Hak-yeon.” 

For a second, he debated telling her about how Seok-jin really died; that he and Saet-byul had tried to take his doll apart. That they were the ones who had killed him. But he could see how distraught she was, how hard she tried to appear happy for him. It probably was enough that she was not allowed near him. “Seok-jinnie,” he nearly whispered, “really wanted to go home. He wanted to see you.” 

Now she was openly crying, a hand pressed over . “At least,” she chortled through her fingers, “at least he had you by his side.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said, and now he was crying, though it wasn’t because of his mother. A hand yanked away from the railing, Bin luckily grabbing it before he had a chance to do anything. 

“Hak-yeon,” she said, her eyes looking firmly on their locked hands, “do you think you’ll be able to come home?”

“I-I…” he wanted to. His mind logically wanted to go home. To forget everything that happened. But at the thought of going home, living in the same house as her, to be so close to her…his whole body jerked, forcing him to roll over and grasp both of Bin’s hands to stop himself from jumping out of his bed. He wanted to say yes; yes, yes, yes- but every time he tried it came out as a strangled cry. 

“Hak-yeonnie?” He rolled onto his stomach, the pain only dull in comparison to how much he had to get out of there. Run. Run run run run run- “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to work you up. I’ll come back another time-”

“NO!” he managed to shout out, heaving. “Mom…don’t leave…not yet.”

“Baby, you look like you’re in pain. Mom will come later-”

“Please…wait. Hug…one hug…please? Mom…I want a hug, please.” He could see Bin shake his head, clearly against it, but he didn’t care. Tears sprang to his eyes when his mother tentatively took a couple steps forward, each time watching him carefully. He trembled as he forced himself to roll back over, shakily lifting an arm up to hug her. She still seemed hesitant, one hand testily reaching out to hold his hand. 

That was it. The bubbling that had been growing in the pit of his stomach bubbled over, and he slapped her away. There was no more tongue to bite, screaming as he she stumbled away, his eyes locked on how she watched in horror. “Get away from me!” he shrieked, blood from his tongue running down his chin. 

“Hak-yeon-”

“Shut up! Get out of here! Get away!” She wasted no time running out of the room, the door closing only for a second before the nurse reappeared. He didn’t even register it was a different person, screaming at her all the same. She grabbed at him, pushing away his flailing arms, and he felt a small pinch in his arm. He coughed as his eyes started to close, feeling all his energy leave him. He glanced at the door, his vision blurry, and saw his mother staring at him, tears running down her face.

--

Bin didn’t like seeing Hak-yeon hyung sad; he didn’t like seeing Hak-yeon hyung anything but smiling and happy. Hak-yeon hyung looked the best when he was happy. Hak-yeon hyung looked pretty. 

He didn’t like seeing Hak-yeon hyung sad. That woman made Hak-yeon hyung sad and he hated it, and he wanted to make her disappear. He didn’t like they had to stick a needle in his arm, making Hak-yeon hyung sleep when he had tears on his face. He stayed by Hak-yeon hyung’s side, refusing whenever the others came in. He wouldn’t let Chan-yeol hyung try and get him to eat, he wouldn’t let Lu Han and Zitao hyung try and make him leave, he wouldn’t even let Kyung-soo hyung visit. He didn’t like those hyungs as much as Hak-yeon hyung, and he didn’t want to see them when Hak-yeon hyung needed him. 

Bin was happy when Hak-yeon hyung finally woke up, his pretty eyes blinking and his lips parting as he tried to breathe. “Binnie?” he asked hoarsely. He nodded as he leaned forward so Hak-yeon hyung could see him, feeling happy when he smiled. “I’m sorry that I made you see that. I….I promise I won’t make you see that again.” 

“Hyung is hurt…” he muttered, and he wished he could think of nicer things to say, things that would make Hak-yeon hyung feel happy like how Hak-yeon hyung’s words always made Bin feel happy. Hak-yeon hyung laughed as he lifted a sluggish hand to place it on his head, and Bin liked the feeling. He liked it a lot. 

“The drugs work like magic; I don’t feel a thing.” Bin’s leg tingled and he shifted uncomfortably, hitting his leg to try and make it stop, and Hak-yeon hyung noticed. “How long have you been here?” When he didn’t answer, knowing the answer would make Hak-yeon hyung mad, he added, “Have you been here this whole time?” 

“Sorry…”

“You know,” he said gently, “the others love you a lot. They must be sad that you don’t try and see them.” No, he didn’t want to see the others. He only wanted to see Hak-yeon hyung. Why did Hak-yeon hyung always want him to go with the others? Did he not like Bin? He picked at his nails, something that always kept him calm when he was scared, and Hak-yeon hyung slowly reached out and stopped him. “I didn’t mean it like that. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“I like Hak-yeon hyung…”

“I like you too Binnie.” His heart swelled, a big smile growing on his lips at hearing his Hak-yeon hyung say he likes Bin. He likes it a lot. “But you should visit the others later, okay?” His smile disappeared and he looked away from Hak-yeon hyung, not wanting to show him that he was angry. Hak-yeon hyung didn’t say anything, and he peeked from behind his hair to see him staring at the ceiling sadly. Did Bin make Hak-yeon hyung sad? He pinched his leg and twisted, berating himself for making him sad. 

He poked Hak-yeon hyung’s arm, his hand shaking when he turned and looked at him. “H-hyung…can…can you try?”

