it's harder to control as time goes by
i'm falling deeper into him
too much, it's you, your love
this is overdose

"Seunghoon." A silent whisper sounded in the dark.
Mino was sitting on his futon with his back facing the bed Hanbin was sleeping on. It was around 3am and until now, he hadn't been able to sleep at least a bit. The last hours had been filled with contemplating and regretting, and more than once he had just wanted to wake the younger up. More than once he had just wanted to talk to him and tell him that he shouldn't be mad. He couldn't stand the thought of Hanbin being seriously mad at him. But obviously he had a greater idea after another hour of being alone with his thoughts. Calling Seunghoon in the middle of the night sounded like a masterplan.
"Seunghoon! Wake up, man."
His grip on his mobile phone got tighter. He was trying to speak as low as possible so that the other one wouldn't wake up. Sure, it would have been easier to just leave the room, but he hadn't even thought about that. His brain still didn't function properly.
"What?. .
No, I can't speak louder. .
No, goddamn. Hanbin's sleeping. .
What?. .
Yes, of course it must be now. .
I know that you want to sleep, but you're my friend and-. .
Mh?. .
Ya. .
If you hang up, I'm going to kill you!"
God, this man! While Seunghoon kept complaining about the late call, Mino closed his eyes and took a deep breath to stay calm and relaxed. The other rapper was right, it was late and he needed sleep, but they were friends, weren't they? And Seunghoon was the only one he talked with about Hanbin. Just imagining a conversation like this with Taehyun or Seungyoon made him want to jumpf off the next building.
"Seunghoon. It's important. I messed up."
For a moment, silence set in on the other side of the phone. Mino used the time Seunghoon needed to go into the living room - he could hear him finally getting out of bed and opening a door - to stare into the darkness that was streaked with the city's lights from outside the window. He really had messed up. He still couldn't believe that he had put them in such a miserable situation. Being close to Hanbin was one of the few things he really wanted, since the day they had met. So he should have thought about what could possibly happen when he invited the boy to his parents' house where they were basically alone, right? Even his mother and sister seemed to have wanted to give them some time, but after this incident, Mino was sure that he just couldn't handle having Hanbin for himself. Obviously.
"What happend?" Seunghoon's voice ended his trains of thought.
Mino took a deep - silent - breath and shot a glance over his shoulder to check whether the younger was still sleeping. Then he hesitated for another second before he finally came out with it.
"I.. kissed him."
"Okay? But that's cool? I mean, isn't that what you wanted?" His friend sounded surprised and as if he couldn't understand why he got called late at night when the ship was sailing, apparently. It cost Mino some nerve not to blurt out what was worrying him.  
"Yeah but I did not just kiss him."
"You did not?"
"No."
"Then.. Did you..?"
"NO!.. Damn, no!"
What the hell was Seunghoon thinking?? Covering his mouth with his free hand after he had accidentally raised his voice too much, Mino tried to ignore the heat that was about to crawl up his spine. This was not the right time to talk and think about THAT. Definitely not. He shook it off and collected his thoughts as well as in any way possible.
"You know", he hastened to continue, "we were kissing and.. just getting closer to each other.. and then he received a text message from Danah. She had went out for a walk with my mom what's pretty much the only reason why Hanbin and I got into that situation, and she told him that they'd be back soon. And I don't know, but.. I was suddenly so afraid that I could ruin everything we have when I.. do things like that, you know.. I even apologized.."
The other rapper didn't answer immediately, causing Mino to bite his finger before he added something to his explanation.
"I really wasn't afraid that Danah could barge in or something, I wouldn't have minded that. But.. I'm so confused, I don't know. I don't want to risk our friendship. Besides that, I stole his first kiss what I just realize now.."
Seunghoon stayed quiet for a while. It seemed that he had to think about what he had just heard, or maybe he needed some time to shake his head and secretly judge Mino. Either way, he couldn't hold back a sigh which sounded like one of those you'd hear from parents who couldn't stand their children's stupidity.
"How old are you, Song Mino?"
"Old enough."
"Awesome, you know the answer. You're old enough to know what's going on between Hanbin and you and we all know that this hasn't been going on since only yesterday. You guys have been like this for at least two years now. It's natural that there comes a time when it's getting physical, isn't it? Friendly reminder that Hanbin isn't a 12-year-old kid but a young man. And to be honest, the only way you risk your friendship is through behaving the way you do right now. Kissing and touching and whatever you did isn't the problem, the problem is to suddenly pretend that it didn't happen. Can you imagine how confusing it must be for Hanbin? I actually can't believe that I have to remind you of this. And I don't understand why you're so insecure. I don't know you like this, not when it's about this boy."
Taken aback by the sudden lecture, Mino didn't know what to answer. Sometimes it was scary how Seunghoon seemed to always know exactly what was going on; he was always able to take the subject to pieces and have a perfect overview. Well, wasn't this the reason why he only talked to him about Hanbin? Mino mumbled something and was about to agree on everything his friend said - there was nothing he could disagree with -, but something, or better someone, stopped him.
"Who are you talking to?"
