I'm falling in love with him.
I'm falling too hard with him.
 

He is my first crush.
The first time I met him, when we attend the assembly during our middle school time.
I could say that it is love at first sight.

I know, our eyes can lie to us.....
But I think, even my eyes are lying to me...
I will still accept this lie.....because I think during that moment my eyes are telling me the truth.

Among other students in the hall, I could only see him....
because of his radiant smile and handsome face.
I dunno his name or his grade.....I just know that he is interesting.

He was talking with his friends.....
and it is such a big group of friends....but from his smile...I know that he is enjoying their companion.

I keep looking at him for the entire assembly.....
From the arrangement of our seats, I know that he is in the same grade with me, 1st year of middle school.
But he is in the first class, while I'm second.

After the assembly, I heard people talking about him.
I dunno if they really talk about him, but according to their description it seems like him.
He and his friends are known as EXO. Eventhough the name is weird but they said they are quite popular
because they are a group of friends that like to dance and sing and join competition.

From their bio, so I know that they will be the future performer of our school.

I love him......
Whenever I saw him walking past our class to go the cafe....
or to the toilet

I love him....
When I saw him entering our class to meet his friends who are also EXO members.
There's the only time that I think....I'm nearest to him.

I will shut my ears from any other sound except from his laugh and cue voice.
People said that he got such a nice voice, but I never had a chance to listen to his voice yet.

I love him......
His name is Byun Baekhyun.

I am only an ordinary student....
nothing special about me except for my overweight self

People know me as someone friendly....but only to the girls
because guys tend to tease me eventhough I know they are just joking around me
But being me, I think it's hard for me to initiate conversation with guys

I am not popular, but I still got some awesome friends especially girls
While for the boys, I think only boys from my class know me including the 4 members of EXO,
Chen, Chanyeol, Sehun, and Tao.

No one knows about my crush toward Baekhyun
I always wish that I will become closer to the EXO guys. 
so that Baekhyun will know about me.....
But being me, its hard to become friends with boys.

So, I spent my entire time in middle school by having crush toward Baekhyun....
While trying to study more about his likes and dislikes.

I still love him
When both of us are in the same high school

I feel very glad that I can still look at him......eventhough only from far
Exo is very popular, and he is very popular.

I already listen to his voice
his voice not as outstanding as D.O and Chen voice
but for me, his voice is the best.

Since middle school until now, many girls already confessed to him 
but not even one confession he ever accepted
which make me think that he is not interested with girls
which make me feels very happy actually....so, I can still dreaming that we can be together.

I still love him
When I heard rumors that he couple with one of the popular girls in our school
which coincidentally also attend our middle school before.

I thought that I will be ok with this rumors
But I never know that I will be very heartbroken
Even my friend can tell how stress I look like but I keep telling them
that I just feel stress because of the school stuff

I still love him
When the rumors become news that both of them already together.

I never know that the rumors will be true because I never saw a sign that he likes her....
But when I thought about it carefully, Now I got the hint why he always come to my class before
Apart of because he wanna spend time with his friends, that girl also in the same class with me for the whole 3 years in middle school.

While I'm daydreaming that he looks at me, actually he looks at the girl.
They are close, since 1st year middle school.....
Because the girl is closed with EXO guys is our class.

Many people become heartbroken that day.....including ME
which I make a decision to forget about my feelings toward him.

I'm trying to not love him
But I still search for his presence whenever I go around the school.
Because I know where I can bump into him....so I keep searching for him

I'm trying to forget him
But I still keep watching his beautiful back
It is one of the reason why I love him....his back
It looks tough and reliable which I hope I can fall asleep on his back

I'm trying to hate him
Whenever I see him with the girl
I try to look at other things....but being me,
my eyes keep searching for him......eventhough he is being lovey dovey with the girl
It hurts, but sometimes I also wish that I'm the girl.

I'm still trying not to love him
I try to do something other than thinking about him
So, I try to do something that can make me feel closer to him...
by leaning about piano.....since he loves piano and singing.

