Truthfully, she wanted to bring N in with her on the days her mother started their ‘lessons’; she was at a point now where she would panic if he wasn’t by her side. But her mother had specifically ordered her not to let him come nor let him know what they were doing. Though she didn’t have to worry about that; she never wanted him to know what they were doing.

She was teaching her how to make dolls.

From what her mother had showed her beforehand, making the doll itself wasn’t the hard part; that only needed some cloth stitched together to form a doll. She had watched her mother for years making the dolls themselves. But it was the way to make the connection between the human and the doll to make them one that was difficult. She never wanted to make dolls like her mother did, but she couldn’t hide the fact that it was interesting to her, the idea of turning people into dolls. Her only experience had been N; he was someone that more than likely would never have even looked at her outside. But because of the dolls, he loved and protected her, and would always be there for her. It was enough that she willingly spent time with her mother without N to learn. She wanted to learn the secrets of the dolls.

However, since their lessons ran right after she got home from school, she could tell N was getting lonely. Seok-jin hadn’t been allowed upstairs since the time they’d snuck to the amusement park together, so N was all by himself for hours, and the only time they talked was during their later tutoring. She could tell that while he said he didn’t care, he really wanted to know what they were doing. It hurt her to keep things from him like this, but she didn’t want him getting angry at her. She didn’t like it when he was angry.

She peeked her head in her bedroom to see him reading a book while lying on her bed, his back propped up with her pillow. Watching him sit silently, she suddenly felt so happy that this man was her doll. She loved him a lot; she loved him more than anyone else in the world, maybe even her mother. Without saying a word, she creaked the door open and ran into his arms, not giving him a chance to react before jumping in his lap.

“S-Saet-”

“Good morning!” She shouted with a smile, staring up at him while pressing herself tight to his chest. He laughed, she loved his laugh, as he ruffled her hair, placing the book by his side.

“It’s night time, Byullie,” he said as he squished her cheeks, though she only let him because she was caught off-guard by his nickname. She’d never had a nickname before; barely even had a name let alone a nickname. But she liked it when N did it, she liked anything he did. “Did you finish with your mother?”

“Mm!” she chirped, twisting around so she could sit in his lap. “I missed your hugs so I came here right away.”

He sighed dramatically as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, rocking her back in forth. She loved when he did that. “What would you do if I stopped hugging you? You’d probably keel over.” They were silent for a while before he spoke again, putting his chin on top of her head. “My mother used to do this for me when I was little.”

She pursed her lips, afraid that anything she did would stop him from talking. He never talked about his life before coming here; the only thing he talked about was Seok-jin.

“She told Seok-jin something she shouldn’t have, and ever since then he’s never been the same. It hurt me a lot when he changed, so she would hug and rock me like this.” His arms around her tightened and she tentatively put her hands on his. “I know your mother doesn’t hug you…so if you ever need a hug, I’ll be here to hug you.”

“I’ll only hug you.”

“Are you sure about that?” he asked, his voice suddenly taking a playful tone. “Aren’t you going to hug Hyukkie?”

She flew out of his arms as she covered her flaming cheeks, N laughing at her reaction. “What’s with that reaction? Don’t tell me you’ve already hugged him! And you told me you’ll only hug me!”

“I didn’t hug him!” she shouted, knowing he was only joking but still wanting to defend herself. “I wouldn’t hug him!”

“Really? You’ve been writing some pretty chummy notes with him in your book.” Her cheeks flushed red again; he’s been reading their notes? He was never supposed to read those. “I bet he’s been wanting to hug you, it sounds like he really likes you. You should hug him.”

“I told you I’ll only hug you! I won’t hug him.”

“Are you sure? Look at those red cheeks!” He reached out and pinched her cheeks, shaking her face playfully all the while laughing. “Sounds like somebody’s embarrassed! I think I might have to stay extra one of these days so I can meet this ‘Hyuk’ properly. I’ve got to make sure he’s good enough for my Byullie.”

“No!” she whined, though she ended up giving up fighting him, letting him enjoy teasing her and grabbing her face. It wasn’t often N opened up like this and played around; whenever her mother was around he was always so quiet and angry, nothing like the playful and cheerful N she grew used to. Seok-jin had told her that before coming here, N had always been like this, loud and happy to the point it made everyone angry. He had been naggy and overbearing, which was half the reason Seok-jin was always annoyed with him.

She didn’t believe him at first, though as she and N grew closer, she noticed that he began to smile a lot more with her. He would laugh more and joke more, overall growing happier. She liked it this way, hated seeing him angry or frustrated. So while she didn’t like his teasing, she would let him do it all day long if it made him happy.

“I’m pretty good at seeing if someone is good or not. I can tell if this guy is good for you. Don’t worry, just trust me!”

“N-”

“And if I think he’s good enough for you, I’ll let him kiss you!”

“But you said kisses are supposed to be private!”

“It will be private! I just have to be there to make sure he only kisses. Hormonal boys shouldn’t be- wait, does that mean you want to kiss him?”

“No!”

“Well, now I have to be super careful! If my Byullie wants to kiss someone, I have to be really certain he’s good for you. Not just anybody is allowed to kiss you.”

“Then why can’t I kiss you?” His laughter cut off as he turned solemn eyes on her, and his fingers slipped away from her cheeks before putting them on her shoulders.

“Saet-byul,” he said softly, and she didn’t like his change of mood. She wanted him to keep laughing and being happy. “I already told you. You can’t kiss me.”

“But why?”

“For one, I’m a lot older than you. You’re too young.” She thought about it; he was…six years older than her. That wasn’t too bad, was it? He didn’t let her think too long, adding, “And two, our relationship is different than yours with Hyuk. Hyuk is someone you’ve met on your own, a relationship you’re making on your own. I…I’m your doll. Even if I do love you the way you want, the fact that I’m your doll will always be there.”

“So…I can’t kiss you because you’re my doll?” He nodded, and she collapsed in his arms, deflated. It wasn’t fair that she wasn’t allowed to kiss her doll; she loved him just like he said you had to. She guessed there was a hidden rule that stopped her from kissing N. “That’s not fair.”

“It’s actually a good thing,” he said, squishing her cheeks again in an attempt to cheer her up. She glared at him and he laughed. “I wouldn’t want to kiss you. To me, you’re like a little sister. But if it makes you feel better,” he leaned forward and placed his lips on her forehead, “then that’s for you.”

It made her feel a lot better.