The sudden voice of the younger rapper behind him caused him to - hysterically - drop his mobile phone and press it into the blanket in his lap, after he had automatically turned around a little. He had been so focused on the conversation with Seunghoon that he hadn't realized that Hanbin was awake and now sitting up straight in bed.
"No one!", Mino said quick like a shot and tried to cover the phone with both his hands.
He could feel Hanbin's distrustful gaze. The boy let said gaze sink onto the elder's hands under which a small light shone. Since he was still in a phone call, the display was on when the phone was not next to his ear.
"Are you on your phone?"
"No, why would I?" Mino tried to look innocent.
He didn't know if the younger could even see the expression on his face, but he still tried to hide that he got caught.
"Hello?" Seunghoon's asking voice was quiet and sounded dull under Mino's hands.
The rapper decided to ignore it and didn't move an inch, hoping that Hanbin failed to hear it, but the fact that he got up and crawled from the bed shattered his hopes. The younger reached straight for his hands as soon as he was kneeling next to him, but Mino quickly raised them and leaned backwards so that Hanbin couldn't get his mobile phone. Seunghoon would probably not hesitate to tell iKON's leader about their little chat and about some other things as well, so he had to make sure that they didn't get to talk. It would have been the easiest to just end the call, but there was no way to do so. In the blink of an eye, they got into a playful fight with Hanbin trying to steal the phone and Mino leaning this way and that way to hinder him. A pretty funny view to outsiders, but for Mino it was about life and death, especially because Seunghoon made no move to hang up; the chances were high that he knew what was going on, so he simply enjoyed the show.
"Why are you lying to me, huh?" Hanbin's complaint didn't sound serious, but Mino was not willed to just admit that he was on the phone and to hand it over to the younger. Thanks to their little fight, said one was now sitting on his lap while he was almost lying on the floor, forcing him into a disadvantaged position. All he could do now was to hold on to Hanbin's arms so that he couldn't reach for the mobile phone, which was still in Mino's hand, anymore.
"I'm not lying, I'm just not being honest", he couldn't help but grin while he tightened his grip. He was balancing his phone between two fingers and it was actually pretty ironic that the call hadn't ended yet even though his finger constantly touched the screen. This was what people called Karma.
"That's the same!", Hanbin nagged and shot a glance at the display while he had to put quite some effort into holding the elder down.
He had heard a bit of what Mino had been saying and of course he wanted to know what was going on - well, no, it was clear what was going on. But he wanted to know who Mino had told these things to. When he read the name on the screen, he was not that surprised, actually.
"Seunghoon hyung?"
"Yo." The rapper sounded amused. Based on the pitch of his voice, you could tell that he was smirking.
"Do I want to know what you two are doing right now? The last minutes sounded pretty funny", he said, causing Mino to raise his upper body a little and let out a sigh. A sigh he almost choked on when he suddenly stared straight at Hanbin's neck. Until a few seconds ago, he didn't even seem to have realized that the boy was sitting on top of him, now the realization crashed down on him like a tidal wave. Their arms that were stretched out to both sides must have forced Hanbin to lean towards him and now he was so close that Mino forgot how to breathe.
The boy had his head turned facing the mobile phone; he was actually talking to Seunghoon now, but Mino didn't know what they were talking about, it didn't reach his ears. He was too focused on looking at him; his long neck, the contours of his cheeks, especially his lips. The city outside the window let its lights playfully flit across the younger boy's face and made him look even prettier. Was that even possible though? Could he even get more stunning? He looked good all dressed up and ready to own the stage, but to Mino, he looked the most beautiful without any makeup on, with his hair tousled from sleep. Just like he did now.
A cramping feeling in his lungs forced him to take a breath, but he didn't take a hasty one, no, he slowly inhaled the air and with that, the scent of the younger. When he breathed out again, his breath touched Hanbin's neck. Maybe this was the reason why he turned to him, maybe not. It didn't matter. All that mattered to Mino right now was what he could read in the boy's eyes when he flinched a little - not enough to be noteworthy - after he had realized how close their faces were to each other.
And Hanbin really didn't know why he was so slow to notice what was going on. He had thought that Mino had simply given up on trying to hinder him to talk to Seunghoon, so he had completely focused on the third rapper and their little conversation. Above that, he had blocked out the whole situation he was in. But when he felt Mino's breath on his skin, when he turned to him again, suddenly realizing how close he was, his face only a few centimeters, no, millimeters away from his face, Seunghoon was forgotten. Everything was. It was true, he actually had planned to be mad at the elder a little longer. Not for what he had done, but for how he had acted afterwards. Hanbin could understand what his concerns were, it's not that Mino was the only one worrying about their friendship. But he knew how much Hanbin liked him. He did, everyone did. And when he said he didn't, it was a lie. Hanbin had made it clear more than once since Mino had signed with YG. And now they were here. Sure, the young rapper hadn't really expected something like this to happen while he was here to visit Mino's parents together with him. Of course it had surprised him. But he had let it happen, he had let the elder kiss him, after they had been revolving around each other for like three years. And it had been his first kiss. The first time ever getting this close to someone. The first time ever letting someone touch him in a way you only touch someone who's more to you than just a friend. So was this still something they could call friendship? Maybe Mino was so worried because it wasn't. But right now, it didn't make sense to think about it.