I try to learn it by myself, by tapping on the keyboard....
I already feel closer toward him....
I wish I could learn it sooner, 
maybe if I learn it sooner, maybe we are friends by now....
Since we never being a classmate.

I tap on it, recklessly
because I dunno how to play it
or who should I ask to teach me how to play it.

"Do you want me to teach you how to play the piano?"

Its a familiar voice....
This is the voice that I always search for....
whenever I'm around the school or even out of school.

I look at him.....
"My name is Byun Baekhyun.....and you are?"

"I'm Hyunhee....Kim Hyunhee"

Thats how our friendship starts.....
and I'm still trying not to love him.

But I think maybe I should postpone that focus
and try to become his friend.

I love him
We already become friends for two months
We only meet after class, for teaching purpose

I thought that he is only joking when he offers himself to teach me piano
but actually he is serious about it

Other than teaching me, we also chat like a normal friend

He said.....

"I know you, you are one of Chanyeol's classmates during middle school right?
You sit at the back, next to the window right?
You look so quite around boys...well thats what they told me...
but talkative around girls.
I thought you only like writing, I never know that you like piano"

I never know that he is so talkative like this around stranger
Yup....I'm consider myself as stranger since we are not even friend before.

But I also never know that EXO members will talk about me to Baekhyun,
and Baekhyun knows about me. 
I though he never cares about other people, especially me.....
because I'm just ordinary like I said before.

He also knows that I like writing....
yup, I like it...because I can keep talking about him when I'm writing.

I still love him
When he offers me to hang out with EXO and his girl
But I reject his offer.....because I think its weird to interact with many boys at the same time
Plus, all of them are popular and they are not even my friends

But he try to convince me, and I end up following him to the basketball court 
where all of EXO members there.

He introduces me as his piano friend
He said he is teaching me how play piano
and on the short of time, I become closer to EXO and his girl.

I still love him
When he ask a favor from me to write a lyric for him.

I asked him "Why?"

"Because I wanna sing it during school festival"

"What kind of song?" 

"Lovely, soothing, and confession,"

"Confession of love?"

"Yup, love confession....it would be great. Thank you Hyunhee~ah"

I love him
When I write the song for him

Spending time with him for almost 6 months now, I discover new side of him
He never judges people based on their appearance
but his taste still a beautiful one like his girl

He loves his girl so much....
his love to her almost the same like my love to him....
We fall in love at the same time.....during our first year of middle school

Knowing this, I try to write a lyric 
that represent myself....
represent my love to him....
this song will be an indirect love letter from me to him.

I still love him 
When I give this lyric to him
While he and Chanyeol work on the melody of the song

I like the song.....
This love song......
My love song.....

I hope he will know that this is a love letter for him
But being a clueless Baekhyun, I know he wont notice it.

I love him
When he sings that sing in front of me
It seems like he confessed his love to me....
But I know it is only a fantasy of mine.

He sings it on the stage...
During school festival.....
I fall in love with him again...
Yup, I keep falling in love with him over and over again....

But throughout the song, he keeps looking at his girl
And I know that he sings it for his girl.

I cried hard that day, 
I even not watching his performance until end.....

I think, I already FALL TOO HARD with him
That, there's no other way out for me to forget him.

So I decide, 
To keep loving him...like before
While he keep loving his girl....like before.

*                                                                                                     *                                                                                                    *

Hey there, how about this oneshot?
I never hope you will say it interesting....but I just wanna tell the world about my feeling towards Baekhyun.
Its hard to control our feelings, when we fall in love with someone....
People said, it is unrealistic to think that fans will end up with their own bias...
I'm not disagree with this statement, but I also not totally agree with it..

You know, when you are having a crush to someone,
you will keep thinking about him and dreams that he will be the one for you
I think of Baekhyun like my crush...
Thats why I think, theres nothing wrong when I feel sad when I should feel sad about something.

Its hard to keep this feeling in my heart
So, I try to express it thru this fanfic
It is not perfect......but thats what I feel