“Try what Binnie?”

“Try and call Bin’s name.” Something he said must have been bad, Hak-yeon hyung hurriedly sat up and cried out in pain, Bin having to push him back down to rest. Hak-yeon hyung’s eyes were squeezed shut and all the things around him were beeping so loud, Hak-yeon hyung’s hand squeezing his so tightly Bin wanted to cry out. The machines wouldn’t stop beeping, they were so loud, and he panicked; was Hak-yeon hyung dying? What was happening? He didn’t mean to do this, he didn’t mean it, he didn’t-

“C-calm down Bin.” He felt a tug on his hand and he blinked to see Hak-yeon hyung staring at him, all the things quiet and the only thing Bin can think of is Hak-yeon hyung is holding his hand. “I’m fine.” It took a while to convince him, though he eventually pulled his hands away, noticing guiltily the claw marks on Hak-yeon hyung’s arm. Hak-yeon hyung smiled again. “Now what was it you asked me?” 

He didn’t want to say it again, not when it made his hyung hurt so badly. But Hak-yeon hyung waited patiently, and he didn’t want to make his hyung wait either. “I…can hyung try and say my name?”

“You mean Bin?”

“N-no…my other name.” He didn’t remember that name they told him. He didn’t remember a lot of things. The earliest thing he could remember was her showing him to Saet-byul, and when he slapped her, he was thrown into the basement. They didn’t call him anything in the basement, the dolls who remembered his name had all died at some point or another. He watched them all die, taking little parts of him with them. 

He only knew his name was Bin because she once called him that as he cried while torturing his cellmate. 

He always cried; he couldn’t do anything else for the dolls when they screamed and bled. 

Hong-bin didn’t sound familiar to him at all, and he couldn’t understand why. The others all forgot their names too, but they said their names sounded familiar. Why didn’t his? They all had families that came to see them. Why didn’t he? But his name, when Hak-yeon hyung said it, made his heart race and stomach flutter. 

That was good, right?

“I thought you didn’t like it.” 

“I-I…you said it was a nice name.” 

Hak-yeon hyung laughed. “I did, didn’t I?” He groaned as he sat up, rubbing his arms lightly. “Well, if you want me to call you Hong-bin, then I will. Would you like me to call you Hong-bin?” He winced each time he said the name, a small part of him refusing to acknowledge that was him. But he knew it was him, knew that if he wanted to get better like the others, he would have to accept this name. He forced himself to nod, and Hak-yeon hyung sighed. “If you’re fine with it, then alright. But if it becomes uncomfortable, just let me know.” 

“I like it,” he said hurriedly. Hak-yeon hyung hummed, closing his eyes as he rubbed circles into the back of his hand with his thumb. He fidgeted, unsure of what his hyung was thinking; whether he was happy or angry. Hak-yeon hyung finally opened his eyes and he panicked, leaning forward and digging his nails into his legs. “I-”

“Hong-bin.” His mouth snapped shut, a cold shudder running down his spine. “I want you to answer honestly. I’ve only known you for a few days when we were…down there. You’ve been with the others for years. Why do want to be with me all the time? I haven’t done anything for you.” 

He scooted away, his head spinning. Did Hak-yeon hyung not like him? Was he bothering him? He didn’t mean it; Bin didn’t mean to bother Hak-yeon hyung. He pinched his leg again, twisting so hard he gasped. 

He jumped when Hak-yeon hyung’s hand shot and grabbed his fingers, pulling them away and he noticed the blood on them. “I’m sorry,” Hak-yeon hyung said, “I didn’t mean to get you worked up.” 

“No…no. I…I’m sorry hyung. I just like hyung. Seok-jin always talked about his Hak-yeon hyung with Bin. Even though Seok-jin mostly talked bad things about you, Hak-yeon hyung sounded amazing.” 

“I’m not that amazing-”

“And when she came downstairs to punish the dolls, Hak-yeon hyung protected me.” 

“I didn’t want her to hurt you too. You were Seok-jin’s friend; that was enough for me.” He fidgeted again, again scolding himself for not knowing how to say things. How could he tell Hak-yeon hyung that he loved hyung, and didn’t want hyung to ever go away? Hak-yeon hyung was someone who would chase after Seok-jin when Seok-jin tried to run away, always made sure he was home safe and had something to eat. Hak-yeon hyung was someone who even when you didn’t want him, would always be there to make you feel safe and warm. Hak-yeon hyung was someone who would sound annoying and bother you all the time, but was the only person who would spend that much effort to try and make you feel loved. Hak-yeon hyung was someone who would cry to you about his problems, only cry to you, and ask your opinion and would really take what you thought into consideration. 

Seok-jin told him all about Hak-yeon hyung, and Bin always wanted to meet Hak-yeon hyung. Hak-yeon hyung was better than all the other hyungs, he was special and he wanted to stay with him. 

He wanted to feel special, to feel important. 

He opened his mouth, wanting to tell all of this to Hak-yeon hyung so he would never ask him to leave him again, when the door burst open, Joon-myeon hyung smiling as he wheeled himself in. Hak-yeon hyung laughed and waved him over, and suddenly Bin didn’t want to tell him. He didn’t want other people to hear. 

He would tell Hak-yeon hyung another time.

Hello!

Sorry that it took me so long to update. Classes caught up to me. There'll be one more chapter after this, so I'll try to update it sometime soon.