Not that Hanbin could think properly, though. He was absorbed in the other's stare, in the heat his body emanated, yet cold shivers ran down his spine and made him tremble a little. Why did this feel so different from what had happened a couple of hours ago? What had changed? Was it different because he knew what was going to happen if he only let it happen? Different because the elder didn't surprise him with his actions but gave him - too - much time to brace himself for them, up to the point where he was eagerly anticipating them? Whatever it was, he couldn't help but enjoy it. And he could tell that he wasn't the only one.
With a dull sound, the mobile phone hit the floor. Mino had simply dropped it, not paying further attention to it or Seunghoon. His friend would know what was going on; neither was he stupid nor ignorant. And Mino really couldn't bother saying goodbye to him and ending the call and stuff like that when every inch of his body was already focused on Hanbin and only Hanbin. It was strange but there was complete silence in his head, like every thought had been washed away. He just wanted to kiss the boy and feel his soft skin under his fingertips and his body pressed against his and everything at the same time and preferably right now.
So sitting up straight, he forced Hanbin to follow the movement, before he finally released his arms, only so that he could put his hands on the younger's small waist. At the same time, he was already bridging the short distance between their lips; he just had to lean forward a little for them to touch again. And while their first kiss had been some kind of diffident, this one missed any restraint. Now that he knew what he wanted, he didn't have to hold back, at least that's what his body told him. And he listened to it. He listened to the growing tension in every inch of it, listened to the tingling sensation that rushed over him and the sound of his pulse that echoed in his ears. He didn't give Hanbin much time to contemplate when he hungrily forced his tongue into a little fight, but it wasn't much of a force anymore the moment he felt him returning it. At first a little shy but with every second, he got more confident. Confident enough to put his hands on the elder's shoulders to let them slide up to his neck so that he could hold him close. Just feeling the vehemence with which he held on to him drove Mino over the edge. It was such a small thing on the outside, but reading between the lines, it was a Yes. And a Yes was all that Mino needed.
He could feel the younger body tremble when he let his hands slide under the fabric of Hanbin's shirt. He tried not to appear too impatient when he pushed it up, revealing the soft skin his fingers yearned for, but when he pulled away to slip it off, it was clear that he was. Under his fingertips, he could feel back muscles flexing as he now covered Hanbin's neck with kisses, letting his hands wander up to his shoulders. The boy had bent forward, his head leaned against Mino's, and his hastened breath his ear. His eyes half-closed, Hanbin fully concentrated on the lips on his neck and the fingers that playfully caressed his back and shoulders, leaving his skin burning where they touched it. He fully concentrated on the feeling it caused inside of him, on the heat that gently pulsed through his veins, and even though he tried to think straight, he failed. It was too noisy in his head thanks to his own heartbeat.
Was this what he wanted? It would be a lie to say it wasn't. Ever since they had met for the first time, there had been curiosity. The crush he had developed on Mino had soon turned into some kind of attraction he had yet needed to understand, but over the years, it had gotten clearer and clearer. It seemed to be quite a topic that he had never dated, despite his age of 19, but that was only because he couldn't date the one he wanted to date, for a couple of reasons. At least that someone was doing a great job satisfying his curiosity.
Hanbin felt the elder making his way up to his chin while he slid his hands down his sides again, but before he could peck his lips, Mino shifted his weight to the left, turning the younger around so that his touched the floor, leaving Mino on top of him. The older rapper was urged by his craving when he took off his own shirt, just to continue undressing the younger, and while he did, he searched for something that said No to this in Hanbin's eyes. It was still possible that he became unsure about doing it, but there was nothing. No displeasure in the way he watched the elder undressing him, no displeasure when he watched Mino finishing to undress himself. So he didn't have to hide anything of what was going on inside of him when he looked the younger over, before he leaned down to kiss him again. He wanted him so bad and he made it clear, and it had nothing to do with the fact that Hanbin was like a blank page he would be the first to write on. No. He didn't care whether he had dated before or kissed or even gotten this close to someone or not. The only thing that mattered was that Hanbin was willing to give himself to Mino. That he did it because he wanted to. That he enjoyed feeling the older one's hands, his lips all over his body without being shy of it and that they kissed like it was something they had done many times before. And with every second, with each passing moment, it got so much harder to hold back until Mino just gave in to it.
To Hanbin, it suddenly felt like the elder was everywhere. He had felt the weight of his body on his own before already, but this time there was no annoying fabric between them, it was skin on skin. The heat he got covered in literally took his breath away. And the pain that made him leave some scratches on the other's back when he finally made himself comfortable between his legs didn't last long enough to be noteworthy. It was gone in an instant and made room for the overwhelming feeling that took all of his control and turned him into a slave of what their bodies wanted. Nothing to complain about.
This was the closest he could ever get to someone, but it mainly was the closest he could ever get to Mino, and that was all that he wanted. That alone made it the most precious thing and this night the best night of his life.